Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

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Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Wait, they're making another Star War movie? I thought the Star War was over?

# ¿ Apr 12, 2019 22:53

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 05:42

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Can't wait until Rose pulls the mask off of Rey and it turns out to be Old Man Crenshaw! And he would have gotten away with it too, if not for those meddling kids!!!

# ¿ Apr 12, 2019 23:34

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

naem posted:

I am Luukeing forward to big Skywalker

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 00:10

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

How is JJ so bad at making Star Wars titles?

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 00:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

935 posted:

I hope BB-8 chases around a girl robot, let's call her DD-8, with some rockin robot titties for comic relief

I'd settle for a robot named DD-D getting made King of the Star Wars.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 02:12

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Avengers: EndGame of Star Wars

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 02:35

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

skasion posted:

Yeah how the gently caress did Carrie Fisher manage to die before Ian McDiarmid

its drugs but still

There are rumors that he was trained by a master who managed to cheat death...

# ¿ Apr 13, 2019 02:40

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Mr. Plenty seems like a very cool guy. I wanna have all the sex, too.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2019 06:04

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

The Star Wars franchise symbolizes Brexit, and Rose is Theresa May

# ¿ Apr 14, 2019 19:18

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Rian Johnson made a poo poo movie, and has chosen to spend the rest of his life defending it online instead of moving on with his life.

Lol.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2019 05:50

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

https://twitter.com/rianjohnson/status/978819689341059072

# ¿ Apr 15, 2019 18:25

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

How hard would it have been to make a movie where the original trilogy's cast were treated respectfully and allowed to pass the torch to the new cast?

# ¿ Apr 15, 2019 18:33

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Yeah, I'd wager that Disney is in the black with respect to all things Star Wars. However, I'd also wager that they expected to have made more money by now. China's indifference to it is probably putting a bigger dent in things than anything else.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2019 19:44

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Hairy Busey posted:

Imagine a movie so bad even China doesn't watch it

You don't have to. Check out Asura:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKmbBYiC01g

It's a movie chock full of CGI and bad storytelling, a lot like the new Star Wars movies

# ¿ Apr 15, 2019 20:45

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Star Wars is a flat circle...

Imagine three movies on the edge of a cliff. Say a direct copy of the movie nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of movies and takes the place of the first movie. The formerly first movie becomes the second, the second becomes the third and falls off the cliff.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2019 18:00

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Happy Lando is probably the best thing to come out of these new movies, tbqh

# ¿ Apr 17, 2019 19:29

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Hey, everybody! Check out this new Vader VR game!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc3ej0tc3a8

Now THIS is VR gaming!

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 22:17

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Then Shmi was the laziest Skywalker out there. Fuckin' a, bitch, stop being a slave and raise your dumbass kid!

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 22:23

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Also, what does "Ren" mean. It's supposedly a title. Is it like the "Assistant to the Regional Manager" to Darth's "Regional Manager?"

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 22:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Lol, Ben Solo isn't a Sith. Lol that he supposedly can't fully commit to the Dark Side despite killing any of Luke's students who opposed him and joining a fascist organization with planet destroyer superweapons. Lol at how bad the new world is set up. Lol at all these Star Wars.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 22:41

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Vim Fuego posted:

The first time we see Vice-Admiral Holdo in The Last Jedi, we see her through the eyes of Poe Dameron: hotshot flyboy, recently slapped down twice in the Resistance�s scramble to evacuate their compromised base. The first blow to Poe�s ego and stability is his demotion from Commander to Captain by General Leia Organa herself, a suitable reprimand for spearheading the devastatingly costly bombing run which provides the film with its opening set-piece. No sooner has Poe processed this�if indeed he has processed it�than he�s knocked further off balance by the loss of all of the Resistance high command save Leia, who is comatose and out of commission. In this state�stripped of his expected personal authority, with the usual structures of command which he relies on decimated�he looks at the new leader of the remaining Resistance fleet and says incredulously to another pilot: �That�s Admiral Holdo? Battle of Chyron Belt Admiral Holdo? �not what I was expecting.�

Nor is Holdo what the viewer is, perhaps, expecting. (We are firmly in Poe�s point of view, and primed by both the long history of hotshot flyboys in the Star Wars franchise, and our own pleasurable glee at watching successfully executed violence even at high cost, to be sympathetic to him.) And yet: here is Vice-Admiral Amilyn Holdo, a tall thin woman in late middle age, wearing a draped floor-length dress that leaves every curve and angle of her body visible; a woman with dyed-purple hair in a style that requires at the very least a great many pins and more likely a curling iron in addition; a woman wearing star-chart bracelets and lipstick and eye makeup. She looks like a slightly-down-on-her-luck noblewoman from the Old Republic. She�s not just female, she�s femme. And she�s not just femme, she�s soft. All her age is visible; there�s no architectural framing of that body to disguise how gravity has had its way with it. Holdo, in the middle of the remnants of the Resistance, is a kind of exposed that Leia Organa�who does wear those architectural frames around her body, giving her a grandeur and a solidity�never is.

Not what I was expecting. Not the image of a woman who could win a major battle, the sort which a pilot like Poe would remember admiringly. (We don�t know much of anything about the Battle of Chyron Belt�but by Poe�s reaction, it�s a bit legendary.) It isn�t that Poe Dameron�s got a problem with women�his record in both this film and the last shows that he is friends with, respects, and easily follows and leads women�it�s that he�s got a problem with Vice-Admiral Holdo. Who isn�t what he expects. Who has swanned in to the middle of the Resistance�s desperate last stand, her purple hair a shock of color in the middle of the greys and browns and whites of the Resistance�s cobbled-together uniforms, like she�s the Woman from Altair wandered in from an entirely different story.

Then�with Leia�s words in her mouth, no less, telling the assembly to keep the flame of hope alive�she not only gives an order to keep fleeing on an apparent dead-end desperate run just out of range of the First Order�s cannons, but also dismisses Poe entirely. (She�s got good reason to. He�s just been demoted, and, as she herself says, she knows his type: the kind of person who takes big risks and doesn�t follow orders to withdraw.) We, watching, and tightly emotionally attached to Poe�s point of view�through cinematography, Poe being entirely awesome, and generations of �let�s blow poo poo up� saving the day narratives�are absolutely primed to believe that she�s either a traitor or an incompetent.

A traitor? Well, there�s that �we have them on the end of a string� moment from General Hux. It turns out that the string is just a new application of tracking technology which allows the First Order to follow a ship through lightspeed (please insert sidebar here about how this is one of the few solidly missed moments in this film: how did the First Order invent this tech? How long have they had this capability? It�s a glossy, over-too-fast explanation which didn�t sit well with this viewer). What if Vice-Admiral Holdo�who doesn�t let our hero be part of the need-to-know crowd�is the one letting the tracking happen? Women who look like Holdo�femme fatales, even in their middle age, women who look like women who do politics rather than fight, who like frivolous things, jewels and bright hair and makeup even in the darkest moments�we are primed to read women like that as women who will betray. This is an old trope. It�s the liquid drops of tears that you have shed / Shall come again, transformed to orient pearl�that�s Shakespeare�s Richard III, talking to Queen Elizabeth, promising that for her emotional defection (handing over her daughter to be his wife, even after he�s killed her sons), she�ll have material riches. Women who like beautiful things will betray our heroes to keep their beautiful things.

And an incompetent? That one�s simple. Leia Organa is entirely, fully, hugely competent at what she does; Leia Organa, our General, is an image of mature womanhood which is understandable and immensely welcome�she is a leader of men and women, a strength and a power. Her most affecting scene in this film�when we finally get to see her use the Force which is her birthright as much as it has ever been her brother�s�is heartbreakingly brilliant. So is her ability to delegate, to train, to be both centrally necessary and to have a system in place for when she is incapacitated. But Holdo looks like the opposite of Leia�Holdo looks like an inexperienced woman using another woman�s words, a pale substitute, a coward whose story-function is to (like so many middle-aged female characters in film) keep our heroes down. This too is a familiar trope, and we are set up to expect it by how Holdo dresses and behaves.

But that�s not how it goes. Not what I expected�well, not what we expect either, watching. Turns out that Vice-Admiral Holdo�s plan, while desperate, is exactly what the Resistance needed: a chance to get to an old Rebel base with defenses and a communications array. Turns out, also, that she�s not some lesser imitation of Leia, but a friend Leia has had from childhood (check out Claudia Grey�s lovely middle-grade novel Leia: Princess of Alderaan, where she and Holdo meet for the first time and learn to rely on each other). Their goodbyes as Leia boards the escape pod along with the rest of the Resistance are the goodbyes of dear friends who have loved each other well. �I can�t take any more losses,� Leia says, speaking in a sense for all of us. �Sure you can,� Holdo tells her. �You taught me how.�

This is the sort of friend that Leia can rely on to make an ultimate sacrifice, and thus give to us watching the best visual and sound cue in the entire film: having stayed behind to pilot the heavy cruiser Raddus while the rest of the diminished Resistance escapes to the planet Crait, Holdo eventually chooses to drive her ship while it jumps to lightspeed directly through the First Order�s flagship, destroying a great part of it and preventing the destruction of those last few escapees. She is alone when she does this. She is alone, a captain on a bridge, in her dress and her lovely hair, her mouth set in a firm and determined line, and she doesn�t hesitate.

The film�s director, Rian Johnson, gives her�and us�a silent cut as a reward. My whole theater gasped out loud into the quiet. It is the most striking visual and auditory moment in a film full of striking visual and auditory moments.

And Poe Dameron? Poe Dameron watches this too, and he gets it. When Finn�whose arc this film has been about running away, or choosing not to�says that she�s fleeing like a coward, it is Poe who says that she isn�t. It is Poe that asks us to watch what she�s about to do.

Go out like the hero she is: a middle-aged woman hero in a flimsy dress with impractical hair and impeccable military credentials.

What The Last Jedi does�amongst many other things�is present its audience with more than one mode of female power. We have Rey, strong in the Force, dangerous and necessary and emerging from nowhere to be the center of this story; we have Rose, a mechanic and a patriot, willing to make sacrifices and willing to know when sacrifice is not necessary; we have Leia Organa, the pivot on which the Resistance turns. And we have Vice-Admiral Amilyn Holdo, who looks like none of what we expect. Who is nevertheless what the Resistance needs, and worth Poe�s respect, and worth ours.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 23:19

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

I hope Rian Johnson's Star Wars trilogy focuses on Amilyn Holdo's home planet. I have never wanted something more than this.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 23:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Gaunab posted:

They should make a sequel to Jedi Academy. That game was fun.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2019 23:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Chomp8645 posted:

Gatalenta was a warm, uncommonly tranquil planet famed for its tea, lengthy, erudite poetry and meditative retreats. Natives of Gatalenta were renowned for their calmness and serenity, and rose each day to thank the planet's multiple suns for rising. Love and compassion were taught and practiced fondly by the people of Gatalenta, and crying openly was considered a virtue and proof of a caring heart.[1] The Gatalentan people were also known for living austerely, with the only colorful parts of their attire being traditional red cloaks. They were ruled by the Council of Mothers. Slavery was illegal on the planet, and slaves were not allowed to be brought to the planet. If a slave was brought there, and their master was caught, the slave was set free.[2] A member of the New Republic, Gatalenta was represented in the Galactic Senate for over twenty years by Senator Tai-Lin Garr. New Republic pilot Joph Seastriker also came from Gatalenta,[1] as did Resistance Vice Admiral[3] Amilyn Holdo.[2] In the years before the Galactic Civil War, Gatalenta had a strong Jedi tradition, and the old Jedi legends remained alive on Gatalenta in spite of the Jedi Purge. In fact, Gatalenta became one of Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker's first destinations when he began studying the history of the Jedi Order.[1]

These are my kind of Star Wars!

# ¿ Apr 20, 2019 00:46

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

"Would you like some tea? Perhaps a lemonade?"

"Could you mix them together and give me an Amilyn Palmerdo?"

"No! You can only have lemonade or tea! There is no mix!"

"Only a Sith believes in absolutes! I will do what I must!"

"You will try!"

*competitive crying session commences*

# ¿ Apr 20, 2019 01:01

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Moola posted:

Now THAT'S a star trek!

# ¿ Apr 20, 2019 02:46

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

When is Han Solo's Force ghost going to show up and guide Kylo Ren through these Star Wars?

# ¿ Apr 20, 2019 07:45

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

QuarkJets posted:

He didn't mention anyone having sex with a ghost

Candles haven't been invented yet in the Star Wars galaxy

# ¿ Apr 20, 2019 19:54

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Vim Fuego posted:

Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo is the best character in The Last Jedi.

She knew exactly that Poe and Finn's plan was total BS (and she's correct!) and she knew her own plan was the best option available. Her sacrifice to stay as a bait to let other escape was very admirable.

Too bad her plan was ruined because Poe and Finn refused to follow her order and did something on their own way. That code breaker guy Finn and Rose bought back ended up betrayed them and told First order about the escaping resistance in small ships, led to many deaths. She ended up having to go with Plan B and kamikaze herself to save everyone (and saved Finn and Rose from getting their head cut)

If her plan succeed, many lives could have been saved and entire last battle on that planet might not happen. Luke would be alive too.

P.S. Her slow decision to kamikaze was understandable since it takes a lot of courage to kill yourself like that and that wasn't in her original plan. (Her original plan is to use that ship as a bait to lure First order away from the hide-out planet)

This is the best character:

# ¿ Apr 22, 2019 21:10

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Big Beef City posted:

tittyclorians

Mods, please rename me "Tittyclorians," TIA

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 02:48

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

piratepilates posted:

take the fleet to a random salt moon while suffering terrible attrition, keep all of the real plan in the dark, hope no one mutinies because it looks like a slow death spiral, and then hope that the imperials don't do anything like "look at the ships in plain sight with a big magnifying glass like they did", or "check that empty moon to make sure there's no base there", and hope that your distress signal will reach anyone who gives a poo poo

its just not a very convincing plan, maybe I'm missing something, who would ever just go along with that

I know someone who would...

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 03:31

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

It's a poorly thought-out conflict, certainly complicated by the poor setup that JJ Abrams gave in Episode VII. For some reason, a small extremist group manages to create a super planet killer as well as a massive fleet with the financial backing to maintain it. The Resistance, although run by the victors of in the Rebellion against the Galactic Empire, has zero support despite dealing a pretty big blow to the First Order in blowing up their planet killer. However, allowing ships and people to get blown up while running away from the First Order fleet to a stationary planetary base is considered a good use of the Resistance's scarce resources.

Also, reminder that Solo was made to explain the whole hyperspace fuel plot flaw to show that the Rebellion had plenty of fuel, but the Resistance totally doesn't!

Lol.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 05:03

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

I am Oo-day Namoonien from the Fuel Processing Consortium, and I hereby declare our organization's intention to separate from the Galactic Republic.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 05:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

lol, he mad

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 20:10

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Big Beef City posted:

What IS his plan, then?
Either he has to die so that Vader and Luke can rule the galaxy, Luke has to die so that he and Vader can keep at it, or Vader has to die so he can take Luke on as apprentice.

If the plan is for Luke to come on board, Vader would know he's out the door, so why save the old man? It would make more sense to let Luke kill the emperor so he and Luke can become 1 and 2, why the gently caress would Vader even be going along with this whole goddamn plan?
Vader knew the whole time there can only be two Sith lords, and he's one and he knows who the other one is, so when "the other one" tells you "Let's bring someone else into our relationship", don't you start looking around a little, here?

The whole "Rule of Two" thing seems kind of hamfisted and dumb, but this is what I'd guess. Palpatine is the Master, so Vader has to go along with everything because he's only the Apprentice. Palpatine wants Luke to join because he'd be a more powerful Apprentice, and wants Luke to kill Vader. Palpatine goads Luke to try and kill him because Vader won't allow it since that would mean Luke is the new Master according to Sith rules. Vader wants Luke to join him, so that Vader can kill Palpatine and become the new Master with Luke (or Leia, should Luke fail) as his Apprentice.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 21:23

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Moridin920 posted:

Yeah I think this is it.

I agree that the rule of two thing is a bit hamfisted and dumb. Thought that ever since I saw how Malak operated in KOTOR. Like dude you're just gonna purge your best officers that way *shrug*

Malak loses regardless of choice, lol

Big Beef City posted:

I agree it's dumb, but it also seems to be "a thing" that's mostly stuck around.
If what you say is accurate, and it seems like it would be, I guess (and this just goes right to 'star wars just doesn't make sense lol' ground, I suppose), why doesn't Palpatine just loving kill Vader himself then?
He made Vader, I'm sure he can break him (he does, after all). Just explode Vaders head like a popcorn kernel in the throne room in front of Luke, who's already struggling with the dark side, and be like "See that? That was pretty loving sweet, huh? You wanna learn how to do that one?" At that point Vader is dead, and luke can sit on a couch and watch the Rebel fleet be destroyed whole-sale and maybe have a cocktail or two and has absolutely zero loose ends to tie up on either a personal or professional level.

Instead it has to be this complicated last minute affair where even if Luke doesn't turn to the dark side, it's not like Vader is gonna really LOVE Palpatine after this. He's basically shooting himself in the dick for no reason with this plan that goes off the rails no matter almost HOW he plays it after spending his entire lifetime meticulously planning forming an entire empirical coup and learning to become the dark lord of the sith in secret somehow without being detected.

Moridin920 posted:

Luke needs to make the decision to kill Vader himself, and in so doing accept the dark side and so on. There's no guarantee that this show of force would turn Luke and that he wouldn't just yell and suicide the emperor versus going "oh sweet alright I don't care about my friends anymore."

The emperor wants to put Luke in a position where Luke feels he has fallen and even if he does care about his friends it is too late.

Besides if Luke can't kill Vader then no point in swapping out apprentices.

(personally I think Vader could wipe the floor with Luke if he actually tried - dude has literally been hunting Jedi since Luke was born)

I don't think it matters really. That relationship isn't built on trust and love to begin with and the whole Sith "thing" is that the apprentice is eventually supposed to kill and supplant the master or else get replaced by a worthier apprentice at some point.

Yeah, I think it's the choice that matters. The Star Wars movies are hero's journey stories, so you need to have the protagonist make a conscious choice between Good and Evil.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2019 22:29

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Bacontotem posted:

This movie better have men slave speedo outfits.

Poe will be sporting a golden mankini

# ¿ Apr 24, 2019 19:59

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

When you become one with The Force, you gain Internet access and $10. Obi-Wan chose poorly.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2019 20:08

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

For everyone saying Disney is losing money on Star Wars, uhhhh...

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/10/30/six-years-after-buying-lucasfilm-disney-has-recouped-its-investment.html

Key Takeaway:

quote:

Shares of Walt Disney are up 15.6 percent since last year and more than 127 percent since Disney purchased Lucasfilm six years ago today.

Also, there will always be sadbrain people like Blue Story and her family who will blow thousands of dollars on plastic toys while their children languish.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2019 01:30

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 05:42

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

skasion posted:

Why did we never see R2�s extendable pulsating fleshlight arm? Missed opportunity imo

It'll be a major feature in Episode XXX

# ¿ Apr 30, 2019 18:43

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

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