UKMT General Elexmas 2019 - casually eating surstromming

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Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

So while looking for something new to make fun of Boris for, I accidentally stumbled on a Spectator article comparing notable Tories to figures from classical Greece and Rome. You see, Boris is like Pericles because he likes younger women and the sound of his own voice, and the article continues in just as deeply considered a fashion.

Steerpike posted:

If Boris is Pericles, does that make Rees-Mogg Cato the Younger?

Who is Boris Johnson�s political hero? �Obviously Winston Churchill,� said the Prime Minister yesterday. But Boris also named another figure from antiquity who has inspired him: Pericles of Athens. �He believed in the importance of the many, not the few,� said Boris, helping himself to Labour�s slogan.

Boris and Pericles have a few things in common, notes Mr S. Not least a love of speaking and having a younger girlfriend: Pericles�s partner was 25 years his junior, while Carrie and Boris Johnson have a 25-year age gap. So if Boris is Pericles, which other Greco-Roman figures are today�s politicians following in the footsteps of?

Priti Patel � Draco

The Home Secretary has made it her mission to get tough on crime, recently stating that she wanted criminals to �literally feel terror at the thought of committing offences�. This passion for tough justice isn�t new to Patel. Back in 2011, she argued on Question Time that she �would actually support the reintroduction of capital punishment to serve as a deterrent�. Her law and order stance would be music to the ears of Draco, ruler of Athens during the 7th century BC. He was particularly known for his fondness of the death penalty; Plutarch records that when asked the reason for using this punishment for most offences, �he replied that in his opinion, the lesser ones deserved it, and for the greater ones, no heavier penalty could be found�.

Dominic Raab � Leonidas

Raab is known for his strong Eurosceptism and keen interest in martial arts. Who else could he resemble but the leader of the 300, the ancient King of Sparta, Leonidas himself? The Foreign Secretary boxed for the varsity team during his time at Oxford and has worked his way up to a third dan black belt. The ancient historian Philostratus claimed that the war-hungry Spartans developed the art of boxing in order to prepare themselves for hand-to-hand combat. And when the expansionist Persians came knocking, the Spartans held them back at all costs.

Sajid Javid � Crassus

Sajid Javid�s banking experience made him well qualified for his promotion as Chancellor. When he left his high-flying job at Chase Manhattan, Javid was earning megabucks, reportedly around �3m a year. And his ability to make money also means he has something in common with Marcus Licinius Crassus, a Roman general who earned his fortune before entering politics and forming a triumvirate with Pompey and Caesar.

Jacob Rees-Mogg � Cato the Younger

Rigidity, tradition and conservatism. These words are as easily associated with Roman senator Cato the Younger as they are with the Leader of the House of Commons. A social conservative and enthusiast for impossibly obscure words, he�s often been referred to as the �honourable member for the 18th century�. Rees-Mogg would surely get on like a house on fire with Cato the Younger. Cato was a man noted for his staunch support for Roman republican tradition and his refusal to bend the knee to Caesar�s progressivism. As Plutarch wrote: �In general, Cato thought he ought to take a course directly opposed to the life and practices of the time, feeling that these were bad and in need of great change. For instance, when he saw that a purple which was excessively red and vivid was much in vogue, he himself would wear out the dark shade.� Perhaps this is Cato�s version of a loosely-fitting double breasted suit?

Tony Blair � Emperor Diocletian

When Blair�s New Labour was swept to power in 1997 ambitious constitutional reforms followed, including new steps towards devolved governance in Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. Andrew Marr would herald the 1999 reforms as �The Day Britain Died� � expressing worry over the prospect of the Union breaking away. Emperor Diocletian undertook his own territorial reform, dividing the Roman Empire into Western and Eastern regions, with each granted legislative autonomy. Ironically, the Eastern Roman Empire would survive the original Western one by just under 1,000 years. Mr S hopes that the English won�t have to endure the same fate�

Now, while this may seem pretty shallow, it's still better-researched than Boris Johnson's historical allusions. And who could deny that Tony Blair's devolution measures were like the division of the Roman Empire into two halves? In fact I would argue that the upcoming referendum on Scottish independence will be the beginning of our Crisis of the Third Century, with Corbyn of Gallia and Sturgeon of Palmyra striking at the embattled center, led by the noble Emperor Boris.

No wait! His actual name is Alexander! This is perfect! No, not Severus, the famous, successful one!

The golden haired sun-god seemed unbeatable, conquering all before him. He had many exotic, buxom babes (buxotic? I think that was his horse's name?) from his distant conquests, but the whingeing of his remoaner soldiers led him to stay his blade and return to the center of his vast new empire.

And Bozzaxander wept, for there were no more birds to conquer with his virile masculinity oozing from every orifice at an alarming rate, careful now, you might slip on the ooze.

Hephaestion? Who's that? Oh my goodness no! Bozzaxander is no bum boy!

Jo Swinson paints herself blue and leads punitive raids against the squirrels of Caledonia. She quickly disappears from the historical record.

Braggart fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Dec 1, 2019

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 01:11

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 23:33

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Apraxin posted:

Will you spoon me Bozza? :ohdear:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 01:14

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

baka kaba posted:

That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?

also hell of an OP

Top Brexit :golfclap:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 09:31

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

forkboy84 posted:

Oh god, The Spectator is awful. Tory MPs as Harry Potter characters would be as useful.

I've always thought Michael Gove is our universe's Professor Quirrel. (WHO SAID SQUIRREL? :byodame:

)

And to answer the headline question, no, Jacob Rees-Mogg just wishes he was Cato the Younger*. He's actually Crassus: an extremely wealthy amoral oval office whose defining features are arrogance and incompetence in all fields apart from leveraging his wealth. He made a play for power and overestimated himself dramatically, and was taken down by barbs from people he has no respect for:

https://twitter.com/BathLabourParty/status/1200446500913872901

There you go, Spectator twat. Isn't that a better argument than "Sajid Javid used to work in banking ergo money ergo Crassus"? I can't believe you get paid for this. I'd drop the mic but it's the 1st century BC and they haven't been invented yet. Veni vidi vici, bitchi.

* This is literally true, I bet.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 11:04

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

HJB posted:

I'm going to see if I can do some sort of 12 days of Christmas thing in the run-up to the Election. Here's Day 1 at least:

On the 25th day of December the Tories cut the benefits of a mother of a child with down's syndrome by 25%. Starts at 3:30.

https://twitter.com/jeremycorbyn/status/1199749767464701954

Writes itself, doesn't it? :smith:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 12:55

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

CGI Stardust posted:

please ask Bom Tower what a Marxist society is. is it a book club? maybe a social organisation?

maybe a society where everyone spends all their time critiquing everyone else. devastating, can see why he wouldn't want it

ed: wait he was the guy that wrote the Corbyn book that everyone slagged off, how fitting

tfw you're in a Marxist society and everyone is criticising

As I said at the time, calling Corbyn a dangerous hero only makes him sexier :swoon:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 13:13

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Gonzo McFee posted:

https://twitter.com/willgoring/status/1201058101790687233?s=20

And the words of the prophets are written on his office walls :getin:

https://twitter.com/alexhuds/status/1200051311816953857

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 13:37

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Poison Jam posted:

Should�ve slammed the door in his loving face

tories delenda est

Look I know you want to be written into that Spectator article as Cato the Censor but you're gonna need to give us more than that

Edit: This does not mean stop doing it! I am indulging in a humour

Braggart fucked around with this message at 14:14 on Dec 1, 2019

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 14:03

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Lady Demelza posted:

I used to buy cheap leggings and t-shirts from Primark and wear them along with fingerless gloves under my indoor clothes. Being colder inside than out is miserable. Poundland sells rolls of bubblewrap that you can put over windows but will obviously still let light in. You will have to keep an eye on condensation and mould. Handwarmers are brilliant, the Hot Hands ones are pretty cheap and make a good alternative to hot water bottles as they don't go cold overnight. Shame they're single-use only.

Yeah, leggings under trousers. Try to alternate the layers at your waist so that less air escapes. A hoodie can help, as well as a scarf because you lose a lot of heat from your neck and head. Trousers can be tucked into socks. Fingerless gloves are a good idea because hands are vulnerable. Make sure you keep them warm enough. I tuck them under my blanket if they need a boost. Under my bum sometimes because the pressure of my weight helps speed heat transfer.

It infuriates me that this advice is necessary, but this is the benefit of my experience.

Tories denuda est

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 14:09

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Oh dear me posted:

Fingerless gloves are a godsend which I wear round the clock for most of the year, but they are not by any means all equal. The kind that are genuinely fingerless are crap, the good ones have short fingers. And Thinsulate lined mitts are much warmer than ordinary woollen mitts, which makes knitting your own a terrible waste of time unfortunately.

Listen to this person, because I do not myself wear gloves because I hate the texture between my fingers! (Autism

)

They just sound like a really good idea for having warmer hands

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 14:23

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

happyhippy posted:

My mother and brother swear that thermal leggings are loving amazing.
Brother works as a brickie, so is out on cold sites this time of the year. The thermals are a wonder to keep him warm.
They are not only for old people.

Base layers are awesome though not the cheapest. They can often be found deeply discounted in outdoor clothing/hiking stores though. I wear merino wool base layers because they're light and warm and don't smell bad anything like as quickly as other materials. Merino wool is a relatively pricey fabric though. But on the other hand, I also wear stuff I've picked up in LIDL and that's good too in different ways

Braggart fucked around with this message at 14:42 on Dec 1, 2019

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 14:39

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

OwlFancier posted:

It's winter that makes me glad of my natural fur carpet. I once shaved my beard back for christmas, never again.

Ah, that explains it.

Thanks Santa

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 14:40

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Tigey posted:

Curse you plebs taking a small harmless incident involving a politician and inflating it out of all proportion, constantly circulating it again and again and again, til it becomes a story and leads to the person being discredited or smeared.

Only REAL journalists are allowed to do that.

Poor Jo was tricked into directly addressing the meme on national media :qq:

The squirrel army has a psychological warfare department and an excellent grasp of PR.

Everyone thinks we're cute, Jo. How are you gonna beat that? :getin:

Edit: Squirrels gonna deep six ya

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 15:29

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

RE: keeping warm chat, don't feel ashamed if you're feeling sluggish and incapable! Being cold has that effect. My brain definitely doesn't work as well when I'm not warm enough, my motivation disappears, and I become clumsy. This is not your fault! It's on the fuckers squeezing you for every penny so you have no choice but to be cold :hai:

Let Jeremy's eye lasers warm your heart.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 16:01

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Cerebral Bore posted:

Why is it that every time some rightwinger tries to tell a horror story they end up describing something that would own hard instead?

Because good things are bad to right wingers. Equality being the main issue they're concerned with.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 16:15

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Shogi posted:

Don't mean to noobsplain to you fellas,

No need to worry about that. Advice from actual hands-on experience is always valuable, and the UKMT is a resource for everyone except Pissflaps

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 16:47

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Stair lifts are such a waste of money. Can't we just have jobseekers operating a winch-and-pulley system to move the infirm around? We can make this change under the Henry VIII powers!

Edit: We can call the scroungers 'dumb waiters'! Guffaw guffaw honk! :mmmsmug:

Braggart fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Dec 1, 2019

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 17:14

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Beefeater1980 posted:

And I thought: that�s it, that�s the answer to the question that always bugged me about how socialism could work: who does the poo poo jobs, in a world where our society relies on poo poo jobs being done reliably? We all just reflexively chip in and do them when it�s needed so that nobody has to do them to an intolerable amount, and we take pleasure in living in a nice environment, that exists because maintenance is something everyone just agrees needs to be done, and reflexively does whenever they think can help whenever they see the opportunity. Because if even 1-2% of people bother to do that part time, nobody ever has to do it full time.

I mean this was probably obvious to most of the thread already and you�re all good people who do this kind of thing all the time, but it honestly surprised me how good it felt to do something to clean up that no-one else is ever going to know or care about, and gently caress leaving it to the crew because their lives are hard enough already.

I haven't specifically done that, but my philosophy in life is that if something needs doing and it's not particularly difficult for me to do for the benefit of others, I try to do it. It can be small things like moving a discarded empty shopping basket to where it's supposed to be even though I didn't put it there, picking up a sign that's been blown over and is in people's way etc. It can be helping someone who is lost. If it's easier for me than for someone else, I try to do it. In the case of something blocking a pavement and everyone stepping over it, how can I leave it there knowing that it'll stay there until a disabled person can't get past it, for example?

Conversely, I try not to feel guilty when something is actually beyond me, or ashamed of benefiting from someone's help. I think cleaning up poo poo in a claustrophobic, stressful environment like that would be beyond me, so I would have been grateful to you for mucking in

And you make a good point. If we can generally try not to be selfish cunts, then we can make a better society work. Only selfish cunts use others' selfishness to excuse their own

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 17:42

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

OwlFancier posted:

Pre-empted you smartarse.

A smart arse doesn't poo poo where it eats, it shits where someone else has to clean :smug:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 17:47

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Darth Walrus posted:

https://twitter.com/jimwaterson/status/1201173599295561729?s=21

lol Lib Dems.

They just can't squash this squirrel story

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 17:52

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Question for anyone with the expertise to answer: Could a Labour government simply immediately repeal the Health and Social Care Act 2012? Would doing so improve the situation somewhat by itself? I'm thinking along these lines because it seems like it would be much faster than introducing new legislation and we need changes ASAP. Obviously there would be more to do, but could this be an act of triage?

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 18:02

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

namesake posted:

No it can't just be repealed because it was legislating the structure of the NHS, it can only be replaced by something (and repealing it in such a way that forces it to revert to the previous structure would be messier than just legislating a new form for it, as well as missing a real opportunity to properly update the NHS structures).

Thank you. In light of your answer, I expect Labour already have Big Plans ready to go ASAP

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 18:15

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Trickjaw posted:

It's a bit murky under the ftpa parliament cannot be bound by previous parliaments, but I doubt Labour can unilaterally do it. It would also certainly need the legal beagles to peruse it.

I meant to do it by majority vote in the Commons

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 18:23

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Mr Phillby posted:

Logged off for a couple of days because I couldn't face a news cycle about a terrorist attack especially when the press is in full corbyn bad mode.

Catching up on the news has been a bit surreal. A narwhal tusk you say?

I hope it's named Donald.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 18:50

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Endjinneer posted:

You did a nice thing. They sound like dicks that didn't deserve cakes.

Exactly what I think :hai:

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 19:09

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

ronya posted:

whilst the thought was nice, don't hand deliver food, nobody knows where it's been or for how long unless it's hot food, and even then it's a stretch

you will be astonished how Member of the Public considers food to be just fine, what a waste to throw it out, just eat it. Or give it away...

order delivery and put a note in the order

That's a fair point.

mediadave, you did a nice thing and even if there's reason for them not to accept it they handled it badly. Your intentions were good and that's the truly important thing

Edit: Oh, sealed and store bought? Then they really handled it badly. You've done nothing wrong.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 19:20

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Paperhouse posted:

Who coaches MPs to be like this? Or do 95% of them just naturally become insanely evasive every time a question is asked

You have to carefully consider your every answer before you make it, lest you upset somebody. And given that you are speaking to the public at large, you will upset somebody. Take this attitude too far, and it can be paralysing, as the video shows.

Just speaking your mind according to your principles can be a lot less taxing in terms of emotional labour. But if your instinct is to triangulate at all times, you need to know what the most popular answer is going to be before you can say it

# ¿ Dec 1, 2019 19:58

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

What the gently caress happened while I was sleeping?

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 07:01

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Awesome!

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 07:20

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Wait, Bozza foreshadowed this! :stare:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 07:38

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

My cheeks say the queen is dead too :marc:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 08:19

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Azza Bamboo posted:

The take I've seen is that he'll cause more strikes everywhere by relaxing the rules on when you can strike and giving the green light for every "Snowflake" who can't hack "honest hard work" to take the day off striking.

Ah yes, because striking sure is a paid holiday and not a day you spend doing stuff you'd rather not have to do

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 08:44

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Barry Foster posted:

The Queen isn't dead you dunguses

There isn't even a blood moon or a plague of corgis

That's because they're still feasting on her corpse.

They'll be coming for the rest of us soon enough.

:unsmigghh:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 08:46

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Angepain posted:

I can't wait for the channel dash in full number 1s at 0800. I assume this is when the army all line up at Dover and piss into the sea in unison to stick it to the French

The Channel Slash.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:02

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

forkboy84 posted:

https://twitter.com/andrew_lilico/status/1201283273189711875?s=20

Shitposting is treason.

We're all hosed :ohdear:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:16

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Trump weighs in:

Stupid queen, that's what she gets for taking too much exercise :trumpsmug:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:23

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

https://twitter.com/jessphillips/status/1201084477730119680

Jess Phillips... good? :psyduck:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:31

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Guavanaut posted:

Jess Phillips good on some issues. Especially women's issues. As long as those women aren't sex workers.

I meant that she's making a good argument against privatisation and worship of the profit motive. I didn't expect that.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:43

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Guavanaut posted:

Whenever I think of good things that have come from the unchecked free market I think of the funerary industry

We need innovators to disrupt the market with professional mourner services! More pomp! More bloat! Show you really cared with our experienced banshee wailers! :hist101:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 09:46

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 23:33

Braggart: Nov 10, 2011; always thank the rock hider

Everyone posted:

Commercialisation of death and exploitation of the families

I knew I could count on you lot

# ¿ Dec 2, 2019 10:22

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