New Hampshire Democratic Primary Debate 2020: The Granite State Smackdown

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > New Hampshire Democratic Primary Debate 2020: The Granite State Smackdown

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Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Reposting my long effort post.

Cpt_Obvious posted:

February 7th 2020 New Hampshire Debate Guide

Or

The Rise and Fall of Mayor Cheat

When/Where: 8PM Eastern on ABC and HULU

It�s Friday. The Iowa disaster was on Monday. It�s all anyone will talk about. Did Mayor Pete conspire with the DNC to rig an election? I don�t know. Here�s what we do know of Iowa: Warren ate poo poo, Biden ate poo poo, and Amy Klobachur ate poo poo. All of them are going to pivot away from the topic. However, both Bernie Sanders and Pete have already claimed victory, so it�s unavoidable.

Biden, Amy, and Warren can�t talk about the elephant in the room, so what do they do?

Joe Biden: Biden�s goal these last few debates is to remain coherent. He has largely coasted along name recognition, so all he�s had to do is avoid verbal stumbles and fumbles. This tactic has obviously not been working very well. The �don�t fuckup� plan makes him fade in with the houseplants, and no one is showing up to vote for that.

What does work is Biden on the attack. He may not be able to think well on his feet, but Biden can fire a prepared attack like the seasoned politician he is. It might be a folksy story, it might be the false claim that Bernie can�t pay m4a (again), who knows. My guess is that his target will probably be Pete if he does it at all, unless he fucks it up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP9JpY6TsYg

Oh Joe, just walk into the sunset.

Elizabeth Warren: If you want some insider baseball, there�s a long, in depth story about Warren and Bernie. But here�s the TLDR: They used to be buds, but then Warren accused Bernie of misogyny and lying on national television and then pulled a massive 180 because she is full of poo poo. Her twitter got plastered in snake emoticons.

Warren just lost Biden�s coattails because it�s obvious Biden is out of this race. However, Warren seems so fresh and new to so many people. She can�t attack Bernie again, that would be disastrous. So she is absolutely going to take a swing at Pete. She�s done it before and it worked, specifically she brought up the �wine cave� attack during the debate. (watch his hands as Warren responds)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQQswRLws4k

Here�s him getting shanked on Colbert for it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xgOraC4f2w&t=31s

Mayor Pete: If you�ve seen him in the debates he, has a tendency to dance in circles:

He will never answer with actual solutions to any problems. He will describe the problem, declare that it requires a fix, and then never tell us how. It�s very similar to Trump. And like Trump, Pete is going to get jumped by every single person on that stage.

Bernie �the Brooklyn Bruiser� Sanders:

Bernie's in better shape than ever. So far, his strategy is to focus on policy and funding to the exclusion of all else. If someone else is an rear end in a top hat, let the other assholes drag him down with character attacks. Bernie does not get his hands dirty. This is what happens when you make character attacks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wS44qT-ekM

Julian Castro barely made it to next debate,and dropped out soon after. Making fun of an old man for forgetting things alienated older voters the same way Hillary�s Pokemon-go-to-the-polls alienated young voters.

Bernie is the master of the debate because he has the actual substance to back up his claims. In any debate, it is monumentally advantageous when your position is obviously correct and Bernie Sanders is always on the right side of policy. So that�s where he keeps the conversation: on the material conditions surrounding the debate. Healthcare, income inequality, wages, racism, when it comes to poo poo that actually matters to people, Bernie always comes out on top. That is where he will focus the discussion, on policy.

When Iowa comes up, he will certainly defend himself. He might get into a pissing fight with Pete over who won Iowa, but, again, Bernie Sanders easily won the most actual votes, so that�s where he�ll stand. Doing so will either force Pete to retreat from the topic or declare that it is the SDE�s or delegates that actually matter, and that stinks of electoral college nonsense.
Bernie has attacked Pete before, to wild success:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LYyVF5ayuE

Amy Klobachur:

Step 1: I�m from the Midwest!
Step 2: ???????
Step 3:

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 01:39

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 07:26

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

my bony fealty posted:

I hope Biden kamikazes Pete

Maybe. I think Warren is gonna kamikaze Pete.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 01:55

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Edit: Nvm.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 01:58

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

OMG, it's at a college. I hope it's filled with students.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:03

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Wow, Sanders with the central power seat.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:05

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

That's right Joe, Bernie's gonna win.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:06

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Rambling Joe is gonna go the socialist slur route.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:07

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

kidkissinger posted:

they're literally just setting him up to win. you think bernie isn't prepared for these idiots to clutch pearls about him being called a socialist?

Well, it worked so well last time, right?...right?

Steyer can be last to the guillotine. He's so polite. Can we just jail him instead?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:12

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

:snake:

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:14

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

kidkissinger posted:

hmm yeah, marx never had any idea that automation would happen. never talked about that at all.

JFC can you believe the balls on him?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:14

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

How hard can you dodge this poo poo Pete? How long can you avoid every single question?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:16

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Bernie goes hard on the Historical Materialism every. drat. time.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:18

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

There it is, "how do we pay for healthcare" by biden. This never loving works.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:20

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

FAST TALKIN JOE!!!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:22

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

jettisonedstuff posted:

So it's pretty clear at this point that Klobuchar, Biden and the Rat all agreed to attack Bernie nonstop in this debate/

This is good because it gives Sanders more talking time to respond. I am not joking. The worst debate performance Bernie ever had was one of the ones where he got ignored.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:24

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Just retire Joe. Please. Everyone still kinda likes you.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:27

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

OMG how long can Pete talk and say nothing.

WTF it's supposed to go back to Bernie. Eat poo poo.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:28

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

C411 posted:

Is Klob going to cry?

Always. She is always going to cry. Because she is feigning emotions the only way she knows how.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:29

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

BERN IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:31

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Gripweed posted:

drat I hate Steyer now

*shrug* he's making a good point about focusing on the economy. What he's ignoring is that healthcare is part of the economy.

Pete is describing Bernie as the optimal candidate right now.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:33

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

Mayo Pete�s cadence is so unnaturally regular. He�s like a robot.

He's a loving psychopath, and everyone knows it deep in their soul. He cannot win.

Yang always manages to analyze the problem very well, and completely botch the solution.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:35

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

V. Illych L. posted:

is this seriously the level of discourse in yankeeland

Welcome to hell. Wait for Bernie to drop truthbombs.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:38

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Yo, Steyer comes from a long line of Nazi slayers. Who knew?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:42

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

OMG, Pete feigning compassion with the scrunchy mouth going on.

HootTheOwl posted:

Wants to be Bernie's friend SO BAD.

Trust me, it's very impressive to us Jews.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:43

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

I can see Canada from my house!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:45

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Amy hasn't said "midwest" yet. I am not going to get a lot of drinks this time.

poo poo. I'm making a drinking game up for next debate. Remind me if I forget.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:48

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Sanders really does have the ability and the record. Think Klobuchar would jump to VP under Sanders?

He wouldn't have her.

They hard question dodge from Pete by explaining context instead of providing answers.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:50

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Retire Joe. Please. We're all worried about you.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 02:59

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Go ahead Pete, describe that loving question some more! Just, for the love of god, do not answer it!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:01

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Leave Steyer alone! Leave him alone!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:03

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

ManBoyChef posted:

It seems like they are working hard to make bernie look bad but every time he talks he gets the most cheers. Am I crazy for thinking this ?

This is the standard. Attack Bernie, fail miserably, Bernie gets more speaking time and a bump in the polls.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:04

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Lemming posted:

Let Biden go home

Give him some tea and butterscotch candies too. Make sure his kids know how he's doing.

Rochallor posted:

Steyer is legit the second-best person on that stage. Shame he's going to have to be guillotined.

NO! HE'S MY FRIEND!

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:06

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Does anyone still have any fears about Pete now?

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:09

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Even the moderators are impressed with Bernie.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:11

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

empty whippet box posted:

the media will prop him up while attacking sanders and that will be enough to make pete limp along long for a while, I think.

Good. We're going to need someone to sap votes out of Bloomberg.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:11

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Holy gently caress, Pete gets the meth question.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:15

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Apocalypse posted:

Woah, Decriminalization of all drugs?! drat, Pete, respect.

He is a bastard who lies for a living. He happens to know which lies to tell.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:15

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Phenotype posted:

Ugh, I feel like Pete is looking pretty good out there tonight. I wish they wouldn't have made the first two rounds some variation on "why is bernie's plan crazy, and why won't he get elected?"

WTF are you smoking dude? I need some.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:18

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Failed Imagineer posted:

Lol I've never listened to Yang in a debate before but he is painfully nervous, just hard to watch

He's normally a lot smoother, he just shoves UBI at any loving question he gets. This is one where he can't do that.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:19

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 07:26

Cpt_Obvious: Jun 18, 2007

Phenotype posted:

Sour Chem, Michigan medical product. Been legal for years!

Seriously though, his foreign policy answers were a lot more coherent than I thought they'd be.

Listen for actual substance. He avoids every question by explaining context and completely failing to provide an answer.

Apocalypse posted:

I love how no one is going to follow up on Amy's lies. Can't expect anything better here.

It's not her turn under the microscope, it's Pete and Bernie's. It's always Bernie's turn.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2020 03:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > New Hampshire Democratic Primary Debate 2020: The Granite State Smackdown

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