The Canadian Bible

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cda: by Hand Knit

It's like a regular Bible, but Canadian.

# ? Feb 27, 2020 20:53

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 12:46

cda: by Hand Knit

Let there be Light, eh?

# ? Feb 27, 2020 20:53

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men, bud.

# ? Feb 27, 2020 20:58

Goons Are Gifts

Excuse me, apologies for interrupting, but may interest you friends into some quality apples?

# ? Feb 27, 2020 21:24

Heather Papps: hello friend

on earth as it is in timmies, hallowed be your toque

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 22:43

google THIS

When you pray, do not be like the hosers in the synagogue...

# ? Feb 27, 2020 22:55

Manifisto

Goons Are Great posted:

Excuse me, apologies for interrupting, but may interest you friends into some quality apples?

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:00

Manifisto

. . . and the unrepentant sinner shall find himself in hell, wherein their body and soul shall be tormented forever by legions of demons, their flesh wracked with every affliction one can conceive, there shall be agonizing fire and thirst eternal, and it will be too warm for ice hockey

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:08

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

in the traditional candadian faith the baby jesus is replaced by caillou

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:08

cda: by Hand Knit

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

in the traditional candadian faith the baby jesus is replaced by caillou

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:16

Sepharo: EARTH! FIRE! WIND! WATER!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:28

Manifisto

and jesus took a bag of water, and set it into a pitcher, and snipped off the corner, and lo, it was milk!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:31

cda: by Hand Knit

Sepharo posted:

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:47

Yinlock

"truly i tell you - one of you will betray me, one who is eating with me." they were saddened, and one by one they said "surely you don't mean me?"

"you're right, it was wrong of me to jump to conclusions, sorry"

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:47

Manifisto

jesus: and you know what, universal healthcare is good actually

canadians: my god, he's right

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 27, 2020 23:59

Heather Papps: hello friend

Sepharo posted:

and they rejoiced as one

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:00

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

Sepharo posted:

lmao

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:03

Yinlock

Sepharo posted:

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:08

the unabonger

its a bible made entirely of denim

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:15

Manifisto

Sepharo posted:

okay this is loving with me I don't get it is it some sort of reference to the acadian flag?

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:19

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

Manifisto posted:

okay this is loving with me I don't get it is it some sort of reference to the acadian flag?

he's just a boy who's four & each day he grows some more

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:27

the unabonger

*student arechaeologists in the year 3000* "this appears to be a holy text... as you can there's numerous references to god. but what is this material its made of?"
*professor archaeologist walks up* "that, my friends is denim. Thats what we call a canadian bible."

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:29

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" :p

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:45

alnilam

And just remember: if the ladies don't find you handsome, they should at least find you holy

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:46

Manifisto

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

he's just a boy who's four & each day he grows some more

tyvm

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 28, 2020 00:47

Goons Are Gifts

Sepharo posted:

# ? Feb 28, 2020 01:57

Yinlock

alnilam posted:

And just remember: if the ladies don't find you handsome, they should at least find you holy

coyote peterson 7:12

# ? Feb 28, 2020 01:58

Trying

god tests job's politeness

# ? Feb 28, 2020 02:15

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

the romans apologizing to Jesus Christ of Nazareth as they staple him to a toboggan

# ? Feb 28, 2020 03:11

Macnult

the entirety of the bible narrated by some farmhand in alberta

# ? Feb 28, 2020 03:51

Macnult

he was walking from over yonder to Bethel. some kids started giving him a hard time, making fun of him for being bald � pretty rude if you ask me. Elisha wasn�t having any of it, and i don�t blame him. thought he was telling them to gently caress outta here until he mentioned the big man. suddenly two female moose came out of the woods and just like that the whole town had to clean up 42 dead hosers.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 03:59

Yinlock

and God said to Jonah "hey go tell these assholes that I'm mad at them" and Jonah replied "alright" and did so and everything was fine

# ? Feb 28, 2020 04:24

cda: by Hand Knit

Macnult posted:

he was walking from over yonder to Bethel. some kids started giving him a hard time, making fun of him for being bald — pretty rude if you ask me. Elisha wasn’t having any of it, and i don’t blame him. thought he was telling them to gently caress outta here until he mentioned the big man. suddenly two female moose came out of the woods and just like that the whole town had to clean up 42 dead hosers.

Hahaha

# ? Feb 28, 2020 04:25

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Macnult posted:

he was walking from over yonder to Bethel. some kids started giving him a hard time, making fun of him for being bald � pretty rude if you ask me. Elisha wasn�t having any of it, and i don�t blame him. thought he was telling them to gently caress outta here until he mentioned the big man. suddenly two female moose came out of the woods and just like that the whole town had to clean up 42 dead hosers.

this is perfect in that accent.

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Feb 28, 2020 04:42

Escape From Noise

Jesus got real cheesed off at those moneylenders and tellin' 'em to hose off. Geeze. It's my dad's house after all.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 07:13

Escape From Noise

The tribes of Israel wandering the tundra for 40 years in conversation vans.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 07:22

Mr. Bones: ain't no law says a skeleton can't play the blues

Here, take some Timbits, for it is my body, eh? Judas is headin' over to the LCBO to pick up some more of my blood if you guys want any.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 07:51

Jaguars!

And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; oil, and maple syrup, and poutine.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 09:34

Jaguars!

And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into snowploughs, and their spears into hockey sticks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 09:38

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 12:46

Escape From Noise

Kane pulled Abel's hockey jersey over his face and threw several haymakers into his brother's midsection.

# ? Feb 28, 2020 10:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > The Canadian Bible

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