Dumb shit your work does: for some reason in the Diablo font.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Dumb shit your work does: for some reason in the Diablo font.

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blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

honda whisperer posted:

When I worked at best buy they graciously offered to supply food for the employees on black friday. You had to pay for it though. You were not allowed to leave during that shift either. It was hot dogs in a crockpot, and someone messed up and they supplied meatloaf sauce instead of ketchup.

The management proudly told us after it was profitable for the store.

I know this isn't a cooking thread but thanks to this post I just learned that meatloaf sauce isn't just ketchup

I think I know why my meatloaf isn't exactly a hit now

# ¿ Nov 7, 2021 21:25

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 20:41

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

honda whisperer posted:

Im pretty sure it's still just ketchup with brown sugar and other stuff but the low effort version.

Please describe how you've been making meat loaf for the thread.

What I am sure of is that it's not a great hot dog topping.

just blasting the top of those meat loafs with plain ketchup until it makes a ketchupy crust atop the meat log

i'm pretty sure the brown sugar + other stuff makes it taste a lot less like you just made a large mcdonalds patty

# ¿ Nov 8, 2021 05:21

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

wear only the sleeves, just cut off the bottom 2/3 of your shirts (make sure you leave enough for the shirt pocket so u have a place for pens)

# ¿ Mar 8, 2022 08:53

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

gleebster posted:

Don't worry. I don't know how inversion of control relates to dependency injection, either.

this might help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXJKdh1KZ0w

# ¿ Mar 10, 2022 20:07

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Batterypowered7 posted:

https://i.imgur.com/jmYrdcn.mp4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXLUzvn8r-4

# ¿ Mar 16, 2022 07:16

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

Boss decided to accept a 200-person breakfast service order for a hotel.

It�s due tomorrow, she only told us yesterday, and I�m the only full time baker.

Yeah I think I�m looking for another baking job. If my boss can�t or won�t pay us what we�re worth and can�t or won�t guarantee that she won�t drop an order like this on me again, then I need to be somewhere else.

your boss is a donut hole

# ¿ Mar 19, 2022 04:40

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

pro tip: if you skip the bread and jam you can spoon more peanut butter into your mouth before you overshoot your calorie budget

# ¿ Apr 8, 2022 07:05

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Escape From Noise posted:

Does Agile involve last minute changes to the production schedule? Because it sort of sounds like a former boss was trying to apply Agile to brewing. He'd have me rush production on beers with ingredients I wasn't sure of claiming we'd change it next time we made it if things needed improving. Of course whenever I tried to correct issues or stop using bad ingredients I was told it couldn't change because "the customers love it!". They just released a "beer" with carrots, apple, banana, and ice cream.

is your boss picking ingredients based on what he finds in the grocery store dumpster

# ¿ Apr 26, 2022 08:25

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

rotinaj posted:

I started a new job at the end of last month. When I got here, I found out that the guy who preceded me in this job left suddenly in December. A different lady took over for a month or two, then also left. Two of my new coworkers are leaving within four months, and one of them is the guy who is training me. My new boss started a week before me, and my boss�s boss doesn�t want to be here and is constantly dipping out whenever she can.

I got given the SOP for my main responsibility three weeks after I started. Now, I�m finally getting one of my responsibilities sorted, while the other, which I have not been given any kind of written directions for, is still a total mystery.

I am unsure if I should be firing indeed back up or if I should try to stick it out here. It�s super discouraging and demotivating. I have one coworker I can 100% count on and that�s about it. This place is nuts.

Oh, and the time off policy is 2 days off vacation, 2 days off PTO and 2 days off sick. Per year.

This was implemented just after I started.

when you're the last employee standing, take the break room furniture

# ¿ Apr 28, 2022 17:39

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Outrail posted:

The number of forklift related accidents alongside the percentage of forklift drivers who are high, drunk, distracted or just too stupid to have any meaningful participation in society is better proof of a god than any scripture.

this is why you buy a badass forklift driver shirt as soon as you complete the gruelling 4 hour certification class

# ¿ May 13, 2022 15:07

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

holy dang

# ¿ Jul 22, 2022 09:00

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Shoehead posted:

She insists on paying everyone in cash so there isn't a paper trail. None of us can get loans. To remedy this she decided we could have SOME bank transfers as a treat and sends the pair of us �100 of whatever we've made each week to our accounts. We still cannot get loans. Sometimes, she forgets to do this. Today, she has forgotten her bank password.

I spoke to someone in another shop today at lunch, I have an interview on Monday and possibly a trial day coming up. I cannot WAIT

Also to answer my shower question, she used to go to a gym and would use their shower (not bad) now its apparently a bucket, I'm not supposed to know this

i fuckin' hope you nail the interview and get the job because holy dang

# ¿ Jul 22, 2022 16:47

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

tactlessbastard posted:

It was before my time here, but I heard last week that a few years back a guy who was really unhappy stuck it out until the year end bonuses were paid and immediately resigned. HR spent 7 weeks trying to claw back that bonus.

E: unrelated, I dropped my wife's laptop off at the repair place yesterday (kids poured water on it). The lady I was behind in line had a pretty nice looking Elitebook. When she came to the counter she explained to the tech, 'This is my work laptop but my sons broke it. It isn't covered because I had it at home so I need it fixed ASAP'

Tech takes down her information, starts a ticket, then takes the laptop from the lady. The tech picks up the laptop, flips it over, runs her fingers along the spine and then says, 'Wait, is this THAT laptop?'

Lady sighs, 'Yes, they did it again.'

I never found out what it was but I've been tickled ever since.

i've never wanted a story update more than i do right now

# ¿ Aug 9, 2022 11:44

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

evilpicard posted:

OSHA Hates This One Weird Trick!

Get your employees to sign something saying it's against policy to gently caress up and then you don't have to change the work environment to reduce risk.

i see you've worked in construction

# ¿ Aug 21, 2022 20:55

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

A Stupid Baby posted:

Someone hit a parked car with rented work equipment and broke the rental last night. While trying to drive from the passenger seat. No points for guessing the reason why!

do i lose points for having to ask why because i can't figure this out

# ¿ Sep 17, 2022 01:17

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Outrail posted:

Stand next to the front entrance with a clipboard.

get that clipboard and just go exploring, if anyone tries to stop you just ask for their name and role in the org and spend a really long time writing it down before sending them on their way

# ¿ Oct 6, 2022 19:33

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

TaurusTorus posted:

Pictured here are two objects, with a penny for scale. On the right you see a cryopump pneumatic adaptor, worthless. We have thousands of them, bins full of them. On the left you see a pneumatic block adaptor, more precious than gold. Each bay has only enough for their machines, and even then if one wears out or is lost getting another is an ordeal. If you need one, you have to beg one of the old hands who might have one squirreled away, or else you cannot use any pneumatically actuated valves on the machine, and there are a whole lot of those.

I thought I was clever, I got the part number from a manufacturing engineer. I thought I could go into the central storage area and get some myself. Only no, even with the part number there are none in my entire building, and I don't have access to the other cleanrooms to find one where this particular part is stored. It's absurd to me that we can't just have a couple of bins of both of these. I can't even create an order for these parts since I can only order parts assigned to the machine, and these aren't assigned to the machines, they're just adapters between our facilities and the machines, that the machines absolutely need to function.

lol one of my jobs is setting up production orders for components like this (not for this particularly industry, just replacement parts that involve a similar level of bs) and it owns that I need literal pages of signed documentation from the client before I can start the process of telling someone to make them

then it takes like 2 minutes for the machine to poop out 2 dozen, they get individually sealed in regular letter envelopes and someone drops them in the mailbox

# ¿ Mar 19, 2023 02:39

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Cowman posted:

Just found out my team is probably on the chopping block. Where do people go to get entry level IT jobs these days? Everywhere I look it's all Sr. level and above and I know I won't get hired for that even though I can probably do it.

u are qualified for sr. level and above if you follow my 2 step plan:

-just lie
-get references off of fiver

# ¿ Apr 29, 2023 05:16

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

wibble posted:

Is that an actual thing?

i might have spelled the website name wrong but yes, you can hire people on a gig website to be your references and it works

# ¿ Apr 29, 2023 20:07

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

just remember not to lie about like, university degrees and stuff

like u dont want to chatgpt a resume and fiverr some references to get a job as a brain surgeon or airplane driver

# ¿ Apr 29, 2023 21:50

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

armpit_enjoyer posted:

It's not what they say about me, it's about others being able to perceive sub-par work and associate it with my name. I'm yet to lose the ability to give a poo poo even though it never got me anywhere

if you're fine with playing the long game, having a glowing reference from your boss is going to carry more weight to potential employers than having glowing references from colleagues

# ¿ May 12, 2023 03:34

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

JetSetGo posted:

I truly intend to heed this. I'm the kind of person who beats themselves up and have been doing some soul searching to knock it off, but I appreciate the wisdom.

I'm not too interested in going to prison lol. A month before I got hired a mom and son duo were stealing like $14,000 a month from the cash boxes.

how'd the duo get caught?

# ¿ May 18, 2023 01:14

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

goatface posted:

Nah, it works. A good sharp cheese goes well with the acidic sweetness.

its even better if you pair it with some salty meat on bread with tomato sauce

# ¿ May 19, 2023 13:42

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

YeahTubaMike posted:

That sounds weird, but I'm a weirdo who strongly dislikes the combination of fruit & chocolate so maybe fruit & cheese would be an improvement

if not u still have cheese and chocolate to try out of the available pairings

# ¿ May 19, 2023 14:04

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

use the head chefs equipment to warm up a big pot of spaghetti-o's and slowly eat them out of the pot without breaking eye contact or blinking

# ¿ May 26, 2023 14:04

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Escape From Noise posted:

Could I just throw a chair at his fat head?

i dunno im not your boss but it seems to me that if his head is fat enough it'd be hard to miss

# ¿ May 26, 2023 14:12

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

i send screenshots at work by taking a phone photo, emailing it to myself then using the snipping tool on that

# ¿ Jun 3, 2023 04:30

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

tinytort posted:

Dumb things my work is doing: I marked myself as unavailable to work this Sunday, months ago. Despite this, I'm on the schedule for a 10:30 to 5:30 shift on Sunday. This is a problem, since I marked myself unavailable because I got tickets for Comicon, and Sunday - the last day - is 10 to 4.

I'm trying to get it fixed, but one coworker is off for a funeral and another is working the overnight shift that day. And I'm also scheduled for the 10:30 to 5:30 shift on Monday, so I can't really swap for the night shift on Sunday without having to get that next day reworked too.

When I first texted my manager about it, I got told to text my third coworker about it. He told me to ask the guy who's working overnight, because he's not sure he can do the shift that day. So I text my manager back, and get "requesting time off isn't a guarantee, if it's for something important ask or text me as well, I'll text the guy I told you to talk to".

i'm of the opinion that submitting notice that you're taking some time off is actually a statement that you're taking that time off, not a request

though this mindset could get u shitcanned

# ¿ Jun 10, 2023 03:01

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Dance Officer posted:

I can confirm that chatgpt is excellent at writing corporate drivel for things like your self evaluation form.

it also owns for making noncommittal emails if u dont really want to do something but you have to respond or they'll call you on teams

# ¿ Jun 17, 2023 00:20

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Splicer posted:

If I walked out the door now without updating the massive backlog of documentation-I've-found-that-isn't-true I think the place would burn down in a month, and it's taken me a year to pull that up from a week.

pull it back down to a week and take 2 weeks off

# ¿ Aug 9, 2023 16:48

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Scientastic posted:

That's because if you have any skill at anything whatsoever, you an easily learn what it takes to sell things to people, most sales jobs are easy and most salespeople are absolutely terrible at it

sales owns, you just promise impossible solutions to impossibly stupid applications and when it falls through its the engineers fault while you're busy carrying your bags of money to the bank

# ¿ Sep 8, 2023 13:54

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Ravus Ursus posted:

So what you're saying is that I can make disturbing amounts of money as long as I have no regard for human life or the well-being of others?

Hmmmm.

i regret to inform you that that's always been the case

# ¿ Sep 8, 2023 14:27

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

ethics cost more than rent and rent is too dang high

# ¿ Sep 8, 2023 16:50

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Outrail posted:

We had a potential grant to buy our organization a much needed vehicle. I made the mistake of asking a car dealer to 'send me a quote for a new or used F150 with the following specs XXX, we have $75,000, including taxes, fees, charges etc. Can you please include the all in price on the quote?'.

I think I broke their brains or something. After two follow-up prompts they sent a one line email with 'yep, an F150'll cost about $75,000'.

Is 'all in' just not a concept in North America? I have $x, I can't go over this amount, no it doesn't matter if its a tax or a fee or a government mandated charge, we cannot spend more than $x. Please tell me what I can afford.

sales isnt just a job its a way of life

an incredibly cursed way of life

# ¿ Sep 10, 2023 03:50

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

for every toilet seat you dont break, i'll break 3 (with my gigantic rear end)

# ¿ Sep 22, 2023 04:55

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Killingyouguy! posted:

Just got asked to mentor an intern who will be implementing... A feature our software has had since day one.

Begging my manager to learn what our software does

just spend a few months "implementing" then take credit

edit: split credit with your intern

# ¿ Sep 26, 2023 16:51

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

i dont give out my password, you have to read it off the post it note on my monitor like a normal person

# ¿ Sep 28, 2023 16:53

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

any time i cant relax due to the weight of the world bearing down on my shoulders i just listen to that song from zoolander

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjFjJmv03ec

# ¿ Oct 1, 2023 16:23

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

sports cars are hardware

they have computers in them and often usb ports

# ¿ Oct 2, 2023 19:15

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 20:41

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

im baking one out right now

hold on hr is calling for some reason

# ¿ Oct 11, 2023 01:42

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Dumb shit your work does: for some reason in the Diablo font.

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