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I left a boring but relatively well paid and stupidly easy job for a 20% pay bump because a guy I used to work with said “come work with me at this new place they’re desperate for anyone who can manage a team and there’s a 20% pay bump” and hooooly shiiiiiit it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I’ve finally got my oversized team of computer touchers to touch the computers in a way that meets and/or exceeds the targets upper management have set and I’m still getting poo poo because they aren’t exceeding the targets by enough. What the gently caress is the target even for if doing better than the target still isn’t good enough? As of next month anyone who isn’t achieving the minimum possible to get paid the bottom level of their bonus structure is in the firing line and I’m expected to start managing them out of the business. 1) it’s a bonus structure, if you expect it as a minimum make it part of the base salary and then maybe we can have a reasonable conversation about why it’s an expected level of performance 2) lol that’s 70% of the floor good loving luck keeping the company afloat once you make us fire them all you loving morons I hate this loving job so bad that I have an interview next week going hat in hand back to my old company. I hope I get it and then when I tell my boss I quit he throws a big baby tantrum and they just send me home for my paid week’s notice instead of dragging this poo poo out.
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Jul 29, 2022 16:57
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SkyeAuroline posted:Man it was nice to be able to do that. My last job was 80% sat with my thumb up my rear end and then 20% reacting to the poo poo hitting the fan, so I could spend 28 hours a week getting paid to have one eye on my work laptop and sending the occasional “everything’s still ok” message while I did whatever I wanted otherwise. That 20% was real white knuckle poo poo but I’d take it back in an instant over this job right now.
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Jul 30, 2022 18:50
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I like to look after the people I manage because having to work for a living absolutely sucks. That’s something else making my new job hell, the company just does not give a gently caress about the well-being of anyone they employ and it’s small enough that I can’t get away with just using my own discretion to let things slide past any particularly stupid policies. I had a guy a couple of weeks ago who was having an incredibly lovely time outside of work ask me to let him take it easy on new work for a day so he could get on top of his existing stack and I said sure, it’s one day, who gives a gently caress. Like half an hour later I had some dickhead trying to rip me a new one because if someone is in the office getting paid then they need to be giving 110% and what I actually should have done in their opinion was send the guy home unpaid if he wasn’t going to go full throttle all day.
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Aug 1, 2022 00:16
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The place I was working at when covid kicked off had to get ~2500 additional people set up for home working with basically no ramp up time beyond the nebulous whispers in the few days leading up to it that lockdown might be coming, so IT on every site basically just let chaos reign and people walked out with anything that wasn’t bolted down. It’s all asset tagged and labelled in that ‘invisible’ security ink poo poo but they have no idea who has what, including the pile of (garbage early 00s) monitors and laptop docks I still have despite quitting 2 months ago. I asked when a good time to bring it back would be and they never got back to me, so I guess they have until I get bored of it being in my house before it goes to the e-waste box.
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Aug 7, 2022 18:39
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As if on cue my old job called me today to ask where my poo poo was But only my company laptop The one piece of equipment I actually did return, directly into the hands of my boss, 2 months ago to the day
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Aug 8, 2022 13:41
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Outrail posted:This is literally the point of bonuses: to retain staff. He would have quit earlier if there wasn't a bonus. It's almost like management are incapable of critical thinking and don't understand even the most basic poo poo about human psychology or just how things work in general. My last job had it in our contracts that you forfeit any scheduled bonus payments if you’re working a notice period after handing in your resignation. We only got paid a bonus once a year, at the same time every year, with a month’s notice that your bonus was definitely coming and the exact value, and yet every year there was always at least one very surprised person who decided that was the perfect time to quit and was somehow blindsided by this widely known fact.
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Aug 9, 2022 14:26
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Johnny Truant posted:Teams is only good as a chat browser, everything else fuckin suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks My new place is all in on Office365 and all the things that come with it. Did you know if you send someone a file on teams that usually lives on sharepoint, it doesn’t actually send them the file it just gives them a link to the original file that looks exactly like a sent file. That’s not really a big deal until it’s, say, a template, and the person who ‘received’ the file doesn’t know they need to save themselves an actual copy before they start loving with it so they just gently caress with it as-is and then save it, overwriting the nice neat and tidy template with whatever the gently caress they just did to it.
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Aug 9, 2022 20:54
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I had a guy turn up on a teams call wearing a MAGA hat last year, at my very British job in Britain. He was one of those “I’m just asking questions!” dickheads so everyone else on the call knew it was a cry for attention, and he very disappointedly took it off about 20 minutes in since nobody was talking about it.
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Aug 10, 2022 10:52
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The Stephanie McMahon manoeuvre
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Aug 15, 2022 20:20
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I didn’t enjoy being paid to do nothing so I took a 20% payrise to do something again and it turned out to be loving horrific and I hate it. Just find something you can do at your desk while you wait for work to happen and never ask for anything else.
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Aug 18, 2022 19:02
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Salami Surgeon posted:My boss asked me if I want to attend a training session, then loaded me up with meetings during that time. I had a mandatory training session on the company’s new interview process scheduled a couple of weeks ago I couldn’t attend it in the end because they needed me to conduct an interview
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Aug 25, 2022 15:23
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Atopian posted:This is definitely a weird thing that happens. My old boss reached out to me because another division at our parent company had asked him if he knew anyone who’d fit a role they didn’t want to go interviewing for, so since I hate my new job I immediately told him absolutely tell them I’ll do it and I’ll eat poo poo and take a 20% paycut for it, anything to get out of here. They spent 2 months going back and forth with me to run down what they wanted and everything was locked in and now the position is frozen until after Christmas and they’ll call me, apparently.
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Aug 31, 2022 14:38
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Motronic posted:Oh, it's not just me who looked at that and said "what the gently caress"? Because that's pretty hosed. If I'm employed by you I may or may have not given you an emergency contact. You can use that information if it's an actual emergency like, I got hurt at work. Not that I didn't show up. gently caress right on off. Checking that you haven’t been involved in some terrible accident or god forbid done something to yourself which has caused you to fall off the grid is a perfectly valid reason to use an emergency contact or request a welfare check on someone, imo. I would rather call someone’s emergency contact and check they’re ok than have HR send a bunch of “we are going to fire you if you don’t show up at work” letters to be picked up by a potentially grieving family.
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Sep 1, 2022 21:28
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Motronic posted:Except in this situation they didn't call the emergency contact and he had called out of work before he stopped showing. His boss showed up at the door of his private residence. gently caress right on off. Then they sent cops. gently caress off even more. Interesting. Fun story which is probably why I have the opinion of it that I do, a couple of years ago I had a guy call out sick and then vanish off the face of the planet after about a week of checking in to say he still wouldn’t be back to work yet, so I called his emergency contact who immediately burst into tears and told me that he’d tried to kill himself and we were the first people to have reached out to anyone and wonder where he’d gone. quote:And lol at your imagined scenario where he died. Yes, the letters from HR are what's gonna send the grieving family off the edge. If it weren't for that everyone would have been fine. My bad I totally forgot that if someone is having a lovely time it’s totally ok to make it even just a little bit more lovely, I mean they’re already in a bad place so what’s the big deal?
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Sep 1, 2022 22:07
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Motronic posted:I literally don't understand your point, unless you think showing up/calling the cops is the same as calling their emergency contact. Motronic posted:If I'm employed by you I may or may have not given you an emergency contact. You can use that information if it's an actual emergency like, I got hurt at work. Not that I didn't show up. gently caress right on off.
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Sep 1, 2022 22:20
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Believe it or not some people are genuinely concerned about the well-being of the people around them, not everything is out of some warped sense of ‘because job’. Sorry you don’t seem to share that part of the human experience.
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Sep 1, 2022 22:47
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Outrail posted:I live in a country that isn't insane, and I'm pretty sure most people here would probably consider calling for a welfare check-in from the police. So I'm guessing sheltered white Americans would have the same reaction. They don't see the cops as dangerous people because they're myopic and haven't had a bad experience themselves. I’m also not American, so calling the police here also doesn’t mostly end with someone getting unnecessarily shot either.
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Sep 2, 2022 06:09
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My old job just called and asked me to go back so I’m gonna have my notice in at my awful new job in two weeks and just not give a gently caress until then oh hell yeah
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Sep 2, 2022 13:47
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Yeah please don’t just box that bad boy up for some poor regular rear end mailperson
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Sep 2, 2022 14:19
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Pyrtanis posted:His work will ship it, he's not shipping it. Yeah but the point is they need to make sure they ship it with someone who knows that they’re handling a Li-ion timebomb and not just some poor shmuck who might get a fun surprise explosion if it decides it’s time. I’m sure your husband would feel like a real rear end in a top hat if he just knowingly handed it off to a regular carrier and their poo poo got lit up, even if he’s not the one who arranged it.
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Sep 2, 2022 14:35
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Alternatively, do not deliberately detonate the laptop https://youtu.be/j6HDS-qF6Cw
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Sep 2, 2022 14:54
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My favourite one is the fwwwweeeEEEEEEEEEEEE sound like a sci-fi railgun powering up that you get in the split second that comes after you plug in a bad desktop power supply and just before it releases the magic smoke.
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Sep 2, 2022 15:30
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In March I paid a grand to our bank to lock my current mortgage in at 1.99% for the next 10 years and I have never been happier to feel like I pissed away £1000 once poo poo started hitting the fan
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Sep 21, 2022 18:29
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So loving report it instead of just alternating posts between “oh wow we could have all died in there” and “aww shucks guys yeah I know it was bad but I’m just the beer guy what can I do about it” repeatedly?
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Sep 25, 2022 09:42
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I have to pass referencing checks again to get my old job back (financial services poo poo) because I’ve been gone slightly too long to just be waved back through the door and it has made this last loving week in my current place absolute torture. I am on my third boss in as many months and I’m about to get number four because the place is a loving clown show, and all I wanna do is just give them my week’s notice and get the gently caress out, but I can’t until the reference is done and my new offer is all nailed down. Next week I’m hoping for that final magical email so I can just pull the trigger, at which point given how they’ve treated everyone else who’s resigned I’m mostly likely just going to be sent home to sit out my week’s notice with pay because the place is run by vindictive petulant pissbabies.
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Sep 30, 2022 16:43
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American PTO is batshit pathetic, Jesus. The mandatory minimum in the UK for a full time employee is 5.6 weeks/28 days. Some of those are taken up by the public holidays but pretty much any place that requires you to work them just gives you the day back to take some other time. Sick days vary from company to company but have nothing to do with your PTO entitlement, my last place just paid sickness absence in full as long as your Bradford Factor number was below their arbitrary cutoff.
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Sep 30, 2022 22:55
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It’s got to be bullshit karma farming like 90% of Reddit posts that do the numbers
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Oct 4, 2022 15:49
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McGavin posted:100% chance this is a German company. It says it’s in Canada in the “update” part.
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Oct 4, 2022 16:01
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I’m staying late right now to hand in my resignation because my boss (who is the 3rd boss I have had here in as many months) decided to come in late. I’m expecting a huge pissbaby meltdown and them telling me not to come back in for my notice period, but if they do ask me to work it I’ll just come in and do very little for the week. Attrition in this place is absolutely insane and I can’t wait to get off this hellride and go back to my old job, where they are desperate enough to get me back that they’re at least bringing me in on more money than I left on. It’s still a paycut from my current salary, but the lesson is sometimes the ridiculous money just isn’t worth it! That was the only reason I quit and what a regretful couple of months thats been.
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Oct 5, 2022 13:21
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Quitting jobs owns. I didn’t get the tantrum I expected but my boss is very upset and surprised that I’m leaving. The tantrum is probably coming tomorrow since he won’t have told any of upper management that I’m getting the gently caress out until after I left, so I still have that to look forward to while I mentally prepare myself for the possibility I have to just spend the next week spinning around in my chair and doing absolutely none of the micromanagement bullshit they were making me do. Gonna leave such a bad glassdoor!
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Oct 5, 2022 21:29
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I just had a boss like that get shitcanned which was nice but not enough to make me stay (2 days left!) Dude’s undoing was that he was also a huge sexist as well as unable to read his e-mails, facts which became extra problematic whenever his boss would get involved (to ask him why he hadn’t actioned poo poo that was emailed to him despite replying to them) because she was a woman.
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Oct 10, 2022 14:53
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The place I just left tried that (which is why I got hired) and it turned out terribly (which is why I quit). They didn’t tell me quite how deep they’d cut until I was already in the door, and it became clear that there was nobody outside the c-suite with a tenure longer than a year at this 100 person company, and also it was meant to be 200 but they couldn’t keep most of the staff they hired each month from quitting almost immediately because it loving sucked to work there. I feel a little bad for my team because some of them were genuinely upset I’m leaving and they are going to be endlessly hosed with now I’m not there to run interference between them and upper management’s micromanaging bullshit, but I gave a few of the good ones my personal number and I’ll be angling to line up jobs for them once I get settled back into my old place in a couple of weeks. Live and learn!
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Oct 12, 2022 15:03
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Johnny Truant posted:Glad my initial assessment of it being a waste of time was correct, thanks! Never don’t take free training because later on in life there’s always the chance some HR chimp sees it on your CV and starts hooting and hollering and throwing a few extra bucks into your salary offer
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Nov 11, 2022 16:20
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No company anywhere does agile “properly” because once the consultants who introduce it leave, management will strip away anything they don’t like about it and leave you with something that is neither agile nor the way you were doing things before, but a clunky mix of both that the business will either power through or collapse under the strain of.
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Nov 11, 2022 22:01
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rockinricky posted:One of the dumbest and silliest things I ever had to put up with in the workplace is something called the FISH! Philosophy. It's supposed to create happy individuals in the workplace. I worked at a call center where we did it. It didn't last very long, not even a year. I don't think it really works in call centers. Oh hell yeah back in the mists of time when I was a teenage retail worker we got a new store manager and he tried this poo poo. He was so into this dumbass philosophy that he made us all stay after closing to watch the film once. The problem was he was a total rear end in a top hat who absolutely nobody got along with, and his big focus was on the “choose your attitude” part because it gave him an excuse to say that we were all just choosing to be pissed off and miserable about our lovely new boss making our already crappy jobs even crappier, and we should try choosing to be happy instead. He was also big into singling people out as ‘mood hoovers’ which also did wonders for morale, naturally. Edit: I remember once I was unlocking one of the stock cages at the front of the store for him and it had a lock with a known fussy key. I’m wrestling with the lock for probably 20-30 seconds and dude turns to the customer who’s waiting for whatever gadget it was I was trying to get out of merchandise jail and hits her with “I’m sorry for the wait ma’am, he’s a little bit retarded” Cool guy! As far as I know by the time I left the company he’d been promoted to a regional position. History Comes Inside! fucked around with this message at 11:07 on Nov 13, 2022 |
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Nov 13, 2022 10:53
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This reminds me of the time management tried to trick us into giving handwriting samples with some inane mandatory fun activities. Turns out some absolute nut had started sabotaging a variety of utilities around the building and leaving hidden notes behind about how they were never going to stop, and taunting the maintenance people who found them while trying to fix the problems.
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Nov 21, 2022 10:43
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No, about 18 months into this dude’s reign of terror (we are pretty sure it was a dude since when they interfered with a restroom it was always one of the men’s) Covid happened. We’re still ~95% WFH so they’re most likely also still at home and just terrorising whoever they live with instead. They may also have been one of the many people who have quit since then, or already back in the office and laying low until there are more people there to provide cover for their guerrilla tactics.
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Nov 21, 2022 14:38
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Yeah but you can do that in any restaurant on the planet
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Dec 15, 2022 22:12
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Someone took one of our most frequently used spreadsheets and hosed up all the colour coding to make it ‘look nicer’. ‘Looking nicer’ meant changing everything to one colour but in slightly different shades, instead of the very straightforward to read completely different colours. I asked if they were colourblind and this was an accessibility thing we’d missed, and if so could we collaborate on making it possible for everyone to read it while maintaining at-a-glance usability, but no, this was strictly an aesthetic choice and management like it because it conforms to the colours in the corporate logo so this is how it’s gotta be now.
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Jan 1, 2023 19:10
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It’s hard to walk the line between ‘worker who tells everyone to gently caress off and check for themselves because it’s technically not their responsibility’ and ‘worker who just goes ahead and gets that done because it makes life easier’. If you do the latter people will say you’re kissing rear end and/or working too much like a sucker, but if you do too much of the former people will say you’re just being difficult and should probably stop being a pain in the rear end because nobody likes that guy except for the combative online people who live and die by the ‘jobs aren’t your friend you should be bilking every single penny you can out of them for the least amount of work possible’ line taken as po-faced and seriously as possible.
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Jan 3, 2023 15:38
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