r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

all the stories are fake, some fakes are badly written. Threadban for anyone dumb enough to announce any particular story's fake as though they've cracked some kind of grand mystery imho, but it's ok to make fun of some sadsack's terrible revenge fantasy if you have a funnier joke than just saying "incel"

I don't want to look at kids while I'm having sex

quote:

My partner wants to get portraits of his 2 children, tattooed on his chest, which I get is quite common, but it weirds me out

I don't want to be intimate with him while I've got his two kids staring up/down at me

I feel like I can't voice this to him either because obviously it's his choice and I don't want to put him off of it, but it does make me uncomfortable

I love his chest, I want to be able to look at it, but I feel like I'll try desperately hard not to in order to not put myself off

Does anyone else feel like this or have a partner who has tattoos on his chest? How did/do you feel about it?

Honestly I'd feel weird looking at anyone while having sex (unless he wants to get titanic-era Leonardo Dicaprio tattoo) but especially kids for loving obvious reasons

I might feel completely differently when he actually has them done and not even notice or just find it funny, I'm just worried right now that it's going to freak me out

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Oct 20, 2021

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 15:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 04:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Bibliotechno Music posted:

Hooray new thread! Loving the classics. Does anyone have the story where the woman completely changes herself after marriage, because she thinks wives are supposed to be blonde, subservient, well-dressed and made-up Stepfords?

Ffffrrreeeesssshhh content, different kind of wife:

Had a fight with my (26m) wife (35f), didnt find out what was wrong until i checked the security cameras.

The world is ready for a remake of The Exorcist where the demon's a giant nerd

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 15:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

mllaneza posted:

The cops are getting paid off, no way this scam lasts more than a week without official cover. It's also Virginia, one of the absolutely most dangerous states to try this in given local gun culture.

this is exactly the level of interest I've seen cops take in literally any crime where a cop wasn't personally involved, including in Virginia. I'm pretty sure like random pillheads doing burglaries or that one whackjob who thinks he can annex the neighbor's yard by putting his own fence around it aren't all paying the cops off.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Oct 20, 2021

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 18:16

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Zurtilik posted:

Is there a good set of rules/tips for finding and posting content? I mean, I could just go and grab whatever is funny on the front page but I assume people have already done that or don't want to see front page crud? But I would like to bring some content back to the group on occasion.

if it's actually from r/relationships or r/aita and isn't from the frontpage it's probably been posted already, people have spent the last million posts or whatever stripmining that poo poo for content. Not that there's anything wrong with reviving an old classic if it's really good. There's also loads of subreddits for lunatics, just find some libertarian or sex magic or whatever forum and look around for dudes talking about their hosed up home lives

How do I protect myself from my uncle's evil eye?

quote:

So my uncle, a very bad selfish person who never had kids (he uses this to manipulate people) has this 'evil eye' thing where he harms people with it. I know this sounds stupid but he actually harmed quite allot of people including my sister's kids even some relatives know this and they are afraid of him and even give him money or something to "protect themselves" from his evil eye. A while ago we argued and after that he doesn't like me and I'm done with people being afraid of him and his evil eye, how do i protect myself or my family members from his harm?

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:31 on Oct 20, 2021

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 19:17

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Kenshin posted:

This is hilarious because I've worked at multiple places with kegerators or beer in the fridge and would regularly (though not every day!) have a beer with lunch. So would other folks. Nobody cared.

Hooray PNW software office culture!

my last office had a case of Peronis gathering dust in the breakroom for years because everyone there had the basic sense to know a trap when they see one and was somehow able to resist the siren call of day-drinking with the accounting lady long enough to make it home before getting blasted. But uh I'm glad for your office culture of rubes and alcoholics too

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 19:58

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Halloween Jack posted:

I was gonna say--the problem with free booze at work is that your employer can always accuse you of being a drunk and fire you with cause, and how are you going to fight that? I think of this guy's story whenever the perks of a stereotypical startup environment come up.

And Peroni is not very good, in my opinion.

personally, and this is just me, even if there were no drawbacks and getting buzzed at work was my idea of fun I'd still rather be paid in money than in mediocre beer or pizza or whatever, and get out early enough that I can drink on my own time with my actual friends. It's like a twelve-year-old's idea of a good job perk

My boss drunk-dialed my husband

quote:

I work at a high level in marketing, and I�m supervised by Tammy, an older, moody, and somewhat unpredictable woman. Besides her, everyone I work with is pleasant. A few weeks ago, we had a massive networking event and dinner for my industry that spouses were invited to, so my boss and everyone got to meet my husband for the first time. It seemed to go well.

Then, the following Friday night, my husband told me that he received a very strange call from someone he thought sounded like Tammy (she has his number as my emergency contact). It was fairly late in the evening (I was staying at my parents� house that night to help out, as my mother was recovering from surgery). He said he answered the phone, and a lady who sounded like Tammy asked him what he was doing that night. He said she sounded kinda drunk. He asked her if this was Tammy, my boss, and she chuckled and said yes. After a couple more moments of somewhat slurred speech, he hung up and she didn�t call back. He immediately told me about it when I got home.

The next Monday morning, Tammy seemed completely normal and didn�t say a word about it. I do know that she enjoys drinking quite a bit at night, as she has said so herself before. As long as she isn�t out driving, I figured there was no harm to it, but now I�m not so sure.

I am angry that Tammy, whether she remembers it or not, tried to come on to my husband. I wanted to confront her, but I have no idea what I would say. My husband is upset as well and thinks Tammy was out of line. Am I just supposed to try to forget this ever happened? I can�t look at Tammy the same way anymore.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:14 on Oct 20, 2021

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 20:11

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Dik Hz posted:

How'd this person survive almost 2 months of college to this point?

My freshman roommate didn't know that you do laundry, I only found out what the smell was on the day we were moving out when he stripped his bed and I saw the Psycho-style full-body grease stain on his sheets. He was still not the most inept dude I met that year.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2021 15:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

teen witch posted:

Ok y�all, down for some input on the below proposed guidelines

Derails: ~~accidents~~derails will happen, sometimes organically! Some are positive, fun and occasionally sexy tangents. Others are soul sucking slap fights that bring out the worst traits posters and those are the derails we strive to curb. Minds are made up, mouths are undone.

With that, if I or another fool that�s an IK request a ceasefire on a derail, it isn�t for a probefest, but if it�s a probefest you want, it�s one you�ll get. I believe in giving someone a fair shot, but if you ignore a warning and get a sixer�I don�t want to hear it cause I know what I�ve done.

Fake stories: yeah some of these are some clown college attempts at writing. I don�t want every page filled with �FAKE. PHONY� so calm down Holden Caulfield. If it�s something you can hilariously debunk (like for instance, someone saying an event took place on Feb 31st), that�s fine.

But if crying fake gets excessive or it�s the only drat thing being posted, I�ll enforce the �post another drat thing, then� rule. I presume that this is a self explanatory rule.

Other things to keep in mind: goons are, and have always been, rather diverse and of all spots and stripes. This is more apparent in a post-Lowtax era and honestly? Good.

I urge you to be cognizant of that in this thread. How you act upon that is your own choice, but understand that some people won�t have the same experience as you and that poo poo happens. You may have a bit more needed to understand them, or conversely, other goons might not (or obstinately refuse to) get it. Have as much patience as needed or deserved. Some goons can, will, and want to learn and grow. Others will cling to their mudpit of idiocy as they know of nothing more and insist on making you a resident there. Expend energy accordingly, but if you need a second pair of eyes, don�t hesitate to DM me or email me at someawfulwitch at geemale dawt calm. I don�t have access to mod reports so that is usually the most expedient way of getting my attention outside of the Cuervo gold and the fine Columbian.

wise bards once said �you and me baby ain�t nothing but mammals, so let�s do it like they do on the discovery channel (build and document a thriving ecosystem of goons in their tall begoatsed towers, mocking redditors below for a laugh)�

sounds good to me but frankly I'd take the slapfights any day over the derails where every tedious motherfucker in GBS has to do a roll call on what kind of socks they wear, or where they stand on ketchup on fries, or whatever the gently caress.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2021 15:40

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

send in the clowns

AITA for telling my girlfriend her clown makeup is embarrassing?

quote:

My gf and I are both women. Since I was in highschool, I've been really into wearing makeup. When I have lots of time in the morning, I can spend an hour+ on my face. My girlfriend on the other hand is very anti-makeup. She thinks it's a tool of oppression/shouldn't be required of her to wear in public, etc.

Corona restrictions are opening up, and last week we got into an argument after I made us late to a friend's party by spending too long getting ready to leave the house. She blew up on me in the car, basically saying that I shouldn't even have to wear makeup, and I'm just perpetuating gender stereotypes. I said my makeup was a form of creative expression, and it wasn't just so I could "look pretty for men." She said it was really convenient that my form of creative expression happens to look exactly like what men find conventionally attractive.

We ended up apologizing to each other and I thought that was the end of it, but yesterday we were going out to grocery shop and my gf came out of the bathroom wearing a full face of facepaint. I told her she can't go to the grocery store looking like that, and she told me it was based off of a cirque du Soleil clown, and that she's showing a legitimate form of "creative expression." I told her if she went out like that I would be embarrassed to be seen with her and she called me a bitch. AITA?

My boyfriend (17M) of about 3 years wants to be a clown� I (17F) am afraid of clowns�

quote:

So this whole thing started a few months back when my boyfriend, C, off-handedly commented on wanting to be a clown. He didn�t sound super serious, so I kind of brushed it off because I�m afraid of clowns and wouldn�t that suck if he decided he wanted to be one? He�s had other career interests; detective, film director, etc. so I thought it would be fine.

More recently, he�s gotten more serious about it. He contacted a fraternity type thing that his grandfather was in called (the) Freemasons (?). I don�t know exactly what they do (he didn�t seem to know either), but it kinda seems cultish to me, so I don�t know about that. He says it�s his dream and that if I really love him, I�ll deal with the whole clown thing and get over my fear. His reasoning is that fears are unhealthy and dream jobs are healthy, so my argument isn�t valid. We had a fight about it.

If I wasn�t afraid of clowns, this wouldn�t be an issue. It�s just that they REALLY creep me out and I don�t want to have to kiss one goodbye every morning, even if it is someone I love very much. I understand his side. It�s his dream and I want him to be happy, obviously, but I�m just angry (at the universe, I guess?) that that happiness happens to come from something that I want to avoid at all costs. Because that�s just my luck. If he wanted to be any other part of the circus, that would be totally fine, but why did it have to be clowns??

Breaking up with him isn�t an option here. I love him more than anything and we�ve been through so much together. I want to know how to deal with this situation without ending the relationship. I just need advice, because I don�t have many friends that can give me the advice I�m looking for.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 16:03 on Oct 21, 2021

# ¿ Oct 21, 2021 16:00

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Professor Latency posted:

for sure. but, like, who walks around nearly naked around a stranger? even your cousin? am i a total prude?

It's great for winning arguments, depending on how upsetting you look

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 06:14

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

u may not like how it looks but nature's harsh, and in the last decade we've all seen the terrible consequences of depriving nerds of their natural predator, the jock

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 14:10 on Oct 22, 2021

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 14:08

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

going for the longshot that this time it's Volver and not Boondock Saints

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 14:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

the fact that Blade happens to be a daywalker doesn't mean the world doesn't need vampire hunters

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 14:40

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

blatman posted:

if i saw a bunch of anime goons in full costume having an anime swordfight in the streets i'd honestly just sit and watch for awhile, hootin and hollerin at not only their anime fighting prowess but the fact that they have 50000x my confidence

there's a bar out here where every so often a bunch will get together and do really elaborate synchronized anime dances all night, changing costumes for each one. Apparently they rehearse all year for that poo poo, it's amazing

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 16:14

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Hecuba posted:

This is worth a look if you saw the original story and (as I did) went �ugh, both of these people are horrible� without looking any farther.

At least in my own experience it felt similar, though not as extreme, as the McDonald�s hot coffee case � the more you learn about the actual facts of the situation, the angrier you get on behalf of this person who does not actually seem to have done anything wrong outside being painfully earnest about her altruism, and got absolutely crucified in the court of public opinion for it.

There�s probably an interesting case study in here about how being cringe is the ultimate sin of the Internet. Even when one side�s behavior is objectively cruel and unethical, portraying the other side as needy and annoying is enough to drat them.

gonna be honest my eyes started glazing over at the umptillionth paragraph unpacking how bitchy and petty this writer's group is but none of it seems to materially pertain to the actual thrust of the dispute, that anyone can or should enforce a copyright claim on anyone cribbing your facebook posts or letters or other stuff you say in a non-professional capacity with the ferocity of Disney coming at an off-license Mickey Mouse. The fact that writers are mostly deranged egotists who will air every unflattering thought they ever had about you for clout can kinda be taken as read by anyone who's ever been to a writer's group or, like, paid attention to a novel.

the ultimate sin here was probably having been once stung going back to pester a reporter into telling her story, at which point they condensed all this dreary horseshit down into another entertaining story with her as the buffoonish villain lol

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Oct 22, 2021

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 16:55

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

One time when I was maybe a bit high I saw this guy walking into a convenience store with a bike helmet on and I invented an elaborate backstory where his mother had been bitten by a cyclist while he was still in the womb, blade-style, and i pointed at him and yelled �helmetwalker� and then immediately turned and left the store.

I never did see a bicycle so I assume my backstory was correct

lmao hell yeah

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 17:29

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

real contender for most bleakness you can pack into a sentence

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 19:26

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Neighbor called the cops on my dog so I'm abusing a loophole in the local law

quote:

So, the story time part. My neighbor has lived next to me for a few years, was always a friendly guy. I recently adopted a dog that had been abandoned in my neighborhood (we live in a small neighborhood away from people, I guess it seemed a safe place to dump a dog). Now the dog for the first few days was a handful, barking a lot If I left the house to go to the store and climbing the fence to run loose. Now, he's fine. I took him to a trainer for the barking, installed a taller fence with coyote rollers, and reinforced the gate.

The day of my issue was when my grandsons opened the gate, let him out, and didn't tell me he had gotten out. I realized about 30 minutes later, looked around the neighborhood and found him beside my neighbors house with the trash knocked over. Well, poo poo. So, got the dog on a leash. Knocked on the guys door, let him know about the trash, and seemed fine. I picked up the trash with my grandson, had a talk with my grandson, and mowed the guys yard as an apology (making sure to clear it with him first). All is good, right?

Nope. That night I have a knock on my door, couple of badges to write me a citation for dog at large. Guy had it on camera, called it in sometime, said he was pressing charges. 135 dollar ticket and some young cop chastising me for ten minutes later, and I'm pissed. I'm really mad. So, I called the police and asked noise ordinance law in my town. 10 pm to 6 am, they say. I went to the other two houses in my neighborhood, asked them what time they woke up, and decided on a plan. That night I went to best buy, bought 8 of the loudest sound systems they had, and went home. The next morning, at 6:01, I had them hooked up to my extension cord and next to the fence facing his house. I turned them on to classic rock, and sat down with a cold beer and a cigarette. A little later the cops are at my house, noise complaint. I remind them that the noise ordinance says 10 pm to 6 am, and I know the rest of my neighbors are already awake or at work and okay with this little revenge. No law I'm breaking. They tried to tell me to turn it off, I mentioned the fact there is no general nuisance law in town. Maybe they shouldn't elect judges based on popularity contests, huh? They ended up leaving in defeat, that time and the four other times he called them

So far this has been going on for two weeks and my wife thinks I'm taking it too far. I think having my dog threatened to be taken from me was taking it too far. Personally, my wife is using headphones at night, one neighbor is at work during this time frame, and the other neighbor looks like the crypt keeper and is deaf as a bat. I'm ready to go until they change the laws, until I disturb someone I care about, or until he moves.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 19:56

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

only now realizing the scale of what the r/relationships mods have taken from us, in the less formally strict drama subs people do poetry

The Shunning

quote:

All out of tears but I�m still so sad,

I never imagined you would just throw me away.

I wish I could be upset, angry or mad,

But these feelings of disgust are here to stay.

You were my best friend, my mentor, my everything,

And when I needed you the most you turned your back on me.

The emotional torture you put me through will always sting,

All the heartbreak you caused me, you�ll never see.

I�ll never understand the choices you made,

Shunning me from your family without a second thought.

I have never felt so utterly betrayed,

And never have I been so hopelessly distraught.

I could never do that to anyone, let alone my brother,

I often wonder how you can sleep at night.

Your actions affected our whole family, especially our mother,

Yet you continue to believe your choices were right.

I made some very poor decisions and lost my way,

But I sought help to get my life back on track.

Yet for some reason you still choose to push me away,

So I constantly have my guard up just waiting for you to attack.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 20:20

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

oh my god why are people still posting the same boring take on the nerd guy over and over

take it to Reddit

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 21:08

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

I mean, respect tho

# ¿ Oct 22, 2021 21:35

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Scaevolus posted:

My (26F) sister (30F) wants me to give her the baby I'm carrying.

Jeeeeesus

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 00:34

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Scaevolus posted:

Maybe it's my academic/scientific background where even uncited self-plagiarism is a Big Deal, but the idea of copying someone else's work, rewording it a bit, and labeling it as your own is incredibly lovely. It's a career ending mistake.

That the point of the plagiarism is to make fun of the author makes it even worse.

The interpersonal drama is harder to judge at a remove.

It's not 'work', tho. Like yeah people would be pretty unanimously against her if she'd copied one of Dawn's stories but mining the poo poo people around you say and do for material is a pretty basic part of a writer's job description. Dialogue in fiction basically wouldn't exist (definitely not anything good) if writers were forbidden from riffing on stuff people actually said

Verbatim copy-pasting someone's letter to take a big poo poo on them is definitely some high school bullying poo poo but Dawn's position that well maybe she might wanna turn that letter into a novel someday therefore it's the same thing as Sonya plagiarizing her novel is tenuous bordering on unhinged

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 01:45

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

I'm just glad there's still pockets of nerddm so innocent of Online bullshit they can spontaneously reenact 2003-era edgelord atheism

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 02:38

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Funktastic posted:

after an employee died, her team has driven off anyone we hire to replace her

Viking funeral but it's a whole drat office building

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 05:56

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

if i were in charge of hiring i would simply fill that position with another person named jane

After the first week you've kinda missed your window to hire another woman who kinda looks like Jane and pretend the original never died

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 07:00

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Sounds like having an addict sister who deliberately ruined important life moments caused the other sister to just break.

Also, how does a 15 year old get addicted to opioids? I know the US has the whole opioid crisis thing, but can a child get access to them without a parent's and doctor's consent?.

Also, I'm wondering why Kasey didn't get to go to college? Was it because of her addict sister?

Basically, what I'm asking is whether the parents had a golden child, got her addicted to drugs because they couldn't bear to see her in 'pain' and ignored every time she literally vomited all over her sister's life.

Pain meds in the US have spent decades alternating between totally unattainable even if you're in 24/7 agony, doctors getting bribed to push oxy and codeine on anyone who reports having cramps, and both simultaneously. If you listen to your doctor about medical stuff instead of putting in a bunch of research to establish your own need and risk factor you might just get addicted to smack, oops sucks for you, have you tried personal responsibility you degenerate

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 14:57 on Oct 23, 2021

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 14:51

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Well, I didn't see it posted so...
The Timothy Story

I'm [F34] pregnant and struggling with my husband's [M35] lack of support regarding my in-laws behaviour. How can I improve the situation?

tyvm for reminding me of Timothy the Mouse

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 18:15

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

The Bee posted:

Was there ever an update to Timothy?

Hard to post to Reddit when you've been stuffed and set on the shelf

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 20:08

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

MarcusSA posted:

You know the 18 year divorce lady is probably an incredibly unreliable narrator so I�m not sure the post should be taken at face value.

True; however, and I think this is something posters ITT routinely forget, this is not a courtroom, your opinion has no value or impact on anybody's life, and these stories are posted and discussed here purely for entertainment's sake.

Now, which reading is more entertaining, that the self-admitted untrustworthy idiot is spinning a yarn to make herself look like the injured party, or this guy's the Keyser Soze of dads?

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:16 on Oct 25, 2021

# ¿ Oct 25, 2021 01:12

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

spouse posted:

It's really not that crazy to restrict punitive damages to the replacement cost of a common good hey wait a minute this is NOT gonna be the next derail.

Can't wait to open a bar in the country where if if you get really really good at tackling dudes you might be able to sell them your inventory at-cost

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Oct 25, 2021

# ¿ Oct 25, 2021 05:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Mx. posted:

AITA for accommodating only one of my daughters?

I love these ones where the OP is like "I'm Hitler, everyone I know hates me, for clearly stated and compelling reasons, my butt stinks, sometimes I pick dead worms off the sidewalk and eat them, no good reason. AITA?" like how did you write all that out and hit submit without realizing you had your answer. do you just have a fetish for getting yelled at by internet randos

# ¿ Oct 25, 2021 07:15

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Brawnfire posted:

I like how it never occurs to them that people might... google the phrase? And what that google would bring up...

quote:

Oh my god you're right.

I told him this ten minutes ago. He knows that I reddit (he's a redditor too), and when I brought this up in the first place I told him that I asked reddit for advice and showed him the original thread. It's the main reason why we ended up going to therapy in the first place. He was actually the one who suggested that I update you all on the situation.

After I told him that someone could just Google berth ell pup and find the phrase in this thread, he looked me in the eye and said "That's so loving hot."

When he goes to work I'm leaving. He'll find this post eventually but I don't care. I need a few days to cool off and reconsider my options. He's ill. He needs serious help and I think I'm going to call his brother to tell him (without specifics). I texted my aunt already and she'll be here to pick me up with a moment's notice.

# ¿ Oct 25, 2021 16:06

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Funktastic posted:

our highly-paid, overworked junior staff keep leaving just as we get them fully trained

buy fewer candles

# ¿ Oct 26, 2021 22:04

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

MagusofStars posted:

If done correctly, it actually would hold up just fine in court. The trick is that you don't withhold the entire salary, you just modify the salary structure so it's more bonus-based.

-Currently, they offer $275,000 annually, which is paid every two weeks in $10k increments or whatever. This isn't working because after six months, people nope out.
-The new structure would be that they'd instead only pay you $5k every two weeks for total $130,000, then if you're still there after 12 months, they hand you a $145,000 retention bonus. The total payout is still the same $275K, *but* when you get sick of the job six months in, you're staring down the golden handcuffs of yeah but I can't leave till April because there's a huge payout down the line if I can just hold out for another few months.

Of course, the issue for OP is that they're already having trouble finding enough qualified people, so good luck convincing candidates to pick your $130k base salary plus bonuses when competitors are still offering just straight $250k salary. Yeah, you're offering more total money, but there'd be plenty of candidates who'd go with the old "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" attitude and/or think you're playing some games where you'll lay them off right before the bonus is due.

yeah any kind of catch or gimmick they put on the salary (which comes out to like $38/hr lmao) is pretty obviously going to turn away anyone who isn't incredibly stupid about money, which apparently strikes investment bankers as less of a problem than cutting the hours/pay and turning away the workaholics even allowing that the whole problem is those hires don't actually exist in the first place. How the gently caress do these people get paid to manage others

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 22:33 on Oct 26, 2021

# ¿ Oct 26, 2021 22:30

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

cumshitter posted:

It's really annoying how companies like TurboTax lobby to make it more difficult to file taxes. The big tax companies will say it's free, but only if your taxes are basically reporting W-2/regular employment income. TurboTax is especially bad, because they will let you spend anywhere up to an hour entering everything and then at the end you'll get a popup saying something like "Whoops! Filing a 1099-Div is part of our Silver plan! Pay to upgrade now!" They even taunt you right as you're entering your info saying that if you're a gold member they'll automatically enter your info from the previous year, which is essentially giving them money to copy/paste poo poo from their database.

I mostly advise people to use CreditKarma's service for federal filing and keep an instance of TurboTax running in a separate browser tab if your taxes aren't complicated to need an accountant. TurboTax's system is more robust and has better explanations for the various things you're entering and you can just reference it against what you're entering on CreditKarma. Most states will also let you file free through the state franchise board's website if you're earning mid 5 figures or less and even then it's just a small filing fee.

at least my state's gotten in on the spirit of it, all the free tax filing apps round to the nearest dollar and last year I got an IIRC $40 fine for underreporting by $.23

# ¿ Oct 26, 2021 23:12

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

# ¿ Oct 28, 2021 22:58

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Actually what it means is they heard someone say that on the radio once, and they're sorta extemporaneously fishing around for something to say in the moment that'll make them sound like some kind of deep thinker with a policy package

You're not gonna get a real economics argument out of that guy wtf lol, if forced to think about it he'd probably decide it means if the government doesn't pay its bills the bank's gonna reposess all its fighter planes

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 23:14 on Oct 28, 2021

# ¿ Oct 28, 2021 23:10

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

She's being super coy about any specifics so it's almost certainly the nazi thing. If she was mad about some kind of actual bigotry she'd talk about that instead of trying to make their point of dispute some kind of loving riddle

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Oct 29, 2021

# ¿ Oct 29, 2021 02:13

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 04:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

ponzicar posted:

I am glad he's not the type of female avatar playing guy who choose them because he likes looking at their butts. I have met several guys who have said exactly that about their video game playing habits. By that logic a guy playing as a male character is gay.

thrilled that the dudes who demand an explanation whenever they see another dude playing a girl (on several occasions, apparently!) can now tut tut about how the generic conversation-ending response isn't woke enough instead of loving dropping it

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 21:08 on Oct 29, 2021

# ¿ Oct 29, 2021 20:54

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

«‹›16 »