[SPAM] FW: RE: Jaded Helpdesk Megathread For Cynical Buttholes - DO NOT ASK FOR HELP

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > [SPAM] FW: RE: Jaded Helpdesk Megathread For Cynical Buttholes - DO NOT ASK FOR HELP

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

A Frosty Witch posted:

I think I've finally hit the point in my career and age that my jaded outlook on everything has resulted in a personality that exudes confidence, but is mostly just me not being able to give a poo poo anymore.

I have an interview in an hour and normally I'd be pacing and tearing my hair out and rehearsing questions but today I'm finding it really hard to care.

I'm going to roll in there, put on my customer service voice, act like I want to be there, answer some questions, and then take the mask off and go back to my spreadsheets mildly annoyed that I was taken away from them in the first place.

Did I do it? Am I finally IT?

I mean a large chunk of professional confidence is not really giving a poo poo if other people think you're wrong because you're comfortable in your knowledge. "You want to do it a different way to how I propose boss? OK, here's the consequences of doing it that way instead of my way, just put that you want it doing the bad way in writing and I'll crack on with it." is something I'd absolutely say now but earlier in my career I'd be nervous of saying something like that in case I was wrong. These days the best bit of an interview for me is when I can talk about somewhere I hosed up, how I fixed it and what I learned from it, and twenty year ago me would be like a deer in the headlights with that sort of thing.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2023 19:45

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 19:42

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Sywert of Thieves posted:

I remember having only 50mb space in my mailbox in uni, and every few months warnings would come in and I had to go in and delete stupid old PowerPoint presentations I'd done for classes to make space for new ones.

This was BEFORE Gmail existed. I'm old.

My uni email was only accessible via telnetting into a Unix server and I once had my access suspended and got called into the sysadmin's office because I replied all to a dumb email thread someone started.

:corsair:

# ¿ Feb 12, 2023 12:02

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Zil posted:

Low priority gets a faster response in my experience.

Someone sent me an email the other day with a fault they'd found. They had no subject line, was marked as high priority, and didn't actually describe the fault, just highlighted two numbers from a dashboard. And we have a ticketing system for faults.

We then had a back and forth via email with them actually getting more specific and explaining the problem and me saying "yeah we'll get on that, soon as you've got the ticket number let me know and I'll get it done" over and over again. Just raise the loving ticket.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2023 12:29

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

A flat circle, like a wreath.

time is like a buffallo. it... exists and... uh... eventually you have to get another one

# ¿ Dec 8, 2023 11:24

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Gulp indeed.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2024 18:54

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Dandywalken posted:

Im gonna telnet that neural link

Countdown to the first person to rm -rf / their own brain using Musktech

# ¿ Jan 30, 2024 15:59

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Thanks Ants posted:

All those companies that make spyware to monitor remote workers' laptops are getting ideas. They'll be detecting poo poo breaks based on the neurons firing off that control the sphincter.

That's when you return to the office purely to poo poo at your desk.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2024 15:08

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Data Graham posted:

Every 5 minutes it pops up an AI-generated quiz on the last 5 minutes of content

oh god I just manifested this it's too easy

Stop creating the torment nexus!

# ¿ Feb 1, 2024 13:46

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Data Graham posted:

Now now, we can't expect them to break the "no more than 2 consecutive versions of Windows may have the same naming scheme EVER" pattern. It'll be Windows Psi or Windows Neptune or something

I think they already used Neptune as an early codename for... Something? Maybe 2000?

# ¿ Feb 3, 2024 17:59

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Windows 11 Hyperfighting

# ¿ Feb 3, 2024 19:18

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

klosterdev posted:

A ticket came in that only one of the two monitors on a user's system is working. Figured it was a dock issue, turns out someone stole the DisplayPort cable right off their setup. Who steals a DisplayPort cable?

I just bought a house and in the lounge the previous owners had run an HDMI cable through the wall, presumably between a wall mounted TV and a console or a bluray player or something. One end of the HDMI cable has had the plastic housing surrounding the pins pulled off so the pins are flailing around and bent, and the entire cable is utterly useless. How did they manage to do this? Did someone just pull the TV off the wall without unplugging the cable, which had somehow been glued into the TV? WHO KNOWS? People do inexpliable things with A/V equipment

# ¿ Feb 15, 2024 11:16

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

chin up everything sucks posted:

I got hosed over yesterday.

I'm working helldesk on a military research base as a contractor. The company I work for posted a position for the Cybersec team in the same room I work in. They posted the job with a pay range of 45-60k.

My last job was cybersec, I only took this helldesk job because I was unemployed and needed SOMETHING at the time. 60k is more than I was making, I figured I could push for it.

I get accepted, get the paperwork for the transfer. They offer me 55k. I counter with 60k, and explain that 55k, while slightly more than my helldesk pay, still leaves me struggling financially.

I get called down to the contract manager, who is looking upset. Dude appears to legitimately feel bad, but he explains that the contract is "Fixed Rate" and the government set salary ranges on every position - ones that can't be exceeded. 55k is the cap for both helldesk AND cybersec analyst roles.

Worse, he tells me that a coworker in helldesk just put in his 2 weeks a few days before he called me down. Contract states that helldesk MUST be fully manned, which means they can't even transfer me on schedule. I had been training up a rookie to replace me, and they are now being used to backfill the person leaving. They now need to find another replacement person to backfill me before I can be moved.

I'm now trying to figure out if it's even legal for this company to have advertised the position as paying more than they could actually offer. And I am loving PISSED that I'm stuck doing helldesk even longer because I missed the window for signing the transfer agreement by a few minutes because I thought that the company had room to negotiate.

I do not see how it can be legal to say the job pays up to 60k if you are literally unable to offer 60k. Like, you can pull some really dodgy poo poo by saying things like "Up to 80% off!" when you've literally got only one item that's 80% off and the rest are 5% off, but you can't say it when you have literally NOTHING that's 80% off, it's just a lie.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2024 16:07

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Guy Axlerod posted:

Unlimited earnings potential.

My wife's eldest kid had a company invite her to an interview just off her CV on linkedin. She's 18, had one job doing bar work and food service and this "management consultancy" wants to headhunt her for a role with international travel. Their website has two different office addresses depending on which page you're on and Google maps has a third and they make a big deal of "unlimited earning potential".

loving scumbags

# ¿ Feb 15, 2024 19:47

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

sfwarlock posted:

Had a ticket to set up a desk yesterday for someone who was supposed to start at 7 this AM. We'd been trying to recruit this guy for awhile, and the desk requirements were very specific and high-end. Curved 43" monitor flanked by two 32"s. Ergonomic wireless keyboard. Trackball, also wireless. While we were there, Facilities was assembling one of those $1000 chairs.

It was a thing of beauty. Cable routed to within an inch of its life. Custom little wooden hut for the laptop.

As you may see coming, this morning I walked by and :

The monitors have been replaced by a 27" and a 24", the latter with a visible two-inch-long scratch on the screen, and only one power cable and no data cable.
The keyboard has been replaced by a normal wireless keyboard with dead batteries, no dongle, and enough chip crumbs to feed a family of roaches.
The trackball has been replaced by a wired mouse that was not even hooked up to anything, the cable just dropped down behind the desk, and with shiny-button syndrome.

All the cable routing, of course, has been torn apart. And -- most insulting of all -- the wooden laptop house is gone.

Locusts. I work with a bunch of loving locusts.

Every single person that took something off that desk needs at the very least to be yelled at and made to give it back. gently caress's sake.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2024 21:39

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Wibla posted:

It's theft, fire them.

I'm assuming they just swapped it for their own in office equipment so it's just moving poo poo around which is lovely but not actually a crime.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2024 21:44

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

I'm very in favour of the heaviest book possible being thrown at people for this so this is all cool

# ¿ Feb 27, 2024 21:58

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Thanks Ants posted:

Can't fix that culture, gotta have one eye on the exit

Yep, absolutely gently caress these people and find somewhere else to be.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2024 22:46

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

sfwarlock posted:

I mean, they're moving/using stuff that's not theirs without permission. That counts as twocking in my book.

I dunno, I view it as a bit more like moving stuff around the shelves/freezers in a supermarket. It's a dick move, it makes someone's life more difficult and it might result in stuff getting damaged but unless you try to take the stuff out of the building without paying it's not theft.

I am glad that the dickheads responsible are going to get SOME sort of comeuppance, although I assume that the power tripping managers will receive no consequences

Xerol posted:

Panic, obviously.

Should have rerigged the button to a sign in the lobby that says "please do not press this button again".

# ¿ Feb 28, 2024 09:47

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Wasting dozens of hours of a person's time instead of slightly more capital expenditure. Management 101.

# ¿ Feb 29, 2024 15:53

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

I am totally invested in this story of a light-fingered workforce versus the milquetoast manager!

Their fingers are so light that they can't hold up a 42" monitor

# ¿ Mar 5, 2024 17:37

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

ChubbyThePhat posted:

You work in an episode of Community.

Greendale's IT department is more functional than this.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2024 22:28

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Hughmoris posted:

They did have an exceptional porn blocker.

It was a shame about that spatial distortion that happened when Frankie Dart showed up but still

# ¿ Mar 8, 2024 22:39

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

I just started watching Community recently (way late, I know). Tonight I saw the "Annie's Pen" episode, kinda reminded me of this ongoing saga a bit.

So you're saying a ghost took the keyboard?

# ¿ Mar 9, 2024 08:24

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

sfwarlock posted:

"Second keyboard also found on top of a urinal", "heavy suspicion on employee passed over for role" and "new hire will work from home."

They are discussing buying him a telepresence robot, to which my reply was "make sure it's rated for water resistance, being thrown off roofs, and disappearing."

I can't help but imagine this robot as like the ipads glued to segways from that one episode of Community

# ¿ Mar 15, 2024 19:14

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Hotel Kpro posted:

They pretty much did build AI, they had Hex

Nothing artificial about Hex.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2024 19:07

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

sfwarlock posted:

Microsoft Works.

"what if we made Office, but worse in every possible respect?"

# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 08:22

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Data Graham posted:

"Person in charge of product versioning for Microsoft" sounds like the kind of ironic job they would give you in hell.

Based on how they named the Xbox series of consoles I assume they just give the job to whoever has been most recently concussed.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 11:56

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Boogalo posted:

The one good thing about new outlook is the lack of PST support

But all my stuff is there!

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 20:10

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 19:42

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Until this set of email rules can only be described in 4D space you haven't helped enough.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 21:19

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > [SPAM] FW: RE: Jaded Helpdesk Megathread For Cynical Buttholes - DO NOT ASK FOR HELP