2023 NFL Coaching Carousel: The Night of Short Drives

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2023 NFL Coaching Carousel: The Night of Short Drives

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Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

fartknocker posted:

Bill isn’t gonna stop coaching until he breaks Shula’s record or drops dead.

He'd just claw his way out of his grave, shamble back to Gillette stadium, rip the headset from whatever idiot thought it wouldn't be Bill Belichick coaching the Patriots for the rest of eternity, and get back to work, muttering about linemen butts and blocking the entire time if he ever did drop dead.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2023 03:07

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 01:55

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

MaximilianK posted:

The Patriots actual succession plan

Still an upgrade over Matt Patricia and Joe Judge.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2023 07:49

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

I still can't think of them as anything but the SD Superchargers

# ¿ Sep 7, 2023 14:22

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Probably Magic posted:

San Diego Chargers. Anaheim Angels. Seattle Thunder.

It was the Seattle Supersonics heathen.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2023 19:07

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Diva Cupcake posted:

I’ll stick with blood curse over his broken thumb causing his Achilles to explode.
https://twitter.com/albertbreer/status/1701617307775021442?s=46&t=DcBXErlGIUJUj8quAgYfkQ

It's time to accept what Osama tried to teach us back in 2001. Jets don't belong in New York.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2023 18:09

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Play posted:

What about their scheme do you consider mediocre?

That the head coach who's responsible for it has a last name that's an anagram of HEALS and healing has no place in football.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2023 19:28

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

EmbryoSteve posted:

Tbh whiffing on a qb so hard at #2 overall would be the end of most HC/GM s

I mean, look at the 49ers. If they weren't going deep in the playoffs every year, Trey Lance would have been the end of them. So I'm sure if we look at the Jets' results we'll see...

# ¿ Sep 13, 2023 05:48

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Chris James 2 posted:

If Staley is still there in February the team should be moved again

I agree, if the chargers are in the super bowl they should move back to San Diego.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2023 15:35

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Every time I'm feeling down I think about the Urbz NFL saga and I feel a little better. Remember when he didn't know who Aaron Donald was?

# ¿ Sep 21, 2023 16:43

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

So does Gannon get fired if the Cardinals don't get the #1 pick?

# ¿ Sep 25, 2023 05:29

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Darude - Adam Sandstorm posted:

They're paying Payton 18 million a year and he's owed like 85 million still. He's not going anywhere unless the owners are gonna start leaking more emails.

This is like 2-3 days of Walmart profits.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2023 21:52

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Paint Crop Pro posted:

Good news is they can extend him right as Wilson's contract finally ends.

Thank you for your final acts of service to Seattle, Russ.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2023 20:00

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Benne posted:

Everybody treated Sam Howell like a joke and Bieniemy has him looking competent to pretty good. He's so obviously the real deal at this point.

Let him be the next head coach if the Jets.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2023 04:04

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Mega64 posted:

Josh McDaniels loving ditched a team last-minute and still got a second chance to lose to Jeff Saturday.

This is poorly worded/constructed. Josh McDaniels only got the one chance to lose to Jeff Saturday but he absolutely made the most of it. I get what you're trying to say about McDaniels dipping out on the Colts before though

# ¿ Oct 3, 2023 22:10

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Darude - Adam Sandstorm posted:

Ya the ref scamspiracy made Josh McDaniels coach them

# ¿ Oct 4, 2023 04:56

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Mega64 posted:

I like that the more desperate the Broncos get, the worse they become. Oh, we haven't had a good QB since Peyton, let's trade for Russ and give him a ridiculous contract. Oh, our coach was a loving embarrassment, let's trade for a proven Super Bowl winning coach.

Next off season, it'll be all Oh, we have no draft picks. That's ok, Sean Payton can teach us all about mortgaging our cap for the next 20 years to fill out next year's roster. The year after that, they'll be all Oh we have no cap. But we'll able to use some of the draft picks we finally have to offload some of the bad contracts we signed the year before. After that, they'll finally be able to unload Russ and can maybe start the cycle anew.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2023 21:41

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

Pretty sure the Bucs pulled that off first and the Rams are the copycats.

Matthew Stafford is a wannabe Tom Brady, got it.

# ¿ Oct 14, 2023 06:22

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

It's your mom's view

# ¿ Oct 16, 2023 14:17

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Relentlessboredomm posted:

Genuine question. Does anyone want a defensive HC in the modern NFL? Like are any of ya’ll chomping at the bit to hire Evero or idk who else is a hot young DC?

It just feels like you’re hoping for a miracle where they’re both still good at assembling a defense and at hiring OCs vs getting a dude who can actually coach offense

Give me Capers and give me death.

# ¿ Oct 17, 2023 01:31

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Cavauro posted:

my coach is a joe philbin disciple

Mines a two towers disciple

# ¿ Oct 19, 2023 01:06

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Docjowles posted:

Mariota sucked rear end too. If you look at his 2022 stats most of them are in the same neighborhood as like Davis Mills and Russ. And it was even more egregious on deep balls where he was literally below 32nd. Which means his already bad overall stats were being juiced by a ton of meaningless short stuff

I’m sure his veteran presence had some benefits but “completing passes” wasn’t among them

I miss the Mariota that torched Fsu in the Rose Bowl

# ¿ Oct 19, 2023 01:36

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

This is entirely plausible.

Bill can be DC

# ¿ Oct 20, 2023 01:05

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

fartknocker posted:

and then they win today against Buffalo

Bill was saving win #300 for them :tinfoil:

# ¿ Oct 22, 2023 21:28

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

I'm sure Jeff Fisher is ready to return to LA

# ¿ Oct 24, 2023 02:07

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

EmbryoSteve posted:

Enough about the seahawks

Pretty much. Except we're still close enough to the legion of boom and rwbs that there's probably more than two division titles.

# ¿ Oct 24, 2023 13:29

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Rod Hoofhearted posted:

I wouldn�t want LaFleur to be fired without Gutekunst also being fired, but it also wouldn�t surprise me one bit if they jettisoned LaFleur and kept Gutekunst around to hire a replacement HC and squander our highest first-round pick since we drafted AJ Hawk.

You'll get yet another Georgia defender and like it.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2023 17:32

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Cognac McCarthy posted:

I do not think the Raiders should start Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez at quarterback.

This was my first thought as well. However, maybe it'd give her some more push for a 2028 Presidential run.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2023 14:10

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

aperion posted:

The idea that Bellichick has to spend like 6 years chasing the all time wins records with 4-13 teams delights me so much. I want this to happen so bad.

He'll suffer a heart attack mid game in 2029 during the game that would have taken him over the top. Everyone will be so saddened that they won't finish the game, it'll be declared no contest, and Bill will forever be stuck sharing #1.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2023 19:42

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

MrLogan posted:

Mark Davis invented the QB hand warmer and has therefore contributed more to football than 31 other owners.

Jerry Jones has single handedly kept the Cowboys out of the Super Bowl for a generation. We really should thank him for his service.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2023 21:01

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Achernar posted:

While pretty drat funny, true comedy would be Belichick leaving the Pats, going to the Bucs and winning a Super Bowl, just like Touchdown Tom.

I'm ok with Baker Mayfield getting a ring this way.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2023 13:28

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Declan MacManus posted:

please don't refer to david carr as derek carr's brother

What should we call David? Proto Derek?

# ¿ Nov 5, 2023 04:44

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Never change Russ. Glad I don't have to watch you eating sacks after hanging on to the ball too long anymore.

# ¿ Nov 5, 2023 11:24

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Benne posted:

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1721215127796518931

Simply delusional. Just incredible content.

# ¿ Nov 5, 2023 18:38

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

SKULL.GIF posted:

Unless the Falcons go on a loss streak he's not gonna be fired while they're 1 game back of the division title.

Don't have to be good, just have to be better then everyone else on trash island

# ¿ Nov 6, 2023 19:56

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

It was a ton of fun to shitpost about the impending AR12 mega dynasty for the Seahawks.

# ¿ Nov 7, 2023 18:32

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Black Lighter posted:

Yeah, even with Young coming to be viewed as the #1, there's a chicken-and-the-egg thing with the Panthers telegraphing to everyone that he was their choice well in advance and coloring the discussion. I don't think it was nearly as clear-cut before that, though I could be remembering wrong.

It definitely wasn't clear cut. They were very much seen as a 1a and 1b kind of thing, iirc.

# ¿ Nov 7, 2023 23:15

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

I fully expect that at some point Bryce Young will get sacked so hard that his cleats and helmet will be all that's left, spinning in a cloud of dust while Kayvon Thibodeaux Thriller dances in the background.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2023 08:20

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

R.D. Mangles posted:

The only reason Eberflus is still coaching is that they are shedding like one coach every two weeks for "inappropriate behavior" and just need bodies.

Just elevate a coach from the practice squad or claim one off waivers.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2023 22:58

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Rodgers 100% taught Love the bare minimum he could get away with, if for no other reason than to spite Gutekunst for daring to draft his replacement without even the slightest of heads up. If anything, Rodgers probably tried to sabotage Love's development.

If it wasn't Aaron leading the team into the playoffs, gently caress it. He hated the entire front office anyways.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2023 02:04

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 01:55

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

StupidSexyMothman posted:

100%
how do you sell yourself to any head coaching candidate (let alone any worth hiring) when you have essentially fired 3 coaches in a calendar year, your offense has no weapons and a soft o-line, your best defensive player is about to leave in free agency & you don't have a first-round pick

Clearly this is a post about production at the Factory of Sadness being at an all time high, right? Right?!?

# ¿ Nov 10, 2023 06:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > 2023 NFL Coaching Carousel: The Night of Short Drives

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