RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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FreshFeesh: Jun 3, 2007; Drum Solo

You should have let us know you were coming; I'm sure plenty of NorCal goons would happily buy you a round for your ~~horrors~~ stories in these threads.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 21:48

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# ? May 15, 2024 13:09

Super Slash: Feb 20, 2006; You rang ?

Inspector_666 posted:

I saw my first one of these in the wild the other day. I don't understand the reasoning for it, especially since this guy hit the caps lock key, then held his hand over it, then hit it again, so it's not like he just can't handle typing with his other hand.

I'm sure most of our office does this, it's freakin' weird man. I kind of want to bring them enlightenment by telling them of the Shift key, but I could spend days giving everyone nuggets like; you can just use save as PDF in word, you don't have to rely on external conversion software.

As for tickets;
CRM Problems
Friday 5:00pm "Hey all of my tasks are messed up and missing so I have no leads to go on, fix this now please. PS I'm going home now"
5:30pm > Go home for weekend

Today 10:00am > Showing new employee ropes of the business
10:03am > "WHY AREN'T MY TASKS FIXED MY LIST IS EMPTY I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS I'M GOING STRAIGHT TO THE DIRECTORS"

Mobile Phone Problems
"I've gotten your replacement phone, since we don't know your exchange password I'll have to reset it and send you the instructions until it gets to you"
"So what happened to the Samsung I wanted?"
"I was told to get you an iPhone, so you're getting an 4S"
"Oh so you've given me a downgrade too huh? Nice one mate"

Holy poo poo why are salespeople such big loving babies about everything, some Monday this turned out to be...

# ? Aug 4, 2014 21:57

elcapjtk: Mar 14, 2005; Some people say I am a terrible person.

JohnnyCanuck posted:

One of our dudes uses Capslock instead of shift to type individual capital letters. It drives me nuts to watch him type.

Most of my Chinese users do that. It looks, to me, very uncomfortable and slows down typing but to each their own.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 21:59

A Frosty Witch: Apr 21, 2005; I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.

larchesdanrew posted:

A job offer came in!

I just celebrated my first year at my current job last week. Today I got an e-mail from a company that I applied to for a systems administrator job one year and two months ago.

Out of curiosity, I called them and inquired about the position. "IT Support Technician," an offer of half of what I currently make, and since it looks like the last name of everyone in a management position is the same as the company, it looks like little to no chance for advancement.

Thanks, but no thanks, I'll just sit here and babysit this NT domain.

Another job offer came in. Two in the same day after over a year of waiting? I was just tasked with moving everyone in sales clockwise one office. Like, literally just moving every piece of furniture and equipment over one office for eighteen offices. Maybe all these offers is a sign.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 22:07

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Thanks Ants posted:

That'll be one of these

I know what a DUKW is, just trying to make a joke about those wacky Northern Californians.

I walked a mile or so up Market street. Such a weird mix of grubby and chic, sort of like Taxi Driver crossed with Rodeo Blvd. I was going to take a picture of the blue movie theater but didn't want to get coshed over the head.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 22:10

Daylen Drazzi: Mar 10, 2007; Why do I root for Notre Dame? Because I like pain, and disappointment, and anguish. Notre Dame Football has destroyed more dreams than the Irish Potato Famine, and that is the kind of suffering I can get behind.

Dick Trauma posted:

I know what a DUKW is, just trying to make a joke about those wacky Northern Californians.

I walked a mile or so up Market street. Such a weird mix of grubby and chic, sort of like Taxi Driver crossed with Rodeo Blvd. I was going to take a picture of the blue movie theater but didn't want to get coshed over the head.

Seem to be quite a few of the DUKW's running around - not bad for a 70 year old truck/boat hybrid.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 23:26

sfwarlock: Aug 11, 2007

Dick Trauma posted:

I know what a DUKW is, just trying to make a joke about those wacky Northern Californians.

I walked a mile or so up Market street. Such a weird mix of grubby and chic, sort of like Taxi Driver crossed with Rodeo Blvd. I was going to take a picture of the blue movie theater but didn't want to get coshed over the head.

Aw man. Where to where along Market? (I was there this morning near Montgomery)

# ? Aug 4, 2014 23:35

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Daylen Drazzi posted:

Seem to be quite a few of the DUKW's running around - not bad for a 70 year old truck/boat hybrid.

Death traps

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-22922039

quote:

"It only took about four minutes to go down. The police, ambulance and air ambulance services arrived on the scene quickly and I think they got everybody off OK."

The incident is the second sinking involving one of the vessels this year.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 23:52

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

sfwarlock posted:

Aw man. Where to where along Market? (I was there this morning near Montgomery)

I started around Gough and went all the way to the ferry building.

# ? Aug 4, 2014 23:53

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

jre posted:

Death traps

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-22922039

Seem to be more of mild injury and thorough soaking traps. :v:

# ? Aug 4, 2014 23:58

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

A corporate escalation came in.

Some random customer is upset that her internet service went out at 1:30AM, setting off her burglar alarm. Don't let it happen again.

...except the execs complaining are the same people who put together the rule that all maintenance that will cause a service disruption will occur between 1AM and 6AM to minimize customer impact.

This customer went offline due to fiber relocation mandated by the DoT. So I guess they want us to not comply with government agencies. Or maybe we could intentionally take our customers offline during normal business hours, I'm sure that'll go over real well with them.

Not to mention that in our ToS, we explicitly don't support or guarantee the functionality of burglar alarms, Life Alerts, poo poo like that where you expect 100% uptime.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:04

KoRMaK: Jul 31, 2012

Renegret posted:

A corporate escalation came in.

Some random customer is upset that her internet service went out at 1:30AM, setting off her burglar alarm. Don't let it happen again.

...except the execs complaining are the same people who put together the rule that all maintenance that will cause a service disruption will occur between 1AM and 6AM to minimize customer impact.

This customer went offline due to fiber relocation mandated by the DoT. So I guess they want us to not comply with government agencies. Or maybe we could intentionally take our customers offline during normal business hours, I'm sure that'll go over real well with them.

Not to mention that in our ToS, we explicitly don't support or guarantee the functionality of burglar alarms, Life Alerts, poo poo like that where you expect 100% uptime.

I've been having to do this lately, quoting our procedures and bumping it back to whoever. Somone who should be nearly omnipotent about the things they are contradicting.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:11

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

KoRMaK posted:

I've been having to do this lately, quoting our procedures and bumping it back to whoever. Somone who should be nearly omnipotent about the things they are contradicting.

It got a ticket.

I have no idea what to do with the ticket. At this moment in time it's sitting in my queue, I'll probably close it out in a few days as No Fault Found. There's literally nothing that can be done with it. "Customer is upset her alarm went off"...okay? Good for you? What do you expect me to do about it?

But the execs wanted a ticket and so a ticket they received!

e: part of my job is to humor the execs as they freak out about the current FOTM, then clean up the pieces when the panic dies down.

Renegret fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Aug 5, 2014

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:13

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

Our support guys have to deal with tickets like that all the time, people too cheap to get a leased line put in will submit stuff like, "internet is slow".

Yes, it is. Unfortunately they have to leave the ticket open for a couple days, pretend to run some tests, close it out and send a sales lead over to the leased line people. At which point the customer will balk at the cost and insist their DSL is fine.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:19

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

That reminds me of a ticket I was getting nagged for an update this morning for.

It basically amounted to "Customer is unhappy with their network route, customer doesn't want to be routed through our leased AT&T lines. Speeds are fine, they just don't want to go through AT&T"

Too loving bad. Get hosed.

I have no idea why the network guys don't say "too bad" and close the ticket. I'll be more than happy to do it for them.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:25

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

anthonypants posted:

Dunno what manufacturer you go with, but this is a configurable option in the BIOS for Dell laptops.

We use crappy no-name rugged laptops that have had about a 10% motherboard failure rate over the last five years but cost $3500 when we bought them. It is not an option in their barebones BIOS.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:27

Vicas: Dec 9, 2009; Sweet tricks, mom.

Thanks Ants posted:

Our support guys have to deal with tickets like that all the time, people too cheap to get a leased line put in will submit stuff like, "internet is slow".

Yes, it is. Unfortunately they have to leave the ticket open for a couple days, pretend to run some tests, close it out and send a sales lead over to the leased line people. At which point the customer will balk at the cost and insist their DSL is fine.

I see this all the time

"Why is your service slow?"

"You're on a shared server, so other clients could be using it as well. If you want it faster we do offer dedicated servers"

"What times of day is the service under less load? We'll just run then"

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:34

dennyk: Jan 2, 2005; Cheese-Buyer's Remorse

Nintendo Kid posted:

Seem to be more of mild injury and thorough soaking traps.

There was one in Philly a while back where a couple people died when it got squished by a river barge, but that was more because the barge tugboat driver was yapping on his cell phone and ignoring all of the radio messages from the captain of the disabled Duck-thing begging him to change course. :saddowns:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 02:06

JohnnyCanuck: May 28, 2004; Strong And/Or Free

Nintendo Kid posted:

Seem to be more of mild injury and thorough soaking traps.

Killed a couple of nuns here in Ottawa 12 years ago, man.

Nuns.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 02:47

orange sky: May 7, 2007

Remember when I told you guys I'd be doing a colleague a favour and doing helpdesk for a bank for a month? Never, ever, ever more. gently caress this poo poo. Yeah, it's definitely a coincidence the former guy took some time off while these are happening:

- Infrastructure change. And I mean everything. ISPs, VPNs, the works. At least one thing's been broken for the last week, and it's a pain in the rear end. EVERYTHING is submitted as priority 1.
- Phone chage. Hurray, new phones for all 140 workers! Guess who gets to tell everyone how to work with Windows Phone, and explain them that you can't attach PDFs, only the main contacts from exchange sync, and the OS is confusing all around?
- Migration from Office 2007 to 2013+365. This hasn't actually generated a lot of tickets, but it hasn't been deployed company wide yet.
- VoIP solution change. This hasn't actually happened yet, but every IP phone is going to change this month.

And did I mention the ticketing solution (SCSM) was implemented... On friday? Everyone's ticket-happy now!

And of course, since it's a bank, there's always the prima donna that's friends with the bank president and wants full integration between her 500 inch Mac, her iPad, her macbook and the bank infrastructure.

This might very well be the worst month I've had yet. Granted, I haven't worked for long, but if I can handle this, I'll handle anything! (yeah, right).

# ? Aug 5, 2014 08:55

Migishu: Oct 22, 2005; I'll eat your fucking eyeballs if you're not careful; Grimey Drawer

Question for the masses:

I have a whole bunch of accounts that are locking out, and I've been tasked on looking into them. I'm using the available Account Lockout tools from Microsoft, however I face a problem where a lot of the lockouts are happening outside of my support hours. The tools run fine, but are useless to me for a lot of users due to this timing problem.

I'm looking for a tool that i can use to check the domain controllers for lockouts, then if it detects a domain controller that shows a bad password count within a determined period of time, say, 1/2hr, it will scan the domain controller's logs for the lockout information?

Before someone asks "Why can't anyone else do it at that time?", our support desk is the only one that can really investigate these issues due to permissions and bureaucracy, and we've got limited support hours.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 12:23

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

Are you running SCOM? We're running a report that dumps all the Event ID 4740s into our mailbox so we can quickly check the source of the lockouts (okay okay, we can determine if it's internal or external).

Most of the time we just blame ActiveSync devices.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 12:31

Migishu: Oct 22, 2005; I'll eat your fucking eyeballs if you're not careful; Grimey Drawer

I would assume so (as a Global 500 company) however I would like to bet that access to SCOM is restricted because ~security~

I'm only a Level 2 analyst so having to go through those loopholes to get access would be a pain in the rear end (and shot down faster than ducks during hunting season.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 12:36

Dravs: Mar 8, 2011; You've done well, kiddo.

Migishu posted:

Question for the masses:

I have a whole bunch of accounts that are locking out, and I've been tasked on looking into them. I'm using the available Account Lockout tools from Microsoft, however I face a problem where a lot of the lockouts are happening outside of my support hours. The tools run fine, but are useless to me for a lot of users due to this timing problem.

I'm looking for a tool that i can use to check the domain controllers for lockouts, then if it detects a domain controller that shows a bad password count within a determined period of time, say, 1/2hr, it will scan the domain controller's logs for the lockout information?

Before someone asks "Why can't anyone else do it at that time?", our support desk is the only one that can really investigate these issues due to permissions and bureaucracy, and we've got limited support hours.

Sorry, but shouldn't the focus be on why these account lockouts are occurring in the first place? Then you wouldn't need to worry about what time they happen, as you can fix the root problem?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 12:42

Migishu: Oct 22, 2005; I'll eat your fucking eyeballs if you're not careful; Grimey Drawer

Dravs posted:

Sorry, but shouldn't the focus be on why these account lockouts are occurring in the first place? Then you wouldn't need to worry about what time they happen, as you can fix the root problem?

Why could be many things. Could be a 3rd party program, could be a Mac (as we don't officially support them on the domain), could be mis-mapped shared areas. Why is useless without where coming first. Is it locking out from a computer? A smartphone? A server?

Once we determine where, we can figure out why.

Unless I'm doing this some sort of weird way that makes no sense to you, usually we scour the DC logs to tell us which device the clients account locked out first, then we look on that device to find which program.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 12:51

Geocities Homepage King: Nov 26, 2007; I have good news, and I have bad news.
Which do you want to hear first...?

JohnnyCanuck posted:

One of our dudes uses Capslock instead of shift to type individual capital letters. It drives me nuts to watch him type.

I would say at least 20% of my user base does this. They're the sort of people who frequently say things like "I'm bad with computers" or "I just don't understand technology." My favorite is the guy who has to tell us at every possibility that he "doesn't even have a computer at home." He says it in the same tone of voice and with the same smug expression as someone might say "I don't read books."

# ? Aug 5, 2014 14:37

Great Beer: Jul 5, 2004

... from the building supervisor, a normally sweet old lady.

"These loving idiots managed to screw up the clearly labeled projector wiring in the conference room. Can you come help me fix it?"

She proceeded to complain about how dumb the office staff can be while I unfucked the projector. Im so happy someone else finally acknowledged it. :allears:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 14:43

Entropic: Feb 21, 2007; patriarchy sucks

I'm cleaning up a PC this lady brought in after falling hard for the "phone call from Microsoft" scam. They got all her banking details and then locked her out with SysKey encryption.
I just noticed there's still a text file on the desktop from the "support" session.

Seems legit.

SEKCobra posted:

A PC with numlock off by default is a sign of lovely IT.

I once had to turn it off on a bunch of machines because they were using tiny wireless keyboards with the numpad splashed across the right half of the letter keys. It became an issue when the login password was changed from something that you could type on just the left hand to something that spanned both sides and suddenly no one could login.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:25

m.hache: Dec 1, 2004; Fun Shoe

Migishu posted:

Question for the masses:

I have a whole bunch of accounts that are locking out, and I've been tasked on looking into them. I'm using the available Account Lockout tools from Microsoft, however I face a problem where a lot of the lockouts are happening outside of my support hours. The tools run fine, but are useless to me for a lot of users due to this timing problem.

I'm looking for a tool that i can use to check the domain controllers for lockouts, then if it detects a domain controller that shows a bad password count within a determined period of time, say, 1/2hr, it will scan the domain controller's logs for the lockout information?

Before someone asks "Why can't anyone else do it at that time?", our support desk is the only one that can really investigate these issues due to permissions and bureaucracy, and we've got limited support hours.

Check out NetWrix account lockout manager. It's free and does exactly what you want. Added bonus of being able to remotely unlock the account if you so wish.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:31

lampey: Mar 27, 2012

orange sky posted:

Remember when I told you guys I'd be doing a colleague a favour and doing helpdesk for a bank for a month? Never, ever, ever more. gently caress this poo poo. Yeah, it's definitely a coincidence the former guy took some time off while these are happening:

- Infrastructure change. And I mean everything. ISPs, VPNs, the works. At least one thing's been broken for the last week, and it's a pain in the rear end. EVERYTHING is submitted as priority 1.
- Phone chage. Hurray, new phones for all 140 workers! Guess who gets to tell everyone how to work with Windows Phone, and explain them that you can't attach PDFs, only the main contacts from exchange sync, and the OS is confusing all around?
- Migration from Office 2007 to 2013+365. This hasn't actually generated a lot of tickets, but it hasn't been deployed company wide yet.
- VoIP solution change. This hasn't actually happened yet, but every IP phone is going to change this month.

And did I mention the ticketing solution (SCSM) was implemented... On friday? Everyone's ticket-happy now!

And of course, since it's a bank, there's always the prima donna that's friends with the bank president and wants full integration between her 500 inch Mac, her iPad, her macbook and the bank infrastructure.

This might very well be the worst month I've had yet. Granted, I haven't worked for long, but if I can handle this, I'll handle anything! (yeah, right).

Are you a consultant who gets paid money to implement solutions? Get them a meraki for the iPad management, Mavericks works pretty well joined to a domain all things considered.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 16:38

guppy: Sep 21, 2004; sting like a byob

I got my first ever "do the needful" email :woop:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 17:18

vibur: Apr 23, 2004

"Enjoy the personal computing" is a thread title if I ever heard one.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 17:31

AlternateAccount: Apr 25, 2005; FYGM

Lamar Smith R-TX posted:

Huge disaster.

Everybody in upper management LOVES the sign. What's worse, the gaudy animations and text wipes were their favorite part. The sign is going up. (A replacement, that is, this one has a dead pixel)

This is so objectively terrible. Why are the most "professional" people at that strata of management so completely devoid of a clue when it comes to class, professionalism, design or style?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 17:38

Hoshi: Jan 20, 2013

Z, stop forwarding me emails that I already have. I'm always in the to section of the emails I get from you, that means I also got it!

D, stop printing out every email sent to both of us and giving the copy to me. I will just throw it out. We can talk about it without a printed out copy as our desks are five feet apart. I believe in you!

E: D also stop mapping users their network drive on the old server that's not there anymore. They just need the new one.

Hoshi fucked around with this message at 18:07 on Aug 5, 2014

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:03

Antioch: Apr 18, 2003

Migishu posted:

Question for the masses:

I have a whole bunch of accounts that are locking out, and I've been tasked on looking into them. I'm using the available Account Lockout tools from Microsoft, however I face a problem where a lot of the lockouts are happening outside of my support hours. The tools run fine, but are useless to me for a lot of users due to this timing problem.

I'm looking for a tool that i can use to check the domain controllers for lockouts, then if it detects a domain controller that shows a bad password count within a determined period of time, say, 1/2hr, it will scan the domain controller's logs for the lockout information?

Before someone asks "Why can't anyone else do it at that time?", our support desk is the only one that can really investigate these issues due to permissions and bureaucracy, and we've got limited support hours.

We have multiple domains and people leave themselves remotely logged in to poo poo all the time. I use the below to email myself when a lockout event occurs, and from what machine. So it's not 100% the solution you need but it's something. Save it as a batch file and have it run on Windows Event ID 4740 in Server 2008/2012 or 644 I think in 2003.

code:

del C:\Scripts\Results\AccountLockout.txt
wevtutil qe Security "/q:*[System [(EventID=4740)]]" /f:text /rd:true /c:1 > C:\Scripts\Results\AccountLockout.txt

The above makes a text file called AccountLockout.txt in C:\scripts\results (or whatever you change that to) and deletes the one that's already there. Then you set the task scheduler to mail you the file. The text file has the account name and the caller computer that locked the account.

Like so:

Antioch fucked around with this message at 18:15 on Aug 5, 2014

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:13

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

Special snowflake user wants a desktop printer because she used to have one (lovely old HP that she put in her office without telling IT) even though her new office is right next to the MFP.

Request gets denied by her Production Manager. Special snowflake gets all uppity because she had an "agreement" with IT (haha no) that she would get a printer and the other directors have one bluh bluh bluh :cry:

The only other person in her department that has a printer is the Exec VP...because it's the Exec VP. Now she's asking her PM if she can just bring one in or steal another printer from someone who splits time between here and LA. This person is already in hot water for various other reasons so this is going to be good.

Or she'll throw such a hissy fit that she'll get her way and I'll have another personal printer in the office.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:41

m.hache: Dec 1, 2004; Fun Shoe

pr0digal posted:

Special snowflake user wants a desktop printer because she used to have one (lovely old HP that she put in her office without telling IT) even though her new office is right next to the MFP.

Request gets denied by her Production Manager. Special snowflake gets all uppity because she had an "agreement" with IT (haha no) that she would get a printer and the other directors have one bluh bluh bluh

The only other person in her department that has a printer is the Exec VP...because it's the Exec VP. Now she's asking her PM if she can just bring one in or steal another printer from someone who splits time between here and LA. This person is already in hot water for various other reasons so this is going to be good.

Or she'll throw such a hissy fit that she'll get her way and I'll have another personal printer in the office.

Just start documenting all the wasted time servicing her personal printer and a few months later bring it up to management with a nice pie chart on how much "money" she is costing the company.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:43

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

m.hache posted:

Just start documenting all the wasted time servicing her personal printer and a few months later bring it up to management with a nice pie chart on how much "money" she is costing the company.

That is a solid idea if it comes to it.

Also she has a nasty habit of circumventing me and talking to my assistant thinking she'll get her way. That is also going to be documented and I'll go to HR if it gets bad enough.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:46

MJP: Jun 17, 2007; Are you looking at me Senpai?; Grimey Drawer

A toaster came in...

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:50

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# ? May 15, 2024 13:09

Vicas: Dec 9, 2009; Sweet tricks, mom.

AlternateAccount posted:

This is so objectively terrible. Why are the most "professional" people at that strata of management so completely devoid of a clue when it comes to class, professionalism, design or style?

In my (largely startup based, but with older management) experience a lot of these people wanna seem goofy and silly to present that kind of image to their employees, and will probably gut you if you even hint at this kind of thing to a client

# ? Aug 5, 2014 18:51

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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