quote:

Back at the warehouse, he and Doorbal lifted the heavy window security grate over two 55-gallon drums. This iron platform would be Doorbal's surgery table. They'd lay the bodies atop the grate; the drums would catch the blood. Doorbal suited up for the work ahead -- sweatpants, rubber boots, leather gloves, clear goggles -- and plugged in the saw. He pulled the trigger, and the Remington started right up, its chain revolving quickly, snugly around the black blade.

Lugo and Delgado chose not to stay for the grisly dismemberment. They moved to the front of the warehouse while Doorbal went to work on the bodies. For five minutes they heard the whirring drone of the saw as it sliced through flesh and bones. They heard six, maybe seven prolonged cuts, and then silence. The saw spurted again and abruptly quit.

"Come back here, Lugo!" yelled Doorbal. "Come back here and help me out!" He'd been trying to cut through Krisztina's neck when the saw teeth snagged in her long tresses. What a mess! Doorbal finally yanked the saw out of her hair, but now it was jammed and useless.

Lugo scurried to the front office to share the bad news with Delgado. But gently caress it, he said, guarantee or no guarantee he wasn't going back to Home Depot. They still had a hatchet to finish the job. He changed into gym clothes, pulled on some gloves, and went back to help Doorbal. For another ten minutes Delgado sat alone and listened to heavy thumping, loud banging, the cracking of bones, and assorted charnel-house noises as his pals chopped two bodies to pieces.

When it was over, Krisztina's legs, ending in bloody stumps, jutted skyward from a 55-gallon drum. Her torso had been shoved in upside down. Griga's headless neck rose from another barrel. Both receptacles contained a mixture of road tar and a splash of muriatic acid to speed decomposition. The electric saw had whirled clumps of blood, gristle, and tissue about the warehouse floor. To complete the tableau, Krisztina's head lay in a red bucket. Griga's head was in another. A third red bucket held four hands and four feet.

Lugo and Doorbal surveyed their handiwork. Something wasn't right. Of course! The fingers, the teeth! Faces! Identification! They removed the heads from the buckets and placed them on a nearby table. Using pliers, they proceeded to extract their victims' teeth. But the roots wouldn't budge. So they brought out the hatchet again. It had a four-inch curved blade.

The bloodied heads were as slippery as rain-slicked coconuts. The men chopped down through the bridge of the nose, then hacked into the eyes, destroying the orbits at midpoint. Once through the bone of the outer eye sockets, they continued hacking down, clear through the jaw. They pulled the faces back from the skulls. This gave them good access to the gums and teeth from any direction.

Next they went after fingerprints, another way for the bodies to be identified. They carefully sliced off the fingers. For the more delicate work of filleting fingerprints from the flesh, they employed a Pakistani hunting knife with a six-inch blade.

Cole posted:

Next time you shave off your beard like a retard enlisted, you should enlist again.

Booblord Zagats posted:

Slicked back hair and a short well kept beard. I look like the bad guy kid's dad in an 80s movie

Booblord Zagats posted:

Slicked back hair and a short well kept beard. I look like the bad guy kid's dad in an 80s movie

Fister Roboto posted:

Cleveland Browns?

Slim Pickens posted:

Just do that Hitler youth haircut with bushy beard look that all the hipsters do these days

Spicy Guacamole posted:

mmkay

Cole posted:

High and tight means high and loose rear end in a top hat bc its that gay

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

use to rock the hitler youth cut while i was in

Spicy Guacamole posted:

The one thing I despise about being a CS student is other CS students. I swear to gently caress, one of these days I'm gonna snap and come in spraying a Super Soaker and chucking bars of soap.

Spicy Guacamole posted:

other CS students

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

i took 1 CS course outside of the basic office/computer skills required course (Java Programming for Multimedia or something like that) and after that class I never took another CS course again

for this very reason

holocaust bloopers posted:

I feel compelled to point out that the worst part of college (the other students) can be easily avoided by taking online courses (if your college offers them). All you need to meet full-time status is 12 credit hours and only one class that meets in person.

Use this information to your benefit.

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

why the gently caress would anyone want to program for a living today

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

Vriess posted:

I talked to one of the CS and Cybersecurity advisers in a local university just to get a gauge out of what their program offers. Turns out it's mostly JAVA with some C++ at the upper-end. I asked him about things like low-level assembly development or reverse-engineering and he just kinda looked at me with blinders on; I guess being in Intel and having all that fat socialized military education and experience did more than I thought it did.

Also it seemed like he was selling me on a career of making 60-80k a year! Whoooo....

I did a few JAVA classes with an adjunct CS professor. I would finish them in 20 minutes or less; like, I would call for a pizza, bang out the entire thing and get it up into the JVM to work before it'd arrive. I even fully commented out the code, except my last project. Then it took three days to walk the professor through my code (multi-class interactions with user-defined parameters and file i/o). He claimed it was more sophisticated than he was used to seeing.

We also had this bullshit flowcharting thing we had to use which was bullshit busywork. I'm a fuckin' developer. Give me a goal and let me give you a product. I wonder how putting me in an actual class setting with teenagers would be like after having like a decade of experience and teaching CS myself? Dickery would be at an all-time high.

Vriess posted:

I talked to one of the CS and Cybersecurity advisers in a local university just to get a gauge out of what their program offers. Turns out it's mostly JAVA with some C++ at the upper-end. I asked him about things like low-level assembly development or reverse-engineering and he just kinda looked at me with blinders on; I guess being in Intel and having all that fat socialized military education and experience did more than I thought it did.

Also it seemed like he was selling me on a career of making 60-80k a year! Whoooo....

I did a few JAVA classes with an adjunct CS professor. I would finish them in 20 minutes or less; like, I would call for a pizza, bang out the entire thing and get it up into the JVM to work before it'd arrive. I even fully commented out the code, except my last project. Then it took three days to walk the professor through my code (multi-class interactions with user-defined parameters and file i/o). He claimed it was more sophisticated than he was used to seeing.

We also had this bullshit flowcharting thing we had to use which was bullshit busywork. I'm a fuckin' developer. Give me a goal and let me give you a product. I wonder how putting me in an actual class setting with teenagers would be like after having like a decade of experience and teaching CS myself? Dickery would be at an all-time high.

Casimir Radon posted:

Only 60-80k a year?! How terrible.

Vriess posted:

Depending on where you're living, it kind of is.

Vasudus posted:

It's me, I'm in the dark green (and make over the median ho ho ho)

holocaust bloopers posted:

Not being able to live nicely on 60-80k means you probably live in San Francisco. That's a punishment unless artisanal cafes where art major dropouts draw cute pictures of leaves or cats into coffee foam is extremely your poo poo.

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

unfortunately all that money doesnt help the fact that youre a creepy dwarf that sounds like igor

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

why the gently caress would anyone want to program for a living today

do they think that a company will pay them a livable wage and benefits, or pay pennies to a contractor company in Mumbai, Chennai, or Noida