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Sometimes I tell boots to address me by my rank but that's only because some of them are dumb enough to believe me. And if you're that dumb, you deserve it.
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Apr 11, 2015 16:58
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We didn't in the air wing  (literally everyone is a LCpl in the wing though)
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Apr 11, 2015 17:19
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1. When I was a battery XO at Fort Carson I had to welcome and help in-process three new butterbars in quick succession. Each one was told that "Captain Deese" had called and he needed to call him right back to unfuck some issue with his paperwork. I gave them the number to Captain D's fastfood, our local Long John Silver rip off chain, and watched to see how long they'd take to figure it out and how they'd handle it. It was a completely reliable way to see who had a sense of humor and who was going to be a prima donna prick. 2. Deployed to Mosul, we had a new butterbar show up to take over a tank platoon 9 months into our 12. He walks into the company command post for the first time, listens to an ongoing conversation for about 15 seconds, hears some reference to women, and interrupts with "that's why you rape them." Dead silence. I give a twisted, sympathetic laugh and try to change the subject. "No, really, that's why you rape them." This repeats a couple more times before I manage to get him off this line of attempted humor. Everyone pretty much hated him at first sight. 3. As a field artillery lieutenant, I get put in charge mid deployment of a tank platoon running dismounted patrols from MRAPs. This platoon for some reason consists of 80% of the black, asian, and hispanic soldiers in the company, including pretty much all the platoon NCOs. One of them is a Nigerian immigrant who holds this somewhat awkward prayer after every patrol brief, complete with hands in the middle, like something out of a football huddle. I decide the time is ripe for some racial humor. "Hey, maybe we need a yell or something after the prayer. I was thinking since we're 2nd, White Platoon, and we want to have something that conveys we're strong, powerful, so how about after the prayer we shout "WHITE POWER!!!" Dead silence for about two seconds, then all the white soldiers start laughing. I get a couple of twisted smiles from some Hispanics, cold stares from everyone else, including my black platoon sergeant. They shake it off and we go on patrol. That night I walk in the CP and get ambushed by the black first sergeant. "White power, sir? Really?" He makes me stammer for a couple of minutes then laughs and sends me to see the commander. The commander tries to tell me to knock that poo poo off, but he keeps collapsing into hysterical laughter in disbelief that I actually tried that joke. Three days later we do the usual prayer, and afterwards my platoon sergants calls us back and yells "WHITE POWER!" Everyone laughs, I am forgiven.
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Apr 11, 2015 17:35
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Bolow posted:We didn't in the air wing Right but IDR was a MARINE GRUNT in the INFANTRY. An E-3 standing at parade rest for an E-1 is a thing that happens. Victor Vermis fucked around with this message at 17:39 on Apr 11, 2015 |
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Apr 11, 2015 17:37
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OZYMANDICKASS posted:Right but IDR was a MARINE GRUNT in the INFANTRY. An E-3 standing at parade rest for an E-1 is a thing that happens. happens in the army too, my man
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Apr 11, 2015 17:40
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Am I too late for the gay discussion? I'm a veteran of the tough-as-nails Finnish Defence Forces, so this is the only kind of military discussion I can contribute to. I once held a thermometer in another dude's butt for seven minutes. Naturally, he returned the favour (nice dude). This was an essential part of our medic NCO training. During this "excercise" a guy in my platoon said the following words to his bunky: "Wrong hole". He had 2 buttholes. Awesome.
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Apr 11, 2015 17:50
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Some airman needed to get something signed by the commander. Instead of actually filling out his information on the thing and routing it up, he just emailed it blank straight to the commander.
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Apr 11, 2015 18:00
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Gargamel Gibson posted:Am I too late for the gay discussion? I'm a veteran of the tough-as-nails Finnish Defence Forces, so this is the only kind of military discussion I can contribute to.
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Apr 11, 2015 18:07
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Willy Pete posted:Anyone boasting about being SOF on the internet is full of poo poo, especially if it's SA. Well, I didn't follow his posts that closely until things starting getting weird, but I definitely bought that he was a Marine. He didn't seem any smarter, dumber, or more sexually perverse than the others. Edit: Still doesn't. Godholio fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Apr 11, 2015 |
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Apr 11, 2015 19:14
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OZYMANDICKASS posted:Right but IDR was a MARINE GRUNT in the INFANTRY. An E-3 standing at parade rest for an E-1 is a thing that happens. well tbf if he was suppose to be some marsoc cool dude, they probably call each other by first name and give each other backrubs instead of standing at parade rest and shouting aye pfc!
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Apr 11, 2015 20:38
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The Slithery D posted:3. As a field artillery lieutenant, I get put in charge mid deployment of a tank platoon running dismounted patrols from MRAPs. This platoon for some reason consists of 80% of the black, asian, and hispanic soldiers in the company, including pretty much all the platoon NCOs. One of them is a Nigerian immigrant who holds this somewhat awkward prayer after every patrol brief, complete with hands in the middle, like something out of a football huddle. I decide the time is ripe for some racial humor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQnEBSwdAXw
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Apr 11, 2015 20:51
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Cojawfee posted:Some airman needed to get something signed by the commander. Instead of actually filling out his information on the thing and routing it up, he just emailed it blank straight to the commander. To be honest, this is much more efficient than having five idiots send your routing sheet back five different times for nit-picky poo poo like spacing. Who gives a gently caress!? Just sign this stupid piece of paper so I can go snowboarding, poo poo!
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Apr 11, 2015 23:17
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LordNad posted:This is what I still can't wrap my head around. The intricate details and effort he put into it. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3552039 Archives probably required. quote:The Anal Purgation of Brother Valentinus
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Apr 12, 2015 00:47
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Willy Pete posted:Pilonidal cyst Sounds sweet, but apparently he had one of those undeveloped twins up his arse. Dunno.
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Apr 12, 2015 03:06
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GoGoGadget posted:To be honest, this is much more efficient than having five idiots send your routing sheet back five different times for nit-picky poo poo like spacing. Who gives a gently caress!? Just sign this stupid piece of paper so I can go snowboarding, poo poo! If he'd filled it out and sent it, that might've worked if he had a chill commander. But like hell I'd fill out some scrub's paperwork to do HIM a favor. If it were me, I'd probably sign it if it were filled out (and if he wasn't a worthless piece of poo poo), but if it were blank I'd return it and CC his ncoic.
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Apr 12, 2015 03:35
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A portion of tomorrows SAPR brief is being taught by the guy who told me that spousal rape isn't real because marriage implies consent.
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Apr 12, 2015 05:18
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On the bright side, at least it sounds like no one will waste time arguing that you shouldn't point out that the song Blurred Lines is kinda rapey.
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Apr 12, 2015 06:54
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Godholio posted:If he'd filled it out and sent it, that might've worked if he had a chill commander. But like hell I'd fill out some scrub's paperwork to do HIM a favor. If it were me, I'd probably sign it if it were filled out (and if he wasn't a worthless piece of poo poo), but if it were blank I'd return it and CC his ncoic. Whoops, didn't realize you meant the paperwork itself was blank. For some reason I assumed the routing slip was blank. That changes things!
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Apr 12, 2015 13:58
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GoGoGadget posted:Whoops, didn't realize you meant the paperwork itself was blank. For some reason I assumed the routing slip was blank. That changes things! Yeah, it was a form or an MFR where he had to fill out his personal information on it. He sent it to the commander thinking he'd fill it all out. The whole routing system is kind of dumb, but I'd never just walk up to (or email) a Lt. Col and say "Have this on my desk by the end of the day."
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Apr 12, 2015 14:05
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Casimir Radon posted:A portion of tomorrows SAPR brief is being taught by the guy who told me that spousal rape isn't real because marriage implies consent. My first class at Field Artillery Basic Officer Course was ammunition, taught by a SFC and SSG who were the worst. They brought the class to attention with "hey all you motherfuckers listen up," asked the foreign student (a captain) from Columbia for cocaine to help out his party that weekend, told the Saudi 1LT he owed them some gas coupons because of high prices, etc. They were the battalion EO reps.
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Apr 12, 2015 14:58
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The Slithery D posted:My first class at Field Artillery Basic Officer Course was ammunition, taught by a SFC and SSG who were the worst. They brought the class to attention with "hey all you motherfuckers listen up," asked the foreign student (a captain) from Columbia for cocaine to help out his party that weekend, told the Saudi 1LT he owed them some gas coupons because of high prices, etc. how unprofessional
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Apr 12, 2015 15:54
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The Slithery D posted:My first class at Field Artillery Basic Officer Course was ammunition, taught by a SFC and SSG who were the worst. They brought the class to attention with "hey all you motherfuckers listen up," asked the foreign student (a captain) from Columbia for cocaine to help out his party that weekend, told the Saudi 1LT he owed them some gas coupons because of high prices, etc. those dudes own
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Apr 12, 2015 17:10
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:those dudes own this also you sound like a stuck up bitch complaining about those dudes
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Apr 12, 2015 17:33
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Mike-o posted:also you are a stuck up bitch
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Apr 12, 2015 18:39
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Re: uniforms off base We had guys who lived off base start changing into gym gear or something similar after their duty day ended so they could run errands on their way home. I think that lasted until some random SNCO got wind of it. Nostalgia4Infinity fucked around with this message at 18:54 on Apr 12, 2015 |
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Apr 12, 2015 18:50
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The Slithery D posted:My first class at Field Artillery Basic Officer Course was ammunition, taught by a SFC and SSG who were the worst. They brought the class to attention with "hey all you motherfuckers listen up," asked the foreign student (a captain) from Columbia for cocaine to help out his party that weekend, told the Saudi 1LT he owed them some gas coupons because of high prices, etc. Sounds like those guys were actually awesome and cool and probably kickass SNCOs. That's how you're supposed to speak to boot rear end officers hth
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Apr 12, 2015 19:04
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:Re: uniforms off base How would that even be an issue? Unless the point of the policy wasn't to keep people from running around town in uniform and was really just to be a massive pain in the rear end waste of everyone's time. Then again when I was in Heidelberg they banned running off post in PT gear but neglected to change the time or route for our weekly run so you still had twenty dudes with mil hair running the same way and the same time every week, just in Under Armour instead of gay AF PT gear. Somebody somewhere had to make it look like they were doing something, even if it was a totally pointless gesture.
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Apr 12, 2015 19:27
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Thump! posted:Sounds like those guys were actually awesome and cool and probably kickass SNCOs. That's how you're supposed to speak to boot rear end officers hth They only made us show up for about 20% of our required platoon leader block classes, so I guess that was cool. Probably no one had a firing incident and killed someone because their NCOs also didn't know what they were doing, and I got to watch lots of extra porn and hang out at Scooters. Getting out of one class did require us to pony up for a retirement gift for the SSG. Apparently the CSM and 1SG ignored his retirement, so his buddy hit up the 2LTs to fill in the financial part of the gap.
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Apr 12, 2015 20:05
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Wild T posted:How would that even be an issue? Unless the point of the policy wasn't to keep people from running around town in uniform and was really just to be a massive pain in the rear end waste of everyone's time. They were changing in the break/locker room and it looked  unprofessional.
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Apr 12, 2015 20:16
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God the military is so gay
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Apr 12, 2015 22:36
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Fart Sandwiches posted:God the military is so gay
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Apr 12, 2015 22:46
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I guess I've just been lucky but being off-base in uniform hasn't been an issue since tech school.
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Apr 12, 2015 22:54
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Circa 2010 Fort Carson banned climbing of the Pike's Peak incline trail in PT gear after a soldier reached the top, smoked, and told the lady who asked him to put it out to go gently caress herself. On the other hand, one of my platoon sergeants insisted that his entire troop ran through Tal Afar on a 3 mile run, in PT gear with zero weapons or body armor, to celebrate the Army birthday or some such faggotry when they were deployed. The Iraqis just stared at them in amazement, and he always used this as as evidence that you can get away with doing any sort of stupid poo poo as long as you only do it once.
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Apr 12, 2015 23:03
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:They were changing in the break/locker room and it looked lol jesus your command was super gay. I went to work in civilian clothes and changed into cammies or coveralls at work, and left for lunch and at the end of the day in civvies. loving lol'in at the idea that marine air wing is actually less loving dumb than the air force though
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Apr 12, 2015 23:14
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:They were changing in the break/locker room and it looked poo poo, during softball season, we would turn our office into a locker room after work on game days, hanging out, drinking beer and getting changed for the game. Our NCOIC was the one who came up with the idea. The same MSgt who later got in trouble for loving another MSgt in our squadron while married. Whose wife tried to blackmail him, not knowing that he had set up a nanny cam at home while he was deployed and had footage of her loving some other AF dude. I think that led to an "amicable" divorce.
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Apr 12, 2015 23:31
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The Slithery D posted:Circa 2010 Fort Carson banned climbing of the Pike's Peak incline trail in PT gear after a soldier reached the top, smoked, and told the lady who asked him to put it out to go gently caress herself. good that bitch deserved to get reminded where to stick her nose, but pt uniforms are gay so that's what he gets
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Apr 12, 2015 23:58
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The Slithery D posted:My first class at Field Artillery Basic Officer Course was ammunition, taught by a SFC and SSG who were the worst. They brought the class to attention with "hey all you motherfuckers listen up," asked the foreign student (a captain) from Columbia for cocaine to help out his party that weekend, told the Saudi 1LT he owed them some gas coupons because of high prices, etc. So the guy did his little portion of the SAPR brief, his bit was 20 minutes of men can be raped too. Of course he includes a caveat about how he has no personal experience with this, but then seagues directly into a story about when he was in middle school some other kid invited him and a friend to his birthday party, and that that was apparently a setup for him and the older brother to suck his and his friend's dicks. His friend managed to get away, but he got knocked down and the younger brother started dry humping him, until he punched him in the face and ran away. Maybe it's just me but your bizarre story makes it sound exactly like you have some personal experience with this sort of thing. Crazy old homophobe that he is it probably killed him a little bit inside to tell the class that most male on male rapes are committed by men who identify as heterosexuals.
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Apr 13, 2015 00:35
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:those dudes own Nostalgia4Infinity posted:They were changing in the break/locker room and it looked hahahahaha I loving hate maintainers Also I'll kill myself if I ever get orders to 18th MXG (Actually I'll just separate but still I want nothing to do with that shitshow ever)
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Apr 13, 2015 04:26
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being a maintainer is actually pretty cool as an enlisted dude, i would've legit stayed in if i could have done my job and not dealt with the goddamn stupidity that comes with the military
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Apr 13, 2015 05:18
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Bolow posted:being a maintainer is actually pretty cool as an enlisted dude, i would've legit stayed in if i could have done my job and not dealt with the goddamn stupidity that comes with the military I actually really love the concept of maintenance and if everyone in AF mx thought like me I'd probably stay in until they kicked me out But holy gently caress AF maintainers (especially E-7 and up) can be a bunch of try-hard retards and there is no way in hell I'd stay on AD to become a SQ/CC or higher (Guard is a different story)
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Apr 13, 2015 05:45
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