Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

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pram: Jun 10, 2001

you could say it moved me.. TO A BIGGER HOUSE

# ? Jun 18, 2015 04:56

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# ? May 9, 2024 17:10

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

gruber reminds us that when ballmer stepped down elop was a strong candidate to replace him

usa today in january 2014 posted:

Mulally out, Elop now frontrunner for top Microsoft job

SEATTLE � Ford CEO Alan Mulally has unequivocally taken himself out of the running to replace Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

"I would like to end the Microsoft speculation because I have no other plans to do anything other than serve Ford," Mulally told the Associated Press in Detroit. "You don't have to worry about me leaving."

That thundering sound you hear is the other horses jockeying for position to head the world's largest software company. The big question is whether Ballmer will pick an insider to replace him, or reach outside of the company's Redmond complex.

Frontrunners include Stephen Elop, the former CEO of Nokia, who rejoined Microsoft as an executive vice president last September when Microsoft announced the acquisition of Nokia for $7.2 billion. Prior to taking the Nokia gig in 2010, Elop had headed up Microsoft's Office business for two years.

Elop stepped into the senior role at Microsoft after climbing the ladder to senior positions at Juniper Networks, Adobe, Macromedia, Boston Chicken and Lotus Development Corp.

Hot on Elop's heels are Microsoft COO Kevin Turner, Microsoft's business development boss Tony Bates and Satya Nadella, who heads up Microsoft's cloud and enterprise businesses. Bates, the former CEO of Skype, who joined when Microsoft acquired Skype for $8.5 billion in 2011, might qualify as something of an outsider.

Other outside candidates said to be in the running include Pivotal CEO Paul Maritz, VMWare CEO Pat Gelsinger and Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, says Daniel Ives, analyst at FBR Capital Markets,.

"Ultimately we believe Mr. Elop is positioned as the close second pick to Mr. Mulally given his previous Microsoft experience and demonstrable expertise in the mobile space, and as he has shown a willingness to make hard decisions," Ives says in a report.

Elop executed layoffs, organizational changes and new partnerships at Nokia. And, of course, he steered the European phone giant into a merger with the U.S. tech giant from whence he came.

"While we commend Mr. Elop's experience at Nokia, we still deem the headwinds that Microsoft's bread-and-butter Windows and Office franchises face in the PC market as a Kilimanjaro-like challenge to overcome," Ives says. "The Street continues to be naturally laser focused on Microsoft's ongoing search for a new CEO to replace Steve Ballmer . . . given the uphill battle faced in the overall PC market and the company's lack of success in both the mobile and tablet markets."

# ? Jun 18, 2015 05:22

Nagato: Apr 26, 2011; Why yes my username is the same as an autistic alien who looks like a 9 year old from an anime, why do ask?

pram posted:

lmao

it's never going to stop being funny that they're giving the name "cortana" to a blue penis-shaped hole

# ? Jun 18, 2015 14:54

Wheany: Mar 17, 2006; Spinya^{ha^{ha^haha}ha}ha_{ha_{ha_haha}ha}ha!; Doctor Rope

Sudo Echo posted:

the best was when they started referring to them by womens names. it was "less confusing" to call it wilma.

nokia always used those kinds of names for the phones internally, but the problem for me was that there were just so many models so when someone mentioned some phone that our department wasn't making at the moment, i had no idea what it was.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 15:18

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Nagato posted:

it's never going to stop being funny that they're giving the name "cortana" to a blue penis-shaped hole

# ? Jun 18, 2015 16:05

Sapozhnik: Jan 2, 2005; Nap Ghost

hmm yes when i see circles i think "penis" because i am le twelve

# ? Jun 18, 2015 16:55

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

what he means is a hole for a penis, and considering the context around cortana (blue naked big titty video game lady that has been made more naked and big titty with every game, and a fanbase that has been asking for microsoft to do a clippy-style animated named big titty video game lady on their phone) that is not an unreasonable thing to expect a sane company to have taken into account

# ? Jun 18, 2015 16:58

Wheany: Mar 17, 2006; Spinya^{ha^{ha^haha}ha}ha_{ha_{ha_haha}ha}ha!; Doctor Rope

duTrieux. posted:

more naked and big titty with every game

reminder

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:20

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

bunch of mad nerds afraid of tittys

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:22

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Wheany posted:

reminder

the toes are the creepiest loving underline on the whole thing

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:23

Cold on a Cob: Feb 6, 2006; i've seen so much, i'm going blind
and i'm brain dead virtually; College Slice

well at least her breasts look somewhat realistic in the last one

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:23

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

*epic picture showing the evolution of technology and 3d modelling, down to individual toes*

fuckin' creepy....

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:24

pram: Jun 10, 2001

what is the anroid siri called?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:27

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

pram posted:

what is the anroid siri called?

google now, i think?
you summon it by saying ok google

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:27

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

google now, which is the one with the least personality/snarky responses actually

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:27

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

pram posted:

what is the anroid siri called?

clearly, its the least creepy, as there is no name or pretending its a woman you are talking to :smuggo:

its "ok google"

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:28

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

are you really that dense or are you doing a thing, here

the toes are creepy because they confirm that she's being modeled specifically as a naked woman in a game universe where other ai whatevers have clothing. the toes are there not because it's more realistic but because it emphasizes her nakedness, and that had to be a specific decision made by the art directors. even then it wouldn't have mattered because it's a loving video game but then microsoft decides to brand major mass-market features after the eye candy and put out promotional videos where the developres gleefully ask it 'who's your daddy'

so yeah, it's all loving creepy and weird

don't let that stop you from nutting onto your cortana key, though. it's a free country.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:30

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

Nagato posted:

it's never going to stop being funny that they're giving the name "cortana" to a blue penis-shaped hole

the 'bing hole'

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:31

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

duTrieux. posted:

don't let that stop you from nutting onto your cortana key, though. it's a free country.

keyboard goop was ahead of the times

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:32

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

duTrieux. posted:

are you really that dense or are you doing a thing, here

the toes are creepy because they confirm that she's being modeled specifically as a naked woman in a game universe where other ai whatevers have clothing. the toes are there not because it's more realistic but because it emphasizes her nakedness, and that had to be a specific decision made by the art directors. even then it wouldn't have mattered because it's a loving video game but then microsoft decides to brand major mass-market features after the eye candy and put out promotional videos where the developres gleefully ask it 'who's your daddy'

so yeah, it's all loving creepy and weird

don't let that stop you from nutting onto your cortana key, though. it's a free country.

yeah hold on, let me buy a lovely toshiba laptop for this cortana key. hell yeah. lets do this

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:33

Sapozhnik: Jan 2, 2005; Nap Ghost

I do have to wonder if Steve's presentation revealing the original iPhone actually contained the Nam-Shub of Enki or something because that one presentation made every other major software and hardware company that existed at the time suddenly seize up, convulse, and vomit/poo poo itself to death over the course of the next five years

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:38

leftist heap: Feb 28, 2013; Fun Shoe

FMguru posted:

gruber reminds us that when ballmer stepped down elop was a strong candidate to replace him

Lol. The whole CEO shell game that goes on everywhere would be funny if they didn't make so much money.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:39

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

i like how out of every console and STB that i use every single day as part of my job to stream poo poo from various customers of ours, the xbox one consistently crashes, hardlocks, requires apps force quit, and generally janitored daily

while everything else just works and plugs along. maybe once a month the Wii will hiccup or smoething and need power cycled.

the xbone its loving up somehow daily

piece of garbage

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:40

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

the wii doesnt gently caress up because its about as primitive as my casio calculator

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:41

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

Valeyard posted:

the wii doesnt gently caress up because its about as primitive as my casio calculator

no im saying it fucks up the 2nd most after the xbox one, which is maybe monthly or so it will hiccup/need a power cycle

the xbone is daily

the rokus? apple tvs? fire tvs? playstations?

poo poo just marches on up for months without even flinching

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:42

pram: Jun 10, 2001

three operating systems

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:43

pram: Jun 10, 2001

and theyre ALL a piece of poo poo

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:43

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Sniep posted:

i like how out of every console and STB that i use every single day as part of my job to stream poo poo from various customers of ours, the xbox one consistently crashes, hardlocks, requires apps force quit, and generally janitored daily

while everything else just works and plugs along. maybe once a month the Wii will hiccup or smoething and need power cycled.

the xbone its loving up somehow daily

piece of garbage

ms has already announced a complete redesign of the menus, plus the apps are all changing with windows 10

so this will continue forever

lol

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:44

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

pram posted:

three operating systems

They're introducing 360 emulation into it complete with the Xbox Guide Menu so I think that technically means a 4th one is getting added?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:46

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

univbee posted:

They're introducing 360 emulation into it complete with the Xbox Guide Menu so I think that technically means a 4th one is getting added?

HYPER-V

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:47

Stymie: Jan 9, 2001; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Mr Dog posted:

I do have to wonder if Steve's presentation revealing the original iPhone actually contained the Nam-Shub of Enki or something because that one presentation made every other major software and hardware company that existed at the time suddenly seize up, convulse, and vomit/poo poo itself to death over the course of the next five years

whatever it was apple itself clearly wasn't immune, the effects were just postponed until steve died

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:47

qntm: Jun 17, 2009

If you A/B test everything, eventually everything becomes porn

# ? Jun 18, 2015 17:52

Dodoman: Feb 26, 2009; A moment of laxity
A lifetime of regret; Lipstick Apathy

siri is the name of a pornstar fwiw

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:08

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

yeah siri is just her stripper name, her real name is Samantha btw jfyi

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:12

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

Mr Dog posted:

hmm yes when i see circles i think "penis" because i am le twelve

that's straight up anti-freudian, it's nerds grasping at straws

"I" is a penis shape, "O" is about as yonic as it gets

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:23

DaNzA: Sep 11, 2001; :D; Grimey Drawer

so that's where google I/O came from

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:32

Juul-Whip: Mar 10, 2008

Sniep posted:

i like how out of every console and STB that i use every single day as part of my job to stream poo poo from various customers of ours, the xbox one consistently crashes, hardlocks, requires apps force quit, and generally janitored daily

while everything else just works and plugs along. maybe once a month the Wii will hiccup or smoething and need power cycled.

the xbone its loving up somehow daily

piece of garbage

what else did you expect from a machine that runs windows

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:42