I Killed British - The Griefing Discussion Thread

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Jackard: Oct 28, 2007; We Have A Bow And We Wish To Use It

Bushmaori posted:

They're also going to include a female model that can be randomly assigned, guess how well that went over.

This sounds hilarious

# ? Jan 7, 2016 14:04

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:05

Segmentation Fault: Jun 7, 2012

the random race/gender reminds me of the game Real Lives which lets you simulate the life of a random person on Earth. You're most likely going to end up in a third world country, develop a goiter, and get a brick thrown at you by your wife.

# ? Jan 7, 2016 17:52

RubberLuffy: Mar 31, 2011

Segmentation Fault posted:

the random race/gender reminds me of the game Real Lives which lets you simulate the life of a random person on Earth. You're most likely going to end up in a third world country, develop a goiter, and get a brick thrown at you by your wife.

Thanks for reminding me of this. My wife hit me with a brick but I got the last laugh because I died of colon cancer a few years later. :smuggo:

# ? Jan 8, 2016 03:16

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Just posted in the schadenfreude thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhO3oBFkq-8

# ? Jan 8, 2016 05:14

Hihohe: Oct 4, 2008; Fuck you and the sun you live under

Gorilla Salad posted:

Just posted in the schadenfreude thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhO3oBFkq-8

Holy poo poo, when he started listing the kids "credentials" i loving lost it. This guy seem real knowledgeable about airplane stuff over the kids playing this which makes it even better.

# ? Jan 8, 2016 09:06

Segmentation Fault: Jun 7, 2012

Hihohe posted:

Holy poo poo, when he started listing the kids "credentials" i loving lost it. This guy seem real knowledgeable about airplane stuff over the kids playing this which makes it even better.

Being a pilot by birthright was the funniest part.

# ? Jan 8, 2016 22:49

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Segmentation Fault posted:

Being a pilot by birthright was the funniest part.

It's like military spouses, they are the worst. I was sitting in a meeting and the instructor asked if there was any military. I raised my hand with a few others, and he asked us what we did etc. when he got to this woman she said "well, my husband is a major!" Like it counted. Sadly, I've seen this poo poo all over the place

# ? Jan 9, 2016 06:41

Bait and Swatch: Sep 5, 2012; Join me, Comrades
In the Star Citizen D&D thread

Soulex posted:

It's like military spouses, they are the worst. I was sitting in a meeting and the instructor asked if there was any military. I raised my hand with a few others, and he asked us what we did etc. when he got to this woman she said "well, my husband is a major!" Like it counted. Sadly, I've seen this poo poo all over the place

My wife told me quite a few FRG horror stories along these same lines.

# ? Jan 9, 2016 07:14

Segmentation Fault: Jun 7, 2012

This is off topic but there's an excellent GIP post about military wives and I wish I could find it, does anyone know what I'm talking about

# ? Jan 9, 2016 14:19

Magres: Jul 14, 2011

Is it the one about becoming like an intel nerd and how you'll hate your husband after ten years if he does

that was funny as poo poo

# ? Jan 9, 2016 20:50

Tythas: Oct 3, 2013; Never felt at home in reality
Always hiding behind avatars

Segmentation Fault posted:

This is off topic but there's an excellent GIP post about military wives and I wish I could find it, does anyone know what I'm talking about

Here it is

"Aquatic Giraffe" posted:

I have a question as a military dependent-to-be, I hope it's ok to ask in this thread as other information resources have not been clear. Fiance is a 2nd Lt in the USAF.

Here's our situation:
Fiance is finishing up intel school at Goodfellow AFB, graduating in May. He just received orders to Kadena AB in Okinawa. I am planning on staying here until my work contracts are done at the end of 2014 then joining him early 2015. In order for the USAF to foot the bill for me to join him later, when should we get married?

Some sources say before he leaves so I'm on his orders from the start.

Some say we should wait until he gets there so his orders will be amended and hope I get command sponsorship.

His current command says if we get married now they'll "for sure" pay for me to move later but we both agree that sounds like a lot of bullshit.

Thoughts?

"Shim " posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 10:44

Thronde: Aug 4, 2012; Fun Shoe

God. drat. What a good loving post. That's probably the most perfect "Dear Dependa" letter ever.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 11:03

Chocobo: Oct 15, 2012; Here comes a new challenger!; Oven Wrangler

Yardbomb posted:

And nowadays, hell, even a multitude of expansions ago by this point, any old rear end in a top hat with enough patience can get them easy just strolling invincibly through Black Temple on every reset.

Ten large well-spent.

If I recall correctly it was the Crown Prince of Dubai, he wouldn't bend over to pick up ten grand in the streets. He's bought other top raid geared characters, sponsored top raid guilds and flown players to his palace to play with him.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 11:57

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Thronde posted:

God. drat. What a good loving post. That's probably the most perfect "Dear Dependa" letter ever.

She went ahead and married him and later started complaining about the marriage, I heard.

Which makes it way funnier

# ? Jan 10, 2016 17:43

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

weed is a hell of a drug

# ? Jan 10, 2016 18:11

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Tythas posted:

Here it is

I want this post framed.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 19:50

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Chocobo posted:

If I recall correctly it was the Crown Prince of Dubai, he wouldn't bend over to pick up ten grand in the streets. He's bought other top raid geared characters, sponsored top raid guilds and flown players to his palace to play with him.

That's just sad.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 20:29

Foxhound: Sep 5, 2007

Chocobo posted:

If I recall correctly it was the Crown Prince of Dubai, he wouldn't bend over to pick up ten grand in the streets. He's bought other top raid geared characters, sponsored top raid guilds and flown players to his palace to play with him.

Yeah, I think some Saudi prince backed Nihilum and later their other guild Ensidia (both considered among the best in the world). Last Resort (another top tier guild) also had some in it who I'm pretty sure bought their way in. They also founded a internet caf� based on the guild:
https://www.facebook.com/LastResortUAE/info?tab=overview

# ? Jan 10, 2016 20:48

RatHat: Dec 31, 2007; A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!

Why do raiding guilds need sponsors? Is it so they can quit their jobs and spend all day playing WoW?

# ? Jan 10, 2016 21:10

HenryEx: Mar 25, 2009; ...your cybernetic implants, the only beauty in that meat you call "a body"...; Grimey Drawer

Darkman Fanpage posted:

That's just sad.

Don't worry, envy is natural.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 21:17

Hypha: Sep 13, 2008

Crown prince of the goons.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 21:21

CitizenKain: May 27, 2001; That was Gary Cooper, asshole.; Nap Ghost

RatHat posted:

Why do raiding guilds need sponsors? Is it so they can quit their jobs and spend all day playing WoW?

Pretty much. Basically, if someone needs to be on the bleeding edge of content, they need to play all day, every day. They need to get materials for the raid for, potions/elixirs, enchantments and they need money to afford repairs and other things. Since they will be too busy in raid to do those things, they'll just pay money for gold and buy them from other players. Since staying up for 18 ours straight isn't conductive to having a job, someone has to pay for rent.

# ? Jan 10, 2016 21:23

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

HenryEx posted:

Don't worry, envy is natural.

For real, my first response was "I wanna do that"

# ? Jan 10, 2016 21:37

well HECK Phil: Feb 25, 2010; Toilet Rascal

Tythas posted:

Here it is

This is the best grief because it's 100% truth. He straight out tells her how she's going to get trolled for life and she goes through with it anyways.

# ? Jan 11, 2016 04:45

Yardbomb: Jul 11, 2011; What's with the eh... bretonnian dance, sir?

Shim just sounds like a pretty poo poo person either way.

# ? Jan 11, 2016 04:58

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

It's GiP. What do you expect?

# ? Jan 11, 2016 05:07

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Darkman Fanpage posted:

It's the military. What do you expect?

Fixed for accuracy.

# ? Jan 11, 2016 06:17

Sammus: Nov 30, 2005

Jesus Christ. That's basically mybrotherslife.txt.

He's only partially through the stages, but it's all there.

# ? Jan 11, 2016 06:58

Kwanzaa Quickie: Nov 4, 2009

He the intel officer, the dependant, the maybe inbred homewrecker, or the toothless stripper?

# ? Jan 11, 2016 15:58

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Dez Orwell posted:

He the intel officer, the dependant, the maybe inbred homewrecker, or the toothless stripper?

all of them

# ? Jan 11, 2016 16:03

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

She went ahead and married him and later started complaining about the marriage, I heard.

Which makes it way funnier

Man I wasn't expecting some E/N poo poo in here, that poor dumb woman

# ? Jan 11, 2016 19:36

Dick Burglar: Mar 6, 2006

Someone please find that follow-up. I'd love some schadenfreude today.

# ? Jan 11, 2016 22:28

Odysseus S. Grant: Oct 12, 2011; Cats is the oldest and strongest emotion
of mankind

Isn't life the greatest video game grief of all?

# ? Jan 12, 2016 01:49

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

This might be the most consistently funny thread in the forums. I remember lurking this thread for the first ten pages or so close to when I first joined and cracking up. It's still gold.

# ? Jan 12, 2016 06:29

Bait and Swatch: Sep 5, 2012; Join me, Comrades
In the Star Citizen D&D thread

Eifert Posting posted:

This might be the most consistently funny thread in the forums. I remember lurking this thread for the first ten pages or so close to when I first joined and cracking up. It's still gold.

Have you been to the star citizen thread?

# ? Jan 12, 2016 06:55

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Eifert Posting posted:

This might be the most consistently funny thread in the forums. I remember lurking this thread for the first ten pages or so close to when I first joined and cracking up. It's still gold.

Nope that's the YOSPOS bitcoin thread. It's greedy idiot libertarians scamming each other over and over, in real life, and a whole cast of zany characters doing just the craziest, dumbest things

This thread is consistently funny if you're reading it for the first time, since it's a billion pages long and mostly original good stuff. When it comes to new content, this thread has had some dry spells

# ? Jan 12, 2016 10:22

Double Monocle: Sep 4, 2008; Smug as fuck.

One thing I want to clarify about age of wushu was how hilarious the "10 noob goons team up gank a p2w" was.

Wushu had psuedo fighting game mechanics. There was blocking, counters, gaurd breaks, chasing moves ect.

The best part of this was the game had HITSTUN.

Basically every time a dude was kung fu punching you, your character was locked into a "I am getting punched" animation.

This means that these goon ganks were absolutely brutal. Many moves in this game had lengthy animations and hit stun, essentially turning a gank into a 3 minute stun as 5 goons took turns body slamming/dick punching the super high level super geared kung fu master who lost 3% of his hp to each hit.

And the dick punch is not a joke. Royal gaurd style eagle claw had a move that was a 3 second lockdown where you run up to a knocked down oppentent and pummel his dick. Get 3 eagle claws on a dude and due to the low cooldown of the move, you could get your target into an endless cycle of dick punches with no escape (lag permitting)

These ganks were loving hilarious even if they didn't work because eagle claw had a debuff that caused you to randomly fall prone instead of doing a flying move. Most of our ganks would be about 10 seconds of dick punches, then the player breaking the chain due to lag. They would panic and try their best to escape. Cue them jumping gracefully through the air once or twice before they plummet out of the sky like a glitched skyrim dragon into another conga line of punches to the dick.

Double Monocle fucked around with this message at 18:16 on Jan 12, 2016

# ? Jan 12, 2016 18:12

Lord Chumley: May 14, 2007; Embrace your destiny.

Double Monocle posted:

One thing I want to clarify about age of wushu was how hilarious the "10 noob goons team up gank a p2w" was.

Wushu had psuedo fighting game mechanics. There was blocking, counters, gaurd breaks, chasing moves ect.

The best part of this was the game had HITSTUN.

Basically every time a dude was kung fu punching you, your character was locked into a "I am getting punched" animation.

This means that these goon ganks were absolutely brutal. Many moves in this game had lengthy animations and hit stun, essentially turning a gank into a 3 minute stun as 5 goons took turns body slamming/dick punching the super high level super geared kung fu master who lost 3% of his hp to each hit.

And the dick punch is not a joke. Royal gaurd style eagle claw had a move that was a 3 second lockdown where you run up to a knocked down oppentent and pummel his dick. Get 3 eagle claws on a dude and due to the low cooldown of the move, you could get your target into an endless cycle of dick punches with no escape (lag permitting)

These ganks were loving hilarious even if they didn't work because eagle claw had a debuff that caused you to randomly fall prone instead of doing a flying move. Most of our ganks would be about 10 seconds of dick punches, then the player breaking the chain due to lag. They would panic and try their best to escape. Cue them jumping gracefully through the air once or twice before they plummet out of the sky like a glitched skyrim dragon into another conga line of punches to the dick.

another conga line of punches to the dick - The Griefing Discussion Thread

# ? Jan 12, 2016 19:47

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Reading about Age of Wushu makes me want to rewatch Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.

# ? Jan 12, 2016 20:14

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:05

Instruction Manuel: May 15, 2007; Yes, it is what it looks like!

Darkman Fanpage posted:

Reading about Age of Wushu makes me want to rewatch Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.

Do it anyway. That movie is completely dumb and owns because of it.

# ? Jan 12, 2016 21:38

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