Faux-rear end Nonsense posted:

Sorry . I'll take a probation for squabbling over humour (which is inherently subjective) as long as everybody else who did the same also gets one.

C. E. Croix posted:

The best description I've heard of ska is that its what plays in a fat kid's head when they get good news.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Good news, I've had a probation in the queue for you since yesterday

Nanomashoes posted:

Strange that it hasn't been approved...

Quorum posted:

The south is a massive overlapping clusterfuck of definitions, so if you put it on the map it looks like a deep red core in Alabama and Mississippi with Southiness radiating outward in a kind of yokel halo as far as Missouri, Kentucky, and Virginia.

Winkie01 posted:

https://twitter.com/ThisWeekABC/status/689165531857989632

Zelder posted:

Chris Christie starts, finishes beef

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Good news, I've had a probation in the queue for you since yesterday

Faux-rear end Nonsense posted:

What for, if you don't mind me asking.

Lady Naga posted:

A fat man in a porkpie hat and a silkscreen shirt shows up to snarl "I am the one who knocks" shortly before leaving.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

The post is tasteless and not even in the context of a joke -- it just reads as vulgarity for vulgarity's sake. I would have checked the context you pulled it from to see if it was funny or ironic when originally posted, but you didn't have a link-back so I had to judge it in a vacuum.

e: the queued probation is only for a day, so don't sweat it too much.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

It was posted, in this thread before , and is actually really good

Black Baby Goku posted:

nig nog trying to get a hand beezy

Skylark posted:

my wife is awesome, she also agrees apple is supreme over microsoft and google 👏👏 and we like watching netflix original series on the couch together. and thats about the extent to which i can connect with a woman

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

ryonguy posted:

Help I cut my self on this edgy post.

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

I thought Skylark was a woman.

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

I thought Skylark was a woman.

Enourmo posted:

also, lesbians/bisexuals. its 2016, women can legally have wives now.

Enourmo posted:

also, lesbians/bisexuals. its 2016, women can legally have wives now.

Blue Story posted:

They might die of an allergy, or they might commit suicide.

Prism Mirror Lens posted:

OK come on, OP is clearly messing with us. "My superior genetics have a 50/50 chance of creating a dead-end kid that will self destruct, but a 50/50 chance of making the perfect übermensch!" Is your husband Big Boss?

BioEnchanted posted:

Also whatever's eating the earth seems really rude. If you see a discarded pie cooling on a windowsill do you just walk right up and eat the pie? No! Why do you walk up to a planet that's been cooling for billions of years and think it's OK to just start chowing down? This is our pie! We were saving it for the Sun's funeral, rear end in a top hat!

paranoid randroid posted:

iirc palin did fairly well as mayor of wasilla, but then again being the mayor of an alaskan town is such a low impact position that there are cats who have been elected to multiple terms

JigglyPuff posted:

Pick posted:

quote:

Other perils from which the feline mayor has escaped include being shot by teenagers with BB guns, and falling into a restaurant's deep fryer (which was switched off and cool at the time). Recent exploits also included hitching a ride to the outskirts of Talkeetna on a garbage truck.

Karate Bastard posted:

Click the name gramps.

Karate Bastard posted:

Click the name gramps.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

The 70's had some interesting outlooks on style.

PCOS Bill posted:

Did you not read the Constitution? You have the right to bear arms.

Obeah posted:

When I was working as a graphic designer for PAWS Inc. (SE Asian Market) in Muncie, Indiana, I got stuck in what I can only describe as a triplex apartment between a group of BSU students and an elderly, mentally handicapped man who would tell us all about how he was the last person in his assistance program to still have a helper monkey. Apparently they've mostly been phased out or something?

Anyway, the kids who lived next to me in the triplex were obsessed with seeing this grandfathered capuchin and seemed to be split 50-50 on believing it even existed. I'd been there six months, the students almost a year, and none of us had seen or heard this thing in person. Kenneth - the old man - would stand on his end of the house and "water the grass", which really just amounted to chain smoking and hosing his corner of the lawn down. Anytime any of us went outside while he was doing this, he'd yell conversation to us. "Esquire (the monkey) turned off the TV during Final Jeopardy last night. I got so mad..." and "I caught Esquire eating out of the trash again. Such a pain in my rear end." It was nonstop during the summer months.

So at the end of August, I was helping Kenneth with some legitimate yard work. He asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner, and even though Esquire did not come up in the invitation at all, he was my first thought. A chance to confirm this creature's existence. I jumped at the opportunity.

So that night, I have the worst meal of my life. Reheated spaghetti eaten out of Tupperware. No conversation. Just the sounds of us eating. Feeling weirdly nauseous and wanting to go home, I asked Kenneth where Esquire was.

"In my bedroom. He was acting up earlier. and I didn't want him bothering you during supper."

I should have accepted this, but I pressed on, saying I was full and just wanted to meet him before going home. At this point, Kenneth stood up, walked to his bedroom, slammed the door shut, and was in there for maybe five minutes or so. I was about to leave when he came out.

"He's about to bedtime out, but you can see him before you leave."

Here's my memory of that encounter, as filtered through my PTSD (semi-serious here - I could get diagnosed for sure):

Sock monkey sitting in a wicker chair next to a bed. Withered Cracker Barrel price tag still hanging off. White areas of the monkey stained with nicotine. A hole cut in between the legs. Kenneth behind me. The sinking feeling as I realize his hard cock (still in pants, though) is pressed against my back. I forget the exact words, but he did ask me to touch Esquire, so I half heartedly petted it and he slapped the back of my head. Whispered to me "F-fingerblast this little turd." That part I remember perfectly. And I did.

I won't dwell on the rest of the encounter. Suffice to say that it was a bad night for me, and finishing out that lease was hell. I don't regret anything but accepting the dinner invitation. Had I not become finger intimate with Esquire, he very well could have stabbed me. He'd been collecting knives since Vietnam. I noticed several pocket knives on a drawer in the bedroom alone. This was a scary dude, and it's hard to blame myself for it. But anyway, I ended up getting let go from my dream job right before the end of the lease, so obviously I didn't stick around for long.

All of this is just a roundabout way of saying that you should really, really be careful around this neighbor of yours. What seems and reads as funny on SA or to your friends can be a life threatening, terrifying experience irl.

Ein cooler Typ posted:

i'm not sure what disease I have

whichever one causes me to be a 25 year old virgin

Fart.Bleed.Repeat. posted:

At a local Subway my uncle ordered a footlong sub which they prepared, and as they were cutting in half like they do, he asked if they could cut it into quarters instead

"Sorry, I already cut it in half "

ikanreed posted:

Well they're a sandwich artist, not a sandwich mathematician.

CommunistPancake posted:

Bonster posted:

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Sleeveless posted:

An Angry Bug posted:

NoEyedSquareGuy posted:

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

What the gently caress is a aspic?

Avenging_Mikon posted:

A Mexican with Autism