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Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART

Aliquid posted:

Greenbacks or greenfuck yourself

William Jennings Bryan is going to give Debs a hell of a run for his money. I mean, hell, in 1900 he was even supported by the Anti-Imperialist League! That is SA as gently caress.

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oystertoadfish
Jun 17, 2003

voted birn for

Ghetto Prince posted:

massive , Haitian style revolt.
combined with a massive slaveowner style revolt

i think every state wouldve seceded multiple times on the valid grounds that an electorate consisting solely of ironists from centuries in the future was not the intent of the founding fathers

oystertoadfish has issued a correction as of 10:05 on Feb 15, 2016

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015

oystertoadfish posted:


i think every state wouldve seceded multiple times on the valid grounds that an electorate consisting solely of ironists from centuries in the future was not the intent of the founding fathers

So in our timeline, every four years a shadowy image appears in front of congress, declaring who will be President and Vice President for the next four years? Sounds awesome. We should make this canon.

I wonder when the candidates will begin pandering to this mysterious Future Cabal that is holding an iron grip on their society. So far, they should have noticed that abolitionism is a good way to gain our favors, but alternative tactics like going full anti-mason or wishing to explore the hollow earth might work as well. How long untill one of them will figure out that the magical words to become President for lifetime are "Full Communism Now!"?

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Pakled posted:

William Jennings Bryan is going to give Debs a hell of a run for his money. I mean, hell, in 1900 he was even supported by the Anti-Imperialist League! That is SA as gently caress.

1900 will have Debs v. Bryan v. Roosevelt v. John "end child labor now" Wooley v. Joseph "Abolish the Presidency" Maloney.

It will be an interesting election.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011
It will be one of the better elections.

Also, I can only assume that the more legitimate politicians end up in congress, and that Congress ends up winning the balance of powers as the goon overmind elects fringe maniacs and Full Communists to the executive, and the judiciary is toothless from the word go. We probably saw Washington as either president pro tempore or Speaker of the House to actually unite the nation with His Excellency.

Eschers Basement
Sep 13, 2007

by exmarx
You guys, you guys, hard cider.

I mean, Jesus Christ guys, hard cider. Do you not understand what is at stake here? I mean, you can be all like 'I'm freeing the slaves' poo poo or 'I'm using tariff funds to create a series of internal improvements such as a national canal system' or whatever poo poo, but like, Harrison? Harrison is hard cider. All the time hard cider.

How can you not hard cider, dudes?

1840 hard cider erryday

alpha_destroy
Mar 23, 2010

Billy Butler: Fat Guy by Day, Doubles Machine by Night
I am big into expansionism and were better to expand than into the hollow earth? Manifest Destiny demands we seize the West and also the Down gentlegoons.

Fritz Coldcockin
Nov 7, 2005
Voted for Tippecanoe because the past is obdurate and doesn't wish to be changed

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Eschers Basement posted:

You guys, you guys, hard cider.

I mean, Jesus Christ guys, hard cider. Do you not understand what is at stake here? I mean, you can be all like 'I'm freeing the slaves' poo poo or 'I'm using tariff funds to create a series of internal improvements such as a national canal system' or whatever poo poo, but like, Harrison? Harrison is hard cider. All the time hard cider.

How can you not hard cider, dudes?

1840 hard cider erryday

Hard Cider? Hard Cider.



Hard Cider. Hard Cider. Hard Cider.



HARD CIDER.



HARD CIDER GOOD. HARD CIDER AMERICAN.



Haaaaaaaaarrrrrdddddd Ciiiidddeeeerrrrrr

Skyl3lazer
Aug 27, 2007

[Dooting Stealthily]



kalstrams posted:

Talk about poo poo election, Briney/Earle '40, smdh. At least we've got a nice template to vote in now. :toot:

BIRNEY SANDERS 1840

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
This thread has literally been a more educational history experience than my years of US history class, including AP US History.

Why is the state of history education so bad? Why is this thread so good?

Unsurprisingly, these questions have lead me to vote for the abolitionist. Burn it all down.

Thump!
Nov 25, 2007

Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!



GlyphGryph posted:

This thread has literally been a more educational history experience than my years of US history class, including AP US History.

Why is the state of history education so bad? Why is this thread so good?

Unsurprisingly, these questions have lead me to vote for the abolitionist. Burn it all down.

Because we let Texas write our textbooks for some godawful reason.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011

Thump! posted:

Because we let Texas write our textbooks for some godawful reason.

Oil & blood gets a lot a people in one big state. :capitalism:

foobardog
Apr 19, 2007

There, now I can tell when you're posting.

-- A friend :)
The day of reckoning is upon us! We will free the slaves, win the upcoming civil war and create a new country truly committed to the rights of all men!

There is a businessman who has sold me a fine ewe, but has really impressed onto me the tragedy of Lovejoy's death.

Sic semper tyrannis!

BIRN
IT
DOWN

Fritz Coldcockin
Nov 7, 2005

Thump! posted:

Because we let Texas write our textbooks for some godawful reason.

Do they teach that Ronald Reagan killed Hitler with his bare hands? I imagine it that way.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

So, what way is the Order of the Cincinnati signaled to vote again? Asking for a friend.

I'm a one issue voter, and that issue is "No Popery."

Goatse James Bond
Mar 28, 2010

If you see me posting please remind me that I have Charlie Work in the reports forum to do instead

Nebakenezzer posted:

So, what way is the Order of the Cincinnati signaled to vote again? Asking for a friend.

I'm a one issue voter, and that issue is "No Popery."

I have good news, friend. News about Freemasonry being a Papist conspiracy to destroy our country and our way of life. News of President Ellmaker being stopped at the moment of victory by their perfidious influence.

Vote *flips coin* William Henry Harrison for a less Papist future.

Not necessarily that much less Papist, since both he and Tyler are Episcopalian and therefore diet Catholics, but at least the founder of their church broke off with the Bishop of Rome because he wanted to divorce his wife nonlethally.

just rust
Oct 23, 2012

Gentlemen, time is running out.

Each day that passes without an American expedition digging vigorously to reach Terra's hollow core is another concession to the Vatican, the Freemasons, the Mohammedans; any and all of the barbaric hordes of the Old World are seeking to establish the seat of their one world government in the very heart of the Earth. We have toiled to let freedom ring across the New World, but the Newest World deep below us also yearns to hear that sweet liberty bell chime.

Will you chime that bell with me, brothers? Or will you stand idly by while the center of all creation becomes a sweaty pit of papists, or worse?

You know what to do. Johnson as Vice President is our only hope.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye

GreyjoyBastard posted:

I have good news, friend. News about Freemasonry being a Papist conspiracy to destroy our country and our way of life. News of President Ellmaker being stopped at the moment of victory by their perfidious influence.

Egregious folly! We They are a counter-weight of liberty against the perfidious, slatternly infiltration of these great United States by Papists and their dogmatic lapdogs, the so called `Knights` of Columbus. Those who say otherwise suck cock by choice!

I have voted, friends, choosing the van Buren-Johnson ticket. While I admit van Buren has made surprisingly few tirades against the Papacy and his illegitimate empire, I vote mostly for the sterling qualities of his VP, Johnson. A man with a common-law negro wife? The south will choke on its own bile as it vomits itself to death, leaving those pestelant lands to be re-settled by men not infected with racism's vile taint.

(Also it makes me sad that if he was running today as a GOP candidate, his hollow earth ideas would be accepted, or at least ignored as long as they had some bullshit religious justification. But having a common-law wife, let alone a black common-law wife would sink him instantly.)

Eschers Basement
Sep 13, 2007

by exmarx

QuoProQuid posted:

Haaaaaaaaarrrrrdddddd Ciiiidddeeeerrrrrr


Who the gently caress cares about education or freemasonry or hollow earths or slavery?

haaaarrrrrrdddddddddd ciiiiiidddddddddeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr



HARD CIDER


hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrrrdddddd CIDER



You are seriously telling me that something other than being hosed up on hard cider 24/7 is more important to you

seriously

holy poo poo seriously

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015

Eschers Basement posted:




You are seriously telling me that something other than being hosed up on hard cider 24/7 is more important to you

seriously

holy poo poo seriously

The only thing more important to me is getting hosed up on hard cider in a LOG CABIN!

edit:



Ibogaine has issued a correction as of 21:03 on Feb 16, 2016

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015

GlyphGryph posted:

This thread has literally been a more educational history experience than my years of US history class, including AP US History.

Why is the state of history education so bad? Why is this thread so good?

Unsurprisingly, these questions have lead me to vote for the abolitionist. Burn it all down.

My minor at college was American studies, and the focus was more on cultural history and structural aspects of the US. I never took any classes on the minutiae of individual elections, so I wasn't prepared for the sheer insanity of it all. Never mind the structural differences between the different parts of the US and their effects on the long term development of political fissures and alliances: Voting for hard cider or anti-Mason is much more fun!

So, yeah, this thread is awesome.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire
Holy crap what horseshit are these candidates.

Neutron Bandit
Apr 28, 2008

How can Birney Sanders possibly lose? It's our Christian duty to end the misery of the enslaved.

RagnarokAngel
Oct 5, 2006

Black Magic Extraordinaire

Neutron Bandit posted:

How can Birney Sanders possibly lose? It's our Christian duty to end the misery of the enslaved.

And send them packing because they can't be integrated.

I mean I voted for Birn but oh man.

oystertoadfish
Jun 17, 2003

RagnarokAngel posted:

Holy crap what horseshit are these candidates.

they're what we're gonna look like to people in 2200, probably

the (presumably still) small handful of people who really start to look beyond history-as-just-so-story-for-why-my-politics-are-right and actually begin to try to put themselves in the shoes of people who lived in a different era, anyway

Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART
In 200 years, futuregoons will be dismissing all the candidates in the 2016 election as assholes for not supporting equal rights for dolphins.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Nebakenezzer posted:

(Also it makes me sad that if he was running today as a GOP candidate, his hollow earth ideas would be accepted, or at least ignored as long as they had some bullshit religious justification. But having a common-law wife, let alone a black common-law wife would sink him instantly.)

Whenever the Democratic Party attacked Johnson on his wife, he would respond by listing off the names of every party leader who kept a black mistress. This strategy tended to work very well.


Vavrek posted:

The Paranoid Style in American Politics is required reading for this thread, right?

Very nice read. I'll add it to the OP.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

For those of you with any interest in American history, the History Channel will be airing their new show, Join or Die tonight at 11:00/10:00c. The show stars former Late Late Show host, Craig Ferguson, and a random panel of historians, talking heads, and comedians as they discuss a particular historical topic. The first episode's topic is, "Worst political blunders," so stay tuned to see whether they discuss the Hartford Convention or Alexander Hamilton's ill-conceived crusade against John Adams.

Corek
May 11, 2013

by R. Guyovich

QuoProQuid posted:

For those of you with any interest in American history, the History Channel will be airing their new show, Join or Die tonight at 11:00/10:00c. The show stars former Late Late Show host, Craig Ferguson, and a random panel of historians, talking heads, and comedians as they discuss a particular historical topic. The first episode's topic is, "Worst political blunders," so stay tuned to see whether they discuss the Hartford Convention or Alexander Hamilton's ill-conceived crusade against John Adams.

The Hartford Convention: when secession was a Northern, Yankee idea

fantastic in plastic
Jun 15, 2007

The Socialist Workers Party's newspaper proved to be a tough sell to downtown businessmen.

QuoProQuid posted:

Alexander Hamilton's ill-conceived crusade against John Adams.

How does Hamilton, the short-tempered, protean creator of the coast guard, founder of the New York Post ardently abuse his cabinet post and destroy his reputation?

Vavrek
Mar 2, 2013

I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

Tao Jones posted:

How does Hamilton, the short-tempered, protean creator of the coast guard, founder of the New York Post ardently abuse his cabinet post and destroy his reputation?

Bitch, please.

Jump King
Aug 10, 2011

QuoProQuid posted:

For those of you with any interest in American history, the History Channel will be airing their new show, Join or Die tonight at 11:00/10:00c. The show stars former Late Late Show host, Craig Ferguson, and a random panel of historians, talking heads, and comedians as they discuss a particular historical topic. The first episode's topic is, "Worst political blunders," so stay tuned to see whether they discuss the Hartford Convention or Alexander Hamilton's ill-conceived crusade against John Adams.

All of these are pretty recent

axeil
Feb 14, 2006
i just found this thread and this is super interesting/fun.

i would also like to share my picture of my martin van buren action figure as i thought you all would enjoy it.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

MMM Whatchya Say posted:

All of these are pretty recent

That's disappointing. I unfortunately was not able to tune in, but hoped they might bring up some of the ridiculousness that we have seen in these early elections.


axeil posted:

i just found this thread and this is super interesting/fun.

i would also like to share my picture of my martin van buren action figure as i thought you all would enjoy it.



Very nice.

Eschers Basement
Sep 13, 2007

by exmarx
Bitch, please. My Herbert Hoover action figure has a pistol grip. What does your Van Buren figure do? Sit around all day drinking mulled wine? loving HARD CIDER, dude.




No, that's an awesome Van Buren, be proud of that Matty!

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Thank you for voting. Continuing the country’s descent into single-issue chaos, Liberty Party nominee James Gillespie Birney has been elected President in a landslide. Having won with such an overwhelming margin, Southern plantation owners have cried foul and have accused northern abolitionists of tampering with the vote. Virginia has threatened to march its state militia on Washington, D.C. unless the votes are recounted.

As Birney races back home from his anti-slavery conference in London, Vice President-elect Thomas Earle has been forced to try and cool tensions. As he has never before served in elected office and is considered an abolitionist radical, these attempts have gone poorly.

States across the South have gathered in South Carolina to discuss the Birney Presidency and whether the Freemasons are involved in the abolitionist conspiracy.

RESULTS BREAKDOWN:

Most Popular Ticket:


James G. Birney / Thomas Earle (Liberty) - 60 votes (68.2%)
William Henry Harrison / John Tyler (Whig) - 15 votes (17%)
Martin Van Buren / Richard Mentor Johnson (Democratic) - 9 votes (10.2%)
Martin Van Buren / Littleton W. Tazewell (Democratic) - 4 votes (4.5%)

QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 17:56 on Feb 21, 2016

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

ELECTION OF 1844

:siren: Click here to vote in the Election of 1844! :siren:



When William Henry Harrison took his oath of office, he hoped to show the country that he was a serious, intellectual man. A man who could both lead militarily and politically. A man in the mold of George Washington. Harrison would begin his inauguration with a bold and visionary address, one that show his commitment to reform, to repudiating the legacy of Jackson, and to ensuring Whig hegemony for years to come.

Then he died a month later.

To the horror of both Democrats and Whigs, Harrison’s death allowed John Tyler, the much-abused, aristocratic, anti-Jacksonian Southerner, to seize reigns of power. Acting in opposition to both major parties, Tyler acted unilaterally to ensure his vision of the Constitution became reality. He vetoed major bipartisan bills because he considered tariffs and internal improvements to be unconstitutional. He acted unilaterally and tried to bypass Congress to seize Mexican territory. By 1842, former President John Quincy Adams had been appointed to head a select committee to consider whether Tyler should be impeached. By 1845, the 28th Congress became the first Congress to override a Presidential veto.

To no one’s shock, Tyler was booted from the party and has made no attempt to run for election. What is surprising is the Democratic nomination process. While most Democratic insiders expected the party to nominate former President Martin Van Buren, Van Buren’s opposition to Texas’s annexation and popular opposition to him within the South has led to a de facto coup by anti-Van Buren forces. In his place, the Democrats have nominated James K. Polk, a politician who is little-known nationally but respected within his native Tennessee, and George M. Dallas, who was unaware that he was even under consideration and only reluctantly accepted the nomination.

While the Democrats have thrown together their usual platform of states’ rights, strict constitutionalism, and opposition to the “American System,” Polk has decided to shift the election’s framework to a much more divisive issue: American expansionism. In particular, Polk has seized upon America’s ongoing disputes with Mexico and Canada to gain support among Northern abolitionists and Southern slaveowners. Hoping to shatter the fragile Whig coalition, Polk has promised annexation of all of Texas and Oregon if elected President. This compromise has earned him praise among the press. Many American believe that it is their destiny to conquer not just Texas, but everything between it and the Pacific.

For the Whigs, the nomination process has been much less contentious. After one ballot, the Whigs have nominated Party Leader Henry Clay, the only man that the Whigs believed capable of winning after Tyler’s disastrous presidency. To thwart Polk, Clay has attempted to focus the issue on the dangers of admitting Texas into the Union and the potential for new territory to disrupt the North-South balance. Hoping to win over northern anti-slavery advocates that may flock to Birney’s Liberty Party, Clay has also selected Theodore Frelinghuysen as his running mate. As a prominent evangelical Christian advocate and anti-slavery activist, Clay hopes he can discourage too many Whigs from voting for a third party and instead support him to thwart the “slaveocrats.” Clay is suspected to be responsible for the sudden appearance of thousands of anti-Polk tracts around the country, many of which accuse Polk of being a roaming slavetrader and a devil in disguise.

The Democrats have retaliated in the South by spreading rumors of Clay’s atheism, his womanizing, and his bloodthirsty nature. They have also levelled the worst accusation possible against him: That he is an abolitionist.

While the candidates’ positions on expansionism are clear, their positions on other issues are less so. Both Polk and Clay have danced around substantive issues like tariffs, the Treasury, and internal improvements. Many suspect that Clay and Polk are largely in agreement on most matters and that their only real feud is over who gets to be President.

Background:


Presidential Nominee: James Knox Polk
  • Party Affiliation: Democratic Party
  • Notable Positions: Governor of Tennessee, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, United States Representative from Tennessee
  • Biography: Polk was born on a family farm in North Carolina. When he was ten, he travelled with his family to the frontier of Tennessee, where his parents hoped to make a name for themselves. While the Polks were financially successful, so much so that they bought thousands of acres of land and over fifty slaves, the hardships left deep physical and psychological scars on Polk that would shape his career. In 1825, Polk joined the United States House of Representatives where he served as an advocate of Jackson, a man already supported by Polk’s father. Though he made a name for himself, both by pursuing Jacksonian policies and by expanding his father’s fantastic wealth, Polk never had aspirations for the Presidency. It was only thanks to a Southern coup against former President Martin Van Buren that Polk has ended up on the ticket, thus becoming the country’s first dark horse candidate.
  • Platform: Hoping to divide the Whigs, Polk has centered his Presidency around an aggressively expansionist foreign policy. With the support of Dallas, Polk has announced his support for annexing all of Texas and the Oregon Territory, using the slogan, “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight” to attract Northern and Southern supporters. Polk has other ambitions involving Panama and Cuba and many of his supporters have called for the annexation of “All Mexico”. Polk has also used tariff policy to build national support, characterizing himself as a supporter of “common-sense” reductions that will make expensive imports affordable to average consumers. He hopes to work with American producers to ensure their livelihoods are unaffected by free trade. Though a true believer in slavery, Polk considers the preservation of the Union to be paramount and is willing to make major sacrifices to ensure the country’s survival. He has proposed extending the Missouri Compromise line to the Pacific Coast to assuage Northern and Southern concerns. He believes that the native American tribes living in those lands must be “civilized, forcibly if need be” as they possess no worthwhile cultural traits. Polk supports Van Buren’s Independent Treasury System as a compromise between hardline Jacksonian thought and the Hamiltonian Bank and hopes to strengthen the institution as President. On all other issues, he is a standard Jacksonian.


Vice Presidential Nominee: George Mifflin Dallas
  • Party Affiliation: Democratic Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Senator from Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania Attorney General, Mayor of Philadelphia, Ambassador to Russia, Ambassador to the United Kingdom, United States Attorney for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania
  • Biography: Dallas is the the son of Alexander James Dallas, former Secretary of the Treasury and Secretary of War under James Madison, status which has endeared him to party elites. A reluctant lawyer, who likely only went to college to satisfy his father, Dallas spent his early life trying to escape from Pennsylvania. He unsuccessfully tried to fight in the War of 1812, before jumping at an opportunity to serve as Albert Gallatin’s secretary in Russia as Gallatin tried to negotiate peace terms for the War of 1812. He was then ordered to London, where he served as the Treasury Department’s representative. After returning to the states, he has been an active and enthusiastic politician. In 1835, Dallas served as Grand Master of the Freemasons in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, Dallas’s foreign ties and status were used to inflame existing anti-Mason sentiment. Dallas is also noted for having a rivalry with a prominent Pennsylvania politician named James Buchanan.
  • Platform: Dallas is the leader of Pennsylvania’s “Family Party” faction, a segment of the Democratic Party that espouses belief in a supreme Constitution, an energetic national government able to implement protective tariffs and internal improvements, a powerful central banking system, and expansionism. Though he is at odds with the party on almost all issues, Dallas has been selected to balance the ticket and attract Northerners to the largely Southern Democratic Party. Plus, Dallas’s militant views on the need to conquer “all of Oregon” has helped dissuade Northern fears about the expansion of slavery at the expense of Northern ambitions. Though personally in favor of tariffs, Dallas believes that the Vice President’s role is to support the public’s wishes and advance the President’s agenda. Thus, Dallas has sworn to promote Polk’s anti-bank and anti-tariff policies if elected. Dallas advocates popular sovereignty as a solution to the slavery question and hopes it will defuse growing tensions on the slavery issue. He has made no statements on the Native American issue. In foreign policy, Dallas can be characterized as a radical jingoist who believes that America should spread its liberty across the world.

WHIG PARTY CANDIDATES:


Presidential Nominee: Henry Clay
  • Party Affiliation: Whig Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Senator from Kentucky, Secretary of State, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, United States Representative from Kentucky, President of the American Colonization Society
  • Biography: Henry Clay is one of the most influential men in the country and the leading figure of the post-Jacksonian United States Congress. Born in Hanover County, Virginia, Clay unexpectedly joined the planter class at age four when his father died, leaving him and his brother with two slaves each. Using his family’s connections, Clay became friends with George Wythe, who was a mentor to Thomas Jefferson, John Marshall, and many other prominent Virginians, and was eventually admitted to the bar. Known for his oratory and legal skills, Clay was admitted to the United States Senate despite being under the constitutionally required age of thirty. Clay’s support for the War of 1812 allowed him to accelerate his career and achieve the Speakership. Under Clay, the position has evolved from a mere parliamentarian to one of political power second only to the President. In 1824, Clay orchestrated the Corrupt Bargain, which denied Jackson the Presidency. Jackson has hated Clay ever since and has sought to destroy his political career.
  • Platform: As he did in 1832, Henry Clay has presented himself as a unifier, hoping to cool brewing tensions over slavery. Unlike 1832, the defining issue for Clay is not the American System, but the annexation of Texas. Opposed to both President Tyler and Democratic nominee Polk, Clay has come out decisively against the immediate annexation of the territory because it would upset the balance between North and South. Rather, he has declared that he would not admit Texas to the Union without “northern acquiescence,” apparently siding with Martin Van Buren’s calls for a national referendum. He is similarly ambivalent about Oregon and has criticized Polk for his dangerous saber-rattling. Clay hopes for a reasonable division of Oregon between the Canada and the United States. To prevent the Liberty Party from sapping too many of his votes, he has made an effort to present himself as a supporter of gradual emancipation. Despite this, Clay rarely goes anywhere without one or two slaves accompanying him at all times. To avoid alienating Southern supporters, the Clay campaign has joined forces with prominent anti-Catholic nativists and stopped talking about his views on Native Americans. If elected, Clay promises to tighten existing naturalization laws, to prevent immigrants from taking traditional American jobs, and protect the country’s borders. On all other affairs, Clay has resurrected his old campaign promises on the National Bank and internal improvements. He supports federally-run programs to make the United States economically self-sufficient. Clay has avoided campaigning on other issues to avoid dividing the Whig Party’s delicate coalition. To pacify any opposition within his Party, Clay has also pledged to serve only one term if elected.


Vice Presidential Nominee: Theodore Frelinghuysen
  • Party Affiliation: Whig Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Senator from New Jersey, Attorney General of New Jersey
  • Biography: Theodore Frelinghuysen is the second United States Senator from the prominent Frelinghuysen political dynasty, the son of a Revolutionary War Major General, a War of 1812 veteran, and a prominent religious advocate within the American Sunday School Union. Thanks to his familial connections and successful military service, Frelinghuysen was able to climb the ranks of government from Attorney General of New Jersey to Senator. Using connections gained through his government service and familial connections, Frelinghuysen has built a network of wealthy sponsors with which he uses to sponsor various projects. As a member of the American Bible Society, he has pushed for moral reform to address the laxity brought in by Catholic immigrants and sponsored various attempts to forcibly convert these new arrivals. He has also been involved in charity work for Indians and ex-slaves, using Christian teachings as the basis for his ministry.
  • Platform: Frelinghuysen is known around the country as the “Christian Statesman” and is considered by many to be the nation’s leading advocate for Indians and slaves. During the Jackson administration, Frelinghuysen led six hour filibuster in an attempt to stop the Indian Removal Act, using evangelical Christian doctrine to convince the body that forced land seizures were anathema to the nation’s Christian status. He was unsuccessful. As an activist, he has also supported the abolitionist movement and given money to various anti-slavery causes. While skeptical of the Liberty Party, he agrees with them regarding the Texas issue and worries that the whole rebellion is a slaver conspiracy. Frelinghuysen is also one of the first national advocates for temperance, pointing to increasing crime and the nation’s growing immigrant community as a threat to Christianity’s survival. In particular, he has pointed to the Pope and Catholicism as an invading force that must be destroyed. He has joined with Clay in stirring up nativist feelings among the populace, though Frelinghuysen’s militant views on immigration are thought to be genuine. On all other issues, Frelinghuysen is a standard Whig. He supports internal improvements and a national bank.

LIBERTY PARTY CANDIDATES:


Presidential Nominee: James Gillespie Birney
  • Party Affiliation: Liberty Party
  • Notable Positions: Abolitionist, Publisher of The Philanthropist newspaper, Representative to the Alabama Legislature
  • Biography: James Gillespie Birney grew up witnessing slavery from a variety of perspectives. As the son of Irish Episcopalian, he saw his father fight to prevent Kentucky from joining as a slave state. When the effort proved unsuccessful, Birney’s father reluctantly bought several slaves, claiming that Kentucky’s economy had made it unavoidable. He then spent the next few years pushing for humane treatment of blacks and took his son to see slaveowner cruelty. For his part, Birney accepted the lessons of his father and eventually moved to Alabama, where he became one of the state’s wealthiest lawyers and plantation owners, known for advocating gradual emancipation and better working conditions for slaves. In Danville, he used a public letters campaign to get the city’s slaveowners to agree to emancipate their current slaves. He briefly worked for Henry Clay was a member of the South’s social elite until Birney had a sudden spiritual awakening. Citing religious obligations, he cut off all ties with the slaveowning aristocracy, sold his plantation, and moved to Illinois, because he did not want his children growing up in a slave state. He resigned from his position on the American Colonization Society, citing its cooperation with slaveowners, and has since been a prominent activist and writer within the abolitionist community.
  • Platform: Though he once advocated for gradual emancipation, Birney has changed his position and declared that immediate emancipation is a Christian necessity. Birney hopes to emancipate all slaves and grant them equal rights under the law. He then hopes to deport most of them to Africa, believing them to be impossible to integrate. He does not support the Fugitive Slave Act and, in 1837, hired Salmon P. Chase to defend one of his servants, who turned out to be a fugitive slave. Birney is also an unrepentant supporter of John Quincy Adams who believes that Adams’s conservative values are needed to preserve the Union and make it stronger. However, he refused to support Adams after he joined the Whig Party because he considered Henry Clay and his unapologetic support of slavery to be too repugnant. Birney supports an independent Treasury over a National Bank and free trade over tariffs. He also supports extensive internal improvements to the United States’s infrastructure. He supports temperance and improved access to public education.Though he was once a Freemason, he now considers the organization evil. Internationally, Birney has expanded his beliefs in emancipation to foreign policy and hopes to use American might to free all those suffering under foreign rule. During the Greek Revolution, he wrote passionately on the America’s need to support the effort. He does not, however, support the annexation of Texas and has written to the Mexican legislature urging them to put down the slaveowner revolt.


Vice Presidential Nominee: Thomas Morris
  • Party Affiliation: Liberty Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Senator from Ohio, Assemblyman in the Ohio House of Representatives
  • Biography: Thomas Morris is Ohio’s first abolitionist politician and a prominent advocate for the poor. The fifth child of a small family of Pennsylvania farmers, Morris left home at the age of twenty to join a roving band of Baptists that hoped to settle near Cincinnati. There, he was sent to debtor’s prison and witnessed the system’s unfairness first-hand. Between 1808 and 1832, Morris served the Ohio House of Representatives as a populist and people’s advocate. In 1809, he was appointed to Ohio’s Supreme Court, only to have the legislature unilaterally revoke the position the next day. Morris blamed wealthy interests for the embarrassment. In 1832, Morris was appointed to serve in the United States Senate. When his party, the Democrats, refused to renominate him, Morris used the opportunity to defend former slaves from the Fugitive Slave Act. He has recently suffered "a severe attack of apoplexy” and is expected to die soon.
  • Platform: Morris is Jacksonian who had been effectively expelled from his party over the issue of slavery. Unlike many countrymen, Morris considers slavery an unmitigated evil that must be abolished immediately. As a Senator, Morris led the effort to abolish slavery in the District of Columbia and sought to restrict the application of the Fugitive Slave Act. He has spent his post-political career thwarting Southern states from reclaiming runaway slaves. He supports keeping former slaves in the United States, but segregating them into their own communities to prevent public shock and upheaval. Morris opposes admitting Texas under any circumstances because it would expand slavery’s borders. On all other affairs, Morris is a Jacksonian. He spent his career in state politics trying to abolish debtor's prison. He also campaigned on ending corruption and expanding democratic practices across the state.

QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 17:56 on Feb 21, 2016

CuwiKhons
Sep 24, 2009

Seven idiots and a bear walk into a dragon's lair.

gently caress Polk and his manifest destiny bullshit.

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Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART
Required listening:

https://youtu.be/H9SvJMZs5Rs

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