Turd Burglar posted:

heart attack or suicide though?

MeLKoR posted:

Doctor Schnabel posted:

can someone explain to me how the star citizen thread in games gets like a thousand posts a day, every day? the game's a trash fire, but it aint burning THAT hot

Xaerael posted:

Imagine the biggest car pileup ever. Now imagine that pileup lasted for years and years in real time, and you could watch it all happen from a safe distance, and comment on the expensive cars being wrecked and lives being ruined, while people involved seem to be unable to stop driving their cars directly into the ever expanding tangle of wreckage, some people even get out their car, get in a new car, and drive it straight into the mountain of ruin on purpose, beliving it's the right choice.

That's Star Citizen.

Fojar38 posted:

fart shitizen

Mirificus posted:

Ben's: http://www.wcnews.com/loaf/funstuff/lj/ folder. Note the timestamps and yes, those are Kerri-Lee photos.

Boogaleeboo posted:

investment

Fojar38 posted:

fart shitizen

Chomp8645 posted:

lol

Croberts68 posted:

I have got all of you beat and it's not even by a little bit.


Lets start at the beginning, I'm a moderately successful guy, I've been lucky to work with some really high quality people who have made me look like an absolute rockstar. I actually even got some decent B-List actors to work for me on a few projects and even got a reasonably hot, albeit failed commercial actress to marry me. I was a movie producer for a minute and even though I lost more money than I made, the "hollywood" contacts I made put me in good enough standing to be able to piggyback smaller amount of funding on to larger projects and turn a pretty solid net.

Problem is my wife really started to just grate on me about her getting work, and the loving Turtle of my RL Entourage kept telling people we were gonna make a big gently caress off videogame. So I'm kinda stuck in a weird spot where I just wanna start funding high budget porno and maybe trade in the wife for a different kind of actress before the money starts to come in and she's entitled to a lot more. Seriously, I've never seen a girl with such a long neck not be able to make it down to the balls, but whatever that's not part of this story. So fuckin Turtle gets me stuck telling potential investors about a videogame that I am literally just making up as I talk to them while throwing out some buzzwords I read in Wired, but the crazy part is they start to eat this poo poo up. Talking about the "upward profit paradigm" in gaming starts to get these loving app developers turned investors as hard as a rock so I see a chance to do something.

So I get Turtle to call some friends and we set up on this website where you make empty promises to nerds and they throw cash at you. So I get a youtube made by my buddy Gil who has a business making music videos for teenage girls who think they're gonna be the next Kesha/Iggy and he green screens my poo poo up so I look like pudgy Scottish Spaceman Spiff. I'm thinking we might make like 2 mil and I can finance a 300K game, pocket the rest and start shooting facial scat porn by Q2 2013. But something far crazier happens, loving nerds start making GBS threads their entire lifesavings on my fiscal chest like some kind of Gordon Gecko inspired Cleveland Steamer. By the end of it I'm sitting on like 12 mil. Nerds, dude. Fuckin nerds.


So Now I'm thinking "How far can I ride this gravytrain before I actually have to do anything?" so I start up my own website, hired some kid out of Irvine of Craigslist to do it (because gently caress Angie's List, I ain't paying poo poo to get some pimple faced kid to poo poo out a paypal button and spaceship drawings) and sure enough I've got 30 million USD and loving Turtle has promoted himself to my assistant. Which would be fine but he keeps insisting on setting up his office near mine but that poo poo's on the East side of the building, so every morning it smells like someone is cooking maple bacon when the sunlight hits his chair. But then the dreams started. I kept having this nightmare where it starts off awesome, I'm banging some coked out 19 year old starlet on a space yacht, but then the space-IRS shows up with my wife, they use her cheekbones to cut through my hull and they tell me I'm going to jail for spaceship-fraud.

So I finally decide to actually make it look like I'm going to make a game and I get my little bro, who's actually a pretty bitchin programmer/producer and I get him to hire a bunch of his work buddies to work in our hometown. But then my loving wife decides that our house in Texas sucks so we have to move back to LA and open an office there so she can "pursue her career", I wanted to tell her they don't make fish-stick commercials any more and no one is going to be casting any parts for "Mostly Fuckable Witch" now that Angie Jolie has fallen to doing Disney poo poo other than the Sci Fi channel. But whatever, LA gets me closer to those desperate 23 year old college drop outs that can pass for 18, so I go with it.

Problem with LA is ol' Turtle decides he needs to still be near me, so I end up realizing the Maple bacon smell from his office isn't from the sunlight hitting his chair, it's from him drinking pancake and bacon smoothies. But now I have to look "active" so I start doing a weekly internet interview where nerds ask me stupid rear end questions about the "game" and I answer them. At first they wanted to have some of the nerds who run the site look at the questions first so they could type up answers for me, but I got bored reading their answers 3 questions in and now I'm making a space game where you can play Call of Duty and the Sims at the same time. Seriously kids, stay away from cocaine, I had to be hit with a tranq dart when someone started to ask me about voxels.

But then after like 20 of these one of the guys working on the game decides I can't be trusted talking to people, so he wants to make a new Youtube show. I figure this is my chance to get rid of my two biggest problems, so I get Turtle and my wife to make this fake news show where they get random nerds from IT and poo poo to talk about spaceships and the right way to draw them or whatever while I go to gaming conventions, where pussy flows like wine if you've got a "Special Presenter" Pass, just wish I could have got on this circuit back when Olivia Munn hadn't yet realized she could do better than videogame news.

It also helps that I'm like 70 million deep at this point too, so I'm actually bagging booth babes, not just the girls with low enough self esteem to dress up like animes and not get paid. So I think "what the hell, lets see what happens when I start selling spaceships I just drew in paint and make my dorky brother actually put them in the game, and the weirdest loving thing happens, I make another 20 million and magazines are writing stories about how much of a genius I am. And everytime I tell some nerd about something, it will always make some other nerds so mad they spend days freaking out on the internet. I'm pretty sure if I announce a partnership with My Little Pony, I could probably make 50 million and cause a few dozen suicides.

gently caress I love griefing

Boogaleeboo posted:

It was an investment in hilarity that paid off

Mirificus posted:

Ben's: http://www.wcnews.com/loaf/funstuff/lj/ folder. Note the timestamps and yes, those are Kerri-Lee photos.

Tortolia posted:

This is all your fault Boog

grimcreaper posted:

God drat... He stalked her from 2003 to at least 2011... loving hell.

grimcreaper posted:

God drat... He stalked her from 2003 to at least 2011... loving hell.

dans posted:

That's just a reupload, all the timestamps are the same. Dates aren't particularly useful, he made the site in something like 1997 and hosted it on a friend's server, then moved it to the wcnews server in 98, then put it on hamtwoslices in like 2003. I doubt any of the pictures are from any later than 1999 or so, Kerri-Lee moved to another station and the joke kinda died out. We were mostly just trying to figure out something to do with his TV capture card in the first place.

dans posted:

That's just a reupload, all the timestamps are the same. Dates aren't particularly useful, he made the site in something like 1997 and hosted it on a friend's server, then moved it to the wcnews server in 98, then put it on hamtwoslices in like 2003. I doubt any of the pictures are from any later than 1999 or so, Kerri-Lee moved to another station and the joke kinda died out. We were mostly just trying to figure out something to do with his TV capture card in the first place.

Daztek posted:

The gallery had images with filenames from 2003

Daztek posted:

The gallery had images with filenames from 2003

dans posted:

I dunno, Kerri-Lee left the DC TV market in 1999, the same year LOAF moved to Texas, I don't know how he could have gotten any Kerri-Lee pictures unless people were sending them to him, which would be weird because 1. it's weird 2. the joke was already pretty thoroughly dead 3. I don't think anyone else had a TV capture card.

dans posted:

I dunno, Kerri-Lee left the DC TV market in 1999, the same year LOAF moved to Texas, I don't know how he could have gotten any Kerri-Lee pictures unless people were sending them to him, which would be weird because 1. it's weird 2. the joke was already pretty thoroughly dead 3. I don't think anyone else had a TV capture card.

dans posted:

I dunno, Kerri-Lee left the DC TV market in 1999, the same year LOAF moved to Texas, I don't know how he could have gotten any Kerri-Lee pictures unless people were sending them to him, which would be weird because 1. it's weird 2. the joke was already pretty thoroughly dead 3. I don't think anyone else had a TV capture card.

Conspiratiorist posted:

Serious question?

You got it right, the WC movie was his baby. Roberts has always wanted to be a director, and when the WC film flopped he just kept on producing for a few more years, likely waiting for his next chance, until Ascendant Pictures (his production house) went under due to insolvency after he balked out on a deal with Kevin Costner, at which point he got blacklisted by hollywood.

Since he can't make real movies anymore, he's trying to realize his dream through Squadron 42.

quote:

You know what, guys? I'm starting to think Adolf was right. #69,420

NecroMonster posted:

what is it with space ship stuff and racist, sexist, pedophile nerds?

hakimashou posted:

Also his wife married him when he was a 'hollywood producer' and she's a wanna-be actress.

Now she posts pictures with the movie stars he hired to do his video game, and gets billed as part of the cast.

Makes u think

EL BROMANCE posted:

My favourite part of this lengthy thread is the dude coming in and saying "it's fine, as a well adjusted fyad poster I can vouch for this guy as we were posting buddies for years!", totally unaware that everyone thinks he's just as pathetic as the pedo man.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Do you think Mark Hamill is hittin' that? Is he even involved this time around?

Codependent Poster posted:

Don't forget about the guy who posted child porn and only got a 7 day probation!