trapped mouse posted:

This post is QI as gently caress.

Also, they're not wrong.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

Watch Utopia

Opening scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01VGtX9xfh0

EmmyOk posted:

A great and underappreciated gem Arby <3

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

um

thecluckmeme posted:

this kid is one unfortunate push of a diaper bag away from getting to know the business end of an industrial rubber band, which sounds pretty whatever to a normal person, but as soon as Baby's First Lifehacked Sandjail takes a turn for the triangular you're going to have one pissy and sandy baby on your hands.

TetsuoTW posted:

I do have one burning question about this Depp situation: who the hell is Amber Heard?

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx6nUVqGtRM

amusinginquiry posted:

i like how nic cage senses the wife abuse from afar

Android Blues posted:

mum: eats roast beef still and is figuring out doritos

me: with it, woke, has tried guacamole (dont like but broadly aware of taste - notes of fruit and egg>?)

MrWillsauce posted:

my stupid whitebread family uses forks at mexican restaurants

google THIS posted:

me: excuse me, waiter, but I specifically requested the (enunciating carefully) tortillas de maiz, not the tortillas de harina.

waiter: (confused) I am sorry, there is something wrong with the naan?

Grandmother of Five posted:

on one hand the people in TCC and the Goon Doctor giving you advice on your health may not have regular credentials that you can verify to check whether they are actually medical professionals, but you can get a glimpse of who they are and whether you can trust them by clicking their post history and see how they dealt with the Capra Demon and the Anor Londo archers in Dark Souls.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

This thread.

Sample quotes:

Piso Mojado posted:

me [arriving at restaraunt]: I'm ashamed of how much we have butchered this amazing and rich culture.

me [an hour later after 3 margaritas]:

Alain Perdrix posted:

"Welcome to the something awful human typology index, please select:

1. in favour of public hangings
2. in favour of child abuse

thank you"


"Is there a third opt--"


"Welcome to the something awful human typology index, please select..."

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

LAPD is on the scene and vows to shoot everyone they see until they get the right one.

muscles like this? posted:

The Logan's Run remake is apparently still on with a newly announced screenwriter. Although he's supposed to be working off a previous treatment that was turned in during the period in which Bryan Singer was supposed to be directing it. Supposedly this version is going to hew closer to the original novel which had the crystal going off at 21 and not 30.

Rough Lobster posted:

Bryan Singer directing a film in which children who reach adulthood are immediately discarded. Interesting

angry_keebler posted:

i will now post peter watts upcoming novel, Jargonaphasia


Haz stared out at the environment and thought, "Ruined, all ruined. by capitalism and the Americans. Those loving Americans, I bet it stinks there and I don't want to visit it anyway, because it stinks so bad. The only hope now is the singularity."

Haz took a few steps and saw a darkening cloud on the horizon. "poo poo," he muttred aloud, "it's the singularity and it's coming right for me. Oh, and guess what, it looks ike the Americans made it, so of course it stinks bigtime and I loving hate it. If this is what the future is going to be, well, I hope everyone dies and I hope I die too because this American singularity stinks."

Veshpo posted:

Every square inch of Japan has got to be haunted as poo poo by now

Mange Mite posted:

To be a ghost you need a soul first

WampaLord posted:

I love number 9 - attract cute insects! (Warning, dangerous, non-cute insects will also be attracted.)

You're way more likely to get regular flies than butterflies.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Bees and Wasps are pretty cool but I think you'd also attract a loooot of mosquitos

flosofl posted:

Why mosquitoes? Do the peels outgas CO2 as they rot?

Improbable Lobster posted:

Because I'm an idiot who never checked if the "bananas attract mosquitos" thing was a myth.

flosofl posted:

Well, mythical mosquitoes are the worst. I hear they get big enough to carry you off.

Mozi posted:

Good news, everybody!

Zika May Be Transmitted by Oral Sex, Scientists Find


Off to patent my 'mouth condom' idea (prototype version being applied:)

Code Jockey posted:

Zika: give a little head, get a little head

Sagebrush posted:

if it's sparse and white, you've got girlcum in sight
if it's copious and clear, it's just piss in your ear

Geirskogul posted:

The kitten is as playful as ever:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjczlJhwebA

Except, until, he discovered this toy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpCRsiFLZ8w

He's totally happy and overly playful and energetic 100% of the time he is not in contact with this toy. I don't get it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOurAbRc-9g

Bugsy posted:

Good to see the little dude going all out.

endlessmonotony posted:

You ARE aware that one of these videos shows your dick, right?

Sham bam bamina! posted:

This video has been removed by the user.

Sorry about that.

Minimalist Program posted:

GBS poster: I'm gay for bernie sanders, cuck, balls.

GBS poster with a middle aged lady's hand on their shoulder: ‘I came here to affirm a commitment to the something awful forums community and the social and semantic praxises that surround it and I am sexually attracted to moms, because they are beautiful and I respect their agency and personhood on an individual and societal level.’

Rondette posted:

Oh god this just reminded me of an incident at school, this boy was mercilessly bullying me, so one day, utterly hosed off with it, I went and kicked him in the knee.


What I didn't realise was he was a hemophiliac and I had dislocated his knee-cap. He was off school for quite some time. And his horrible little toady friend made sure I knew what I had done.

Chichevache posted:

How hosed up were you that the kid who could die from a papercut viewed you as prey?

Paineopticon posted:

Seriousposting over, who wants to gently caress a space weasel with me

Cthulu Carl posted:

Sorry, I'm allergic to their fur and they're allergic to my personality.

steinrokkan posted:

How sheltered and autistic must you be to consider a fish "creepy"

Quiet Feet posted:

Meowbot posted:

what in the sam fuckin hill is this nonsense in 20106 here I sit with a bloodied girl with a cowboyt sword screamingabout blood and hell and bathing in chaos and im like YES CoOl this is what ive always wanted in beautiful blood soaked woman but all the blood soaked women ive been with have been a huge disappointment so here I stand before this mighty broad with a sword CoVERED iN visceras and my heart pumpping more blood for her actions as she wages wars on chaogs and clothes everywehre ,yo uGO GIRL

finally, I scream in my sunken chamber bleow sea level not quite right at the night but kinda theree today I fire up this shabby beast blasting out of my speakers some osrt of quasi what the gently caress am i l istneing to? OH THIS I remember in the bath the penny aradde cellows plodding away and crying about the tb lood and boobs that are wiggling their way in to social media and ou r hearts what the gently caress in hell though someone OUT THERe has to have beeen higher than a pair of girrafes balls to think that was playable on a gkeyboard!

THIS icon is all I neeeded to tell me this is my destiny™



i dont know who she is but what a total babe I got a thin g for southern girls and so m uch of this is just blowing all of my enruosn out of my fuckin head into the skjy ready to defeat chaos ...


im so down lady, whatever u want me 2 do ... lets do that

who is she? A babe thatsw what, look at that armor that sword that grin I see a command "bathe in blodo eof enemies" HOD THE PHONE this is going go be awesome 30% off steam count me in what is it WHO CARS look at all these positive reviews and the blood and the penn yarcades guys not likin it becuz its too sex1st is like mnore layers on the cake of laughters and you know whatI Ll do what i want this girls going to make my Friday a good Friday

lights out garatoades popped, games loading --- window mdoe? lovely mwindow mode at that? Oh ill just click ... wh y cant i click .. .why is there no click? Oh its ok ill switch to ke yboard instead of game pad that will surely fix, oh I cant click for poo poo still this is a travesty outarge of the higehst disorder I cant stand it and i dont know what im going to do and I keep flopping around its ok I see the controls are jsut as bad as I imagined

who binds i o k l and stuff unless ur playing mark of the garou in back in 2002 or whatever on the PC or any snk guiltyra gear or any fighting game poo poo fest what they were thinking I do not kNOw... OK I've MADE IT TO teh STORY MODE

TIME BLOOD BATHING CHAOS BATUEIS !

NOPE?

I can't even FUCKIN ATTACK

MOuse DOEDSNT PUNCH KICK OR RAP NOTHING im So upset im going to post on steam when I cooldwon but this is hosed up

THE FIRST TIME in like ALl the years on planet poo poo that i decide to plug in a P S 4 controller to pl ya a PC game

im r ed and hot like a te keattle on a hot stove just ready pto pop off steam coming out of my ears (FCKIN LITERALY!!!!!! CHAOS)()

like dark SOUls 1 MAYBE and Mortal kombat but nothing else should Ever e ver quire a controller gently caress im ma d i want to throw up

The game is called Onechanbara Z2: Chaos abnd the chaos here today m yfriends is the GOD drat CONTROLS

here is a screen shot if yo udont believe me you k now what gently caress it time to go 2 the south with this soutehr ncutie and Sadddle up

Wedemeyer posted:

Whaddup. I have more

The MSJ posted:

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Xythe posted:

Sham Bams was alright, though all I know of Peter Watts is apparently he is an author.

Xythe posted:

Sham Bams was alright, though all I know of Peter Watts is apparently he is an author.

Frogisis posted:

He's sorta got a whole Lovecraft-by-way-of-TED thing going on and wrote a pretty interesting space exploration / existential horror book called Blindsight and started a decent horror from the deep dystopia series called Starfish but it went off the rails pretty quickly. He's probably written some other things, too.

Screaming Idiot posted:

Echopraxia, the sequel to Blindsight, was far worse than its predecessor. It had good themes, but they were obscured by the same-y way everyone talked. Like, the protagonist was an old biologist, but he talked and thought like a Reddit refugee. It also meanders in the middle for far too long, with a lot of buildup leading to a wet fart of a conclusion.

Cumslut1895 posted:

and that really isn't a very valid criticism of his writing...

pig slut lisa posted:

there's a lot of talk about who the worst posters are on the forums, and occasionally some comments about who the best poster is, but i've never seen anyone talk about who's the median, the poster who's exactly in the middle of all the posters if you lined them up in one big line according to the quality of their posts. who do you think it is, well guess what this is the thread to say and not be scared about it.

Constant Hamprince posted:

what if they're the mode poster

pig slut lisa posted:

how can one person be the mode. please don't troll my thread.

ol yeller posted:

jon pop

Sham bam bamina! posted:

sorry guys hope this one's better

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Lovecraftian sci-fi in space sounds awesome, though. Is there anything that isn't written by people trying to ape Lovecraft and/or Derleth's style but still has that same theme of unnamable horrors from beyond the stars/secrets man was not meant to know/reality is a thin veneer over a burbling cauldron of incomprehensible madness?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

A math joke AND a jon pop joke, noice.

Lovecraftian sci-fi in space sounds awesome, though. Is there anything that isn't written by people trying to ape Lovecraft and/or Derleth's style but still has that same theme of unnamable horrors from beyond the stars/secrets man was not meant to know/reality is a thin veneer over a burbling cauldron of incomprehensible madness?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

A math joke AND a jon pop joke, noice.

Lovecraftian sci-fi in space sounds awesome, though. Is there anything that isn't written by people trying to ape Lovecraft and/or Derleth's style but still has that same theme of unnamable horrors from beyond the stars/secrets man was not meant to know/reality is a thin veneer over a burbling cauldron of incomprehensible madness?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

A math joke AND a jon pop joke, noice.

Lovecraftian sci-fi in space sounds awesome, though. Is there anything that isn't written by people trying to ape Lovecraft and/or Derleth's style but still has that same theme of unnamable horrors from beyond the stars/secrets man was not meant to know/reality is a thin veneer over a burbling cauldron of incomprehensible madness?

Frogisis posted:

Probably the worst that can be said about him is that he's a card-carrying edgelord. He needs to spend a weekend doing mushrooms in a field or milking cows on a sailboat or something.

This might be a stupid idea but I'm an illustrator and I still occasionally daydream about adapting Blindsight into a graphic novel. I have a folder of sketches and everything.
....I'll have to at least check out Echopraxia.

Outrail posted:

You're describing warhammer 40k

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Once you start thinking about the near infinite amount of ways you could be killed/maimed in random incidents you'll realise that you're potential in mortal danger every second of your life. Some airline mechanic in Cairo might have been having a bad day and forgotten to properly bolt together the engine frame on the 747 which is currently flying 20,000 feet above you. A renovator might have done a lovely DIY job removing the asbestos in that hotel you spent a night in 20 years ago. The factory which prepared the canned salmon in the sandwich you're about to eat might have left a bone in it which will get lodged in your throat and make you choke to death. The real estate agent may have lied about that Indian burial ground underneath your house.