Groovelord Neato posted:

shouldn't the hulkster have been punished for being really bad at sex.

Neurolimal posted:

I mean, in all fairness the full video was 30 minutes long

happyhippy posted:

HE DID IT 30 TIMES!?!

Sapper posted:

So do you just suck at makeup? Like, no matter what you do, it comes out looking like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show?

Because there's plenty of tutorials out there. It's something that comes with practice.

Really, doesn't matter how ugly you are. If this chick can do this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9EF-r4LMUI, then even the most hideous bush pig can make herself look attractive with some skill and practice. It's camouflage. You're hiding the ugly. Unless you've got a hideous pulsing granuloma growing off the side of your face...and even then, with some clever shading...

Sure, it's a bait and switch, not unlike water bras, but it's part of the game and is expected. The key is making that first impression. When he sees you the morning after, it's already too late.

(I've come to the realization I know way too much about makeup. I blame my wife.)

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

One of the best was the (French Canadian?) guy years ago (like 2004) with the 'special' brother who would instantly vomit if he saw soup or something and tried to have sex with birds(?) because the ms paints along with it were just hilarious. I'm sure i have some saved that I'll dig up when I'm not phone psoting.

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

One of the best was the (French Canadian?) guy years ago (like 2004) with the 'special' brother who would instantly vomit if he saw soup or something and tried to have sex with birds(?) because the ms paints along with it were just hilarious. I'm sure i have some saved that I'll dig up when I'm not phone psoting.

Aphrodite posted:

Yeah but that story had a happy ending with the brother's marriage to Blue Story.

gentle pete posted:

Your Gay Uncle posted:

Does he know you don't have to be in water for it to be watercolor?

Rasmussen posted:

They were getting suspicious after all the oil paintings.

Sex Hobbit posted:

Nope that was Humper-Monkey. The same dude with the stepson (nephew? long lost actual son? forgot) who was schizophrenic or something and thought he was a super saiyan. A lot of people thought he and 50FA were the same guy posting under different accounts.

Charles Bukowski posted:

50 Foot Ant once told me that Humper died. Sad if true, he seemed okay. I have a link to his (imo) best story, when he was stationed in an old Nazi camp in Germany during the 80's. Pretty good stuff.

http://sa.mrbill.net/humpermonkey.html

Maxwells Demon posted:

Before anyone clicks this, is his wife hot and pregnant somewhere in this tale?

Cat Face Joe posted:

it is a crime against humanity that we are still exposed to hulk hogan yet the macho man lies dead

Literal Nazi Furry posted:

they're going to be much more than just a pet to you, friend

Malachite_Dragon posted:

The one about having a fight with a superior officer atop a pallet of ammo for mastery of the universe is good for a laugh when I'm feeling down.

Also: "I got into a fight with a half-track. IT STARTED IT!!"
I'd post either one of them just to annoy the Anti-Ant Brigade but I'm phone posting.

plain blue jacket posted:

RIP Rest In Piss Gawker

Edit:

Speaking of Nazis


LNF is amazing because since so many people are shocked when they find out he is a literal Nazi furry

FlyinPingu posted:

isn't being a literal nazi bannable

SneakyFrog posted:

interestingly no, its just talking like one. a furry on the other hand i thought used to be instantly bannable

FactsAreUseless posted:

Used to be, these days it's not. Although you'll get made fun of so hard it might as well be.

SneakyFrog posted:

still should have to wear the stars

Charles Bukowski posted:

Nah, he's still like 18 years old in this. Him and a bunch of grunts vs ghost nazis and an idiot C/O.

mjqs jazz bar posted:

Around the corner from my weight training job they have a cafe where they make pretty good cheeseburgers. Usually I get mine with mushrooms and onions. Well today I went in there and there was this stoner bitch in there with enormous dreadlocks and a nose ring which is a violation of the safety code. I said 'Where is the regular chef' and she said 'I don't know' very rudely to me and that's when I noticed she had not sauteed up any onions for my burger. I said "you need to learn some customer service" and then she said some cuss words to me and told me maybe I should go to Burger King. But I like to support local businesses so I looked her straight in the eye and said "the customer is always right" and grabbed her by the dreads and slammed her face onto the skillet. She screamed and then the manager came running at me with a chopping knife so I looked him straight in the eye and said "chop this" and karate chopped his wrist and broke it immediately. I picked the girl up off of the floor and said "you are what you eat" and poured the boiling grease off of the fryer into her mouth. I was glad that I could set an example of what a good citizen should do in this situation, and everyone in the cafe applauded me. ~mjq jazz bar

mjqs jazz bar posted:

I was in town with one of my girlfriends today, and I decided to play one of those scratch off games again, I was very suprised when I won 1 million dollars on the spot, this was like the second time I won the lottery. I was about to claim my prize but then I thought to myself I'm already rich why not have some fun with this one? I told my girlfriend I was tired of her already so I left her at the gas station and went to find me some poor suckers. What better place than wal mart? I went up and down the asles until I found a bad dressed man and wife along with their kid. I went up to the guy and showed the guy the ticket, and told him since I didnt need the money I was going to give it to him and his family, when he started to tear up I tore up the ticket and threw the pieces on the ground. I then started to walk away but this spinless punk then took a swing at me when my back was turned. That did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "feeling lucky". I then gave him a swift kick in the ribs and threw him into the pet section, I then caught a wal mart guy coming at me so I took a knife out of my jacket and threw it toward a chain holding up a sign, I then looked at the guy and said "watch out for falling prices" and then the sign fell on him and knocked him out. I left the store but not before I complained to the manager about the kind of people they let in there. ~mjq jazz bar

mjqs jazz bar posted:

It was a nice day today so I went for a walk out side. As I was walking, I heard somebody crying out in pain so I went to investigate, when I turned the corner I saw a kid that had fallen off his bike and he was grabbing his leg and crying. There was this guy already there and he told me that he was a doctor and he thought this kid had a broken leg. I could tell this guy was lying because he didn't have any white coat, I don't like liars so I pushed him out of the way. My training in medical school showed me that I had to get the kid's leg straight again, so I started pounding his knee to get the bone straight again. Thats when the guy that claimed to be a "doctor" called me a moron and pushed me out of the way. Well that did it. I got up, took my shades off, looked him straight in the eye and said " open wide doc" and then I gave him a swift kick to the mouth. I then grabbed him and said "time to make a house call " and then I threw him through a window of a near by house. The kid stopped crying then, I guess my pounding earlier worked. I told the kid not to thank me but I did need 20 dollars for my time. He only had 14 so I took his bike as well. I feel pretty good about fixing the kid's leg. ~mjw jazz bar

Syd Midnight posted:

Antivehicular posted:

The best part of this is how many of those usernames are still active.

Didn't Manuel Calavera also out himself as a diaper fetishist in one of the A/T sex threads? I remember some pretty hilarious blow-ups there.

Inzombiac posted:

All the public transit is jacked up due to construction.
I've heard three different instructions from their employees and EACH ONE WAS MOSTLY WRONG.

This must have been a puzzle where each person had a part of the real answer and it was up to me, the hero of this lovely RPG, to solve it.

Now I'm late for work and no one gave me a sword.

Jeza posted:

dookifex_maximus posted:

probably tending toward roman & greek morphology

I have greek feet for instance but my lineage is danish/saxon

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

those are just names, they aren't indicative of region

dookifex_maximus posted:

oh thank god i thought i had to vote communist and fight in a phalanx

Eh! Frank posted:

Going back to SMG, does anybody have his take-down of Duke Nukem Forever? I'm not a fan of SMG, but that post was spot-on.

Jenny Agutter posted:

right here http://pastebin.com/X8FsCiTb

p.d0t posted:

sorry to get preachy, but really, they game just presents you with ideas, as does all forms of media. the messages or influences you choose to embrace from them are more a reflection of yourself than anything, IMHO.

cwapface posted:

There is no real distinction between good and bad. Just perception. But I think I get what you're saying.

Giedroyc posted:

playing the game is a lot more fun than posting angrily about it.

Acne Rain posted:

dear god, usually I don't like SMG, but those gamer quotes are whiny and dumb as shiiiiit.



look at this poo poo

smg should just post in games all the time, analyzing cinema is nothing new and has been done for years but the very act of having an opinion about a game beyond GAME GOOD or GAME BAD is basically the highest level trolling

FlyinPingu posted:

I know it was foolish to think so, but I just assumed that everyone thought DNF was poo poo

Acne Rain posted:

cwapface posted:

There is no real distinction between good and bad. Just perception. But I think I get what you're saying.

Alaois posted:

the DNF thread was a massive hotbed because former Games mods Louisgod and Axemaniac were HUGE Duke Nukem fans and were anticipating DNF so hard, there was even a gang tag for it.

and then the game came out, it was complete garbage and the gang tag got stealth changed to one about Serious Sam.

Acne Rain posted:

dear god, usually I don't like SMG, but those gamer quotes are whiny and dumb as shiiiiit.



look at this poo poo

smg should just post in games all the time, analyzing cinema is nothing new and has been done for years but the very act of having an opinion about a game beyond GAME GOOD or GAME BAD is basically the highest level trolling

Count Chocula posted:

I wish I still had the avatar and angry red text I got for pointing out that guns are often phallic symbols in a Games thread. Any kind of analysis makes those guys so angry.

Count Chocula posted:

I wish I still had the avatar and angry red text I got for pointing out that guns are often phallic symbols in a Games thread. Any kind of analysis makes those guys so angry.

Palpek posted:

The DNF thread might have been the biggest collective meltdown in the subforum's history. It's worth reading just for the pages when the game released and people started realizing how bad this poo poo is and the tone changing from epic brofist 24/7 through all stages of grief after pre-ordering the $100 Balls of Steel Edition.