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Alright, we're 2 weeks into the season, time to start keeping track of really good and really poo poo teams. Will this finally be the year Mercury Morris's smug rear end doesn't get to drink champagne? Will we finally see Matt Millen freed from the puzzle box he was banished to? Let's find out! 19-0 Eliminated Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 7 0-16 Eliminated Week 3 Week 4 19-0 Contenders As Of The End of Week 7 ALL TEAMS ELIMINATED. CONGRATULATIONS 1972 DOLPHINS FOR YOUR CHAMPAGNE 0-16 Contenders As Of The End of Week 10 Cleveland Browns Next Opponent: Steelers I'll try and update this OP as we go through the weeks with narrative about what eliminates each team. Expect each team's section to grow as more and more teams are eliminated. Original Week 2 19-0 Commentary AFC I think of these the obvious most likely teams are the Pats and Steelers. If the Pats can manage to get 2 wins under the Brisset era they'll get Brady back and have a really weak AFC East and a pretty easy inter-conference slate with the NFC West. The Steelers/Ravens get to beat up on the NFC East but are in the AFC North where the competition is a bit more stiff. Plus the whole "they play each other twice" bit so we know at least one of them is getting a loss/tie somewhere. Broncos also have a good shot, as they get the AFC and NFC South, but they don't feel as dominant a team. The Texans I think have a very low chance just because they haven't looked all that dominant so far and have only played the Bears and Chiefs. NFC How the gently caress did this happen? There are not just one, but two NFC East teams on this list. I think there's pretty much no shot of any of these teams making it to even 8-0, much less 19-0. Their divisions are too tough (Vikings) or they play in the NFC East and will certainly succumb to Clownball at some point. Original Week 2 0-16 Commentary AFC Alright, this is why you all came here. Watching for 19-0 is fun, but we all love misery so watching for 0-16 is far more satisfying. And dear god, there is a really good shot it could happen this year. I think the Colts should get a win in the next week or two, same with the Jaguars, but the Bills and Browns look to be in a full tailspin. I think the Dolphins' saving grace is that they still get to play the Bills twice. And the Browns this upcoming week. They should manage at least one win out of those right? As for the Browns, they're on their 3rd starting QB in a season where from the outset they were trying to tank. I'd say we've got an excellent shot of them still being involved by week 8 or so. NFC Once again the NFC side of this looks much less fun. The Saints have barely managed to lose both their games and still have Drew Brees at QB; they're going to win some games. The Skins, while not looking great so far, still play in the NFC East and are pretty much guaranteed at least one clownball win from that. The Bears looked god awful tonight and last week so...maybe they'll last till mid-season without a win? axeil posted:WEEK 3 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 4 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 5 SUPER LATE UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 6 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 7 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 8 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 9 UPDATE axeil posted:WEEK 10 UPDATE axeil fucked around with this message at 16:05 on Nov 15, 2016 |
# ? Sep 20, 2016 05:28 |
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# ? Jun 3, 2024 22:46 |
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Miami plays Cleveland on Sunday so there goes one of the two top contenders
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 05:31 |
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Bears looking real strong for 0-16 with all those injuries. Looking like a month of Brian Hoyer (or more) is ahead! Plus they don't have a real NT with Goldman out. McPhee's on the PUP. I guess Jerrell Freeman is pretty cool.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 06:03 |
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The Texans don't really have a losable game until week 7 Come at me
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 06:15 |
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I hope we can do our part to keep the Colts relevant in this endeavor
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 06:35 |
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miami is actually good don't let the record fool you
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 13:10 |
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Intruder posted:The Texans don't really have a losable game until week 7
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:02 |
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Cleveland just had to sign clipboard Jesus to back-up Cody Kessler who every reporter has described as "nowhere near ready". If we can't go 0-16 under these circumstances, then we truly are cursed to never land a franchise QB and always trade down for a guard for some poo poo like that.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:04 |
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TheGreyGhost posted:Cleveland just had to sign clipboard Jesus to back-up Cody Kessler who every reporter has described as "nowhere near ready". If we can't go 0-16 under these circumstances, then we truly are cursed to never land a franchise QB and always trade down for a guard for some poo poo like that. You already know how this is going to go Even if you get the first pick AND get a QB, he'll just be added to the
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:10 |
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Filthy Casual posted:Bears looking real strong for 0-16 with all those injuries. Looking like a month of Brian Hoyer (or more) is ahead! otoh they could easily win the next 4 in a row because none of those teams are any good either
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:22 |
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If the Patriots can get past the Texans and stay healthy, they probably go undefeated this year. This offense might score 50 a game.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:39 |
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Kalli posted:If the Patriots can get past the Texans and stay healthy, they probably go undefeated this year. This offense might score 50 a game. I hope the locker room catches fire and everyone dies
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:41 |
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Ehud posted:I hope the locker room catches fire and everyone dies Yeah! see? The opposition is already at the praying for divine intervention stage.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:43 |
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Kalli posted:Yeah! see? The opposition is already at the praying for divine intervention stage. If it's the Pats it would be divine retribution.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:45 |
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Filthy Casual posted:Bears looking real strong for 0-16 with all those injuries. Looking like a month of Brian Hoyer (or more) is ahead! Detroit will gift them their first win in two weeks the same way Chicago bailed Detroit out of the 0-fer hole last year. What goes around comes around.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 14:57 |
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NFL golden boys the Baltimore Ravens going 19-0 because gently caress it, why not? NFL never made much sense before, no reason to start now.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 15:33 |
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TheGreyGhost posted:Cleveland just had to sign clipboard Jesus to back-up Cody Kessler who every reporter has described as "nowhere near ready". If we can't go 0-16 under these circumstances, then we truly are cursed to never land a franchise QB and always trade down for a guard for some poo poo like that. lol if you ever trust cleveland to draft and develop well Owning the browns is the best loving job in the world because you can intentionally build the worst loving team possible and you will still fill that stadium every sunday with the same sad sack people who think this time is totally going to be different, you guys, no seriously
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:15 |
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Darth Brooks posted:Week 5. sam bradford lmao
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:20 |
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Fox Mulner posted:Miami plays Cleveland on Sunday so there goes one of the two top contenders Reminder that a tie counts as half a win so 0-15-1 is technically not winless.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:24 |
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It is however not 0-16 and the thread it titled 19-0 and 0-16 watch
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:29 |
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Kalli posted:If the Patriots can get past the Texans and stay healthy, they probably go undefeated this year. This offense might score 50 a game. They will lose to both the Jets and Dolphins.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 16:37 |
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axeil posted:Broncos also have a good shot, as they get the AFC and NFC South, but they don't feel as dominant a team. As for the offense...eh, it's a work-in-progress but they are finally able to play Kubiak's signature style. All that said, it wouldn't surprise me if they lost to Cincy this Sunday.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 17:55 |
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sam bradford lmao 19-0 the shirts
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 18:21 |
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Intruder posted:The Texans don't really have a losable game until week 7 On the one hand, Lamar Miller is awesome, and the defense is still solid, so they can probably put up a good fight against the Pats on Thursday. On the other hand, it is at night, especially when the moon is gibbous and waning, that I see the thing. I tried morphine; but the drug has given only transient surcease, and has drawn me into its clutches as a hopeless slave. So now I am to end it all. Often I ask myself if it could not all have been a pure phantasm—a mere freak of fever. This I ask myself, but ever does there come before me a hideously vivid vision in reply. I cannot think of the deep sea without shuddering at the nameless things that may at this very moment be crawling and floundering on its slimy bed, worshipping their ancient stone idols and carving their own detestable likenesses on submarine obelisks of water-soaked granite. I dream of a day when they may rise above the billows to drag down in their reeking talons the remnants of puny, war-exhausted mankind—of a day when the land shall sink, and the dark ocean floor shall ascend amidst universal pandemonium. The end is near. I hear a noise at the door, as of some immense slippery body lumbering against it. It shall not find me. God, that hand! The window! The window! darkesttimelinedarkesttimelinedark esttimelinedarkest
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 18:42 |
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I read that entire thing and am glad of it
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 18:44 |
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Forever_Peace posted:On the one hand, Lamar Miller is awesome, and the defense is still solid, so they can probably put up a good fight against the Pats on Thursday. On the other hand, it is at night, especially when the moon is gibbous and waning, that I see the thing. I tried morphine; but the drug has given only transient surcease, and has drawn me into its clutches as a hopeless slave. So now I am to end it all. Often I ask myself if it could not all have been a pure phantasm—a mere freak of fever. This I ask myself, but ever does there come before me a hideously vivid vision in reply. I cannot think of the deep sea without shuddering at the nameless things that may at this very moment be crawling and floundering on its slimy bed, worshipping their ancient stone idols and carving their own detestable likenesses on submarine obelisks of water-soaked granite. I dream of a day when they may rise above the billows to drag down in their reeking talons the remnants of puny, war-exhausted mankind—of a day when the land shall sink, and the dark ocean floor shall ascend amidst universal pandemonium. The end is near. I hear a noise at the door, as of some immense slippery body lumbering against it. It shall not find me. God, that hand! The window! The window! darkesttimelinedarkesttimelinedark esttimelinedarkest Bill Belichick's favorite Lovecraft story is "The Shadow Over Innsmouth".
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 18:52 |
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Ross Angeles posted:I hope we can do our part to keep the Colts relevant in this endeavor The Colts don't have an offensive line, a secondary, or linebackers so I think you're safe.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 18:55 |
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Chichevache posted:Bill Belichick's favorite Lovecraft story is "The Shadow Over Innsmouth". Strong candidate, definitely, if there wasn't already a story about an ancient race of superbeings that ruled the earth for millennia doing nothing but drawing diagrams of impossible complexity and praying to their dark gods soooooo.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:08 |
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Forever_Peace posted:Strong candidate, definitely, if there wasn't already a story about an ancient race of superbeings that ruled the earth for millennia doing nothing but drawing diagrams of impossible complexity and praying to their dark gods soooooo. It's the racism, but I like your answer too.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:11 |
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Chichevache posted:It's the racism, but I like your answer too. How could Belichick be racist? Marty B and Gronk have already healed centuries-old wounds. They're going to forever end prejudice and discrimination by midseason, along with the nonbelievers.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:20 |
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Magicpants posted:How could Belichick be racist? Marty B and Gronk have already healed centuries-old wounds. They're going to forever end prejudice and discrimination by midseason, along with the nonbelievers. Notice how you never see Gronk and Bennett in the same place at the same time?
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:40 |
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Magicpants posted:How could Belichick be racist? Marty B and Gronk have already healed centuries-old wounds. They're going to forever end prejudice and discrimination by midseason, along with the nonbelievers. Martellus points out that football contracts, which are short and non-guaranteed, pale in comparison to the deals handed out in the NBA. "Do you know what the NFL stands for?" he asks. No Fun League? Not For Long? "N-----s For Lease." The quote is just too good.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:41 |
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Chichevache posted:Martellus points out that football contracts, which are short and non-guaranteed, pale in comparison to the deals handed out in the NBA. "Do you know what the NFL stands for?" he asks. The whole article is extremely pro-click. One of my favorites. quote:JEFF FISHER quote:I ASK MICHAEL later what it feels like when he sacks a superstar like Newton. "It's like lovemaking," he says. "Every season, it comes to that one climax. It's like" -- Michael pauses, rolls his eyes back into his head and emits a noise that sounds like the throaty gasp of a goat that's just been slaughtered.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:44 |
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that's a goddamn fantastic article
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 19:58 |
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Forever_Peace posted:On the one hand, Lamar Miller is awesome I miss Lamar but I'm happy he's appreciated now.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 20:12 |
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Trast posted:I miss Lamar but I'm happy he's appreciated now. He was pretty lackluster against the Chiefs tbh
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 20:12 |
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Trast posted:I miss Lamar but I'm happy he's appreciated now. I appreciate Lamar Miller
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 20:13 |
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Jags will win this week. They will then go on to win nine more games and lose four more, giving them a final record of 10 wins and 6 losses. Thanks.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 22:17 |
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In this fantasy universe of yours, is Gus Bradley a good coach?
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 22:38 |
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# ? Jun 3, 2024 22:46 |
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Ross Angeles posted:I hope we can do our part to keep the Colts relevant in this endeavor Probably happens vs the Chagers, but also the Colts play the Jags twice, and as much as I like the Jags....twice.
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# ? Sep 20, 2016 22:45 |