/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Weddings are a horrible mess. My sister took her wedding fund, used it as a down payment on a house, and we got kegs, wine, a speaker system, tent, and huge catering trays of awesome Italian food for like $2000.

50 person wedding, done. We skipped all the usual bullshit except two short speeches and everyone just partied and hung out. It was awesome.

The whole elaborate wedding was basically another great capitalistic invention.

Originally they were more informal affairs.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 01:46

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# ? May 9, 2024 16:18

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

LethalGeek posted:

Depends if the law school table is set over a trap door into the pits of hell where those people belong and how much you like your spider friend

Sorry, the hell mouth is beneath the indie game developer table. I just won't compromise on that sweetheart, I can't

# ? Oct 6, 2016 01:48

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Panfilo posted:

Some people actually know how to save and budget for the wedding they want? Also, big parties are fun.

p sure it's possible to have a big fun party without a 13,000 dollar dress.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 01:50

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

etalian posted:

The whole elaborate wedding was basically another great capitalistic invention.

Originally they were more informal affairs.

Well they were also business transactions, so let's not romanticize the past too much

# ? Oct 6, 2016 01:50

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Well they were also business transactions, so let's not romanticize the past too much

ill trade you three goats and half a camel

done

# ? Oct 6, 2016 01:55

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

We are planning a "big wedding" but in a way that won't put us in debt because we love parties and planning stuff. I hope this does not offend GBS.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:08

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

it better be your third marriage, mister!

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:11

IncredibleIgloo: Feb 17, 2011

On what number marriage can you be sure that it isn't going to work out? I would say 3, but maybe in some special cases I could see it being pushed back to 4. If one of the people has face tattoos decrease this number by 1. I both people have face tattoos decrease this number by 2.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:17

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Pick posted:

Sorry, the hell mouth is beneath the indie game developer table. I just won't compromise on that sweetheart, I can't

I can't say I can argue against this

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:18

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I put on a tough face because deep down I am so obedient and submissive. I will only ever belong exclusively to the man who is brave enough to stalk all of my something awful posts

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:20

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Pick posted:

Weddings are just IRL unboxing videos.

Lmao

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:25

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

$13k on a wedding dress is loving mental. If you find a design you like that much I'm loving positive you could have it remade at less than 1.5k

I spent less than 1.3k on the engagement ring.

And that felt like a loving steal considering a diamond of equivalent size would've cost 8k. Moissanite is badass. (Lab made only, it's carbon + silicone and a 9.5 on the hardness scale; which is logarithmic, a diamond @ 10 is like 4x stronger than a sapphire/ruby at 8. And it lacks the cleavage that a diamond has, and it's only found in meteors in natural form)

Anyway. Rip :rip:

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:31

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

Better Fred Than Dead posted:

1.3k on the engagement ring.

lol

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:32

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Please lol. When these 13k dresses are probably wearing 10k rings.

Spend 300 on your engagement ring if you want, idc. I've no opinion.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:32

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Spend the majority of your funds on a really nice honeymoon holiday. The wedding should just be a venue and a huge amount of your drug of choice so your families and friends can get trashed together.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:40

flerp: Feb 25, 2014

lol who the gently caress gives a poo poo how much you spend on an engagement ring

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:47

flerp: Feb 25, 2014

post more funny broken redditors tia

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:47

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Better Fred Than Dead posted:

$13k on a wedding dress is loving mental. If you find a design you like that much I'm loving positive you could have it remade at less than 1.5k

I spent less than 1.3k on the engagement ring.

And that felt like a loving steal considering a diamond of equivalent size would've cost 8k. Moissanite is badass. (Lab made only, it's carbon + silicone and a 9.5 on the hardness scale; which is logarithmic, a diamond @ 10 is like 4x stronger than a sapphire/ruby at 8. And it lacks the cleavage that a diamond has, and it's only found in meteors in natural form)

Anyway. Rip

Wedding dresses are hawt tho. :jackbud:

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:51

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

I'm really glad I'm a loner. Some of these stories...

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:53

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

flerp posted:

lol who the gently caress gives a poo poo how much you spend on an engagement ring

The whole three month salary rule of thumb was invented by De Beers diamond cartel.

Hell, even the whole expensive ring is another clever bit of advertising.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:55

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Salty Josh posted:

I'm really glad I'm a loner. Some of these stories...

r/relationships: There are worse things than being alone.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:56

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Moon Atari posted:

r/relationships: There are worse things than being alone.

Thanks for that man.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 02:58

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Better Fred Than Dead posted:

$13k on a wedding dress is loving mental. If you find a design you like that much I'm loving positive you could have it remade at less than 1.5k

I spent less than 1.3k on the engagement ring.

And that felt like a loving steal considering a diamond of equivalent size would've cost 8k. Moissanite is badass. (Lab made only, it's carbon + silicone and a 9.5 on the hardness scale; which is logarithmic, a diamond @ 10 is like 4x stronger than a sapphire/ruby at 8. And it lacks the cleavage that a diamond has, and it's only found in meteors in natural form)

Anyway. Rip

Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal. It's just a ranking of what is harder than what, there isn't a direct conversion to any of the proper objective measures of hardness.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:00

Ichabod Tane: Oct 30, 2005; A most notable
coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

https://youtu.be/_Ojd0BdtMBY?t=4

You loving lame nerds and your pissing contests on who is cheaper and still enjoyed yourselves are tacky as gently caress.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:14

Ichabod Tane: Oct 30, 2005; A most notable
coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

https://youtu.be/_Ojd0BdtMBY?t=4

Hey me and my wife spent $850 at our favorite dive for our wedding (lol at anyone not just wearing a dress you already own) with our friends and it was great!

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:16

flerp: Feb 25, 2014

Uncle Enzo posted:

Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal. It's just a ranking of what is harder than what, there isn't a direct conversion to any of the proper objective measures of hardness.

r/relationships: Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:24

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

i crafted my engagement rings out of rebar and we had our wedding at the town dump. at the end we gathered 2 truckloads of recyclables and came out with a slick net profit in the end. also I found a pair of doc martens that fit.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:25

CodfishCartographer: Feb 23, 2010; Gadus Maprocephalus; Pillbug

I (33m) overheard my girlfriend (28f) making fun of me pretty brutally to her best friend (27m). When I say brutally... I mean brutally.

quote:

My girlfriend, "Jenna", and I have been together for 2 years, a little over.

I'm a veterinarian and we met at my office. She had just moved to the city and brought her dog in for an ear infection. We started talking and what should have been a 15 minute appointment turned into an hour long talking session.

I've never been so smitten with a woman before. Before Jenna, I lived the bachelor lifestyle. I was beginning to think I'd just stay single forever, even though that lifestyle of nothing but casual flings was growing really old and empty.

Jenna is a charismatic woman with a lot of friends. Her best friend is a guy, "Dylan", she knew in her old town. I trust Jenna but I'd be boldfaced lying if I said that her relationship with him doesn't bother me at all. I don't get angry with her or fight about it, she's reassured me that they've been friends their whole lives and have never had any sexual relationship.

I'm secure and I'm not insane, so I accept that they are friends and have tried to buddy up with him as well. He has visited the city 3 times. He's a cool guy, however, he does not seem to like me much. Jenna says he's just protective. It comes off a whole lot more like jealousy than protectiveness, in my opinion.

Jenna just finished up grad school this spring but she's had a really tough time finding a job. We have lived together for a year and I've been understanding that she can't help pay rent, etc. right now. I'm very financially secure so it isn't an issue, however, I am careful to not become a reason for her to not get a job and have her own financial independence. I just think it's important for everyone to have this sort of independence. So, without being pushy, I've let her know that she does need to start paying half of the expenses once she secures a job.

Anyway, she texted me at work on Monday to tell me she got a job. It's a job she really, really wanted and had to go through some pretty grueling interviews to get. I was so happy and proud of her that I decided to leave the rest of the day at the office up to my staff and took off early without telling Jenna.

I bought her favorite booze, grabbed a bunch of Chinese take out (her favorite), and bought her flowers.

I had bought her a nice necklace that she'd seen at a store a couple of weeks ago. Nothing super extravagant, but it has a shark on it and that woman is just obsessed with anything to do with sharks. I'd hidden it in the basement and figured I'd give it to her soon, totally surprise her with t once she'd forgotten about even seeing it in the store. I got home and came in the side entrance to the basement so I could grab the necklace and then surprise her.

When I came up the basement steps and opened the door, I could hear her talking on the phone. Normally I wouldn't stop and listen but I heard her laughing uncontrollably, like belly-laughing. It was pretty cute so I figured I'd wait for her to get off the phone before I surprised her.

She was talking to Dylan. Nothing new there, they talk at least once a week.

Then I heard what they were laughing about.

It took me a few dull minutes to realize that she was laughing about our sex life. She said something about how "No, he can't even compare to (ex bf). Ex bf had at least 3 inches on him." "I feel bad every time I eat a baby carrot around him because it must be traumatic to see me chomping down on something the same size as him." "It would almost be cute if it didn't suck so much. His body is amazing as long as he keeps his boxers on." Lots of laughter.

So look, I don't really give a crap what people on Reddit think about the, erm... size of my member... but, I do think it's important to say that what she was making fun of wasn't even true. Which in my opinion, makes it even more hurtful. I mean, I don't know about the ex bf, maybe he was a horse, but I'm very.... average. Just good old fashioned average. Not going to upsell myself here. It's nothing to write home about. But it's also not laughable. I've never felt self conscious, it is what it is.

To hear her ripping me apart to this guy that she knows I have some concern about was just beyond hurtful. Hurtful doesn't cover it.

She also made fun of me for being "gorgeous but not super smart".

Um... I'm actually highly educated. This isn't even remotely a concern of mine, I know I'm smart. Gorgeous and super smart with an average sized penis, thanks very much.

I left after that. Did I throw the flowers out of my car window? Yes. Did I cry in a parking lot? Yes.

I think she may have heard the basement door close, maybe she even saw my car driving away, because she started texting me pretty quickly after I left. Asking when I was coming home.

That was Monday and I haven't brought it up. I don't know how. I think I'm still processing everything. It's horribly embarrassing and hurtful. But... drat I love this girl. Not saying I'm going to forgive her necessarily, I just want to stress how hard this whole thing is for me.

I know I need to bring it up to her. But how? Any suggestions on how to start this conversation with her? I'm extremely hurt and I don't know if I can forgive her for this

tl;dr: My girlfriend made fun of me with her male friend. About our sex life/my penis. Pretty hurtful stuff. I feel like a puppy that just got kicked in the face. Joking aside, I'm devastated. I was planning to propose in the next few months. Now I don't see how I can even forgive her and stay with her. Advice?

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:30

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

i know a relationship built on mutual respect when i see it. fight for her

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:40

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Uncle Enzo posted:

Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal. It's just a ranking of what is harder than what, there isn't a direct conversion to any of the proper objective measures of hardness.

flerp posted:

r/relationships: Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal.

Thank you, sincerely. I knew it wasn't linear, at least. :eyepop:

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:41

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

CodfishCartographer posted:

I (33m) overheard my girlfriend (28f) making fun of me pretty brutally to her best friend (27m). When I say brutally... I mean brutally.

In the cold light of reason he probably could have deduced this girl is just stringing along her boy toy by making him feel good in comparison to her real, actual, I-am-having-sex-with-this boyfriend. It's lovely and manipulative and suggests this woman has a fragile self-esteem, but at least she probably doesn't believe the poo poo she's saying. On the other hand I probably would have thrown a big fit and threw the necklace into the ocean, I don't know.

Sounds like he's about to either dodge a bullet or turn and run head-first into one. I need an update on this bad boy.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 03:53

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Tom Gorman posted:

i crafted my engagement rings out of rebar and we had our wedding at the town dump. at the end we gathered 2 truckloads of recyclables and came out with a slick net profit in the end. also I found a pair of doc martens that fit.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:05

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

The spoiled rich kid thing strikes me as true. I've seen something like that with a family friend. He's pushing 50 now and hasn't had a real job since he was 20. Always siphoned off 6 figures from his parents either in an allowance or make work position at their company -plus they paid all real expenses so he's never had to learn to budget. The dad at least realizes he's made a monster but knows the manchild is dead without them and both parents are too spineless to enforce rules or lower his allowance.

And funny enough their daughter is on divorce #3 wait... do I know that reddit OP?

Coolness Averted fucked around with this message at 04:16 on Oct 6, 2016

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:12

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Just remembered I need some white shoes.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:17

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Just remembered I need some white shoes.

But it is after labor day! :monocle:

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:28

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Rockin Orthodontist posted:

But it is after labor day!

Perfect time to find some on sale. Viva capitalism.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:30

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

CodfishCartographer posted:

I (33m) overheard my girlfriend (28f) making fun of me pretty brutally to her best friend (27m). When I say brutally... I mean brutally.

This is rock solid bullshit through and through. 'Oh wow I just happened to have my arms full of flowers and gifts and food when I walked in to hear my girlfriend giving a savage, well-articulated takedown of my sad dick to another guy'. The story couldn't be more unbelievable if he'd showed up with an engagement ring in his hand and found her sucking off ten dudes at once.

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Just remembered I need some white shoes.

Get some brown loafers and bleach those fuckers.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 04:49

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Regulation Size posted:

Man, the Japs have already stopped dating each other and sworn themselves to anime celibacy, and the benefits are clear. Because, you know what Japan doesn't have? r/relationships

I am in Japan and my SIL won't stop mentioning I own an ugly cat to everyone I meet. Causing some resentment [everyone is in their 20s-30s]

quote:

I am dating a Japanese man, Kenji, who is amazing. He is [28M] and I am [25F]. We don't live together but have been dating for 3 years. We also live in the same apartment building, so I walk two feet to see him.

When I first moved to Japan, my cousin Tomo [32F] agreed to host me. This was in 2010. She had an actual house with her husband. She also had a cat she refused to get spayed. Her cat ended up having kittens and I adopted one of them. Saki is not really very attractive, but I think it adds charms. She is friendly, fun, and energetic.

I have had her for six years at this point. Kenji loves having her around and will come over to hang out with the cat if I am late from work.

The only person who seems weirded out by Saki is my "SIL" Sakura [25F]. Sakura always seems to find the fact I own an "ugly cat" amusing. She tells people when they meet me that I have a soft spot for the ugly.

She always asks what cat I plan on getting after Saki. If I say "another stray" or "going to the pound/shelter/adopting from someone who had a kitten" she looks surprised. Japan tends to put down a lot of their animals from shelters, so I think she figures that I would get something of value, not a discarded cat. It's like she thinks my pet is used and made of gross materials. I am not raising a cat made of poop.

I love this cat and am tired of being known as the 'hafu with the weird cat.' [Hafu means half Japanese. I'm Latina and Japanese.]

She shows people pictures of Saki, but they are always weird ones she took when the cat was doing something, so the cat looks really strange. She has even done things like posing with the cat while I am out of the room and then shown people on her social media with titles like 'SIL Ugly Cat' and 'Spending Time with an Ugly Cat.'

People who I meet through her always ask me about Saki. When I show them pictures of her normally, they say, 'oh she is not so ugly.' Sakura seems to make a big deal about how ugly the cat is, then gets upset when I don't go with it. Is it for attention? I don't know. She has asked to make videos with Saki for her channel and I have said no.

I am not sure how to handle this. Kenji says that Sakura is weird about animals and has a pet cat that is very pretty and expensive. I am not sure if she is trying to make her own cat seem prettier or is trying to make my cat into some kinda weird internet meme. Saki is not the prettiest cat, but she isn't weird. She is just an average black cat without any ability to take good pictures.

I am a bit tired of Saki being a topic of conversation because it is never flattering and always about how ugly she is. It gets tiring.

Advice on how to handle this? Thank you.

TL;DR SIL seems obsessed with me owning an ugly cat. Tells everyone I am the owner of an ugly animal. How to deal with it.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 05:22

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Moon Atari posted:

r/relationships: There are worse things than being alone.

Accurate.

Jack Trades fucked around with this message at 05:33 on Oct 6, 2016

# ? Oct 6, 2016 05:30

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# ? May 9, 2024 16:18

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

CodfishCartographer posted:

I (33m) overheard my girlfriend (28f) making fun of me pretty brutally to her best friend (27m). When I say brutally... I mean brutally.

Person convinced that 4" is average spotted. Also person that thinks education equals IQ.

# ? Oct 6, 2016 05:33

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