54 40 or gently caress posted:

Ew. No. Gross. That guy sounds like he's one of those ""allergic"" to latex types.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I (26m) took a girl (22f) out on a date, is it a deal breaker that she had a machete in her car?

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Those assholes ruined it for the rest of us who are actually allergic. The eyebrow arch you get when you tell a girl that for the first time is ridiculous.

quote:

Besides, Poly-Isoprene is cool and good.

Except if you're allergic to that too. Then you're stuck with Polyurethane which was developed by the Bush Administration CIA.

Bonzo posted:

wait, wait wait. I only did the FWB a few times but does 6 times over 5 years an accurate name for their relationship? The ones I had it was 5 or 6 times a month.

quote:

ANYWAY -- then we hung out for a few more hours just drinking wine and talking and listening to music. I do really like him a lot. I eventually had to go home because we both had work in the morning and I have a puppy at home that I can't leave alone for the entire night (I would usually sleep over but I didn't for that reason). The night ended great, he gave me a huge kiss goodbye and was implying he wanted to start hanging out more (he just moved like 2 miles away from me last week -- before he used to live about 40 minutes away). I was really happy.

The next morning he texts me "hey" -- which excited me -- so I replied "hi I just woke up!" And then he was like "me too -- but I didn't use a condom or pull out so you should get a plan B." I just said thanks for telling me.

mind the walrus posted:

The kind drat well aware that she'll leave him for the intrepid Brazillian explorer they're bound to meet and leave him stranded with cannibals

Bonzo posted:

From /r/personalfinance

I am 17 years old: my mother has 5 credit cards under my name and uses my name/SSN for her bills. How will this affect my future? What can I currently do as a minor?

ikanreed posted:

Well that's only if he whines about everything the moment they hit the jungle. Jeez, it's not hard to avoid being the cast-off comic relief rear end in a top hat ex.

quote:

Me [25F] with my husband [25M] 4 years, can't let go of resentment from how he behaved in the first year of marriage

Holy poo poo this got long.

Let me preface by saying that at the moment, my marriage is picture-perfect. My husband is by far the sweetest, kindest man I know. We don't fight (we have civil arguments), he does half the housework, randomly whispers sweet things to me when we're in company, caters to my feelings and never puts me down. He constantly tells me I'm beautiful and will go out of his way to make me feel like the most important thing in his life. This is probably the best relationship I've ever been in and I don't think I could love anyone as much as I love him. I don't doubt he loves me, even from before we got married.

Which is why I feel like a colossal bitch for feeling the way I do.

You see, our first year of marriage wasn't like this. My first year of marriage was a lonely, horrible thing where I always felt trapped by my husbands family. And it's not because his family was terrible - more that he just set the tone for how everyone treated me and they assumed things I wasn't okay with were perfectly okay. Somehow when I brought up issues - like his sister-in-law dumping her thee month old child on me for hours alone, or him volunteering me to spring-clean his grandmas house, or giving up the money we were saving for curtains (I had bedsheets instead of curtains for the first year of our marriage) because his dad wanted to go on a golf-trip - he'd laugh it off and didn't think I was serious. Or forget.

I understand why though - he seemed to think that I was an extension of himself. You'll notice all the above things are pretty kind gestures that you'd generally want to help family out with, within reason. But he'd never talk to me first, or if I voiced my opinion he wouldn't think I was serious because he pretty much lives to make other people happy. We were also both pretty burnt out from the wedding and studying/working, so I simply lacked the patience to deal with people.

It came to a head towards our first anniversary where some of his distant family members asked to stay with us for two weeks. We had the space, so we said it was fine. After two weeks they left, and his mum asked, a week later, to come visit and stay for two weeks as well. Well, it was his mum, she lived in another town, and once again I couldn't figure out how to meaningfully articulate that I was burnt out with company, and needed more alone time. After the mum left, you guessed it, FIL came to stay, then a few days later, BIL etc etc until it got to FOUR MONTHS of random family members staying in my two-bedroom flat at one point or the other. I was tired of cooking, cleaning and entertaining, of being interested and helping out. I just wanted to sit on my goddamn couch by myself and not have to interact with anyone.

Then, after the last batch left, my husband mentioned that his grandma was considering coming down to visit, and would I mind looking up plane tickets?

I loving lost it. I couldn't do it anymore. I pulled out EVERY instance, every fault, every lovely situation he put me in and finished by saying I felt like there was a long list of people he felt was important in his life, and that his actions made me feel like I was right at the bottom. If he wanted to live like that, he could go right ahead. I had had enough.

He was devastated. I don't think he realised just how bad things were for me, and just naturally assumed that when I voiced my objection to something, I was kidding. Maybe it was my fault for not being too forceful, but I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home, and I was determined to never turn into the kind of people my parents were (manipulative and hurtful towards one another). I honestly could never tell if I was being too nasty, or if I was being manipulative. Either way, I never wanted to be either of those.

And reddit, he changed. Overnight, he started turning things down, something I don't think he'd EVER done in his life before. He'd hand his nephew back to my SIL if she tried to pawn him off on me, he'd tell his dad that he was sorry, but we couldn't afford to help him with his holiday plans, he bought us some actual curtains. And it's been that way since. Wonderful.

But every now and then memories of that first year come bubbling to the surface again, and I just get SO ANGRY. I get so angry that I can't bear being around him. I can stand the sight of him, his touch, anything. I try to avoid him during those periods (they'll usually last about a day or so) because I'm so scared of saying or doing something that'll hurt him. The great thing is, when either of us feels like we need alone time, we'll say so and respect that (I'll sit in my home office, he'll chill on the couch), and after awhile I'll cool down, and he's suddenly the love of my life again. I feel like I'm going crazy. The thing that terrifies me is that I remember my dad doing the same thing - being an absolutely monstrous violent rear end in a top hat for a day or two before returning to this incredibly charming, loving man. I don't want to be abusive. I don't want to resent my husband. I love the hell out of this guy. I just hated the first year of my marriage. I hate to use the word 'triggered' but that's how I feel sometimes. Like I'll see a photo of us from our first year, say, standing with his grandma, and suddenly the memories surrounding that photo will flood back and I feel sick and anxious like I was feeling in that photo.

WTF do I do? I've tried mindfulness, but the feelings just end up flooding over me until I'm lying in bed with tears of rage streaming down my face. I try to think of all the kind things he did for me, but it just ends up feeling tainted by how ignored and small and alone I felt when I was around him in that first year. I just have to lie here and ride it out until I feel better. In the meantime, I've losing chunks of my life by feeling like poo poo.

Help.

tl;dr: My marriage is perfect, but the first year is poo poo. Can't get over it.

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

loquacius posted:

Gaunab posted:

Jack Trades posted:

Could US start having mandatory sex ed any time soon, please? I'm going to die of too much facepalming otherwise.

quote:

I [F21] hooked up with (apparently) crazy guy [M46] ONCE, now he is head over heels and claims I gave him a reason to live.
I’ve been using OkCupid to hook up with older men since I was 18. I’m not trying to have a relationship with anyone, which I make perfectly clear. I just have a somewhat weird fetish that is hard to fulfill in real life, so I use that website to make it easier.

I met this guy, let’s called him Tom, who is a very successful (6-digit income) lead entomologist at his firm. He’s cool, I got to see his lab after we met for lunch, then I pushed it to go back to his house and have sex. Because that’s what I was there for. So we go to his house, have the worst sex of my life (micropenis that didn’t even stay erect and he didn’t come).

Later that week he texts me that he sent Valentine ’s Day flowers to the school I teach at. SO WEIRD. I just got the job there, and I’m receiving flowers from a relative stranger. I just say thanks. And then he continues asking me about my week and a trip I went on last weekend.

He invites me to dinner last night, and I go so that I can tell him I’m not interested in this going anywhere and explain that I was just looking to hook up. But then he tells me he went to his psychiatric appointment today, tells me all of his psych issues (major depressive, anxiety disorders, etc) and that “suicide is always on the backburner” and I “finally gave [him] someone to care about.”

So at this point I’m knocking back the margaritas because, gently caress, what am I supposed to do? If I say anything he might very well go home and kill himself. So I told him I’d like to go much slower than we have before, and then I just go home. How do I approach this? I’m just absolutely not interested, especially not with him, and I also don’t want him to hurt me or himself.

Tl;Dr Hooked up with older guy on OkCupid ONCE, he won’t stop texting me, sending me flowers, and claims I “gave [him] someone to care about.” How do I cut it out?

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Should I [24f] be angry at my FWB [24M] of 5 years for not using a condom like I thought he was?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

While her jackass FWB is a terrible human being, she almost never uses protection with him and doesn't seem to care. Then she somehow decided to trust the jerk after all the endless red flags. What is wrong with people? How are adults in their mid-20s (?!!!!) this sexually ignorant and irresponsible?

Nuebot posted:

Fun american sex ed anecdote;
When I was in high school my school leaned heavily on "Abstinence Only" sex-ed and my school had a huge teenage pregnancy issue. The whole district did, even back in the middle school. So our health teacher started the semester by telling kids if anyone had any issues or questions they could come to her, she wouldn't tell anyone but she wanted to make sure we were getting the help we needed because she thought the abstinence only policy was bullshit. About the second or third week in she came to class and the exact words were "I don't give a poo poo what they're telling me to teach you, you kids need to be taught what matters" and from then on we had an actual sex-ed course mostly focusing on things like birth control and what to do if it fails with a helping dose of basic anatomy. She was fired at the end of the semester.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

While her jackass FWB is a terrible human being, she almost never uses protection with him and doesn't seem to care. Then she somehow decided to trust the jerk after all the endless red flags. What is wrong with people? How are adults in their mid-20s (?!!!!) this sexually ignorant and irresponsible?

Nuebot posted:

I [F21] hooked up with (apparently) crazy guy [M46] ONCE, now he is head over heels and claims I gave him a reason to live.

Fenrir posted:

Are you from Arkansas by any chance? The same thing happened to my younger brother's teacher, in like 1999 or 2000.

Fenrir posted:

Are you from Arkansas by any chance? The same thing happened to my younger brother's teacher, in like 1999 or 2000.

Fenrir posted:

Are you from Arkansas by any chance? The same thing happened to my younger brother's teacher, in like 1999 or 2000.

Nuebot posted:

quote:

lead entomologist

quote:

My [31M] wife [29 F] had an affair over a year ago with her ex. We got through it and are stronger than ever. I just saw he messaged her and not sure what to do

To make it as short as possible, we've been married 5 years. She had an affair a little over a year ago. Since then she's done everything to win my trust back, taking ownership of her decision and strengthening our relationship and has not given me a reason to doubt her since.

However today a Facebook message popped up from her ex on my phone since we regularly use each other's accounts and it's no big deal. All it is is a thumbs up emoji. I confronted her about it but we are both at work and she swears up and down that she has had no contact with him at all.

My question is, how should I handle this? Should I message him directly? Should I message him through my phone on her account? Or should I just leave it alone which I honestly don't think I can. I already told her not to try and resolve it on her own but we both are at work and she can't really do anything until after work hours while I can.

TLDR: wife's affair partner messaged her on Facebook and I intercepted it. She says she hasn't contacted him and does not know why he is. Not sure how to proceed

I just want to thank you all for your advice so far. You've all made my day much easier to deal with instead of having an internal struggle with what to do so thanks again!

Slight update: So I spoke with her again and she's sticking with her story. She's saying she would never do anything to betray my trust after everything we've gone through since then and just wants to move past it. Now my question becomes should I have her confront him asking what he wants, or should she just block him. She has no intention of responding at all but says she's willing to if that will make me happy. I archived that conversation and nothing but that emoji showed up. No odd phone calls, email confirmations or any indication that they've had contact from my investigation through the phone. I will use that data recovery method just to be sure though but at this point I don't have a reason to think she's lying

Pick posted:

As someone who also likes the looks of older men

Chomp8645 posted:

It's amazing how every single time you release a personal detail it's the least surprising thing ever.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Don't be a weirdo, just post about them

Gaunab posted:

Pussy Quipped posted:

NOT A THUMBS UP EMOJI!!!!!! DEAR GOD

Chomp8645 posted:

But what could it mean????

JimsonTheBetrayer posted:

Credit score of 648? Their credit score is better than mine!

dick wizard posted:

The mom could be just building the kids credit.

dick wizard posted:

The mom could be just building the kids credit.