/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

WampaLord posted:

No one's ever heard of joints being referred to as "jazz cigarettes?" Because with that context, "jazz cabbage" was easy to grasp.

Funny enough, r/marijuanaenthusiasts is about appreciate of trees.

No, I'm under 45 sorry

# ? Oct 22, 2016 14:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 10:57

stump collector: May 28, 2007

Pussy Quipped posted:

That kid is definitely a future serial killer, it's too late.

you know what to do - find him and kill him first

# ? Oct 22, 2016 14:44

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

54 40 or gently caress posted:

No, I'm under 45 sorry

I've only heard it in jokes making fun of square people, to be fair.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 14:54

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

WampaLord posted:

I've only heard it in jokes making fun of square people, to be fair.

drat greasers! get a real job!

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:01

Phyzzle: Jan 26, 2008

Nuebot posted:

It took me way too long to realize jazz cabbage meant pot. Why the hell don't people just say they like pot?

Because pot's what you poop in.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:07

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

square daddy-os don't know my jazz cigarette is filled with wacky tobacky

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:07

lazorexplosion: Mar 19, 2016

I want more euphemisms for drugs as lame as "jazz cabbage" to annoy my children with, hypothetically should I ever actually have children.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:17

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

loquacius posted:

square daddy-os don't know my jazz cigarette is filled with wacky tobacky

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:19

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

My jeans start to smell if I go a whole week without changing them. I can't even begin to imagine how these jean goons smell.

I'm totally going to refer to stoners as jazz cabbage cats now, though.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 15:55

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Yeah, she doesn't even seem to hold any resentment towards him, possibly she sees it as something they both caused, I've never wanted to probe too deeply into it because most people consider needing a colostomy bag to be a somewhat embarrassing condition.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 16:30

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

SWIM thinks goons who think talking about their CATTES is cute have no room to judge what other nerds call their w33d

# ? Oct 22, 2016 16:47

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Nooner posted:

SWIM thinks goons who think talking about their CATTES is cute have no room to judge what other nerds call their w33d

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:06

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Jazz cabbage is an improvisational form of cabbage originally made by black cabbage artists but now enjoyed almost exclusively by pretentious nerds.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:12

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Moon Atari posted:

Jazz cabbage is an improvisational form of cabbage originally made by black cabbage artists but now enjoyed almost exclusively by pretentious nerds.

Can you actually pretentiously enjoy something? Wouldn't that be pretentiously pretending to enjoy something because if you're actually enjoying something then how can that be pretentious?

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:16

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

My wife [27F] acts more like my mother than my wife. I [27M] am considering divorce, but I don't know if this is fixable or a deal breaker

quote:

This is not at all what I thought marriage would be like. We've only been married for a little over a year, but she has changed so much (and not for the better).
I feel so suffocated by her now and mothered. I honestly think sometimes she would put me in a bubble to protect me if she could.
I am constantly lecture about :

1) My diet. She always is trying to control what I eat. I get lectures if I eat fast food for lunch, if I eat more red meat than she thinks I should, if I don't drink enough water/drink too much soda, if I eat too much candy or sweets. The fact is I'm in good health, and I don't over indulge. I think that should be enough for her, but it isn't.

2) My hobbies. I got my motorcycle license in the last few months, and she hates it. Not going to go down this hole, but the issue is she thinks she can tell me what I can and cannot do when really I don't think it's any of her business. I'm an adult, and although we're married, that doesn't make her my ruler. We should have an equal partnership, not a dictatorship where she sets all the rules. She also doesn't like the fact that I hunt, never has. It's too dangerous according to her.

3) I drink too much. About the most I ever do is have a beer per day for a week or two then cut back some. I don't get drunk very often, and I definitely don't think my alcohol consumption is too much.

4) Never lets me have time alone. I enjoy spending time with her, but I want time to myself every once in a while. She never has understood that.

5) And the list goes on... I don't read enough. I watch too much TV or play too many video games.

It really does feel like so much of the time she thinks she is my mother, and I'm sick of it. I dread coming home from work. I dread being around her. I'm at the point where I am actively trying to find ways not to be around her.
I am open to counseling, but I doubt she would change. She's so convinced she knows what's best for me that it would probably just be a waste of time.

At this point, the only thing I can think of is for us to separate and consider divorce. Without a doubt, that is an extreme solution, but I really can't take much more of this. Had I known this is how things would be, I can say without any doubt I would never have asked her to marry me. I probably would have ended our relationship instead.
Am I justified in thinking divorce may be the only solution? Is there a chance our marriage can be saved? Also, for my benefit, does anyone have any idea or hypothesis as to why she has suddenly changed so much? I don't understand the change. It's one thing for her to not like everything I do, but it's completely different to try and stop it all. That didn't happen when we were just dating. We had disagreements for sure about things I did, but we always agreed to disagree as long as I was reasonable and responsible. I still am, so I don't understand what's happened.

tl;dr: My wife has become my mother. She is constantly trying to rule and control my life. I'm sick of it and of her and ready to consider divorce. Are my reasons justified? Can our marriage be saved? Is it even worth it to try when I think counseling would just be a waste of time?

reddit verdict: op is a stubborn prick for wanting to do crazy things like, drink a beer, eat steak, spend time alone, ride a motorcycle.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:33

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Yeah you're right he's not probably downplaying his own actions at all

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:45

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Tolkien minority posted:

My wife [27F] acts more like my mother than my wife. I [27M] am considering divorce, but I don't know if this is fixable or a deal breaker

reddit verdict: op is a stubborn prick for wanting to do crazy things like, drink a beer, eat steak, spend time alone, ride a motorcycle.

It probably would have helped if he wrote the list in reverse order. He buried all the biggest red flags at the bottom, so he does come off a bit childish when he starts out.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:46

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

My jeans start to smell if I go a whole week without changing them. I can't even begin to imagine how these jean goons smell.

rotten jazz cabbage?

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:50

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Jack Trades posted:

Can you actually pretentiously enjoy something? Wouldn't that be pretentiously pretending to enjoy something because if you're actually enjoying something then how can that be pretentious?

Just be smug in your enjoyment, acting like your enjoyment stems from or reflects greater intelligence, culture or taste, and using the claimed or legitimate enjoyment of that to try to impress along those lines. But I just wanted to make a joke about jazz cabbage being like jazz music using stereotypes, I don't actually have an opinion on jazz so please no one try to argue jazz with me. I welcome cabbage based argument though.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 17:58

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Moon Atari posted:

Just be smug in your enjoyment, acting like your enjoyment stems from or reflects greater intelligence, culture or taste, and using the claimed or legitimate enjoyment of that to try to impress along those lines. But I just wanted to make a joke about jazz cabbage being like jazz music using stereotypes, I don't actually have an opinion on jazz so please no one try to argue jazz with me. I welcome cabbage based argument though.

I like red cabbage best

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:02

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Ranma Fan Art posted:

I like red cabbage best

The best cabbage is the one that goes up your nose.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:20

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Ranma Fan Art posted:

I like red cabbage best

My favorite cabbage is kimchi

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:21

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Should I [20M] lose virginity to [38F].... No Condoms

quote:

So i'm in college, and i'm still a virgin. I generally keep to myself and I have anxiety. I could have probably gotten a girlfriend just to get one by now, but I'm a little picky and the handful of girls i've asked out had boyfriends. I'm not a social person either.

So I've met this woman online that is taking a road trip for a couple weeks and is deciding to bang a few guys along the way. According to her post history, she's banged a total of less than 60 guys (2 months ago). She's selective though.

She is into sex with no condoms. It's her fetish. Also, according to her post history she is clean and doesn't have anything. She's on birthcontrol.

She seems like a decent person, not weird, sketchy, a bottom feeder etc. She's a genuine person from her post history and videos that i've seen. She's also attractive/hot and doesn't look 38. Maybe 30. She's somewhat responsible as she posted about going on a medication to prevent HIV.

What should I do? She is considering coming my way and taking my virginity. I was going to ask if she's will get tested before agreeing to meet. Again, she only has sex without condoms. She would be going 3 hours out of her way, so i was going to pay for the extra gas and hotel. I have a high sex drive and want to experience sex.

thanks

tl;dr: Should have sex with a hot woman who is into sex with no condoms. She is tested and is clean. She has no risk for pregnancy either. I may not get this chance again.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:25

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Shoot for the moon dude even is you miss you'll land among the stars

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:33

Worldshatter: May 7, 2015; PEPSI for TV-GAME

her fetish is totally giving guys aids

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:35

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Should I [20M] lose virginity to [38F].... No Condoms

DANGER DANGER DANGER

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:40

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Should I [20M] lose virginity to [38F].... No Condoms

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:51

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

quote:

She's somewhat responsible as she posted about going on a medication to prevent HIV.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:54

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

go for it my man. you only live once

# ? Oct 22, 2016 18:57

Worldshatter: May 7, 2015; PEPSI for TV-GAME

I'm waiting for the follow up post where he did it

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:01

mexi: Mar 17, 2003; Time to call it a night.

Did anyone else see the thread from r/relationships a few weeks ago where a woman talked about discovering her husband was her stalker since high school? Her story was basically some guy would send lewd drawings of her and just overall terrible things in the mail on and off from highschool through college (where she meets her nice guy husband) and she eventually found eerily similar drawings in her attic. After confronting her husband he dismisses it and the pictures are nowhere to be found afterwards.

She was in some country other than the US but I was mostly wondering what happened. It was probably 100% fake but there's part of me feels that her body is boarded up in the walls of some abandoned building now.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:03

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

on one hand, if i was a 20 year old virgin i would 100% raw dog a slutty milf if the opportunity came up.

on the other, no condom and 60 dudes in 2 months? bruh that aint "clean"

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:06

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I may not get this chance again.

????????????????????????? idiot

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:10

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Underconfident young men tend to be convinced sex is some limited resource that is only worth having when you're young. The irony is that the anxiety trips them up from having and enjoying casual sex while they're young.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:12

Hot Stunt: Oct 2, 2009

Tolkien minority posted:

on the other, no condom and 60 dudes in 2 months? bruh that aint "clean"

Less than 60 dude. She's not a slut.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:21

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Should I [20M] lose virginity to [38F].... No Condoms

She is into sex with no condoms. It's her fetish. Also, according to her post history she is clean and doesn't have anything. She's on birthcontrol

I bet she is.
"She's cool, she's got this cool tattoo of a biohazard tattoo!"

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:38

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

modern adaption of the typhoid mary story

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:45

Redmanred: Aug 29, 2005; My hometown japan

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I bet she is.
"She's cool, she's got this cool tattoo of a biohazard tattoo!"

Just getting flashbacks from that old weekend web with the people into spreading their 'strain'.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 19:54

Accordion Man: Nov 7, 2012; Buglord

Redmanred posted:

Just getting flashbacks from that old weekend web with the people into spreading their 'strain'.

Pos my neg rear end.

# ? Oct 22, 2016 20:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 10:57

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Want there some en virgin goon that was going to buy a hooker do he could eat her out?

# ? Oct 22, 2016 20:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »