/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Leon Einstein posted:

I like how that guy cares more about his friend saying his girlfriend is in another guy's lap than his girlfriend actually being in some guy's lap.

The difference is that she's doing it to earn a living, he's doing it to be an rear end in a top hat. It's a lot easier to rationalize one than it is the other.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 15:08

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# ? May 9, 2024 04:55

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Leon Einstein posted:

I like how that guy cares more about his friend saying his girlfriend is in another guy's lap than his girlfriend actually being in some guy's lap.

His username is proudBFofastripper

# ? Oct 28, 2016 15:37

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Gaunab posted:

His username is proudBFofastripper

Is that a throwaway account specifically for this post or is he a fetishist

I mean I guess it could be both, but he def comes off either as a fetishist or as super defensive

# ? Oct 28, 2016 15:39

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

The friend's obviously doing it to be an rear end in a top hat, but to be fair there was a decent chance she was in fact in another guy's lap if she was working when he asked that

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:10

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

I (23/M) inadvertently hit my girlfriend (22/M) in the face really hard because she tickled me (and she knows I'm ticklish), but now shes acting like I deliberately did it.

quote:

Throwaway because everyone does it. And because I'm pretty sure no one else uses the word zap, I'm referring to when someone pokes you in the side of your stomach, and you do really weird things reflexively.

I've been insanely ticklish/sensitive for as long as I remember. Even the slightest prod in my side will have me flinging my arms out and I'll make weird noises, almost like a mini-seizure. I don't really mind being like this, my reactions are pretty funny if I'm being honest, and one of my favourite anecdotes is when I used to work at a fast food restaurant, and someone zapped me in the sides while I was shaking salt. My arms flew out instinctively, and the guy who did it copped a face full of salt shaker.

My girlfriend, Amy, knows this. She's gotten a laugh out of zapping me a couple of times, but a couple of days ago, she snuck up behind me and gave me a pretty big zap. Of course, my arms flung out, and I happened to strike her in the face really hard, she has a black eye right now. Of course, I apologised straight away, and drove her to get it checked out by a doctor (no lasting damage which is good).

However, since then, she's been really distant towards me. She rarely makes an attempt to initiate conversation, and she only replies with single words. I figured she might have wanted a couple days to relax, but last night I asked her what was going on. I'm not sure how best to write this in paragraphs, but I've written down our text conversation.

Me: Hope you're feeling better soon! You've been acting a bit distant though, is there anything you need me to do for you?

Amy: I can't believe you're being so nonchalant after you hit me

Me: It was an accident, and it only happened because you zapped me

Amy: So? I had to go to the hospital (it was a family clinic, not a hospital btw)

Me: I'm sorry that you feel like it was my fault, but you know how ticklish I am

Amy: I can't believe you're not taking any responsibility for this

That basically goes in circles for another 15 or so messages, and at that point, I got so mad that I blocked her. After that, I started getting messages from her friends (not our mutual friends), stuff like "Own up to your mistakes", "What sort of man are you? Never touch a woman".

I'm getting angry again just reading over the messages again. Just to be clear, I have never laid a finger on anyone, ever. I have never willingly hurt someone before.

Does anyone have any tips on what to do? I figure if her friends are now in on it, they're going to start talking to everyone else. Should I put out a FB post with my account of details? I'm so frustrated with Amy I'm ready to call it off, but I'm worried that she might take it further. I have no idea what she even wants from me, she tickled me, and she reaped what she sowed. I guess the main thing I'm concerned about is that my personal reputation remains intact - I've seen examples of friends being tarred by false accusations, and even after having them disproved, it still haunts them.

TLDR: I hit my girlfriend in the face because she tickled me, she knows I'm ticklish and she knows something like this has happened before. She's acting like I deliberately hit her in the face, and I most certainly did not. I'm done with her, but I'm worried about what other people might think.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:21

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

My [17F] brother [13M] is going on his first date tomorrow with [13F]. My brothers gave him a list on what woman 'like' am I right to take this to mom?

quote:

My brothers gave my little brother dating advice in the form of a list. It did not seem right and so he came to me

These suggestions are awful and I told him this is a list on what not to do. I told him any woman would dump him in a second if he did this on a first date. I told him girls don't like being seen as objects. He told me he would not do any of it because he likes Hannah. He told me he would hate it if someone did this to me or our older sister.

1. Slap your ladies rear end as she enters a room. It let's her and others know that she's your girl.

That's just one of the things on the list. Do I bring this to mom or is it an overreaction now that it's been handled

tl;dr: Bring issue to mom or not

I haven't looked if the OP posted the rest of the list.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:23

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Help, Reddit, my brothers are pranking each other and I need the Internet to decide whether I tell mommy

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:24

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Dear Reddit,
I suspect my brother may, in fact, have prince albert in a can. brb, my refrigerator is running.

I get the complaint, I do hope the little brother gets the joke and doesn't mess up his date, but yeah.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:27

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

HardDiskD posted:

My [17F] brother [13M] is going on his first date tomorrow with [13F]. My brothers gave him a list on what woman 'like' am I right to take this to mom?

I haven't looked if the OP posted the rest of the list.

These brothers know what's up. Failure is the best teacher and laughter the best medicine. They were just trying to give the little guy some learning lumps followed by mirthful introspection which should help assuage the mental anguish, in about 30 years. Best siblings.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:28

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] of a year, I said something stupid and now my girlfriend wont stop crying. I think she's going to dump me.

quote:

I just want to start by saying I love my girlfriend. She's funny and smart and beautiful and I can see myself with her for a very long time. Im also kind of an rear end in a top hat. I don't do it on purpose. Sometimes I just say really awful poo poo.

So my girlfriend is pretty hot. She's not a 10 or anything. I'd say she's a solid 7, an 8 on a really good day. So she's hot but there are definitely girls out there who are still objectively better looking.

My girlfriend recently started selling panties online and she's done really well so far. Last night we were talking about it and I was scrolling through her competition, just checking stuff out, and it occurred to me that some of the hotter girls must make a killing. I stupidly made that realization out loud. I'm really embarrassed to admit it but my exact words were "All these hotter girls must make so much more than you."

The second the sentence left my mouth I knew I hosed up. I honestly have no idea why I told her that. She's been crying all night and now she wont talk to me this morning. I don't know what to do. Im not dissatisfied with my girlfriend and I honestly didn't mean that she isn't still hot, because she is, its just that objectively, there are other girls out there who are hotter. I feel like such a jerk for making her cry like this. We were supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight and I feel like I ruined her day. What can I say or do to make this better?

OP in the comments posted:

See part of the problem is Ive said similarly stupid poo poo in the past. last summer I accidentally let it slip that I think I'm smarter and better looking than her. She almost ended the relationship. Something about not wanting to be with someone who didn't value her. She already forgave me once, I don't know if she will again.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 16:33 on Oct 28, 2016

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:30

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] of a year, I said something stupid and now my girlfriend wont stop crying. I think she's going to dump me.

selling panties? :psyduck:

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:32

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] of a year, I said something stupid and now my girlfriend wont stop crying. I think she's going to dump me.

loving

HardDiskD posted:

selling panties?

Do you want to go down that rabbit hole? Cause it's a doozy.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:34

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

HardDiskD posted:

selling panties?

In your heart of heart, you know exactly what that means.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:37

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] of a year, I said something stupid and now my girlfriend wont stop crying. I think she's going to dump me.

It's so weird how all these hotter girls have watermarks on their picture! It must be a sign they're so hot they do modeling in their free time, when they're not selling panties.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:38

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

He should dump her first and try to trade up to a smarter solid 8

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:38

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

So she's selling her used panties? Wtf.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:40

sleppy: Dec 25, 2008

sad guy posted:

I was scrolling through her competition

I have always heard of people selling them, but is there like a pantie ebay.. maybe a... pantebay?

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:42

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [22F] of a year, I said something stupid and now my girlfriend wont stop crying. I think she's going to dump me.

Even if you've never had a girlfriend before I think this is the kind of thing you're supposed to figure out not to do by watching sitcoms and poo poo

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:43

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I had depression at that age and my parents brushed it off and downplayed it as well - with only a half-hearted apology about ten years later for getting it wrong when they realised I still have it - it loving sucks so I have to empathise with the kid here. I internalised the idea that I probably was just an angsty teenager and any doctor/therapist would laugh me away so I never got the help I needed.

I mean, he could just be a little turd but it's not really an assumption I'm comfortable making.

Oh, I agree with you. His mom blocking access to meds or doctors cause of big pharma is insane, almost abusive if it's consistent and obvious that he needs or wants help. I just thought his turns of phrase were particularly "teenage" if that makes sense.

kuddles posted:

"My boyfriend kept a major lie about being a decade older than he claimed from me for over a year, and when finally caught he provided another bullshit lie to explain his reason for that lie, but also he's like my best friend. Also, I lost my sexual desire for him. Reddit, please confirm that once I marry him and start a family, these issues will disappear."

Look, I know the longer you commit yourself to another human being, the more difficult it seems to sever and how it almost feels like that time is wasted, but half of these r/relationship posts are so depressing on a "if I just keep gambling eventually I'll make enough money to pay off all these gambling debts" level.

I think there is a healthy dose of co-dependence in most of these posts. Like, she's invested part of her identity into this creep and doesn't realize it.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:42

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

sleppy posted:

I have always heard of people selling them, but is there like a pantie ebay?

There's a whole subreddit. People make weird requests about what they do in the panties first, and there's a weird system of "proof" required.

It's a whole thing.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:43

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Charles Get-Out posted:

Oh, I agree with you. His mom blocking access to meds or doctors cause of big pharma is insane, almost abusive if it's consistent and obvious that he needs or wants help. I just thought his turns of phrase were particularly "teenage" if that makes sense.

I think there is a healthy dose of co-dependence in most of these posts. Like, she's invested part of her identity into this creep and doesn't realize it.

Look, I didn't waste the last three years cybering with this weirdo just to not go through with a lifelong commitment.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:47

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

drat, SA needs a response to this if we're gonna keep our edge, someone make a goon boxer shorts buying/selling/trading thread.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:47

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Lotta people ITT have never watched Orange Is The New Black

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:49

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

i would have never imagined that farting on your underwear would raise its value

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:50

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

WampaLord posted:

There's a whole subreddit. People make weird requests about what they do in the panties first, and there's a weird system of "proof" required.

It's a whole thing.

Do skidmarks increase the value,

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:55

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

One of my favorite parts of the big age gap stories is that they inevitably mention 1) being very mature for their age and 2) the older guy being hilariously immature for his. They're always wrong about point 1, and I don't see how anyone could read point 2 as anything other than a massive red flag

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:58

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Leon Einstein posted:

Do skidmarks increase the value,

WHo knows weirdo, why don't you google it instead of trying to make SA your own personal shopper service jeez.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:59

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Leon Einstein posted:

Do skidmarks increase the value,

If they do then let me tell you friend, I'm sitting on a gold mine

# ? Oct 28, 2016 16:58

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

loquacius posted:

Lotta people ITT have never watched Orange Is The New Black

I watched the first season way back whenever. It was p good.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:00

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Dial-a-Dog posted:

If they do then let me tell you friend, I'm sitting on a gold mine

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:03

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Dial-a-Dog posted:

One of my favorite parts of the big age gap stories is that they inevitably mention 1) being very mature for their age and 2) the older guy being hilariously immature for his. They're always wrong about point 1, and I don't see how anyone could read point 2 as anything other than a massive red flag

Yeah, it's funny that they think so much of themselves that they think they're mentally beyond their peers but not enough to leave an obviously bad situation.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:03

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I remember the selling used panties thing from an episode of some late night HBO or Cinemax show I watched when I was 12 or 13 or something. Pretty sure it's a thing that started in Japan.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:07

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Another long epic that has a simple solution.

quote:

Me[21M] with my GF[21F] I just found out that she went went to her "friend"[20?M] apartment to try have sex with him, but turned it down last minute

Hey guys so this morning has been very rough so I'm sorry in advance for any typos or if I forget anything, I'll try to make this as succinct as possible.

Me and my girlfriend (I'll call her Mary) have been dating for just about 2 years now. We started out as sophomores in college and are both now seniors. The relationship has been great for almost all the time except for a few rough points where I would feel like she was being to flirty with other guys or just taking something I would personally consider inappropriate for friends to do as something that was totally normal (ex. Grinding with her make friends at the bar) but we would always talk about it right away and she would understand and we always came to a middle ground that never seemed crossed.

Now just as some background my girlfriend and I had very different experiences growing up when it came to sex and friends. I grew up as a decently socially capable kid, but I never had sex with anyone before college and I was pretty bad at talking to girls. I pretty much didn't think guys and girls could be just friends and that had a pretty rough effect on me for some time. My girlfriend on the other hand had plenty of sexual experiences before college and many of her friends were guys who she had slept with at one time or another, but were just friends now. This really played into a lot of my insecurities and at first it was hard trying to explain my side and was hard for me to understand her side, but as we continued to talk about it we both really started to understand each other's perspectives on just how much contact we thought was to much with people we had slept with before and how much we had to be open and honest with each other. It seemed so perfect cause I learned so much from her in so many ways and also felt like we grew and a couple so much that we could get through anything.

She has been working two jobs to pay for her rent and so we barely got much time to hang out with the jobs and school, and she almost never got to hang out with her friends (both male and female). On top of this she was taking one class that was pretty tough and she had already failed an exam and was studying a lot for that. So to really kinda try and help make everything work I would study with her and try to help out around her place so we could hang out, and then we planned for about once a week for her to just relax and hang out with her friends so she could also see them and just have time without us being together (since all her other time had been spent working or with me).

So in her class that she struggles in she met a guy (who I'll call James) who was sitting next to her and they seemed like pretty good friends, she would tell me about stupid stuff he did and class and try to get us to go out together and have a night out with all of us so we could all hang out. This seemed great but when we did all go out we all got way to drunk and blacked out at the bar, the next morning she told me that she was concerned that she might have done something wrong because she almost never blacks out and likes to remember what she has done. This was understandable and I felt the same, so we decided to put that night behind us and not drink for a while. The only issue is that she also told me that afterwords James from her class had texted her and told her that they had danced together and got a little touchy, but he wanted her to know nothing else happened. I appreciated this a lot but it also put me off on him because obviously they had at least gotten touchy together, I let my girlfriend know and she decided to reduce contact with him to make me more comfortable.

Then last night happened. So she had done her nights to herself for two weeks and nothing seemed wrong, we told each other we loved each other and we were the only ones for each other since I had been feeling a little down for a bit and everything was just the same as it had always been. But then last night she texted me saying she was going over to James place to meet his roommate since he was having a little party there, I was surprised cause I thought she would be coming back soon but now it only seemed that there might really began so I told her I was a little uncomfortable but she promised she would drink or be there more than an hour, so I said fine, hoping to talk about it later since I didn't want to ruin her night. She did only stay and hour and didn't drink and when she came back to my place to pick me up she was super happy to see me and apologized about not letting me know sooner that she was thinking of going over to his place, and told me she would stick to her plans better cause she didn't want me to be concerned. I was pretty glad to see her and was happy to be with her again. But that night I couldn't sleep cause it just kept eating at me that something was wrong... so I snooped on her phone... she had been texting him about how she wanted to gently caress him because she wanted him more than me, but even worse was that she told him it wasn't just his looks but that she also just really like him in general and didn't even need to date home just to gently caress him for the pleasure of being with him. Through all of this he is almost adamant about her NOT doing this because of her relationship with me and about why she wouldn't just break up with me beforehand. She said she would breakup with me after they had hosed... but around the point the halfway point of her being at the party she had sent another text saying how she was sorry and didn't want to do anything cause she couldn't handle being with someone else, he said it was fine and that she should be happy with me for what we have.

I was devastated and sent screenshots of all the texts to me to make sure I didn't try to pretend I didn't see it. I instantly got up and started to change and get my things when she woke up too asking what was wrong. I told her I looked through her phone and that we were done and she started bawling. She begged me not to leave and to just talk to her about it because she hadn't slept with him but did admit to wanting too. She told me she always wanted to attention if other guys and that it just made her feel so much better just knowing other people wanted her, and that she didn't want to do anything with him but got off to the idea that she was going to since it turned her on. She could barley talk through her contrasting crying and I just showed her the texts and asked why she said everything was fine when blatantly it wasn't. She said she didn't know why she got those feelings and that it was something she never liked but couldn't help do. I told her I needed time to think and just process everything since I had no clue any of this was occurring behind my back this whole time. She asked me if there was anything at all she could do to make things better, and offered couples counseling to see if they could help her in how to not want to get the attention of other guys and hopefully help mend the trust she broke by all the lies she told in the weeks prior. I told her yes and I mean to go to at least one, since I do really love her so much and I'm so loving heartbroken right now I feel like I would do anything to keep her, but I just don't know what to do. She also blocked and deleted his number from her phone and snapchat and told me she would try to switch classes so she would never see him again. I don't know what to do, this girl meant everything to me and helped me through so much and she never asked for anything in return, I want her in my life but I don't know how I can ever trust her again after tonight...

TLDR: my girlfriend met up with a guy from her class who I assumed were just friends, turns out she actually wanted to gently caress him but at the last moments she choose not to because she didn't want to lose me and claims to have a problem with desiring other guys sexual attention but wants to get professional help for it now

Update: it seems there is an overwhelming opinion to just dump her, which at this point, after looking over the texts again and talking to a few close friends as well, seems to be the only feasible option, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again, even with all the counseling in the world. I told her we are done and she was just as upset as ever,and asked me to still go to the counseling for one last chance. I told her I would only go if it was not out of my way and soon, because unless a miracle occurs in there, I don't think this relationship can possibly last

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:12

CabaretVoltaire: Jun 10, 2003; Better than Turin Brakes.

quote:

I'll try to make this as succinct as possible.

try harder

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:15

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Gaunab posted:

Another long epic that has a simple solution.

Update 2: after I broke up with her, she went outside and started hitting HER OWN CAR WITH HER OWN BOOKS

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:57

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

What's everyone's take on all the phone snooping? I mean it catches cheaters but drat, that's a violation of privacy.

# ? Oct 28, 2016 17:58

kaschei: Oct 25, 2005

Lock your phone

# ? Oct 28, 2016 18:00

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

If someone wants to look through my homoerotic chat logs to my besties on my phone, they're welcome to if they crack my 4 digit code or otherwise gain access. I'm going to make you at least put SOME effort into this relationship. :colbert:

# ? Oct 28, 2016 18:04

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

What's everyone's take on all the phone snooping? I mean it catches cheaters but drat, that's a violation of privacy.

if it proves something, the snooper has their suspicions confirmed; if it doesn't, the snooper is an untrusting rear end in a top hat. either way, they lose

i call this the "entire history of you" rule

# ? Oct 28, 2016 18:06

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# ? May 9, 2024 04:55

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

kaschei posted:

Lock your phone

My marriage proposal got spoiled because of poor device security

As in, the week I went online ring shopping, my wife's Macbook broke and she borrowed my SP2 while it was in the shop, and instead of setting her up with her own user account on the tablet I just let her use mine. And then she happened to be using it when a notification popped up about how my order from Blue Nile had just shipped. The moral of the story is make sure you and your S/O have separate digital lives.

I mean, she can unlock my phone and I can unlock hers, because it only makes sense to be able to open up Google Maps on the other person's phone while driving or whatever, so maybe that's a bad example, but neither of us knows any of the other person's passwords

# ? Oct 28, 2016 18:07

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