Essential Inks posted:

#78
Apologize and explain where you were mentally without using it as an excuse. Ask if there is anything you can do to make amends and do so if it is within reason.

If you are still sore about the bullying, invite the Linkedin guy out for some arbitrary reason. Bring two trustworthy friends. Get him blackout drunk* and destroy his hands beyond repair. This can be accomplished easily by using strong zip-ties as tourniquets . Remember to wear gloves whenever you are handling the ties(also take his cash and throw his phone(remember to turn it off or break it) and wristwatch down a storm drain to give the impression of a mugging) and dispose of any unused ties in a trash bin far from your home. Get a lawyer at the first sign of police involvement and say nothing without his or her counsel. You were all drinking, so memory problems are very plausible.

*If all three of you do two shots with him(you're buying), you should all still be sober enough. Use a BAC calculator app and get him to about 0.3%, then delete it from your phone.

CannonFodder posted:

I know that Geordie is an English accent (from Newcastle?) but for the life of me when they get slangy it's like listening to Flemish.

Paladinus posted:

What a good dog. It let someone attack its owner and walked away with a stranger.

Tunicate posted:

Can't blame a German Sheppard for just following orders.

criscodisco posted:

Ambassadorial starships have to be prepared for any cultural eventuality. It's a gloryhole with a rotating crew roster.

Fun fact: it's the only reason we're on such good terms with the people of Risa

Trast posted:

"Six days a week this is the best job in the galaxy," the lieutenant said to the ensign.

"What happens on the seventh day?" the ensign asked.

The lieutenant frowned and rubbed his jaw.

Sestze posted:

free basket of chips posted:

I dont get it

free basket of chips posted:

I dont get it

quote:

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.

"Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."

The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. He sticks his dick in the hole and gets an amazing blowjob.After he finishes up, the captain returns.

"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"

"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."

"Why not Thursday?"

"That's your day in the barrel."

froglet posted:

From the ABC article on the case:

Malachite_Dragon posted:

That's not a mullet. I don't think there is a name for that travesty.

Parts Kit posted:

It's like the Ur-Mullet.

Mierenneuker posted:

The μllet.

Dirtbag Diva posted:

Having your fiance get upset at being "disrespected" for being asked to collect clam shells in Connecticut is quite possibly the whitest predicament ever. Collecting....shells...?! What are we, peasants?

Sanford posted:

Does anyone have that short series of TCC vignettes that ends with someone falling into the Paris catacombs and shaking a skeleton by the shoulder while shouting "HEY MY NIGGA HAVE YOU TRIED LSD"?

Laserjet 4P posted:

That's about the state of SA in general, not TCC specifically.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3749412&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=76#post461795189

Here, in this very thread!

RatHat posted:

Bones are not fossils.

Random Stranger posted:

How do you know this? Have you ever seen a bone and a fossil in the same place?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Your mom has.

Laserjet 4P posted:

That's about the state of SA in general, not TCC specifically.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3749412&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=76#post461795189

Here, in this very thread!

Laserjet 4P posted:

That's about the state of SA in general, not TCC specifically.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3749412&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=76#post461795189

Here, in this very thread!

PopeCrunch posted:

I had to bring my kid in for a blood draw for somethingorother a few years back, and he - well. He did none of the above.

First he locked eyes with the phleb, then sort of unfocussed his eyes so he was looking *through* the poor guy, and then shortly after the stick, the most serene beatific smile appeared on his face, but in slow motion, with his unfocussed eyes still staring through the phleb's skull and through the back wall of the room. It was the weirdest goddamn thing and the poor phleb just kind of bugged his eyes out and de-assed the room as quickly as possible when he got what he needed.

Big Grunty Secret posted:

Does anyone have the posts of the guy who was toxxed after the Super Bowl to mention the Seahawks in his next 50 posts? He did a great job shoehorning some of them. I think his name was may contain peanuts?

darthbob88 posted:

It was 600 posts.

Subjunctive posted:

Seatoxx is one of the greatest things to ever occur on the internet.

Chichevache posted:

It was. Unfortunately the copycats he spawned are very rarely as good as he is.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

Finally, whale lice are crustaceans and are specific to whale species (and even gender), so don't worry about one latching on if you swim in the ocean. Unless you're a porpoise or something.

Data Graham posted:

I think a lot of us claim to be

I Said No posted:

Shugojin posted:

You just can't match the desperation of a man who really doesn't want to lose $10.

Moot . posted:

fun story: iwas pissing off the side of this canyon (dead horse point in Utah, like 700 ft down) trippint lsd and giggling about how the updraft was taking my piss upwards and I heard my friend like 20ft behind me go "aaugh wtf". he was taking a picture for some foreign tourists and my space piss arc was raining all over them.

MrChips posted:

hobbesmaster posted:

No slides on cargo planes?

Ola posted:

It's FedEx, so there's a note on the door and the pilots are available for delivery at the local parcel center.

social vegan posted:

operator: "Hello this is 911 what is your emergency"

me: "I will tell thee of my emergency if thou shalt answer these riddles, three"

o: "Sir I don't have time for this, what is the nature of your emergency"

me: "Ah anxious, aren't we. What has 2 legs in the morning, but only 1 leg in the afternoon"

o: "Sir, I'm hanging up"

me: "incorrect my fair lady, 'tis my uncle, there's been a horrible accident"

Hogge Wild posted:

Hogge Wild posted:

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

a forum you have to be funny in? incomprehensible. *swivels chair back around to 6x6 monitor setup with various Megathreads on auto refresh*