|
I imagine it'd be a really hard situation if you're rightfully afraid your partner is going to hurt themselves, and wants to leave your home to get away from you. That guy chose wrong but it's not like I'd be confident and self-assured that I'm doing the right thing as I watched my self-harming (ex?) partner walk out the door, even if that's what I'd know I had to do. That guy sounds like a total poo poo and the story made me pretty anxious for her safety but, if the other story is really that she has a history of self-harm, I can at least understand his fear. Taking away her cellphone takes away any semblance of good faith though - there's no excuse for that.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:24 |
|
|
# ? May 16, 2024 17:06 |
lohli posted:I just think it's more nuanced than only one party being a bad actor I think you have a point, but 1) calling someone a champ for controlling their temper is a little misguided and 2) he didn't really control it considering he physically blocked her into a space and took away her means of communication for a very extended period of time. The way you're phrasing the situation kind of reads like the natural reaction would be for him to hit her or physically force her more than he did and you're applauding him for doing otherwise. Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:I imagine it'd be a really hard situation if you're rightfully afraid your partner is going to hurt themselves, and wants to leave your home to get away from you. That guy chose wrong but it's not like I'd be confident and self-assured that I'm doing the right thing as I watched my self-harming (ex?) partner walk out the door, even if that's what I'd know I had to do. That guy sounds like a total poo poo and the story made me pretty anxious for her safety but, if the other story is really that she has a history of self-harm, I can at least understand his fear. It's a bit of a cop-out to me cause the dude caused the situation that led to him being "afraid" she was gonna hurt herself. But for his imprisoning her and taking away her means of communication, she would not have seemed like she was trying to hurt herself sorta thing. Nancy fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Nov 15, 2016 |
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:25 |
|
lohli posted:I just think it's more nuanced than only one party being a bad actor It's easy to take the calm and collected high road once you drive somebody into a frenzy I guess. Maybe he was protecting her from herself in the end, but not before he drove her to that state by creating the situation by playing games at 3am+ in spite of promising not to (for weeks??!), then insisting that they should talk about it by not allowing her to leave the house. And then taking away her phone. I'm really not the person who harps on about this sort of stuff, but it's classic abusive behaviour. Being a complete shithead to such an extent that the partner snaps, then playing the caring, reassuring and calm card and trying to soothe things over by talking it through, despite them having "talked" that situation over many times already, with promises that he would change his behaviour and failing to do so, in order to make the other person seem the unreasonable one.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:28 |
|
54 40 or gently caress posted:I don't get how people don't see obvious solutions. You get a pumpkin, carve a jack o lantern face in it. Then you take the biggest butcher knife in your kitchen and write a note in your own blood that says "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND" and stick it to the pumpkin with the knife. Leave on her doorstep. jack handey posted:Sometimes when I feel like killing someone,
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:29 |
|
See, Jack Handey absolutely knows what's up, as always.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:32 |
|
Troposphere posted:he wasn't letting her leave before she threw her "tantrum" dude quote:I forgot if I screamed out of frustration. I think I did. Like a roar. I stomp out the bedroom, slam the door, and I make myself a bed on the couch. His not letting her out isn't really the start of this, and given his reaction as poo poo unfolds I'm assuming his not letting her out might have been out of a concern for her wellbeing(because I'm assuming she has a history of self-harming tantrums), he might have wanted reassurance that she wasn't going to go jump off a bridge or sit in the garden carving chunks out of herself, and her attitude of "I don’t want to tell him.... you were “too busy” playing your stupid game to come out and apologize to me, then I don’t want to tell you where I’m going. I’m only planning on going downstairs, but the principle, y’know?" was something that probably did nothing to assuage those concerns. It seems like they both had plenty of opportunities to defuse things and should have talked to eachother like grown-rear end adults who had a problem to resolve.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:34 |
|
Stop before I throw a tantrum
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:37 |
|
lohli posted:His not letting her out isn't really the start of this, and given his reaction as poo poo unfolds I'm assuming his not letting her out might have been out of a concern for her wellbeing(because I'm assuming she has a history of self-harming tantrums), he might have wanted reassurance that she wasn't going to go jump off a bridge or sit in the garden carving chunks out of herself, and her attitude of "I don’t want to tell him.... you were “too busy” playing your stupid game to come out and apologize to me, then I don’t want to tell you where I’m going. I’m only planning on going downstairs, but the principle, y’know?" was something that probably did nothing to assuage those concerns. Shut up dude
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:37 |
|
Yeah sometimes you just have to have a good old confrontation with implied threats / mutilated vegetables. Don't be surprised when your husband isn't cringing at the thought of attention from the opposite sex, you just gotta lock down your territory sometimes.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:37 |
|
Jeza posted:It's easy to take the calm and collected high road once you drive somebody into a frenzy I guess. Maybe he was protecting her from herself in the end, but not before he drove her to that state by creating the situation by playing games at 3am+ in spite of promising not to (for weeks??!), then insisting that they should talk about it by not allowing her to leave the house. And then taking away her phone. I'm really not the person who harps on about this sort of stuff, but it's classic abusive behaviour. Being a complete shithead to such an extent that the partner snaps, then playing the caring, reassuring and calm card and trying to soothe things over by talking it through, despite them having "talked" that situation over many times already, with promises that he would change his behaviour and failing to do so, in order to make the other person seem the unreasonable one. I think when he thought the poo poo was hitting the fan, with regards to her risking her own wellbeing, he took the calm and collected high road, and I totally agree that he drove her nuts, but with regards to being a shithead and then trying to be the calm nice guy I think you're confusing an idiot who self-destructively couldn't help himself when it came to abstaining from playing videogames with his friends at unreasonable hours with a calculating abuser.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:40 |
lohli posted:His not letting her out isn't really the start of this, and given his reaction as poo poo unfolds I'm assuming his not letting her out might have been out of a concern for her wellbeing(because I'm assuming she has a history of self-harming tantrums), he might have wanted reassurance that she wasn't going to go jump off a bridge or sit in the garden carving chunks out of herself, and her attitude of "I don’t want to tell him.... you were “too busy” playing your stupid game to come out and apologize to me, then I don’t want to tell you where I’m going. I’m only planning on going downstairs, but the principle, y’know?" was something that probably did nothing to assuage those concerns. The guy isn't a medical professional or legal authority and has no business physically restraining her on based his maybe-suspicions, regardless of how unreasonable she's being and especially since he is the direct cause of many of her negative reactions.
|
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:42 |
|
Lohli please cut your losses and stop derailing so we can move on
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:43 |
|
lohli posted:I just think it's more nuanced than only one party being a bad actor Nah man you don't get it there is no nuance to this story. She sat in place seething for 8.5 hours then went looking for razor blades to cut herself, again. I'm sure her version of events is entirely accurate and judging by her mothers reaction she's never blown anything out of proportion before. Helsing posted:My [31F] husbands [30M] old college fling [32F] moved into our neighbourhood recently.Infidelity As we've already discussed since they hooked up in the past then regardless of how long they've been apart or how committed either party is to their current SO these two without a doubt gonna fuuuuuuuuuck
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:46 |
|
On face value I'd say the boyfriend is in the clear wrong, but there are a bunch of little tells in how she communicates that make me hesitant to cast a judgement. I would say it is a situation that replicates a lot of domestic disturbance calls: both parties are emotionally volatile people that blow up verbally and physically with each other so often and with such distorted perspectives that it is impossible to distinguish an aggressor or more in the wrong party based on their accounts of the situation.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:49 |
|
I [20F] am an extremely picky eater, and it is making life difficult quote:Okay. So. I'm going to get the obvious out of the way. I was a bit of a spoiled child, and my parents a lot of the time made me separate meals. I've always been an insanely picky eater, and its gotten better and worse. It fluctuates. It bothers me that I'm such a picky eater, and I want to change. Hey she's trying! I'm sympathetic, it can be hard to overcome aversions.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 01:51 |
|
Charles Get-Out posted:The guy isn't a medical professional or legal authority and has no business physically restraining her on based his maybe-suspicions, regardless of how unreasonable she's being and especially since he is the direct cause of many of her negative reactions. I agree to an extent, but I can empathise with someone not wanting someone they care about to run off and self-harm, and he certainly goofed at the start. But I think she had a golden opportunity to defuse the entire situation by saying that she was stressed, going out for a smoke, and that they needed to talk about poo poo, but she doesn't, gets more vexed, and that presumably only fuels his concerns, it's a terrible mutual reinforcement of all the bad poo poo in that situation. Charles Get-Out posted:I think you have a point, but 1) calling someone a champ for controlling their temper is a little misguided and 2) he didn't really control it considering he physically blocked her into a space and took away her means of communication for a very extended period of time. 1) "Champ" was more about using the same language that represents the guy somewhat positively that the guy I was replying to used, and I stand by that for the previously posted reasons, and I'd say the physical blocking wasn't a retaliatory anger issue that he failed to control, it was a misguided attempt to protect her wellbeing, I think I already called him a dickhead about the phone stuff. loquacius posted:Lohli please cut your losses and stop derailing so we can move on Don't see how talking about the lovely redditor relationships is a derail. Just found out my (18F) boyfriend (18M) had a hidden camera in my friend and I's bathroom quote:This is really hard to write and I'm currently at a loss. So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I am closer to him than anything. I care about him a lot and I don't know if this is a dealbreaker considering his past and willingness to get therapy but let me go on to the story.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:02 |
|
Nobody has any idea what happened because you got an account from a total stranger posting on reddit for relationship advice. Is he a player? I don't understand his end game. quote:Hi everyone!
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:03 |
|
i'm just curious but did you try signing up as "loli" and that was taken
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:07 |
|
Lockback posted:Nobody has any idea what happened because you got an account from a total stranger posting on reddit for relationship advice. He's probably not as cool/great as she thinks he is (or else he doesn't consider himself so) and would rather have sex with someone he has real feelings for. Probably a side-effect of the stereotype that all guys are simply looking for sex and nothing else, but it's pretty funny how she is legitimately stumped by a guy acting romantic. That being said, I've known plenty of guys that go way overboard in that department. They get some form of gratification from it, and they think they mean it at the time, but really they don't. at all.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:08 |
|
RNG posted:i'm just curious but did you try signing up as "loli" and that was taken Nope (edit: got curious and checked to see if it was taken, it was reg'd in '15) Lockback posted:Is he a player? I don't understand his end game. This seems like another one of those things where a person should actually talk to the other person about what they want from a relationship.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:11 |
|
lohli posted:I agree to an extent, but I can empathise with someone not wanting someone they care about to run off and self-harm, and he certainly goofed at the start. She was just leaving when he held the door so she couldn't get out, she was just packing a bag when he blocked her in, she was just calling for help when he took her phone, and she was just trying to get through him and get out when he pinned her down and held her prisoner. You're a peach.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:13 |
|
The best way to deal with someone who is potentially a harm to themselves is to relentlessly and childishly antagonize them and make sure you don't call for professional help even when they're hysterically screaming and crying and attacking you. Truly, a champ.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:22 |
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36gSLmCHpUQ
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:53 |
|
check out my Youtube posted:The best way to deal with someone who is potentially a harm to themselves is to relentlessly and childishly antagonize them and make sure you don't call for professional help even when they're hysterically screaming and crying and attacking you. Truly, a champ. That post is like a litmus test for identifying whether someone has dealt with a person close to them who has severe cluster b personality disorder traits or not. You can see the naive posters who are looking at the post for cause:effect relationships through the lens of their own brains, the posters who acknowledge something is up but know the boyfriend's actions are generally bad and big red flags, and the posters who realize the reality of the situation. Khorne fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Nov 15, 2016 |
# ? Nov 15, 2016 02:54 |
|
Khorne posted:He was on the phone with her mom. Besides the cell phone thing, he wasn't antagonizing her. She didn't even wake up, after sleeping for 6 hours, due to him being on the computer. Every single action he made is antagonizing her: not talking to her, talking to her, leaving her alone, being with her, apologizing, not apologizing, going on with his day, not going on with his day, being on the computer, getting off the computer, being quiet, existing. Her mom is not the professional help that was needed. Him taking her phone because "it's mine" to prevent her from calling help is antagonistic and also childish as poo poo. Maybe I'm out of my loving element here but I think letting someone leave their home isn't a loving extreme request that requires some League of Legends playing manbaby to shoulder the burden of physically imprisoning and restraining his girlfriend. God forbid she leaves to smoke a cigarette without filing the proper requisition forms to her boss/boyfriend before she can leave. And instead of some mealymouthed cop-out where I say they've both acted poorly I will instead say my sympathy is diminished when the initial issue could've easily been handled by moving the computer to a different room. I do not believe there is nowhere else it can be. check out my Youtube fucked around with this message at 03:06 on Nov 15, 2016 |
# ? Nov 15, 2016 03:02 |
|
calmer than you are dude. calmer than you are
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 03:05 |
|
My (27F) fiance of 2 years (29M) left with no warning a couple days ago. He's acting like our relationship was a casual fling and I can't get my head around what's happening. I'm a mess.quote:Hi /r/relationships. You all seem to have good insight into the possibilities as to why people sometimes do the things they sometimes do, so I'm hoping you can help me out here. 3 1/2 years total, 2 years engaged. Is this the biggest ghosting we've ever had? Kinda curious what the highest score is on that front. lazorexplosion fucked around with this message at 03:48 on Nov 15, 2016 |
# ? Nov 15, 2016 03:46 |
|
Khorne posted:That post is like a litmus test for identifying whether someone has dealt with a person close to them who has severe cluster b personality disorder traits or not. You can see the naive posters who are looking at the post for cause:effect relationships through the lens of their own brains, the posters who acknowledge something is up but know the boyfriend's actions are generally bad and big red flags, and the posters who realize the reality of the situation. Yeah, I did pick up on a lot of language in there that to me suggests very serious omissions or underestimations of how extreme her own behaviour was. It is all just very reminiscent of how people with bpd or bipolar disorder recall incidents where they have actually been very aggressive or in hysterical distress that prompts others to intervene. From their perspective they were behaving perfectly reasonably and were doing nothing to prompt intervention, and everyone else's behaviour is distorted to be far more negative and hostile, or they outright make things up. At the same time there isn't anyway to know for sure from the post alone, so I don't begrudge anyone's interpretation. Basically, everyone should stop being so judgy about each other's interpretation because dealing with reactive mental illnesses is very hard and even professionals often take actions that are only ambiguously justifiable. Also this derail is bad.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 03:54 |
|
lazorexplosion posted:3 1/2 years total, 2 years engaged. Is this the biggest ghosting we've ever had? Kinda curious what the highest score is on that front. The dude met someone else and is justifying his lovely treatment of his ex-fiancée by acting like it was just a casual thing.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 04:12 |
|
I got two shitheads and one happy ending for you, this evening. My [27f] SO [30m] walked in on me masturbating pretty enthusiastically and now it's driven a wedge between us. How do we fix this? quote:Okay, so the title is pretty self explanatory. [39/f] My husband [39/m] of 3.5 years pooped in the shower last night and now I don't know how I feel about him. quote:We've been together for 10 years, he's generally a very clean person so this was kind of shocking. I had a suspicion that he might have done it one other time but he denies it. Last night we were getting ready for bed/sex and we took a shower together but I got out before him. I went into the walk-in closet that is across from the shower area. I took a few minutes selecting a sexy nighty to wear and when I came out I could smell poo poo and he had the shower hose in his hand and had it pointed at the drain. I had an immediate flashback to reading about the the disgusting people here on Reddit that claim to poo poo in the shower because they are too drat lazy to get out and use the loving toilet. I couldn't believe my husband was doing this! I called him out and he said it was an accident and that he was embarrassed and sorry. But like I said, I suspect he's done it before. Anyway, we didn't have any sex last night because I couldn't hide my disgust. Our shower has not been draining properly and the idea of it being used as a toilet is too much for me. I put out the bleach for him while he was still in the shower last night and told him he had to clean it. But this morning I went to look and there was still some residue. I have to go get some Draino, and I don't intend on using the shower anymore. my boyfriend sold my mtg beta black lotus card quote:I'm on mobile so sorry for the format. I am so distraught. my boyfriend well call him Shane sold my black lotus beta card. now for those of you that don't know, this card is worth $20,000 right now. I was never planning to sell it. I got it from my mom for a birthday present when i first started playing magic. My mom has passed now and that is one of the things I treasure from her. I don't know what to do, I'm very upset and he won't tell me where he sold it so I could get it back. Please give me some advice, thank you
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 04:19 |
|
Shame Wagon posted:Yeah, I did pick up on a lot of language in there that to me suggests very serious omissions or underestimations of how extreme her own behaviour was. It is all just very reminiscent of how people with bpd or bipolar disorder recall incidents where they have actually been very aggressive or in hysterical distress that prompts others to intervene. From their perspective they were behaving perfectly reasonably and were doing nothing to prompt intervention, and everyone else's behaviour is distorted to be far more negative and hostile, or they outright make things up. Yeah. It's a shame, but after bearing witness to this kind of poo poo time and again, I have a very hard time taking anyone with serious mental illness at their word when talking about their outbursts/breaks/episodes. This definitely reeks of that kind of revision.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 04:25 |
|
So did the ex get to keep the 20k? That's a good trade imo
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 04:47 |
|
Demon Of The Fall posted:So did the ex get to keep the 20k? That's a good trade imo The card was recovered, so I guess so. As long as the shop had coverage for this sort of nonsense only the insurers are out money until the amount is extracted from the boyfriend? I don't even know how this poo poo works. I doubt he sold it for 20k though. The buyer needs to make a profit. It sounds like the culprit is easily locatable though, so the money might just get seized and put into evidence. If the cops then charge the money with being involved in drug trafficking, THEY get to keep it through the magic of civil forfeiture.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:29 |
|
Demon Of The Fall posted:So did the ex get to keep the 20k? That's a good trade imo They'll take him to court to recover the money. You can bet he's spent it all already so he's hosed.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:30 |
|
Demon Of The Fall posted:So did the ex get to keep the 20k? That's a good trade imo The police were involved. There's a good chance he's going to jail and the money is going back to the pawn shop. Maybe don't steal heirlooms worth 5 figures. Also maybe that girl shouldn't date addicts.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:30 |
|
I [25 M] have a hard time finding girls to date because I want them to like The Legend of Zelda
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:38 |
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:I [25 M] have a hard time finding girls to date because I want them to like The Legend of Zelda Finding a girl in 2016 that likes The Legend of Zelda doesn't seem that difficult.
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:47 |
|
Next time my wife and I have a bad argument or an ongoing lowkey one that explodes, I'll take away her phone from her and then physically restrain her after blocking her attempts to leave. As she's being whipped into a frenzy because I'm robbing her of any physical agency, I'll whisper at her (cool, calm and collected) "Lohli says there is more than one bad actor in this scenario. You might harm yourself."
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 05:48 |
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:I [25 M] have a hard time finding girls to date because I want them to like The Legend of Zelda Imagine someone breaking up with you because you didn't like The Legend of Zelda
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 06:02 |
|
|
# ? May 16, 2024 17:06 |
|
Zahgaegun posted:Imagine someone breaking up with you because you didn't like The Legend of Zelda You're telling me this is about that loving game you're always playing, the Legend of Zool or whatever? Holy poo poo, are you being serious right now?
|
# ? Nov 15, 2016 06:04 |