/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Is there a single open relationship success story?

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:23

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# ? May 9, 2024 12:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

Those middle-aged people with grown kids who go to swinger parties and all gently caress each other's wives and husbands seem pretty happy most of the time

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:27

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

My (24f) fianc� (29m) just accepted a plea deal and has to register as a sex offender. I'm a teacher.

quote:

I'm also posting in /r/legaladvice for advice on the legal aspects of this question....

I am a recently-licensed teacher. My fianc� just accepted a plea deal that requires registering as a sex offender for fifteen years (10 if he maintains good behavior).

This is devastating on many levels. I'm currently interning abroad, but I was planning on getting married and working in my hometown when I come home.
Can anyone share their personal experiences of dating/marrying/loving a sex offender? How hard is my life going to be? I'm scared to death.

I am 100% in love with this man- we've been together for five years- and I truly feel he was pressured into this deal. I'm upset for him and I can't just abandon him. I should have been there for him, but we could barely even talk after he got arrested because of how expensive overseas calls are from jail.

I'm still in a state of shock right now, and I really don't want to go into what he was accused/convicted of. If he actually did it, then I've been so completely fooled by him that I deserve whatever misery this relationship leads to.

tl;dr: Dating a sex offender. Scared.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:28

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

Yes. Every single one is a success in its own way, because it's always one idiot suggests it thinking s/he will get laid nonstop but then they fail miserably while their partner ends up a happier and more fulfilled person, and the idiot gets what s/he deserves.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

No, because it's founded on people being completely unable to entertain compromises with their partner. The only winners are when the partner who didn't bring it up realizes how selfish their SO is and leaves for an emotionally satisfying experience.

Pick fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Nov 28, 2016

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:32

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

Well, if you ever see a question that's like "how do I invite grandma to my polyamorous wedding ceremony?" instead of "let me tell you how I just ruined my own life" I guess that counts as successful.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Eight months without sex!? That's impossible for a man. Yes I do assume Roald Amundsen was loving his dogs.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:37

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

various cheeses posted:

Oh my god

Gaunab posted:

It's loss from ctr+alt+del

okay I clearly missed something, not seeing it still

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 16:44 on Nov 28, 2016

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:41

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Shall I post the e/n open relationship story again. Because that was a success story for her I guess...

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:43

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Syncopated posted:

They're gonna marry and have kids, then in 25 years she'll realise he's autistic and doesn't have the capacity for intimacy. lol owned

Which, of course, wouldn't be a big problem except that his zygomatic arch is 2 cm insufficiently protuberant

women! :argh:

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:44

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Ratjaculation posted:

Shall I post the e/n open relationship story again. Because that was a success story for her I guess...

Eh, that was brutal.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:44

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Quote-Unquote posted:

Yes. Every single one is a success in its own way, because it's always one idiot suggests it thinking s/he will get laid nonstop but then they fail miserably while their partner ends up a happier and more fulfilled person, and the idiot gets what s/he deserves.

In some of them the sociopath one actually does get laid nonstop while the normal one sits at home not cheating, like a normal person, and basically wallows in misery while displaying a big fake compersion smile so as to not rock the boat :smith:

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:47

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

Yeah, they're just not posting on r/relationships, for obvious reasons.

They're really loving rare though, to the point where I would say not opening up a closed relationship is a dang good rule to live by.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:48

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

quote:

My [37F]boyfriend [34M] of 8 months wanted to leave me by myself to go dancing at an after hours club by himself

To clarify the rest of the night was wonderful. It was also my birthday. We went to his friend in the city. He was nice (first time meeting) and my boyfriend asked him to go out with us but he wanted his sleep. However he offered his place if we stayed out too late. My bf and I went to a nightclub that was too crowded. We both like dancing so we like some space on the dance floor. He got annoyed and said we should go to a local after hours club. Which opens at 2am. I agreed. But it also means there is more drugs there.
We went and danced together the entire night. He got us MDMA. We both had it. He felt great. I felt okay. Then an hour or so later my stomach hurt a lot. I spent at least an hour just sitting down trying to focus on it going away. Or if that bad.. like a hospital. It wasn't that bad and went away. Then I danced some more with my bf. The club we're at has a lot of drugs, scantily clad girls and really guys too.. they tend to take off their shirts.
At the club he asked if I had to go to my parents dinner for my birthday, could I skip it? I said I've never missed one before. He said Okay. And mentioned the hour was getting late then.
But the hour got late. About 5am. And my bf was saying if we don't leave now that he won't make my parents birthday dinner at their place. So we left. I was willing to stay longer because I thought I'd make it anyways. I didn't state this out loud because he said he'd not make it. Wasn't about me.
Well we leave and go to his friends place. About an hour in he says he wants to go back by himself to dance. I didn't like that at all. Why not include me? And it's 6am! I told him that I want to go home.. an hour away. He just cuddles me. Then at 7am he says "Okay I'm going back to dance. You stay here and don't go anywhere."
So I was so upset being told he's going to this after hours club without me that I told him I'm going home. I drove us there. I left him his own money but took back my credit card and drivers license. He wanted me to leave the credit card for him!? It's mine only. Apparently because he spoiled me before this I owed him.
Honestly that makes me angry. I don't need to pay for his drugs and clubbing without me. Just because he was nice before doesn't mean I need to now give back.. for him partying and drugging without me. One thing is though that I didn't give him extra money for taxi. One because I planned after leaving to pick him up. And two he asked specifically for this.. However.. since he's planning on going to an after hours club with lots of drugs.. I was thinking he'd just use it for drugs.
I actually left. I said very calmly that I'm going home and he can go to the club. He asked for my money and I said no. Just leave you with your own. He asked why and I said I'm upset with you and don't feel like lending you money on this. Then I said: I don't have my cellphone here. Its at home. So once as I leave, I can't get in contact with you until I get home. He still said nothing. So I left.
When I got home I got a message from him saying "wtf you left me here". I explained to him that I clearly stated what I was doing before I left. Then he said that he was "joking" about going out. Uh so he said almost word for word "okay I want to go out dancing. I'm going to go but you stay here (at his friends place) And don't go anywhere." So as his argument he's saying this as a joke. I said at the time I'm leaving because of it. And he let me leave!!
I had to actually argue with him for a few hours on IM to get him to admit that he really did say this and meant it!! Like wtf??
And he continued to be upset with me about leaving. He now refuses to go to my parents dinner for me.
Was I wrong to leave him by himself when he was pushing me to go by himself to a club? He's only bullshitting me about joking right? Because that seems hosed. He should've said something before I left... When I was saying I was leaving.
tl;dr: Boyfriend tries to go to after club alone. Is this appropriate? Drug fested, scantily clad human beings there. This is on my birthday

All I could do is shake my head at this.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 16:55

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Ah, drugs and alcohol. To be 18 again.

Wait ... double that?!

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:02

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

WampaLord posted:

I [25F] hate seeing my boyfriend [25M] happy.

Yikes!

as someone with bpd, this is probably bpd

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:13

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

By the way, if anyone thinks, "well, dating an autistic person is probably fine, you get 'you time' while they play with train sets" it's worth revisiting the depressing tales of older people trapped in these relationships. Perhaps the saddest part is that the partner with Asperger's doesn't even apparently have the frame of reference to understand why being with them is and will always be torture. And to add another layer of black comedy, they tend to attract really compassionate partners who assume that what they really need is someone emotionally in-touch who can reach out to them. Woo nelly that does not go well.

And then when and if the partner leaves, it's a mystery!

quote:

Right now I'm depleted from my one-sided relationship with an aspie but even in a calm moment of clarity, why should anyone do this in a romantic or marital partnership? These relationships are supposed to be between equals and about reciprocity.

I believe that there are some aspies that could have a relationship that is give and take. It depends on how high their functioning is, where their deficits are and what compromises and accommodations the other partner can make. Post a here speak of clear communication, BUT these are the areas where people with Aspergers have trouble. If my husband and I could communicate, things might be at least bearable.

An example. Once, when very emotional after days of passive aggressive stonewalling from my partner, I shouted. "I would rather die than continue living like this. Please, talk to me. Just talk to me." My husband proceeded to start giving me a lecture on Winston Churchill. He was watching a documentary on Churchill at the time. When I responded "What the F are you doing?" He replied "Talking to you. That is what you asked."

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:14

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

almightyerin posted:

All I could do is shake my head at this.

Dear reddit: my boyfriend likes to do drugs and party late but he's being kind of irresponsible and sketchy, I'm sooooooo confused by this!!!

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:22

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

If she hasn't figured it out by now I don't think there's much hope for her.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:27

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

Pick posted:

By the way, if anyone thinks, "well, dating an autistic person is probably fine, you get 'you time' while they play with train sets" it's worth revisiting the depressing tales of older people trapped in these relationships. Perhaps the saddest part is that the partner with Asperger's doesn't even apparently have the frame of reference to understand why being with them is and will always be torture. And to add another layer of black comedy, they tend to attract really compassionate partners who assume that what they really need is someone emotionally in-touch who can reach out to them. Woo nelly that does not go well.

And then when and if the partner leaves, it's a mystery!

kind of reminds me of my dad tbh haha oh no

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:30

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I feel bad for the person who will never feel any sort of emotional reciprocity from her partner, but I laughed at the idea of responding to that by talking about winston churchill. Churchilling should replace severing - simply talk about nothing but winston churchill until you're broken up.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:31

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

bone app the teeth posted:

My (24f) fianc� (29m) just accepted a plea deal and has to register as a sex offender. I'm a teacher.

I just came to post this one, how are we not in full fledged assumption mode here?
He accepted a plea deal for fifteen years, I so want to know what he did because that's pretty damning. She needs to leave him yesterday because there is no way she will ever get gainful employment as a teacher while married to him.
15 years, Jesus wept.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:32

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I feel bad for the person who will never feel any sort of emotional reciprocity from her partner, but I laughed at the idea of responding to that by talking about winston churchill. Churchilling should replace severing - simply talk about nothing but winston churchill until you're broken up.

yeah that one always makes me laugh. i mean i feel bad but holy poo poo

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:34

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I just came to post this one, how are we not in full fledged assumption mode here?
He accepted a plea deal for fifteen years, I so want to know what he did because that's pretty damning. She needs to leave him yesterday because there is no way she will ever get gainful employment as a teacher while married to him.
15 years, Jesus wept.

That was my first thought, along with the typical "jesus christ redditors stop burying the lede" - I mean, it is absolutely crucial to understanding this story that we know what the dude did.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:36

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

My (45F) daughter (16F) is "in love" with her dead father's best friend (43M).

quote:

Honestly my husband and I were nearing a divorce when he died suddenly in a car accident. His best friend since college who we'll call "John" has always been a presence in our lives and this didn't stop after my husband's death. Nothing overbearing or anything, and I have no doubt his feelings for my daughter and I are anything but platonic (I've known him for 20 years and my daughter her whole life) but he comes over every now and again and my daughter enjoys keeping in touch with him. She seemed to like spending time with him a little too much but I chalked it up to maybe in her mind John was her "filler dad" or something. She's been acting off so I read her diary and what I found was honestly disturbing.

There's page after page of her proclaiming her love for John. I mean she goes into detail about every little thing, from physical attributes to his personality. And it's not just innocent puppy love poo poo like "John is sOooo cute!" No, she details her sexual desires for John. God, I feel sick even typing that. She talks about how she wishes his wife would go away so she could seduce him, how she could make him happy, how she wishes he'd marry her. I'm sorry but she's delusional. She writes that she thinks when he drops by he's using an excuse to see her.

There's a lot more stuff like that but you get the jist. I'm so disturbed by this. One, because this man has been basically a family member for her entire life and it's odd she she's him in any way besides platonic, and two, because at 16 she shouldn't be thinking of a man the same age as her father like this. I don't think she's grasping the mental and emotional differences between a 16 year old girl and a man in his 40s. And hello he's loving married?! To a woman his actual age?! And he's not a pedophile?! (Also there's no double agenda here where Johns having a midlife crisis and pursing her or something. I'm 100% sure.)

I don't know how to address this. And yeah yeah I read her diary but we all parent differently. So is there any help here????

TLDR: teenage daughter has explicitly innapropriate thoughts in her diary about dead husband's best friend, a man she's known her whole life

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:39

A Tin Of Beans: Nov 25, 2013

My [24F] Parents are blaming me for my brother [16M] getting his girlfriend [16F]. She wants me to pay for the abortion and will kick my brother out if I don't

quote:

My brother met Tina at my wedding. Tina had a crush on my brother before hand and we got them talking. They danced at my husband and I wedding. They went out on several dates and they have dated and they have been dating for 8 months. Tina and my brother are so similar in personality it's scary. She's pretty and I knew my brother would fall in love with her on sight.
They have been having there fun together. My brother has gotten her pregnant. My brother knows nothing about what my mother did. He just told her that Tina is pregnant and they need help. My mother called me and she demanded I pay for the abortion. She blames me for everything. It's not as if I locked them in a room and refused to let them out before they hosed.
I'm not going to pay and my mother is now threatening to kick my brother out of home, force him to get a job and raise the baby. She's insane and any help would be nice.
TL;DR: Brother got his girlfriend pregnant. My mother has gone insane and is threatening to kick him out. She only won't if I pay for the abortion because this is my fault apparently.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:41

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

That's just depressing. Hopefully just a phase/crush. But therapy for the loss couldn't hurt

Edit: dead dad girl

Ratjaculation fucked around with this message at 17:45 on Nov 28, 2016

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:42

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

El Golden Goose posted:

That was my first thought, along with the typical "jesus christ redditors stop burying the lede" - I mean, it is absolutely crucial to understanding this story that we know what the dude did.

I checked both her threads and she doesn't elaborate on the nature of it which just makes me assume it was something pretty bad. I'm sure if he was drunk and pissed in the middle of the street or passed out with his junk out in a grocery store or some poo poo she'd at least try and defend him. Complete lack of specificity is shaaaaady

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:42

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

My mother (52/F) found and read the eulogy I (19/M) wrote for her.

quote:

I know this is weird and I hosed up but

tl;dr - I wrote a eulogy for my perfectly healthy mother while in a depressed mood. She found it and read it and now understandably is extremely weirded out and distant.

Last night I was in a really depressed mood. I couldn't get out of this rut so it just got to the point where I wanted to cry, let it all out, and move on. I tried to think of really upsetting things to make me tear up. One of these was imagining my mother's death. My mother is alive and well and nowhere close to dying. But in this depressed state the thought of losing her made me burst into tears.

I feel really weird writing this but I'll continue. I kind of got stuck in this mindset that she had died and sat for like 45 minutes imagining the funeral and what me and my brothers would do. Then I was so deep in this horrible imaginary scenario I started thinking of the eulogy speech I would give.

After a while I snapped out of this mood. I was all cried out and felt better.. but I was actually really touched by what I had said in that speech about my mom... so for some reason decided to write it down, from beginning to end. My phone was dead so I just used a pen and notebook from college and left it on my desk.

I forgot about it, and today when I came home I noticed the notebook was open on the page of the eulogy. And my mom was acting so strange and distant. I didn't know how to bring it up but a while later she made a comment like "So you wish I was dead" or "Pity I'm not dead". I'm not sure exactly , I didn't hear her. But she wouldn't really answer me when I asked her to talk about it. I haven't spoken to her since.

Basically I hosed up. I know it's obviously weird to write a eulogy for someone that's still alive. But I was in a really depressed mood. Should I just tell her what I've told you ? I certainly can't lie and say it was for some short story or something ; it mentions personal details about her and her death. It's just a really horrible situation and I'd like some help

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:43

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

My (25 F) partners family said some things about my vehicle that offended me. Am I over reacting to something stupid?

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:44

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

This

loquacius posted:

Those middle-aged people with grown kids who go to swinger parties and all gently caress each other's wives and husbands seem pretty happy most of the time

and this

mfcrocker posted:

Yeah, they're just not posting on r/relationships, for obvious reasons.

They're really loving rare though, to the point where I would say not opening up a closed relationship is a dang good rule to live by.

The couple I know fit this profile. They're 40+, one already had olderish kids, and they got together as a pair of slutty people who didn't want monogamy from the get go. Been least 10 years far as I know, seem perfectly happy and I don't hear any bullshit about them.

Meanwhile I got that previously mentioned crazy friend who found a guy she really likes and he's not ok with her loving around, but of course she's trying to leave that door cracked even though she wants to make things work and it's going to blow the whole thing up.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:45

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

My (25 F) partners family said some things about my vehicle that offended me. Am I over reacting to something stupid?

yes

and get that piece of poo poo out of the road.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:45

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

A couple comments in the thread quoted some comments she made but she must've deleted them. I don't know if she was defending him or not but one said something like "he fooled me for five years so I deserve it". I closed the window or I'd quote it.

Edit: I was off, here it is.

quote:

If he actually did it, then I've been so completely fooled by him that I deserve whatever misery this relationship leads to.

almightyerin fucked around with this message at 17:50 on Nov 28, 2016

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:47

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I checked both her threads and she doesn't elaborate on the nature of it which just makes me assume it was something pretty bad. I'm sure if he was drunk and pissed in the middle of the street or passed out with his junk out in a grocery store or some poo poo she'd at least try and defend him. Complete lack of specificity is shaaaaady

Even if she breaks it off with this dude (the fact that she doesn't want to say what he did means she's probably stupid enough not to), if any potential school she wants to work for finds out about this guy, she's done. Speaking from experience, if she's not real good at covering her tracks online a school could likely easily find that reddit thread. What a dumb dummy.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:47

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

A Tin Of Beans posted:

My [24F] Parents are blaming me for my brother [16M] getting his girlfriend [16F]. She wants me to pay for the abortion and will kick my brother out if I don't

Less she's super strapped for cash help a bro out and then get him the gently caress away from your mother, you know she's nuts don't act like this is the only time.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:49

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

almightyerin posted:

A couple comments in the thread quoted some comments she made but she must've deleted them. I don't know if she was defending him or not but one said something like "he fooled me for five years so I deserve it". I closed the window or I'd quote it.

Edit: I was off, here it is.

My guess is sexual misconduct with a minor. That's where I'll throw my hat. Soliciting 14 year olds for nudes type deal.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 17:52

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

54 40 or gently caress posted:

My guess is sexual misconduct with a minor. That's where I'll throw my hat. Soliciting 14 year olds for nudes type deal.

You're probably right, but for some reason 15 years on the registry as a plea deal for soliciting nudes seems like a lot. I'd imagine before the plea deal he was facing decades in prison. I'm thinking, based on the plea deal being pretty severe and the fact that the OP has said zip about what he did, it's probably something even more serious than this, but I know absolutely nothing about sex offender laws.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 18:03

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

HardDiskD posted:

My (45F) daughter (16F) is "in love" with her dead father's best friend (43M).

quote:
I don't think she's grasping the mental and emotional differences between a 16 year old girl and a man in his 40s

Lady must be new to Reddit/the internet

# ? Nov 28, 2016 18:05

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

almightyerin posted:

mid-thirtysomething MDMA clubbing drama

This one feels like the necessary balance to that story from a week or two ago about the engaged 18-year-old who owned and was renovating her house.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 18:11

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# ? May 9, 2024 12:50

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

El Golden Goose posted:

You're probably right, but for some reason 15 years on the registry as a plea deal for soliciting nudes seems like a lot.

In Ontario the minimum is 10 for anything, and in Ireland you get 10 for anything with a sentence of 6 months or more. I dunno what the standards are in the US, but I somehow doubt that they're more lenient.

# ? Nov 28, 2016 18:13

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