timefly posted:

Sometimes you're the only one who can do it and sex doesn't provide the right type of stimulation, and/or you can't get in the zone mentally if you're distracted by a partner

quote:

My (22F) mom (52F) refuses to attend college graduation unless I lose 20 lbs, fat shames me and I've started loathing myself because of it.

Really at my breaking point now. My mom told me she won't attend my college graduation unless I lose 20 lbs. I am 5'3 and 125 lbs... nobody except her thinks I'm fat. I attend a top 10 university and will graduate top of my class with a STEM degree and start medical school in the fall. Yet she sees me as nothing but "fat" and unworthy of any appreciation. I fractured my foot last month and am still not able to fully use it yet so I haven't been working out for the last few weeks (but have not gained weight).

She has always been harshly critical of my body and it's really starting to destroy how I feel about myself. I got boobs earlier than most of my friends. She refused to get me fitted for a bra and gave me her old bras. She constantly made jokes to sales people about how I was a "baby elephant" and couldn't fit into clothes meant for 10 year old girls.

Over thanksgiving break she pinched my belly and said "you're certainly not wasting away" and would stare at different parts of my body (thigh, arms, chest) when I was talking to her and she would laugh at my face. She said some pretty nasty stuff about my body right before our thanksgiving meal. It made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't eat. She flipped it back on me and told me I hate her cooking and never appreciate her. It's almost as though she's oblivious of how hurtful her words are. She is also extremely critical of herself and constantly tells me "if I don't tell you how horrible you look, who else will?" As though she's doing me a favor. She also judges total strangers and people on Tv, celebrities models etc as either being "fat" or "looking like a 7 year old boy" (aka too skinny).

I tried talking to her and telling her she should be more body positive. She told me I was just making excuses for being hippo. Cutting her out is not an option and I've come to realize there just is no point in trying to get her to see the impact her words have. I am anxious to go home for winter break. I don't know how to deal with her constantly making me feel like crap. Truth is im not the fat and ugly monster she makes me out to be but lately I have caught myself hating myself and loathing my body. I have internalized all her hatred and started hating myself and don't know what to do about this mess. Help me. please.

TLDR; mom relentlessly fat shames me, refuses to attend college graduation unless I lose weight. I am unable to work out because of injured foot. I'm not fat. Started hating myself because of het

Leon Einstein posted:

I guess some women might be physically incapable of orgasms, but I'm guessing the ones that never cum have never masturbated and feel it is shameful.

timefly posted:

Sometimes you're the only one who can do it and sex doesn't provide the right type of stimulation, and/or you can't get in the zone mentally if you're distracted by a partner

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

My (22F) mom (52F) refuses to attend college graduation unless I lose 20 lbs, fat shames me and I've started loathing myself because of it.

quote:

My 32F Boyfriend 34M of 3 years. His ex (34F) from when he was in his 20s, has had access to his Facebook for years, compiled all of his messages. And wants to give them to me and says I need to see them, not sure how to navigate this.

My boyfriend Jason and I have been together for 3 years. It has been a great relationship over all. Definitely a few hiccups here and there. The biggest being about a year or so ago I caught him in a lie messaging a girl on social media. I forgave him, we moved past it.
He has an ex that has a lot of issues. I know her personally and she has BPD and is extremely unstable. For a long time she always just seemed to know stuff, she would text my boyfriend very specific stuff. And him and I were always pretty stumped on how she would know about that certain thing.
I got a message from her late last night, saying "Want to know a secret? I have had access to Jason's Facebook since we brokeup since he never changed his password. I have printed off several of his private messages from just the last 6 months. There are several that I think you need to see. There is plenty of proof inside that it is indeed his FB, I will drop them off at your work."
I am a nurse at a local family practice and so it isn't a secret where I work. I'm scared out of my mind. I texted Jason and sent him the screenshots and said "I know there isn't really stopping her from giving me these, I don't want to sit and read through your messages. But this is just really weird, if there is anything you think I need to know before she gives them to me, please let me know now." He is at work and can't take his phone in with him, and I am just really stressed.
Should I read them? Wait for him so he can let me know? This situation is just really weird and I'm not sure how to proceed.
tl;dr: Boyfriend's ex had access to his facebook, printed off the messages and said I should read them. Help?

quote:

My (21M) family just had an intervention with me regarding my GF (27F) of two years. I am so broken. I know what I need to do, but I lack the wherewithal to do it.

Before I start, sorry for the monstrosity of a story I'm sure this will turn out to be. I've got a lot on my chest. I've been dating "Jessica" (not her real name) for two years. It has been a rough two years. This is my first relationship, and when it began I was not in the most healthy of places. Too keep things sufficiently vague, I come from a background of death and abuse. One of my guardians, the only one that really loved and cared for me, died when I was a child. The other was abusive, really abusive. I ended up running away in my mid teens and was taken in/all but officially adopted by a former friend's (now brother's) family. I had all kind of crap that I had to work through, and I was starting to make significant progress when I got into my relationship with "Jessica."
She was seemingly everything I always dreamed of. Intelligent caring, empathetic, beautiful, you name it and she had it. We ended up dating when I was 19 and she was 24, and I was and am utterly devoted to her. Looking back now, red flags abound, but at the time I couldn't see any of them. There were throwaway comments about how all of her exes' families hated her because they felt she was taking away their child, how she wanted to be loved in an all consuming way, the jealousy of my family whenever I spent time with them and the guilt trips for not spending every second I had with her.
I was not (and am not) without my own problems. I mainly had problems communicating and problems with anxiety due to the fact that I didn't know if I was capable of having a healthy relationship, but this relationship was the final push for me to get better. Therapy, intense self reflection, and an overwhelming desire to finally be unbound from my past drove me to a better place. I left my darker self behind around three months into the relationship, shed that skin finally. The freedom and joy I felt upon burying those horrible habits and obsessions over the pain of my childhood, a process that took almost four years... I can't even explain it. It was beautiful, and I took this new found energy and passion and drove it all into the relationship.
It almost seemed that as I got better "Jessica" got worse. Her jealousy ramped up to the point that I was getting phone calls randomly throughout the day to verify where I was. She would go through all of my stuff. I was constantly accused of cheating, of falling out of love, of planning to leave her. This culminated with her hands around my neck, later claimed to be for attention because she thought I was cheating on her. I was shattered. I didn't know what to do. So I called my adoptive mother. She told me to wait until "Jessica" was at work, take a day off school, and pack up my stuff. I went along with this, but instead of that I ended up talking to "Jessica." I confessed everything to her, and she got upset with me for breaking her trust by talking to my mom. We agreed to separate living arrangements, but we both mutually wanted to continue to work through our issues. I started seeing a therapist to try to solve my cowardice and inability to confront her.
Later it became apparent that she was still going through my stuff. I confronted her about it, and she agreed to go to therapy. She quit shortly after without telling me until months later. Things have gotten better, baby steps. But the constant paranoia and every other problem are still there (besides physical violence) in slightly smaller doses. Despite all this, I love this woman with all of my heart. I would do anything for her, and I have. I've moved across state, changed degrees, done everything for her.
I recently went down to see my family. I only get to see them a couple of times a year, and "Jessica" refuses to go. She says that I ruined any chance of her having a relationship with them. My family has been a constant source of strength for me. They've never directly told me what to do, just given advice. This was the first time they directly confronted me. My sister was almost in tears about how I almost never see or talk to them anymore, how they think that if I continue this relationship they will fall to the wayside. My mother said that she can't tell me what to do, but that I better never start a family with this woman for the sake of any children. My father said that she'll drive me to an early grave, just like my horrible guardian did to my loving guardian. My brother said I've got to let her go for her own sake, that I am enabling her and stopping her from actually getting better through not manning up.
I know they are right. I've known that they and all my friends have been right for ages, but it has taken be over a year to get to a place where I am confronting her about the crap she pulls only about 60% of the time. I just seem to have this emotional block. I can't finish it; I love her too much and can't hurt her. I know its stupid. I know its ridiculous. I know that in reality it is ridiculously simple, that I just have to do it. But none of that is helping me actually do it. Like I said, I am in therapy and am trying to work through stuff, but I thought I would try to post to Reddit to see if anyone has been through something similar. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.
tl;dr: I'm in a toxic relationship and my family confronted me over it. I know they are right, but I still can't manage to actually pull the trigger despite therapy and support from all sides.

quote:

My [25M] brother [19M] has become a misogynist

My siblings and I all live close to our parents' home, so we have semi-frequent family dinners there. This Sunday, we were all eating there and our sister [23F] announced that she got a great new job. Of course my parents and I were very excited for her, but my younger brother seemed sort of sullen about it. My dad jokingly asked him if he was jealous, and out of the blue he launched into this huge rant about how it's so unfair, women always get everything handed to them and don't have to work for it, men are getting screwed in the workforce these days, and so on. We were all taken aback because he hasn't talked about holding these kind of opinions before, and my parents have always treated each other as equals in their relationship (they both work). Also, our sister has worked incredibly hard to build her career and he's aware of that, while he goofs off and smokes pot when not working at his dead-end job.

Then, he took it even further and did the unthinkable by insinuating that our sister did something sexual to get the job. At that point, my dad told him to leave. None of us have had any contact with him since that night. I'm angry at him for what he said to our sister but I also want to figure out how he got such a negative attitude toward women since neither my father nor I ever set that kind of example for him, and hopefully get him to change. How should I re-initiate contact, but also make it clear that I find his behavior and opinions abhorrent?

tl;dr: My brother made some misogynist remarks toward our sister and revealed that he holds some unsavory opinions about women. Haven't talked to him since, how should I approach him and try to get him to change his outlook?

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

tl;dr: My brother made some misogynist remarks toward our sister and revealed that he holds some unsavory opinions about women. Haven't talked to him since, how should I approach him and try to get him to change his outlook?

Play posted:

My boyfriend [22m of 8 months] suddenly started smelling like.... ammonia?! What do I do?

This one is funnier without the details


What do I do?? Trust my significant other of three years or his insane ex suffering from borderline personality disorder? Tough..


Codependency is a HELLUVA drug

Play posted:

I'm confused are you making a distinction between cumming and an orgasm? Or are you just saying that in most cases not having had an orgasm is a mental thing rather than a physical thing?

Syncopated posted:

I[27 M] asked my girlfriend of 4 months [24 F] to leave last night. Was I wrong to do so?


Update:

Leon Einstein posted:

No distinction. I'm just saying that if a woman can't get herself off, she can't expect a guy to do it. And yes, I believe it's mostly mental.

Tom Gorman posted:

In my opinion as an old dude, video games are a goddamn menace to relationships. I'll just say that. If she seems like she doesn't care that you're playing Dark Souls for 6 hours, she really does but isn't at the point where it has become frustrating yet. Or maybe she doesn't give a poo poo, in which case, good on you. But be sure before you assume that. Sometimes a game can be the thing that couples can do together and enjoy their free time. But most commonly, it isn't. Spending time together is important, and 6 hours is a hell of a long stretch of time to spend in a computer cave if you have a job and a relationship.

A lot of guys just want to sit around in their boxers and play Dark Souls or Call of Duty for 8 hours. Some women want to do that, sure, but it's way, waaay less. Evidence is the number of complaints from these kinds of posts that revolve around "He doesn't pay any attention to me, just wants to play colladoody".

100 degrees Calcium posted:

My (22 F) boyfriend (23 M) has poop stains in his underwear all the time. Help.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

It may seem counter intuitive but bringing my xbox and gaming chair into our bedroom helped my wife and I out with this. Even though we're doing completely different things, just being in the same room is still spending time together because we can still talk, laugh, etc. I do use a headset but try to reserve it for when she's asleep or heavily invested in something.

I wasn't heavily obsessed with video games or anything. It was just frustrating that the room our interests took place in rarely aligned.

Granted, this relies heavily on my wife being able to go to sleep regardless of light or noise but whatever.

Tom Gorman posted:

brown boxer briefs = best underwear

MF_James posted:

oh poo poo don't skidmarkshame me

Jeff Sichoe posted:

If my GF made a rude remark about my skidded grundies i'd fly off the handle and rummage through the dirty washing trying to find something, anything that will prove that she is also disgusting (like any normal man would)

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Oh that's easy, period panties.every woman has at least one pair.

Troposphere posted:

one pair more like most pairs

you can try your hardest not to get your good panties dirty but aunt flo will sneak up on you and ruin all your best laid plans

Jeff Sichoe posted:

why is that a free pass tho? like I could say something cute about ole unkle terd man who visits my lowers and deposits a little brown present for me every couple of days

still gross

Jeff Sichoe posted:

why is that a free pass tho? like I could say something cute about ole unkle terd man who visits my lowers and deposits a little brown present for me every couple of days

still gross

Naerasa posted:

Apparently there's some kind of super-underwear that absorbs period blood and evenly distributes it throughout the fabric so you don't need a tampon or anything, but ewwwwwwwwwwwww