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May 16, 2024 10:24
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- Dunning Krugerrand
- Dec 23, 2015
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purestrain pyrite
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Original post:
Found out that my [24 M] Fiancee [25 F] has been answering adult Craigslist Ads, devestated and not sure how to proceed
quote:When she went to work this morning, she didn't sign out of her gmail. I did the bad SO thing, looked through her email because things have been weird lately. She's been distant, way less sex over the last two months than usual, etc. There were only four messages because she always cleans out her texts and emails, but what was there was enough. Some craigslist guy had sent her an offer to do porn around two weeks ago. Maybe not porn exactly, dude called it a nude "shoot" and said "intercourse" was "optional" but it seemed sketchy as gently caress, especially with his mention that if she was selected she'd be filmed in one of their "mobile studios." From the context of the conversation, it was clear she sought him out. He asked for a picture, she sent one, and that was the end of contact. Maybe they continued talking over the phone. I found various emails in her sent/trash folders attempting to secure similar offers.
Honestly I'm hurt as hell, but more bewildered than pissed. Just kind of in shock. It doesn't make sense. We're not badly off, she works a full-time corporate job and I'm contributing what I can from freelance writing whilst looking for something better. Admittedly, she contributes significantly more than I do, but I currently have a huge amount of student loans (she doesn't) and we've talked about it, and at the time she seemed understanding. She even dropped $700 something on a reception dress a few days before this email conversation took place, so I really don't think there is any big reason she could need the money. We have a bit of debt but nothing insurmountable. I just don't understand.
Our wedding was meant to be in two months, but even if she's not actually followed through and done anything, I don't see how I can believe that, let alone trust her again, especially when she's cheated on me before.
Our lease is up at the end of next month. Right now, my plan is to quietly pack my things over the next two days, tell her what's going on right before I leave (we've almost broken up before, I know from experience if I stay in the same apt the tears and begging will break my resolve), and move back home until I get a better job and have enough to afford my own place. We moved to across country to be closer to her family, so it's going to be a long drive.
Currently sitting here at my desk in tears. It's hard to even picture my life without her. We've been together since high-school. Almost eight years of my life, gone, just like that. I need to know whether or not I'm overreacting. I kind of hate myself for making this plan without even talking to her first, but the second I read that email, I couldn't help but wonder if this has been happening since the first time she cheated, and I realized that nothing she said would make a difference, unless there's something truly huge that I'm missing. The trust is just gone.
Am I overreacting?
TL;DR: Found out that my Fiancée has at least been actively looking for opportunities to do porn and screw around behind my back (assuming she hasn't done it in the past and deleted the email evidence), not a money desperation thing, feels a lot like a repeat of previous cheating. Need to figure out where to go from here.
Update:
UPDATE: Found out that my [24 M] Fiancee [25 F] has been answering adult Craigslist Ads, devestated and not sure how to proceed
quote:It's been a long time since my last post, here.
Before I get into it, I want to thank everyone for being so supportive last time, especially those of you I continued to talk to in PMs. It helped. Probably more than you know.
Back to early 2015. Everything is packed up in my car, half a dozen boxes and two backpacks. I suggested we meet at dinner: sushi, the usual place. At this point I’ve graduated from being cold into something much darker. Dinner is lovely, smiles all around, laughter, talking about places we’ll go and joking about names for future kids. Conversations we’ve had a dozen times before. I don’t know why I’m keeping the façade up at this point, like I’m trying to hold on to something intangible.
She’s [25] sitting there and she’s perfect. Hair twisted in a cute little blonde braid, make-up on point. She’s leaning in, she’s happy for the moment—even if it’s just because she knows I’m picking up the bill—and somewhere in the twisted hosed up region of brain my I wonder if somehow I’ve made a mistake; maybe there’s an explanation that actually makes sense.
There isn’t, of course.
I ask her if there’s anything she wants to tell me.
She says no.
I ask her if she’s sure.
She says yes. She’s cocking her head, looking at me with puzzled puppy-dog eyes that could take home an Oscar.
I place my phone on the table. I’ve prepared a photo album specifically for this. Everything I found in her sent folder, all the craigslist amateur ads, the correspondence.
She flips through slowly. It doesn’t take long for the waterworks to start. The blubbering, the excuses. Somehow it’s my fault: I haven’t been attentive enough, I haven’t made her feel wanted, I don’t seem like I want to marry her.
I tell her I sure as poo poo don’t now.
And the mask comes down and the gloves come off. She turns tomato red and starts to implode. I have a small dick, she’s never been happy, why the gently caress am I waiting until the last possible moment to do this, all our friends already have tickets, how is she supposed to get any of our money back for the wedding, and so on, and so on. She will ruin my life. She will make sure none of our friends ever speak to me again.
This goes on for some time. It's spectacular. Everyone in the restaurant is staring at us. She rants and I continue to eat. A Philadelphia roll and some designer roll, the name of which I can’t recall. The food tastes like nothing but there’s no excuse for wasting good sushi. I keep shoving tasteless food into my mouth and I’m pretty sure it’s egging her on. It’s nothing if not educational. She’s so much worse than I thought she was. It somehow gets louder. The waitress creeps up to refill my water and practically power-walks away. This has all escalated so much, so quickly, that it’s all I can do to keep a straight face. Something about this has passed through the realm of ethereal into nonsensical comedy, like it’s happening to someone else.
I start working on her sashimi, as this is clearly going to take a while.
When she finally winds down she’s almost huffing. I put my chopsticks aside.
I tell her I found the video of her taking it in the rear end from the guy with the tattoo, and all the blood drains out of her face.
This is, of course, total bullshit. A bluff based on pieced together information from the emails, foreknowledge, and a bit of googling. I tell her I’m not going to do anything with it. I’m not going to hold it over her head, I’m not going to send it to all her friends and family on social media, and I am definitely not going to send it to any and all current and future employers I happen across on her linked in. But I would very much like for her to tell everyone who asks the truth:
There were irreconcilable differences.
Somehow, she buys it. She doesn’t blow up my life and destroy my relationship with our collective friends. I make the twenty plus hour drive in a single day. My step-parents welcome me back with open arms. I am now the quintessential millennial; I take the trash out, do the dishes, and pay a small amount of rent. There’s an anti-depressant and a supplementary anti-depressant, and after a while I stop feeling like I want to jump off the top of the nearest building with roof access. I work retail for a few months as I need money and freelance writing doesn’t exactly do wonders for job history or references.
I find out I’m not terrible at sales.
This self-discovery leads to nirvana: the perfect, boring office job with a mediocre salary and upward mobility. It’s strange; hard work is suddenly somewhat rewarded. I have to learn to network and it takes me months to achieve competency but it feels like actual improvements and not just spinning wheels. I start to write that one idea I’ve had for years but never had the time or drive to get it all on paper. I don’t know if it will go anywhere but I can hope, and it’s nice to write something I actually enjoy for a change.
I spend an entire year completely alone. No dates, no prospects. It’s been over eight years since the last relationship I initiated, and that was in High School. I have no idea how this poo poo works anymore. I keep a warm but professional distance between myself and everyone else.
They move me to a new division. Everyone is stupidly nice and naïve. It doesn't quite rub off on me but I’m off the anti-depressants and barely notice the difference. Directly behind my workspace is a girl in a T-Rex sweater. She’s nerdy and quiet and kind of adorable. She’s newer than I am and needs help every five minutes and she drives me crazy. She never asks for it directly, just kind peeks my way and clears her throat until I turn around and ask what she needs. A few weeks later and we’re friends. I walk out with her every night. Sometimes I’ll wait if she’s running late.
On a small lark of insanity I ask her to a Fantastic Beasts. A movie. Because I’m a walking-loving-cliché. She says yes, but warns me she has to take her friend somewhere so she won’t have a lot of time after. She doesn’t. As soon is the movie is up she’s nice but in a hurry and running out the door. Good job, walking-cliché.
A month later she interviews for a position at another branch. It’ll be a big step up and I’m happy for her. Except for the part where she’s leaving. Except for the part where I’ll never walk out with her again. Except for the part where she’ll never bother me again. She gets the job—because she’s amazing—and suddenly my what-if office romance has a time constraint.
I try to ask her to something more creative, Christmas related, but apparently, she hates Christmas. So, I ask her to another movie, again, because apparently, I can’t do gently caress-all else. This time it’s harder to even because I’ve been wondering if she blew me off after first date intentionally. I still have a hard time trusting people. She says yes. We have plans to see Doctor Strange this time, and a few hours after before she has to get to her soccer game.
I tell her I picked up the tickets, and I drive home.
And I start writing.
And this is where I’m at. The morning of.
It's like High School all over again. I have no clue how to tell this girl I like her and want to be with her without coming off wrong or scaring her away.
I have no idea if she’s even interested.
How do I bring this up without making her feel pressured? Where do I even start?
Thanks for reading this mess if you made it this far.
TL;DR: Broke up with my ex. Found someone new. But at this point I'm the dog who finally caught the car: No idea where to go from here. Overall, in a much better place.
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Dec 18, 2016 00:13
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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He needs to work on his writing more; comes off too pretentious.
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Dec 18, 2016 00:32
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- ziasquinn
- Jan 1, 2006
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Fallen Rib
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He needs to work on his writing more; comes off too pretentious.
Yeah that's what I was thinking:
"I wish he'd stop writing."
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Dec 18, 2016 00:34
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- IncredibleIgloo
- Feb 17, 2011
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So, I am still back on page 229, but I absolutely have to crosspost this from another thread. It reminds of so many of the stories shared here so far.
Someone posted:
When I graduated high school I moved out of state to a fairly well paying industrial job. I got bad social anxiety and depression so it wasn't exactly the best experience. I moved up there by myself, lived on my own, and didn't know anybody up there. I think if anyone else was given the opportunity of a clean slate with a well paying 9-5 job they would excel; not me though.
I don't got much experience talking to anyone, more specifically the ladies. I'm addicted to porn and I hate it. I often masturbate 4 times a day to any fetishes you can imagine. So since this was the first time I lived on my own, I decided to get a little frisky and buy a toy.
I bought this giant replica rear end/vagina replica of some porn star I can't remember and a couple starter dildos for the prostate off Adam and Eve.
Well the dildos came in first so I used them. I was feeling a little constipated earlier in the day but didn't think nothing of it. After reaching climax I took the dildo out, stood up and there was a small puddle of poo. Instead of cleaning it up I just slept on the opposite side of the bed for 4 months.
I was really excited when my rear end came in. I named her Susan. I had never used anything like it before, the pleasure was amazing. The first 6 times were great, but after a while she started to stink because I didn't clean her out.
I remember leaving one weekend to visit my family back home and when I came back it was like a horror scene. Fruit flies were everywhere, they were coming straight out of Susan's Anus. The stench of dried lube and rotten cum was too much....
I spent well into the triple digits on Susan though so I got one last round in. It was weird taking that shower and having to wash off dead fruit flies off my dick.
Anyway, that was about 8 years ago now and Star Citizen is still the most hosed up thing I've ever seen.
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Dec 18, 2016 00:42
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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I don't know why you felt the need to post that, but ok.
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Dec 18, 2016 00:50
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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quote:
Girls keep assuming my personality because I[26M] have an innocent face
Ok, so this is a problem Ive run into the past year To give you some background, I'm relatively new to dating. For a long time I was unattractive but somewhat recently got in much better shape and improved my fashion sense a lot. Additionally, Ive got a really good job, and because I was independent for so long, learned how to be responsible and take care of basic poo poo that every adult should, but apparently doesnt...cooking, cleaning, home design, etc
Additionally, everyone says that Im pretty nice, funny, smart, and make good(sorry I really dont mean to sound braggy)
I have a lot of cool hobbies, like volunteering, astronomy, reading, gaming, and a lot of outdoor activities.
And probably the biggest contributer to this issue...I have a very innocent looking face. Everyone says I look like a good kid and my face doesnt match my personality. Ive had friends call me 2-faced(not in a backstabby way), my parents make fun of me and always talk about how I used to get away with being a mischievous kid cause of my looks, and in college when I was more abrasive, a friend told me the number one comment he got after introducing me to people was "I thought he was such a nice, responsible guy...until he opened his mouth"
Now the problem Ive been running into is because of all this, in the past year Ive had a few girls project this image of me being "perfect husband material"(literally been called that) to them, and crushing and falling for me hard, only to realize that Im not entirely the guy they thought and getting upset with me for it.
It didnt help that I met some of these girls while volunteering with my local hindu temple, and had these girls assume I was going to be a traditional Indian guy in every way. I stopped dating girls I met here but the drama has already gone down from that.
Even then, with girls Ive been meeting either through friends or Tinder, they seem to come in with this assumption, and then get upset when Im not prince charming and have multiple aspects to my personality.
Like Im not an rear end in a top hat or anything, but I like to do some wild poo poo and sometimes do hood rear end poo poo. This is a problem for most of the girls that fall for me.
I basically dont know how to approach this and toe the line between the tact and being honest upfront.
Like it seems weird to tell a girl on the first date that "hey btw, sometimes I like to get hosed up and gamble in the streets, or Im going skydiving on a bunch of acid this weekend", but those end up being the type of things that eventually turn them off.
Advice?
Tldr: innocent looking guy, girls assume Ill be "husband material" and project an image on to me, only to be upset when they learn Im much more "bad" than I seem
#humblebrag
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Dec 18, 2016 02:03
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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Also I want to say that I'm glad a lot of people at least find this thread interesting. I'm glad that Jeffrey of YOSPOS made the original thread too.
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Dec 18, 2016 02:08
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- ziasquinn
- Jan 1, 2006
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Fallen Rib
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Maybe he shouldn't be such an rear end in a top hat?
"Wahh people think I'm nice and are disappointed when I'm not"
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Dec 18, 2016 02:09
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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Oh my god that guy sounds insufferable
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Dec 18, 2016 02:36
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My perfect husband can use a loving apostrophe.
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Dec 18, 2016 02:55
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- ziasquinn
- Jan 1, 2006
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Fallen Rib
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Acid gambler in the streets
Insufferable rear end in a top hat in the sheets
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Dec 18, 2016 03:10
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- toiletbrush
- May 17, 2010
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people who take off-handed comments way too seriously and retell the story as it being 100% in earnest and happening 'all the time' are the loving worst
like a girl on a date jokingly says 'oh aren't you the perfect husband haha' and suddenly its 'every girl I meet tells me I'm the perfect husband I don't get it'
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Dec 18, 2016 03:47
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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people who take off-handed comments way too seriously and retell the story as it being 100% in earnest and happening 'all the time' are the loving worst
like a girl on a date jokingly says 'oh aren't you the perfect husband haha' and suddenly its 'every girl I meet tells me I'm the perfect husband I don't get it'
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Dec 18, 2016 03:53
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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My BIL loves being 'edgy' and 'offensive' on facebook and talks about how he always gets hate messages and stuff as if anyone even remotely gives a poo poo about what he posts on facebook
I think it's a low self esteem thing
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Dec 18, 2016 04:08
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- Metis of the Chat Thread
- Aug 1, 2014
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I too think it is a great thread. There is nothing I love more than r/relationships to convince myself that these people have much worse and/or stupider problems than I do
Like this pair of dummies! A woman who asks a question only wanting one answer, and a guy who doesn't realise he's fallen into a trap
quote:My GF [23F] wants a tattoo and asked for my [22M] opinion. Am I wrong to tell her the truth?
My GF and I live together and have dated for about 4 years. She doesn't have any tattoos (I don't either) but she's always mentioned that someday she thinks she'll want one.
She asked what I thought of tattoos and I told her the truth. I find them unattractive and trashy. She asked if I would find her less attractive if she had a tattoo, or if I would think less of her if she had one, and I told her that yes, a tattoo would be a major turnoff to me and I would probably think poorly of her decision. But I told her that it's up to her what she does, since it's her body and she has every right to get a tattoo.
She's mad. She think that I should not have told her that I would find her less attractive with a tattoo, and that I would have a problem if she decided to get one. My thinking is that she asked, so I told her what I think of it. The honest truth is that it would affect how I see her.
I'm not looking to get told why I need to be OK with tattoos and I don't need to justify why I dislike them. I've never seen a tattoo I didn't dislike. Ever. It's just who I am I guess.
So was I wrong to tell her the truth?
tl;dr: GF asked what I would think if she got a tattoo. I told her the truth, that I would find her less attractive, that tattoos turn me off, and I would probably think less of her. Was I wrong to answer her question truthfully?
and this guy, this absolute dumbass, this stupid fuckwit
quote:I [27M] hosed up so bad at work. I told the CEO/Chairmans daughter "she's to hot to be lesbian and asked how it's possible she has a son and daughter if she is" at the christmas party.
I hosed up, I'm scared shitless. I was legless drunk at my Christmas party. The CEO daughter was there because she has a high place in the company because her father owns it. It's a major company this is not a tiny operation. She had some friends that were going to be at the party and they wanted her to come.
I did not recongnize her at first and she's really hot, throughout the conversation I figured out who it was. I was hitting on her and she said sorry I'm taken. I said lucky guy and she said I'm lesbian. I said, but I thought you had a son and daughter. You must be lying you're to hot to be lesbian." She asked me for my name again and wrote it down and said goodbye.
gently caress what do I do? please any advice my boss is going to kill me and then fire me.
TL;DR: Was a loving idiot at a christmas party.
ahahahaha
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Dec 18, 2016 05:21
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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and this guy, this absolute dumbass, this stupid fuckwit
This should be crossposted to the Schadenfreude thread
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Dec 18, 2016 05:29
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I'm impressed by that last one, that is really buckling down on being a stupid rear end.
I'm going to go to the office party and get drunk!
Not just drunk, really drunk!
I am going to hit on my coworkers, and while drunk!
I am going to hit on a stranger, while drunk, at an office party!
Lesbian? No way! I can imagine her too well on my dick!!
*gives real name*
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Dec 18, 2016 05:35
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Obviously the CEO's daughter took down the employee's name as he had pointed out fundamental flaws in the internal logic of her existence, leaving her drifting in a sea of existential doubt. As a courtesy, she decided to wait until he sobered up to pursue further enlightenment and instruction, so she took down his name to look up on the company roll. Quite simple. This guy is headed for the top corner office and daily threeways with the CEO's daughter and her SO.
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Dec 18, 2016 05:51
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- bone app the teeth
- May 14, 2008
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Company paying for booze? Who wants to have a shot drinking contest?
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Dec 18, 2016 05:59
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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I have a 3 drink max at work events. 1 if I'm driving.
You can always meet up with your friends later.
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Dec 18, 2016 06:29
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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but my coworkers are my friends !! 
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Dec 18, 2016 06:31
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Good advice. At the last company Holiday Party I attended I felt it was a great time to ask, rather loudly, why my co-worker had my (soon to be) ex-wife as a friend on Fetlife, and if she enjoyed his sex dungeon.
That seems like a fair line of inquiry. Sometimes you need some liquid courage and the prospect of a solid public shaming to really make something like that happen. Sure, it's probably not a great idea, but you probably felt better afterwards.
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Dec 18, 2016 06:56
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Good advice. At the last company Holiday Party I attended I felt it was a great time to ask, rather loudly, why my co-worker had my (soon to be) ex-wife as a friend on Fetlife, and if she enjoyed his sex dungeon.
On a similar note, I went to a closing party for a theatre thing. One drink led to another and we ended up deciding it was a great idea to visit a BDSM dungeon. It ended up mostly being all of us, still fully dressed, standing around watching things happen and cracking jokes about it.
Dungeons are surprisingly casual. It's like going to the gym, just with different purposes for the equipment.
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Dec 18, 2016 07:11
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 16, 2024 10:24
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- IncredibleIgloo
- Feb 17, 2011
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That seems like a fair line of inquiry. Sometimes you need some liquid courage and the prospect of a solid public shaming to really make something like that happen. Sure, it's probably not a great idea, but you probably felt better afterwards.
Yeah, that person was also married at the time, which made things double uncomfortable. I was sensible enough not to ask while his wife was around. He ended up getting canned for loving the lady who fills the snack fridges.
On a similar note, I went to a closing party for a theatre thing. One drink led to another and we ended up deciding it was a great idea to visit a BDSM dungeon. It ended up mostly being all of us, still fully dressed, standing around watching things happen and cracking jokes about it.
Dungeons are surprisingly casual. It's like going to the gym, just with different purposes for the equipment.
His dungeon was in his basement, so, uh, if she had visited it probably would have been inappropriate.
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Dec 18, 2016 07:24
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Dec 17, 2016 23:48
