WampaLord posted:

lmao

Bray is a dumb name too, though.

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I [31 M] cheated on my GF [24F] of 3 years and she cheated back, now I'm devastated

quote:

I[23F] am not attracted to my boyfriend [23M] of 7 years. Does it matter?

I've been with my first and only boyfriend for nearly 7 years. We have a really good relationship for the most part: he is kind and loving towards me, we have a similar sense of humour and share interests (we game and watch Netflix together). We've helped each other through hard times and I can't imagine finding a nicer person. He's my best friend!

However, due to his issues with depression, ADHD and a phobia of hairwashing (not a joke), he is obese, he doesn't cut his hair, has a scraggly beard and suffers from severe dandruff. I'm not attracted to him sexually or aesthetically and I avoid kissing him most of the time.

We've never actually had 'full' sex but we occasionally do it 'manually' I guess you'd call it. I often cringe when I think about having sex with him but there is no pressure from either side for us to go any further sexually so I don't know if this really matters. He is attracted to me but too nervous to have sex whilst I have no interest in doing it with him, so it's just an issue that we've left to the side for... well, years. This might not be relevant but I am also bisexual and whilst I've never had any intimacy with a woman, I don't feel as disgusted or scared by the idea of sex with a woman as I do when I think about having sex with my boyfriend. I'm definitely not a closet lesbian though.

He knows that I'm not attracted to him and that it's an issue for me but this only seems to result in him becoming self conscious/depressed rather than trying to exercise or look after himself more. I don't have any hopes that he will change drastically in the near future. I don't know if I will ever be attracted to him again. He also has some issues with household cleanliness that turn me off.

I know he deserves someone who is crazy about him in this way but I also know it would upturn both our lives if we broke up suddenly. We both suffer from mental health problems and I know this would cause relapses on both sides. I love him a lot and he's an enormous part of my life. Is this worth breaking up over?

tl;dr: Not attracted to boyfriend but I love him and I don't want to ruin our lives over my shallowness

quote:

We both suffer from mental health problems

quote:

and whilst I've never had any intimacy with a woman, I don't feel as disgusted or scared by the idea of sex with a woman as I do when I think about having sex with my boyfriend.

WampaLord posted:

Bingo, she has a 4 month old baby which the dude never mentioned and multiple comments have asked about and he refuses to answer those comments.

Gee, I wonder why her sex drive is down! I'm guessing Mr. Honesty probably is letting her do all of the baby work.

corn on the cop posted:

due to his issues with depression, ADHD and a phobia of hairwashing (not a joke), he is obese, he doesn't cut his hair, has a scraggly beard and suffers from severe dandruff.

Pearnicious posted:

When I wake up in the morning my hair feels greasy and matted. If I don't take a shower first thing in the morning I just feel disgusting. I literally cannot imagine how nasty this dude is who doesn't cut or wash his hair. Jesus gently caress.

monkeytennis posted:

Whoever started this thread should be decorated imho.

corn on the cop posted:

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I [31 M] cheated on my GF [24F] of 3 years and she cheated back, now I'm devastated

corn on the cop posted:

However, due to his issues with depression, ADHD and a phobia of hairwashing (not a joke), he is obese, he doesn't cut his hair, has a scraggly beard and suffers from severe dandruff. I'm not attracted to him sexually or aesthetically and I avoid kissing him most of the time.

WampaLord posted:

I thought the new thing was not washing your hair at all because shampoo is bad.

It's like eggs! First shampoo is good, then bad, now good again!

WampaLord posted:

I thought the new thing was not washing your hair at all because shampoo is bad.

It's like eggs! First shampoo is good, then bad, now good again!

WampaLord posted:

I thought the new thing was not washing your hair at all because shampoo is bad.

It's like eggs! First shampoo is good, then bad, now good again!

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I remember reading some thread in A/T when I first registered here about people not washing their hair anymore and when I mentioned this to my mom she laughed in my face and told me to get off the internet

corn on the cop posted:

quote:

due to issues with depression, ADHD and a phobia of hairwashing (not a joke), he is obese, he doesn't cut his hair, has a scraggly beard and suffers from severe dandruff. I'm not attracted to him sexually or aesthetically and I avoid kissing him most of the time.

quote:

We've never actually had 'full' sex but we occasionally do it 'manually' I guess you'd call it. I often cringe when I think about having sex with him

quote:

We have a really good relationship for the most part

quote:

We've never actually had 'full' sex but we occasionally do it 'manually' I guess you'd call it.

gentle pete posted:

Fullhouse posted:

also,


what the gently caress does this mean. I cannot comprehend this at all

quote:

Hello Reddit. I've just recently started a relationship with this wonderful girl about 4 weeks ago. She's a beautiful girl both inside and out. I find myself falling more and more with each passing day. It's early in the relationship and I already feel compelled to tell her everything. Somehow, I feel like if I don't tell her what bothers me or my secrets it means I am hiding things from her and the guilt is ripping me up inside. More specifically, I opened up to her about a terrible act that I did a few days into a relationship. I masterbated and got off to a picture of another girl that I met on that particular day. For some reason I felt like I cheated on my new gf and even though it can be thought of as an extension of fantasizing, I still felt like it was blurring the lines of cheating. She was very sad when she heard I did that but forgave me soon afterwards, saying she understands this is a guy thing but I nevertheless hurt her and I felt terrible for doing that. Gf also said I am free to get off to anything I want when I rub one out but not someone in our life or people we know

Now there's also something else that I thought about. This is really messed up but as a long time virgin, my sexuality was limited to jerking off. Therefore, I've jerked off to some really nasty things, some things are unbearable even now when I think back. For example, I even got off to pictures of my stepmother...This was all in the past and I now have no need to resort to such measures now that I am with her. Maybe it's because I am still fresh off of he other incident when I told her about my semi cheating experience, but now I feel compelled to tell her about how I got off to pictures of my stepmom (screwed up beyond belief I know...) when I was younger. I try to tell myself it's okay not to tell her because 1) this was way in the past when I was a virgin 2) if I tell her it'll cause additional stress to her and I don't want her to stress over something that was extremely stupid and obviously won't ever happen again

But then the other side of me thinks I should tell her because 1) If it's bothering me, I should tell her because I want our relationship to be one that is out of honesty 2) idk if I can hide this guilt forever (I was fine and not thinking about it when I am single) 3) Her "it's okay unless it's someone we know" rule somewhat applies since she'll eventually meet my stepmom?

So, friends of Reddit. What do you think? Am I so deeply drunk in love to even raise such a question? Or should I tell her since I love her and want to keep nothing from her? I know this was in the past and the man that I am today is way better than that pathetic horny lunatic and none of this will be an issue going forward but I just feel so.drat.guilty. knowing I am keeping something from her that is currently bothering me.

TL;DR - New relationship. Love this girl. Feel guilty not telling her about how I rarely jacked off to pics of my step mom in the past. Tell or not tell? If not tell, am I crossing the boundaries of dishonesty?

Fullhouse posted:

also,


what the gently caress does this mean. I cannot comprehend this at all

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I (26M) feel the need to tell my gf (23F) about a dirty secret of the past before I started dating her. Am I being too paranoid? Please help me make some sense of my mind.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I (26M) feel the need to tell my gf (23F) about a dirty secret of the past before I started dating her. Am I being too paranoid? Please help me make some sense of my mind.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Use sulfate-free shampoo at least - sulfates make shampoo fun to apply because it makes it all sudsy and stuff, but it dries your hair out a lot. It's kind of a balancing act how often you want to do it. Never shouldn't be on the table but I think every day is too often, as well.

Bibliotechno Music posted:

They've spent seven years hovering around third base. Ugh.

MF_James posted:

Yeah, it's been recommended to not wash your hair with shampoo every day, how often really depends on your body. I wash my hair every 2-3 days because if I go any longer it gets greasy as gently caress, but if I wash every day my hair dries out like a motherfucker.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I (26M) feel the need to tell my gf (23F) about a dirty secret of the past before I started dating her. Am I being too paranoid? Please help me make some sense of my mind.

Fullhouse posted:

I have never heard "jerking each other off" referred to as "manual sex" but I guess that is the literal meaning of manual

they both need therapy

quote:

Me and my girlfriend have been together 5 years. We love each other a lot, and decided pretty early on that marriage wasn't for us, so we've lived together happily for the last 4 of those 5 years.
I work as a lawyer and make decent money running my own practice, while she is a life coach making about 70% of my salary, so we have a pretty good life together that we contribute to pretty equally.
There is a difference between us though. I'm Joe Average, 5/10 in the looks department, allergies and asthma (this bit is important for later), while she is a 10/10 who looks like Megan Fox on a film set whenever she leaves the house.
The attention she gets used to bother me but I got over it with her help and constant reassurance. She really is amazing to me, and so patent with all my stupid hangups.
Anyway, the last year we've been talking about kids, and I've been saying that I hope our kid has her genes because if it follows me, then it will have allergies, asthma, and maybe a few other medical and stress/anxiety problems to deal with which seem to be common in my family.
I could tell when I mentioned this it bothered her, but I ignored it and we've only been loosely discussing the topic since without any commitment to do anything about it.
About 6 months ago though she told me she was coming off birth control "because she was starting to feel ill after taking them". So she made me wear a condom during sex ever since.
Two weeks ago though, she said we needed to talk and that she was pregnant. She explained that she "found a donor" and that I didn't have to worry about the kid having health issues because the father had a perfect family history. That she fixed my issues like she always does, and can't wait for us to be a family with a perfect healthy child just like we both wanted. She made it clear that the other guy doesn't even know, will never know, no-one ever will and my name will be on the birth certificate.
She refuses to say anything about the other guy other than to say he's a professional athlete she met through work although he is not a client, and they had sex "a couple of times" with no protection and her only motive or desire was pregnancy. She refuses to discuss the sex at all or whether she orgasmed.
I'm in pieces. My life has fallen apart. We spent Christmas separately with our own families to "give me some space to process". She has ruled out an abortion and said this baby is coming regardless.
I love her like you wouldn't believe. I love my life with her. Lightening struck once with me getting someone that beautiful, it's not going to strike twice. I can't imagine ever finding anyone as beautiful as her or who has made me as happy as she has ever again. I don't think I can deal with this though. Raising this other guys kid who she deliberately chose to be the father of her child because my genes weren't good enough for her.
If I leave, I lose everything. If I stay, I lose my self respect, and have to raise another man's child which I really don't want to do.
Perhaps I should be posting this to r/suicide? gently caress. My. Life.
Thanks for reading.

Mameluke posted:

[33M], my [30F] girlfriend is pregnant with another guy's kid "because she wanted her child to have the best life possible". Wants me to be the father. Don't even know how to start processing this?

quote:

Resubmitted because I hosed something up.

Obligatory throwaway because I am so ashamed at the events that happened yesterday.

It's been a tough Christmas, my wife, (Carol) passed away last Tuesday unexpectedly to an unseen and rare congenital heart problem, I can't remember the specifics, but all I can think about is that we didn't know, her parents didn't know and she's gone, and what happened at the funeral has just gotten me destroyed.

Backstory: My Wife and I have known each other for six years, we met on her birthday night out while we were both out and about getting drinks. We met right away and seemed inseparable. We spent time with each other, went on vacations, met each other's families, I proposed two years ago, we got married and we started thinking about having kids. I had no warning signs or saw nothing abnormal about her behavior, she was an RN, I'm a software engineer. Fast forward to last Tuesday, she slumped over on the way home from work, when the paramedics got to her, she was already gone. I've been grieving with her parents since then and a big family thing has come out of it, it seems nice to have a great support network but I can't operate. I never had a chance to say goodbye and I can't drop that feeling.

Sunday her family had a church gathering, Monday was the wake and yesterday was the funeral. As a special remembering-type thing, we thought it would be a great idea to do a microphone passing and say what we remembered best and how Carol touched our lives. She would've loved it. We laughed and cried and grieved but it got to this gentlemen in back sitting near her friends. He proceeds to say how much he'll miss her and was crying, I just assumed it was one of her friends.

(Derek) proceeds to talk about how they were in love and spent time with each other whenever they could, that they knew their love was secret and they had all these plans. This had been going on for a year apparently. They met at work.

It was a shitshow at that point, my MIL had her hand gripped around my hand so tightly, Carol's father shot up and screamed to "GET THIS rear end in a top hat OUT OF MY DAUGHTER'S FUNERAL", Derek screams back that he's allowed to grieve too, no matter who it's hurting. That I was an idiot and didn't deserve her. I started losing my poo poo. I didn't know what to believe or if there was a cruel prank being played. I honestly thought Carol might have popped out of the coffin and yelled surprise, I honestly never felt this many emotions at once.

The chatter and undertalk was constantly going from there and wouldn't stop and the lack of silence was unbearable so I did the only thing I thought was right, I got up I asked her father and two of my friends to escort this guy out. He came willingly, we were outside the funeral home's chapel, and I asked him straight to his face, tears in my eyes, my FIL's hand on my shoulder, if what he was saying was true, he said yeah, brought his phone and shows me texts and pictures and facebook conversations. One of her college friends comes out and also confirms she knew.

I let go and I hit him. I was a mess. He fell down, and he just took the hit, and got up and backed away... My FIL didn't know what to say, my best friend, held me for so long. My parents were still in the chapel. We finish the proceedings and have the most agonizing hours of my life as we lower her.

Today is the cold reality, I have so many voice mails and so many cards and gifts and flowers in our kitchen and I just can't look at any of it. My best friend came by, told me not to answer any calls or messages, just take a day for me.

I just feel like her memory was sullied and I can't grieve properly anymore. Not only was I robbed a chance of saying goodbye to my wife, I was robbed of remembering her properly. Infidelity aside, I just care that I can't think about her without remembering this horrid event.

What do I do? How could this happen? How can I move on? What did I do wrong? Was I in the wrong to hit him? Where do I go to try and move forward?

TL;DR Wife unexpectedly dies before Christmas, the guy she was having an unknown affair with shows up and reveals everything during the funeral. I hit him. Now it's the day after. How do I move on?!

cock hero flux posted:

a handjob so sad that it sounds exactly like adagio for strings