WampaLord posted:

How about you don't haggle percent points with your partner at all when you both make effectively the same money.

How many real dollars per month is this argument about? Over or under $50?

Beachcomber posted:

If the rent is $3000 a month, it works out to a difference of $180 a month or $2160 a year.

Gluten Freeman posted:

the balls on this girl to ask for this lmao. i love it

Mirthless posted:

hahaha, jesus loving christ, that's pitiful

i'm sure they have a happy life together ahead of them

Beachcomber posted:

If the rent is $3000 a month, it works out to a difference of $180 a month or $2160 a year.

Clark Nova posted:

Sometimes the unreasonableness and insufferableness doesn't come out until you try to budget together and merge household expenses.

e: if she thinks her boyfriend is a personification of the patriarchy and needs to be punished for the economic oppression of all women everywhere, maybe she should date girls.

quote:

[M]y (27) wi[f]e (28) of 8 years doesn't want to have sex and told me to cheat instead

So, my wife and I have had issues and lead a very odd life. I have been away for most of our relationship in bits in spurts, first the military, then she was in college out of state, then I was, etc. So now, even after 8 years and 2 kids (plus one cooking) we still see less of each other than we do of each other. We have had slews of problems but none of them insurmountable, however ths one has me stumped.

My wife has lost her libido, and not just because she is pregnant. This has been ongoing for some time now, getting worse and worse to the point where she has expressed she simply doesnt want to have sex ever again and is ok with that, which I am most certainly not. I am an incredibly sexual person, and was already having difficulty with once every two weeks or more, but the prospect of "never" is something I can't handle. I've tried talking to her, but she admits that even though she tries to have sex with me to make me happy she just feels awful during and after. its gotten to the point where she will deny herself orgasm for no apparent reason, despite previously us having multiple orgasms in one session, now she doesnt want to have them at all.

Her solution to me was to simply go and cheat without her knowledge.

I live 2 hours away during M-F, so I should be able to get my rocks off while there and leave her alone, we keep living happily married and raise our wonderful kids together. But there is no good way for this to occur and I am always stuck being the bad guy for it.

If we were to just commit to an open relationship with transparency, sure. but none of this hiding, sneaking around crap. and now it has come to the point where I am starting to want to just do it because its easier. I hate cheating in principle, it is a betrayal of trust, but christ if im not sexually frustrated and when someone shows interest its hard to turn it down at this point and only getting harder.

I've tried suggesting other options but I really dont know what to do because the more she tells me to cheat, the more i begin to think maybe it would be alright, which is completely opposed to the morals I've held my entire life.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before?

have you found any sort of solution?

Any suggestions or guidance would be grand, thank you all.

[TL;DR] Wife doesn't want to have sex anymore, period. Told me I should just cheat so we can stay together semihappily.

Gaunab posted:

Dienes posted:

Its not cheating if its with permission.

quote:

My [29M] wife's [25F] adopted brother [26M] is in love with her, what do we do now?

Hey, Reddit.

My wife "Mon" and I have been married for four years, together for almost eight years. I love her more than anything, we're a really great team. We're expecting our first child in 3 months!

"Randy" is Mon's adopted brother; Mon considers him to be a real brother to her, but they are not related by blood. I have always viewed Randy as my brother-in-law, which makes this even more uncomfortable than it already is.

Randy recently confessed that he has been in love with Mon since high school. We were gathered together for my MIL's birthday, Randy got drunk, confessed in front of everyone that he's been deeply in love with Mon for years. He also explained that this is why he was so rude to me when we first met; he resented me because I got to be with Mon and he didn't. He only stopped being rude to me because Mon threatened to cut him out of her life for it; he's secretly hated me for years.

Anyways, Mon is horrified because he's family to her, and she's extremely upset by the whole situation. I honestly don't know what to feel right now except shocked. Looking back, I can see the signs, but neither of us noticed them at the time. Probably because we never considered this to be a possibility.

Mon hasn't talked to Randy since the confession and doesn't plan to. He has texted her to apologize, but stands by the fact that he's in love with her and has been for a long time.

We can't just avoid him forever because he will be at future family functions, which is why I'm here.

How do we handle this, Reddit? I'm at a loss.

TL;DR: Wife's adopted brother is in love with her, don't know what to do now.

Gaunab posted:

Dienes posted:

Its not cheating if its with permission.

Gaunab posted:

TL;DR: Wife's adopted brother is in love with her, don't know what to do now. 

Dienes posted:

Its not cheating if its with permission.

Mirthless posted:

they both make stupid amounts of money, too

either one of them could support both relatively comfortably forever on what they make

155k/yr between the two of them and they're arguing over who has to pay more of the rent, lol

Beachcomber posted:

I'm not sure how much would actually change if they just divorced. Taxes, I suppose.


WTF kind of name is "Mon"?

Gaunab posted:

La Brea Carpet posted:

We should show this thread to any economist who insists that people are always "rational actors"

Beachcomber posted:

I'm not sure how much would actually change if they just divorced. Taxes, I suppose.


WTF kind of name is "Mon"?

quote:

Once again, we find ourselves surrounded by misbehaving crotch-fruit in a non-child focused environment. (self.childfree)

Myself and my fiancée decided to venture out today and visit a yarn shop in a town about 20 miles from where we live. It's a cold day so after buying lots of knitting related items, we retreat to a chain coffee shop - no names mentioned!

Before we even got through the door, there were two children rolling around on the coconut mat in front of the entrance. If I had opened the door, It would have smacked one of them in the face, so I waited for the 'Mother' to remove her kids from the floor. She didn't. I had to edge the door open slowly to avoid it hitting one of them.

As soon as we ordered our coffee and cake, we sat down at the back of the shop - far away from the crotch-fruit.

As soon as we sat down, the ran to the back of the shop and started playing with the fire door!

Instead of controlling her kids and removing them from the door, the 'Mother' moves her drinks and the kids things to a table next to the fire door!
The continue to play with the door, each time letting an icy cold blast of air blow through the whole coffee shop.

Several other customers are giving her 'The Look'.
After the third time of them opening the fire door, she grudgingly gets up and leaves, but it's obvious she is more annoyed over the looks and comments made from the other customers than the actions of her misbehaving brats.

quote:

Too scared to have sex (self.childfree)
submitted by LyannaStarksCunt

I'm in my early 30ies. I had relationships in my life. I had sex but only very few times and I haven't had it in years although I am in a relationship now.

I was always incredibly scared of getting pregnant but I knew that in the worst case scenario I'd easily get an abortion. By easily I simply mean that I wouldn't hesitate to do it or have moral issues with it, but the idea of being pregnant at all makes me sick. There is also fear of not realizing until it's too late, which I know can be dealt with by taking regular pregnancy tests.
Maybe for this reason and some other reasons, I never really had an urge to have sex. I masturbate regularly since I was a kid, I'm not a prude, I don't value my purity. I don't think I am asexual because I experience attraction but I never felt the desire to have sex. I only felt fear and strong repulsion for the act.

I approached my first time very clinically, just to get it over with. I selected someone I knew I wasn't very interested in and knowing I would break up right after. I was 19 and it wasn't traumatic or anything. But no matter how drunk I am or what I was doing with a guy I was attracted to, I was never under any risk of "giving in" cause there was no temptation in it for me. I later had orgasms during the few sexual experiences I had but still never came close to having regular sex with someone in a relationship. I only had sex few times in my life although no one would think that looking at me.

I just can't see how I could ever have regular sex. No contraception is perfectly safe. I trust condoms the most because I can always see if they broke or not but even that can fail if not put on properly and isn't very practical for regular sex. Either way I would never have sex without a condom regardless of my own birth control.

Being on a pill is something I don't want to do. Those are hormones that would affect my body and mind in unpredictable ways. I know they work well for some but I don't see how I can be expected to gamble with side effects and experiment on my mind and body.

I used to think that getting tubes tied is full proof but many doctors won't do it unless you have a kid plus it's costly so why do it before I can already commit to regular sex? Now I also know it's not 100% safe and neither is vasectomy (not something in my control) or IUD. IUD seems like the safest method except it also might fail, can hurt, and most versions still work on hormonal base which I want to avoid.
My big fear is that since I would only have regular sex in a relationship with someone I love, ending up pregnant could ruin it if they end up changing their mind when faced with the situation. People seem to be unpredictable and irrational in these cases. But I won't be able to trust my own mental state if I am pregnant because hormones are unpredictable.

I know I can get close to being as safe as possible (triple contraception, plan b after and pregnancy tests); or save money for hysterectomy but the problem is that first option Is just too anxiety inducing and exhausting to do more than few times per year and hardly seems enjoyable, and the second option means a long battle with doctors and money given for the cause. But since because of my fear I never got to enjoy sex I just don't have the incentive to care so much.

All these fears existed in me my whole life and caused me to have this aversion towards sex in general, and even more, towards being a woman. I don't have a problem with my gender or body but in the sexual contex it becomes something that disgusts me. Because of tokophobia sex in general became something that seems degrading to me.
I will never know what it feels like to want to have sex with someone. I don't know how damaging this is to my life, most people would probably think it is very damaging.

Mirthless posted:

i can imagine this dude all sad-sackily obsessing over every negative thing about every one of her boyfriends, trying to get her to free herself up, buying her poo poo, doing favors for her all the time, and thinking, "When is my sister going to finally notice and gently caress me?"

Antivehicular posted:

This is basically the plot of The Hotel New Hampshire except that the brother is the protagonist and the sister actually is serially sexually abused by her lovely partners and doesn't find happiness until she rides her brother's healing dilz.

La Brea Carpet posted:

I'm pretty sure this is some deep anxiety that needs therapy, not a reddit echo chamber.

La Brea Carpet posted:

I'm pretty sure this is some deep anxiety that needs therapy, not a reddit echo chamber.

open container posted:

Moh's hardness scale isn't logarithmic, it's ordinal. It's just a ranking of what is harder than what, there isn't a direct conversion to any of the proper objective measures of hardness.

quote:

Happy Saturday all! So, my husband "Ralph" has had this close friend "Frosty" for a little over a decade. They met when they were working a retail job together, and became close right away.

They used to hang out basically every week until our jobs meant we moved to a part of town that is much further from Frosty. I have gotten to meet Frosty once about a week after we got married, and the three of us shared laughs and fun over brunch.

Ever since then, I have noticed Ralph only makes plans with Frosty if I am out of town. I have suggested we invite Frosty over, invite him to events we are going to, etc, but it never seemed to materialize.

I asked Ralph about this today, and he said "I do not want Frosty and you to be friends. I want it to be my own separate friendship."

Now, I am certainly not looking to be Frosty's new bff or anything, but this answer seemed downright shocking to me. Ralph has gotten to know all of my friends, coworkers, even sort of friendly acquaintances over the time we have been together. I cannot wrap my mind around the feeling of "i love my husband, he is terrific, but I want him to stay separate from one particular friend or friend group I have"

It was, all in all, a very strange answer to me. Obviously I asked why, and he said because its his decision, which made the whole thing weirder.

Can you guys help me frame the conversation i need to have with Ralph, or help me understand that this is totally normal and no conversation needs to happen?

Tl;dr: Husband has one specific friend I met one time and we all got along swimmingly, but has since made a concious effort to keep me from ever meeting that friend again.

Edit: I feel like I should add that I know where Frosty's house is, he is on facebook (not in my network), and I have access to his phone number. I have no specific desire to reach out to him to solve this mystery, but it is an option if you guys think that it would help.

Edit 2: I gently asked Ralph for clarification just now ("hey what if we get together with Frosty like once or twice this year then call it good?"), and he said "I am not going to have this conversation. " Man, this is outside of our usual calm, open vibe, and is very disconcerting.

quote:

Frosty is the person he used to go to the strip clubs with as single men. I do not mind strip clubs, but if it embarassed my husband in some way, maybe he is worried Frosty would tell me the truth about where they go or what they act like?

It has never actually crossed my mind that maybe they do not do what Ralph says they are planning on. Huh.

Edit: I also have no history of telling him who not to see. I do not mind who he hangs out with, they have all been pretty awesome folks all along, it seems.
----------------
It does make me feel sad. Or. Hmm. Maybe I cannot grasp why on earth Ralph would hear his wife say "we should invite Frosty since we will be right by his neighborhood"... and specifically not want to because I am there.

All of his other friends, Ralph has no similar rule about.
----------------
Early on, we faced some issues where my husband broke into all my online accounts (emails, even my reddit main account) and read things from way before i even knew him, and asked me about them. ("You were emailing some guy pictures to try setting up a date?"(well before i knew husband)).

With a bunch of all new passwords for me and forgiveness and new boundaries, we have moved past that, but i do see now that this may stem from his past. He has been very seriously cheated on by a former fiance, and it really is apparent it makes him doubt and worry

I travel for my job more than 50% of the time (new cities and countries, new hotels, new people), so if he has trust issues with me NOW, he hides it well, because my traveling would make an insecure man's mind anxious, I would expect.
----------------
You guys have made me remember a time last summer when we were boating with his newer friends (5 to 6 years) and they all were kidding him that they do not believe Frosty exists. As in, that means I am the only one who has met him at all.
----------------
Our man Ralph actually straight up left the house a few minutes ago to go to a plan we had together, by himself. He announced it calmly and distantly on his way out. We had not been chatting and he did not sound mad. He never does anything like that. I am not sure I should edit it into my OP, since it might sway overall viewpoints. This is a weird day.

It all began because I am going on a work trip this week and he said he might call up Frosty.

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

My [29F] Husband [39M] of 2 years has one particular friend [28M] that he does not let me meet.

Antivehicular posted:

Ralph is loving Frosty

(Excellent fake names, BTW)

Barudak posted:

Yeah, that's either some hot, gay loving or they're rounding up strippers and doing the Shenzhen Special with them.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Who in the hell thinks a chain coffee shop is an adults only space? I mean the kids were being annoying and all, but drat.

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

My [29F] Husband [39M] of 2 years has one particular friend [28M] that he does not let me meet.