Barudak posted:

My workplace training has always stressed not touching any employee under you ever due to possible implications. I sat through one that literally recommended only handshakes and hi fives, and that to be extra sure to only do that whennother coworkers were present and that touching a coworkers arm as described above could be grounds for sexual harassment.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

You were both women; it seems weird to men because male friendships have little/none of the comraderie or emotional (and non-sexual but physical) intimacy that women seem often to have. We've all seen the back-pat-tough-bro-hug that is all that many men feel comfortable doing

quote:

My girlfriend [24F] knowingly gave me [23M] an STI

I've been officially dating this girl for over a month now and things have been going well. She wanted to start having unprotected sex so I said we should get tested.

(Btw, the rule with STI testing is that if the doctor's office does NOT call you after your results come in, you have nothing to worry about. We both talked about this)

I go to my doctors office to ask if anything came up, and they said no you are clean. The next day I go to my gf's place and tell her the good news. My results took 3 days to come in, I assumed the same for her. She said the doc hasn't called her (A week and a half after her test) and we have nothing to worry about.

We end up having unprotected sex, and the next day she goes to her doc to "refill" her prescription. After her appointment she says we need to talk. Then tells me she has chlamydia.

I ask her for more details. She ends up telling me that her doctor called her the day before and told her she needs to come in to discuss the test results. Later that evening is when I came over to her place, so she already knew that something came up in the test. She still decided to have unprotected sex with me.

I asked her what she was thinking and she said she was hoping that it would be something that wouldn't affect me, something that she wouldn't have to reveal to me (i'm guessing a yeast infection or something? lol..) What a stupid, stupid, effing stupid move I told her.

She said that she had unprotected sex with one guy before she started seeing me, and I believe her. (We dated for one month, and then officially began a relationship. Its been two months since I've met her. She slept with this guy right before we started dating) So i don't think she cheated on me, she just got infected with chlamydia before we started dating.

However, I am pissed that she knew had something and still decided it was ok to have unprotected sex. I feel so betrayed. The drive to her place when she told me she needed to talk was the worst 20 minutes of my life. I thought I had HIV. She could have potentially ruined my life.

My feelings are conflicted. We had so much fun together and I thought I was falling in love with her, and then she fucks me over. We talked about it and she is very apologetic, says I deserve better than her, and that she will work hard to regain my trust. Should I stay or should i go?

TL;DR-- Told my GF I was STI-free, she told me the same. However, she lied and knew she had something before having unprotected sex with me. Now I have chlamydia (very treatable). My conflict is that her stupid decision could have potentially ruined my life (like HIV). She is sorry and says I deserve someone better but is very willing to work hard in this relationship to regain my trust. What would you do?

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

quote:

She is sorry and says I deserve someone better

Barudak posted:

Also this lady wont even share what it is so its bad and dude needs a doctor yesterday.

subhuman filth posted:

It's pretty drat hard for a guy to catch HIV from vanilla heterosexual sex unless something weird is going on

Zzulu posted:

im incredibly full of disease but my wife knows this already

its one of the reasons she fell for me actually

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

The fact that dude is debating whether or not to leave her after she gave him chlamydia is hilarious. He should have instantly blocked her number and then ignored her for life. I get that people are scared of being alone, but goddamn. Have some self-respect.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

You were both women; it seems weird to men because male friendships have little/none of the comraderie or emotional (and non-sexual but physical) intimacy that women seem often to have. We've all seen the back-pat-tough-bro-hug that is all that many men feel comfortable doing

PleasingFungus posted:

from the comments


i just really love the deadpan tone of this one.

Pick posted:

On the other hand, one reason that women sometimes do it to men is that we do not realize that men perceive it so differently. Because yeah, women who are friends touch each other all the time.

Pick posted:

On the other hand, one reason that women sometimes do it to men is that we do not realize that men perceive it so differently. Because yeah, women who are friends touch each other all the time.

Zzulu posted:

I quite frankly just don't see the need to hug my friends or sit extremely close to them and rub up against them like girls seem comfortable doing with their friends

what is even the point of that

Zzulu posted:

other men are a threat

quote:

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. We met through a mutual friend. Everything was going so well. 2 months ago he went to the hospital for a routine check-up and he told me they found 2 spots on his left lung and they want to investigate it more. When I met him he looked weak and depressed, it was all very believable. He goes back to do more scans, and a month ago a biopsy which confirms he has stage 1 lung cancer and a lung cyst. I become extremely depressed, start taking sleep medication, anxiety medication, I’m forced to tell my boss and my colleagues my bf has lung cancer because I frequently miss work to go see him when he feels “down”. Sometimes he would cancel our meetings last minute because he’s depressed and does not want to see anyone. I would not even be mad, because I only think about his well-being and whatever made him happy. I really stopped living for myself and was at his complete disposal.
2 weeks ago we were supposed to spend the weekend together. I go clubbing with my friends on Friday evening (he wasn’t available) and when I tell him in the morning he tells me he was sick all night, vomiting and coughing blood, and he sent me messages to which I did not reply to (I did not receive any message from him that night). He tells me he is going to get hospitalized in a clinic, his grandpa was going with him, he had a pleural effusion (liquid in the lung) and had tubes coming out of his throat. The next day he didn’t reply to one of my texts so I called his grandpa. His grandpa more or less says “Oh your bf is at home, he is not hospitalized, why the gently caress are you even calling me ? lolbye”
My whole world shatters in that moment. I call my boyfriend and ask him “Is your grandpa by your side” and he replies yeah he is. I call the clinic and they tell me they never heard about this person.
He was lying.
I realized he never let me go with him to his appointments; he never let me see his medical record. I felt so stupid. I started questioning everything he ever told me. Like the fact he owned a small company that specialized in training future fitness coaches (It was believable because he is muscular as gently caress and knows a fuckload about fitness). I called the administration and his company didn’t even exist. I called a friend who works for the ministry of finance in my country and it turns out my bf never even paid any taxes in his life. If his job didn”t exist then where does he get his money from ? He always treats me to nice restaurants and buys me gifts.
I confronted him, telling him I wanted to break up (on the phone). He became verbally violent, then started crying, then confessed the cancer lie (but not the lie about his job). He accepted to see a therapist with me, we have an appointment tomorrow. Whenever I bring up his job he becomes super angry, inventing imaginary clients, employees and colleagues that don’t even exist.
I’m really under shock… I want to know if there is hope since he accepted to see a therapist ? I still love him very much and I can’t bring myself to break up with him….
Tl;dr: BF (23) lied about having lung cancer and his profession. He accepted to see a therapist. Is there hope ?

quote:

My BF [23 M] lied to me [25 F] about having cancer and I'm utterly destroyed

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. We met through a mutual friend. Everything was going so well. 2 months ago he went to the hospital for a routine check-up and he told me they found 2 spots on his left lung and they want to investigate it more. When I met him he looked weak and depressed, it was all very believable. He goes back to do more scans, and a month ago a biopsy which confirms he has stage 1 lung cancer and a lung cyst. I become extremely depressed, start taking sleep medication, anxiety medication, I’m forced to tell my boss and my colleagues my bf has lung cancer because I frequently miss work to go see him when he feels “down”. Sometimes he would cancel our meetings last minute because he’s depressed and does not want to see anyone. I would not even be mad, because I only think about his well-being and whatever made him happy. I really stopped living for myself and was at his complete disposal.

2 weeks ago we were supposed to spend the weekend together. I go clubbing with my friends on Friday evening (he wasn’t available) and when I tell him in the morning he tells me he was sick all night, vomiting and coughing blood, and he sent me messages to which I did not reply to (I did not receive any message from him that night). He tells me he is going to get hospitalized in a clinic, his grandpa was going with him, he had a pleural effusion (liquid in the lung) and had tubes coming out of his throat. The next day he didn’t reply to one of my texts so I called his grandpa. His grandpa more or less says “Oh your bf is at home, he is not hospitalized, why the gently caress are you even calling me ? lolbye”
My whole world shatters in that moment. I call my boyfriend and ask him “Is your grandpa by your side” and he replies yeah he is. I call the clinic and they tell me they never heard about this person. He was lying.

I realized he never let me go with him to his appointments; he never let me see his medical record. I felt so stupid. I started questioning everything he ever told me. Like the fact he owned a small company that specialized in training future fitness coaches (It was believable because he is muscular as gently caress and knows a fuckload about fitness). I called the administration and his company didn’t even exist. I called a friend who works for the ministry of finance in my country and it turns out my bf never even paid any taxes in his life. If his job didn”t exist then where does he get his money from ? He always treats me to nice restaurants and buys me gifts.

I confronted him, telling him I wanted to break up (on the phone). He became verbally violent, then started crying, then confessed the cancer lie (but not the lie about his job). He accepted to see a therapist with me, we have an appointment tomorrow. Whenever I bring up his job he becomes super angry, inventing imaginary clients, employees and colleagues that don’t even exist.

I’m really under shock… I want to know if there is hope since he accepted to see a therapist ? I still love him very much and I can’t bring myself to break up with him….

Tl;dr: BF (23) lied about having lung cancer and his profession. He accepted to see a therapist. Is there hope ?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

You were both women; it seems weird to men because male friendships have little/none of the comraderie or emotional (and non-sexual but physical) intimacy that women seem often to have. We've all seen the back-pat-tough-bro-hug that is all that many men feel comfortable doing

Pick posted:

One random example, which always strikes me as funny, is how women and man handle sharing hotel rooms. I remember watching eight guys work out how to arrange themselves in a room with two beds, and they actually had to argue whether or not it was OK for two men to share a bed provided that they were facing different directions, so one guy's head was by the other guys feet, and vice versa. A big part of the argument was there was not enough floor space for six people.

Women, on the other hand, it will just share the loving bed like normal people?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

as a guy, male friendship is often incredibly hollow due to a bunch of stuff but with the "no psychical touch" thing I think it's a combo of societal homophobia and the idea that men shouldnt have/show emotion. It's a real bummer honestly

Andrast posted:

I've shared hotel beds with friends just fine. I don't know what was the problem with those guys.

Hug in a Can posted:

Here's a /r/relationships post.

My BF [23 M] lied to me [25 F] about having cancer and I'm utterly destroyed


Don't fake having cancer, buddies

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

If you think this is a bummer you've either never been in the same room with one of those overly touchy invasive 'free hugs' type people, or you are one of those people

homophobia has little to nothing to do with the awful sensation of someone you aren't deeply intimate with, male or female, getting all up in your poo poo out of nowhere

Hug in a Can posted:

quote:

Don't fake having cancer, buddies

Pick posted:

I was skeptical about canned hugs, but much like tomatoes, they are clearly canned at the height of freshness.


I knew a girl in high school who faked having cancer, it is surprisingly common?

Gaunab posted:

I hug a lot of people. Don't care how many people I hurt by doing it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JVwfJGfins

quote:

My girlfriend ignored my phone calls, face times, texts, snapchats, tweets, DM's, and Facebook messages for 9 hours I'm away at school so I began to worry because she has never gone that long without responding. I contacted her parents and her closest friends. When she finally responds she claimed she was ignoring me because she was mad I didn't answer her earlier in the day (my phone died). Her reason behind ignoring me made me so mad that I have to ask an outside source if I'm wrong or if what she did was completely childish.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

If you think this is a bummer or it's Society's Oppressive Rules keeping you from rubbing all over loose acquaintances you've either never been in the same room with one of those overly touchy invasive 'free hugs' type people, or you are one of those people

homophobia has little to nothing to do with the awful sensation of someone you aren't deeply intimate with, male or female, getting all up in your poo poo out of nowhere