WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [19M] won't be able to celebrate my girlfriend's [30F] birthday with her and she is very upset.

Pretty standard "Age Gap"-story but just a liiiiitle bit worse.

Moridin920 posted:

People just don't know how to negotiate for themselves anymore. They are told that work is the best and working is life and be diligent and don't be lazy blah blah blah then on the backend management fucks them because they recognize a schlub that will hack code for 60+ hours a week until forever and never ask for a raise or seek alternative job offers and work them to death.

Then they reach their forties and are divorced with high blood pressure and a kid that hates them because they were never there and have a mid life crisis.

Tolkien minority posted:

i feel like knowing them since they were 9 and then waiting til they are 17 to start "getting closer" to them takes it from pretty standard age gap to borderline pedophilia

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

pretty sure what this guy was doing qualifies as grooming yeah

Fullhouse posted:

a lot of tech jobs are that exact sort of insane garbage but there are a bunch of companies where you can get paid really decent money straight out of college to make websites for them or modernize a database or whatever, but those are boring and use a lot of old technology so kids trick themselves into thinking that working double overtime every single day is fine as long as they get to use a programming language with a cool name

startups are the worst, basically, and any job that has to convince you that it's cool is probably actually awful

Moridin920 posted:

I don't doubt there is tough competition in the field (and increasingly so as people swarm to it) but c'mon you can't tell me it is just average to work 60+ hours a week and get treated worse than a dishwasher and they gotta just take it up the butt and deal.

WampaLord posted:

This. The people working 60 hours are doing it wrong, that is not the norm.

Moridin920 posted:

WampaLord posted:

This. The people working 60 hours are doing it wrong, that is not the norm.

ThePeavstenator posted:

Tech giants have worked really hard to obfuscate this fact. The fact that they primarily employ very young people right out of college is not a coincidence.

Moridin920 posted:

Grevling posted:

r/incest_relationships is more hosed up than it sounds. Fair warning, apparently graphic descriptions are against the rules but they don't seem to be enforced.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [19M] won't be able to celebrate my girlfriend's [30F] birthday with her and she is very upset.

Gaunab posted:

Please don't post incest stories; they're just sad.

Subjunctive posted:

What %age of hires at tech giants are new grads? What's the average work week length at those companies? I'm curious to compare your information to my own.

Grevling posted:

Sorry, I'll delete the stories. I should have known better.

ThePeavstenator posted:

The example I've dealt with personally (never worked there) is Epic in Madison, WI.

quote:

Although I have never ridden one, I have had an interest in motorcycles for quite some time. I have been toying with the idea of purchasing a sport bike for a couple of years, but I have pretty much decided to give it a shot in December or January. Here's where my dilemma is: my girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years (our anniversary is on New Year's Day) and I absolutely love her unconditionally.
I brought up the idea of purchasing a bike and she said that she didn't like the idea of me purchasing a bike because of the dangers and risks associated with them. I asked her if she would at least keep an open mind and she agreed. Fast forward to yesterday: I spent a few hours researching statistics to find out the causes of fatal accidents. My research showed that 60% of accidents were single-vehicle accidents which are typically caused by riders who 1) go too fast, 2) are goofing off or 3) have a larger motorcycle engine than they should. Along with this, alcohol contributed to many of them as well as the lack of helmet, jacket, etc. to protect the riders.
Yesterday I presented all of this information to my girlfriend, who just said "I'm not going to let you get a motorcycle" after she read it. OK, I understand that she is concerned and that there are risks involved, but there are risks involved in a lot of hobbies; she rides horses and although not nearly the same amount of people die each year, there are still risks associated with it because statistics do not represent scenarios; I could fall down my steps today and break my neck and there's not a statistic out there that's going to make or break me.
I've tried explaining to her that 1) I would always wear all of my gear, 2) I would take a non-mandatory safety class, 3) I would purchase a 250, which is a beginner bike, and 4) I would obey all traffic laws and not drive reckless. She still said that she wouldn't allow it.
Now I have ALWAYS supported my girlfriend in absolutely everything she does. She rides horses and I do worry about her because as an EMT I know the risks of her falling off and there have been accidents where she's been put in the hospital because of her horse, but I don't say anything about it because it's something she loves to do. Why is it, however, that when I find something that I enjoy, I can't do it because she wants me to be safe? Don't get me wrong, I am happy that she cares that much for me, but isn't it a little bit selfish for her to be able to ride horses and have a potentially dangerous hobby and then tell me that I can't? I mean, I don't have a hobby... I just go to school and work and that's all. I have ideas of things I like to do and I always have to run them by her before I actually do them and it's like she's a filter.
A few people have mentioned just telling her that there are some things that I need to do for me just like there are things she needs to do for her to make her happy, but I'm afraid if I go out and buy a bike against her wishes, she'll break up with me. But if she would break up with me over something like that, does that mean she doesn't actually love me like she says she does?
I would absolutely love some help.
TL;DR - I want to purchase a motorcycle to casually ride and my girlfriend says she won't allow it.

Moridin920 posted:

That is probably exactly what poo poo tons of tech companies that exploit grads do though.

Like when you call the number promising a great job opportunity for college kids and it is just Vector Marketing.

Subjunctive posted:

There are lots of lovely companies in software, finance, insurance, entertainment, agriculture, etc. I was asking about a more specific assertion, which doesn't match my observations.

TheScott2K posted:

I mean, everyone who starts riding motorcycles is accepting more risk than most people. Really, though, the problem is he got involved with a Horse Girl.

What biek did he get?

Edit: Oh his friends peer pressured him into going with an R6, a 600cc supersport that hates you for being new to riding. Coulda had an FZ6 that actually might not have killed him but still had a 600cc engine. Or the blue sv650 that literally everyone owned at some point. Yea, this dude's judgement is bad.

datajugend posted:

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Right. People who seriously subscribe to the ideal of American work culture where working as long and hard as possible until you die is the ideal are missing out on life. People should be working enough to support an enjoyable lifestyle with their loved ones and friends. That's it. Leave the heavy lifting to the other fools who are into American work culture.

TheScott2K posted:

My life got so much better once I figured this out.

Moridin920 posted:

my friend got a job at Northropp right outta college with a decent but not amazing GPA. 40 hours a week except every other Friday off. Full benefits. $75k+ when he started (it is more now that he has been there a couple years). Nothing super sexy, nothing super flashy, but he also isn't killing himself.

My other friend did the same exact thing down to the every other Friday off but at another company.

I don't doubt there is tough competition in the field (and increasingly so as people swarm to it) but c'mon you can't tell me it is just average to work 60+ hours a week and get treated worse than a dishwasher and they gotta just take it up the butt and deal.

quote:

He has been getting mad because I don't have a job I understand that but he should also understand its because of my anxiety and PTSD (I did NOT have that when we started dating but have had it for a year and a half)
I want a job I really do I even have had many jobs lined up that my former self would "kill" to have and they would be easy but my anxiety always makes me back out of it
I have had a "under the counter job before" and it was at a horse stable I worked therefor 4 years and even have my horse there now and I don't go see him because there are to many people.
THIS is why I cant get a job! I cant even think straight when there is a certain amount of noise I want to start farming (wanted to do that sense I was little) I HAVE the stuff to do it and have researched my market and everything but he seems to think I cant do it....
I am NOT lazy I do stuff around the house AND take care of EVERY animal we have (other then the he has to pay for them but he is the one who wanted them in the first place too) He always tells me the reason I won't get a job is because I am lazy...I just dont understand why he doesnt see what I do and only focuses on the job.
I KNOW I need money and I have the means to get it with farming (something I can do because even interacting with people I would have control over) but he has already made me feel like all my plans are worthless and the only way to get money is a real job.
He just doesnt understand that I would LOVE to get a real job to stop the fighting but I physically CANT I can fill out an application but every time they say I have the job I turn it down even if i REALLY wanted it (he doesnt know this because it would make him REALLY mad) I just don't know what to do anymore. Since I have the stuff for farming for atleast one round should I give it a try and if it doesn't work then think about something else?
tl;dr: I have anxiety PTSD and can't get a job even though i have been offered them.Fiancee is mad and has talked me out of farming because he thinks I am to lazy for it although I do everything around the house.What should I do? Try farming or what?

quote:

I'm going to bet that your fiancee isn't mad that you don't have a job so much as he's frustrated that you don't seem to be doing anything to try to get over your crippling anxiety. You seem to have just accepted that this is the way it's going to be, period.
I don't think you ought to try farming, I think you ought to try some therapy and show your fiancee that you're trying to move forward.

quote:

Push ups,I can't even do one and couldn't even do one when I was in shape. I can't even do the "girl pushup" either

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah but they're not making the deece six figgies

quote:

So there's me [29F], my best friend [29F], and her fiance [30sM]. They just got engaged last week. I'm going to be her maid of honor. Yay!

Her fiance is fine. We're not BFFs or anything, but he's cool. He's kind of a socially awkward nerd, and it's hard to get him to open up without bringing up what he's most interested in (what he does for a living, whatever TV show he's watching) and then the conversation with him can get a little one-sided.

My best friend and I have been friends since we were 15. Five-ish years ago (before my best friend started dating her fiance), she and I watched The Wire together. We both now consider it our favorite show.

Anyway, after watching that show, I started calling her, 'D' as a nickname, because, well, her name starts with D, and also, there's a character we both liked who was also called 'D.' I almost exclusively call her by her nickname now.

(WARNING. There's a spoiler for the Wire in the following paragraph, so if you haven't seen it yet, don't keep reading!)

I got this very unexpected message from her fiance last night on Facebook. He told me that now that he and D are getting married, he kindly requests that I stop calling her by the nickname I gave her, as it's "not a very mature way of addressing her. I would hate to think you calling her that during your speech at our wedding." He also went on to say that he never approved of that nickname anyway, because the character gets murdered in the show and he "doesn't like that imagery associated with my future wife."

I'm not the most diplomatic person, so I don't entirely know to respond. I'm not even entirely sure if I should say anything at all. There's, hahaha, also part of me that wants to send back, "Sure, no problem, bro. I'll just start calling her Bodie instead. Or maybe Omar. Oh, I know, I'll start calling her Snoop! Snoop would be a great fit for her!" A similar part of me wants to agree with him, and then during their wedding, just use her nickname constantly during my speech. And there's another (admittedly, angrier) part of me that wants to say, "What? Are you kidding me? No. Request denied. Oh, and gently caress you. Don't ever dictate to me how I should interact with my best friend."

There's also this weird...possessiveness associated with his wording the message. He never calls her by her name, just a lot of "my future wife" and "my fiance." My best friend is fiercely independent, and I know she wouldn't appreciate being talked about like that. So maybe I should forward the message on to her saying something like, "Hey...your fiance just sent this to me and I don't really know what to make of it."

EDIT FOR AN IMPORTANT DETAIL THAT I FORGOT TO ADD: My best friend and I are both bisexual, and we have made out in the past. Just made out. A good handful of times in high school (we were like, "We need to practice for our future boyfriends!" but now that we're older, we laugh about all that now and are like, "Right. Yeah. 'Boyfriends.' Sure. Uh huh.") and, I dunno, four or five times in college (while drunk at parties).

We had talked about dating each other, but, I dunno...we love each other, but I don't think we would ever be in love with each other. We're pretty different people, which is why I think we make such good friends, but not terribly good significant others. The last time we talked about being in a relationship was, like, I dunno, 8 years ago?

It's now only just occurring to me that maybe this has something to do with her fiance's unexpected message...

Any advice would be appreciative. Thanks, y'all.

tl;dr: My best friend's fiance has asked me to stop calling her a nickname I gave her before the two of them even started dating. I don't know how to kindly tell him to shove it.

UPDATE: Well! I just got off the phone with D. She called me, I started to answer like I usually do, ("'Sup, D?") But then, remembering that maybe she doesn't want to be called that anymore, I just sort of awkwardly extended the 'D' sound into her full name (so I answered like, "'Sup Deeeeeeeee[full name]?")

She immediately said, "[Fiance] told you to stop calling me D, didn't he?"

I said yes, and she exclaimed, "What the gently caress, I can't believe he actually loving did that! Look, I gotta go, I'll talk to you later. And don't stop calling me D."

"You got it, D."

We said our goodbyes and she hung up. Soooooooo...I think someone mighta crossed a line...

UPDATE 2: I just tried to post an update, but it was immediately deleted because this post is still on the front page. Long story short, D's fiance crossed a line, they got into the most ridiculous fight, and she is at my place right now. Not entirely sure when (or if) she's going to go back home. I'll post a proper update as soon as this one is no longer on the front page.

quote:

We've been together for 8 years and she still makes my heart leap. We still read each other's minds, get excited about the same stuff, turn to each other when we're struggling. But she doesn't like sex. We've tried, but it takes too much emotional energy to keep going with someone that doesn't feel lust, or a drive to want their partner sexually. Even when we've had sex that we've both enjoyed, I know she'd quite happily never do it again. And in a way I support her, she has every right to that part of her personality.

Apart from the sex, this is a fantastic relationship and we are both deeply in love. When we first got together, our relationship was open and I was traveling a lot so there was no contention about the lack of sex. I wasn't having regular sex elsewhere, but the idea of freedom meant that I didn't feel trapped sexually.

However, a few years in I brought up the subject and my partner was indignant- she felt it was obvious that as our relationship had matured we would become monogamous. I said that we'd never discussed this before or agreed it, and for me it was a necessary part of making the relationship work, so she responded that if I had any sexual relationships with anyone that she didn't want to hear about them. "Don't ask, don't tell" basically. This was a major downgrade on my sexual comfort in the relationship, I felt like I had been cheating without realizing.

Fast-forward a few sexually-unhappy years to now-ish and I had basically been monogamous out of guilt. Sex is important to me, to my self-confidence as well as it's a jolly splendid way to spend an afternoon. The idea of going the rest of my life celibate, and egotistically: never feeling desirable, is a showstopper. I decided to try talking to her to resolve my own unhappiness. I told her that I wanted to be openly non-monogamous, and that it could be on her terms. She is now heartbroken that I could feel that way. I can't help feeling betrayed in so far as I thought that sex wasn't a feature in our relationship, whereas now it seems that sex is important only insofar as I am remaining celibate for her. She wants to get married, and I want her to be the happiest woman on earth, but as it stands the only way I could emotionally commit to marriage is if it were open.

I feel like the choices are to embrace an unhappy monogamy, to somehow help my partner feel confident and safe in a non-monogamous relationship, or to abandon the best relationship either of us have ever had. I wish there was a fourth answer, or at least a path to a fourth answer.

edit: Thanks so much for the responses, I'm clocking out for a bit for work but I'll still be reading later on.
TL/DR: I can't go on being undesired sexually and my asexual girlfriend can't give that to me. But she needs monogamy. Aside from sex we have a perfect loving dynamic that brings us deep joy. What can we do?

Grevling posted:

The fiance [30sM] of my best friend [29F] wants me [29F] to stop calling her the nickname I gave her. I don't know how to diplomatically tell him no.


Maybe fiancee just hates snitches. Oh well, OP and his friend can get married and enjoy excellent television together now.