Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Not everyone here has magnifying glasses, though

# ? Feb 15, 2017 01:07

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 16, 2024 10:55

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

I love this poo poo.

Army General Used Government Credit Card at Strip Clubs

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:17

Kuroyama: Sep 15, 2012; no fucking Anime in GiP

Memento posted:

I love this poo poo.

Army General Used Government Credit Card at Strip Clubs

Doesn't this sort of story pop up every few months or so? I remember being briefed about what you can and can't use your GTC for.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:55

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Yep.

FFS guys, hit the ATM at the hotel, THEN go to the titty bar.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:56

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Godholio posted:

Yep.

FFS guys, hit the ATM at the hotel, THEN go to the titty bar.

I have literally done this with a work credit card. "Entertaining clients/sundries" covers a vast array of sins on your monthly expense report.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 02:58

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Our PMEL had some guys from the UAE come to train with them one time. Before they left they really wanted to visit a strip club so the superintendent and some other guys brought them to one downtown. Suffice it to say one of these guys thought they were kidding when told that you aren't allowed to touch.

# ? Feb 15, 2017 03:52

Vriess: Apr 30, 2013; Select the items of interest in the scene.

Returned ~~with Honor~~.

Kuroyama posted:

Doesn't this sort of story pop up every few months or so? I remember being briefed about what you can and can't use your GTC for.

And it always seems like it's an officer too, so the entire enlisted will have to do another Online Training Course followed by PPT Hell and another form to sign.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 18:46

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

Vriess posted:

And it always seems like it's an officer too, so the entire enlisted will have to do another Online Training Course followed by PPT Hell and another form to sign.

The job of a good Sergeant is to ~~mentor young officers and instill in them a clear foundation of military standards~~ drink themself to sleep every night and take the heat for officer mistakes.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 06:40

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Wild T posted:

The job of a good Sergeant is to ~~mentor young officers and instill in them a clear foundation of military standards~~ drink themself to sleep every night and take the heat for officer mistakes.

Good to know I did something right in my career...

# ? Feb 17, 2017 20:46

Fat Twitter Man: Jan 24, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Memento posted:

I love this poo poo.

Army General Used Government Credit Card at Strip Clubs

This exact thing was responsible for one the the handful of E7>E6 reductions I've seen in the wild.

# ? Feb 19, 2017 15:34

JohnnyHardcore: Jan 15, 2008

Memento posted:

I love this poo poo.

Army General Used Government Credit Card at Strip Clubs

Worked for this sack of gently caress in Afghanistan. He looks like the lieutenant from The Wire. He was mystified as to why we would not print out hard copy of every TS report that was published, every day, and put them in a binder and leave them on his desk so he could read them first thing in the morning. His office was in a loving stock standard B Hut. His best objection? "My driver will be here all night, he can keep an eye on it." (Driver has no clearance of any kind, and certainly does not sit in the office all night.)

# ? Feb 19, 2017 19:03

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

JohnnyHardcore posted:

Worked for this sack of gently caress in Afghanistan. He looks like the lieutenant from The Wire. He was mystified as to why we would not print out hard copy of every TS report that was published, every day, and put them in a binder and leave them on his desk so he could read them first thing in the morning. His office was in a loving stock standard B Hut. His best objection? "My driver will be here all night, he can keep an eye on it." (Driver has no clearance of any kind, and certainly does not sit in the office all night.)

This is going in my docket that I'm preparing for when I bring my case to the supreme court that all nobles must be loving hanged.

# ? Feb 19, 2017 19:04

JohnnyHardcore: Jan 15, 2008

Mike-o posted:

This is going in my docket that I'm preparing for when I bring my case to the supreme court that all nobles must be loving hanged.

I would break my "snitches get stitches" policy to testify in this proceeding.

# ? Feb 19, 2017 19:08

ugh its Troika: May 2, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

probably fake, but entirely believable and p funny regardless

# ? Feb 19, 2017 19:29

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

From the YOSPOS US opsec thread:

infernal machines posted:

missile warning system? we do that poo poo live to production

# ? Feb 19, 2017 19:37

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Absurd Alhazred posted:

From the YOSPOS US opsec thread:

quote:

their leadership is using the incident as a learning opportunity.

Article 15s for everyone involved, and a learning opportunity for a 2LT?

# ? Feb 19, 2017 20:05

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

less of a sitcom and more of a black comedy

Tyler Perry's Army?

# ? Feb 19, 2017 20:27

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

Tyler Perry's Army?

is this when you look over your shoulder and say "kept you waiting huh?"

# ? Feb 19, 2017 22:59

MancXVI: Feb 14, 2002

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

Tyler Perry's Army?

Madea Goes to War

# ? Feb 19, 2017 23:05

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Sun Wu Kampf posted:

probably fake, but entirely believable and p funny regardless

Don't care if it's fake, loving lost it at the final line.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 00:02

Wingnut Ninja: Jan 11, 2003; Mostly Harmless

That's actually pretty awesome field expedient training for how a military funeral is conducted.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 00:08

piL: Sep 20, 2007; (__|\\\\); Taco Defender

hogmartin posted:

If you haven't showered with Dr. Bronner's liquid peppermint soap and then dried off and doused your junk/rear end with Gold Bond, you're truly missing out on what it feels like to slip the surly bonds of earth to teabag a snowman.

This is more for a Lets talk about Geniuses thread, but convenience stores in Japan sell these menthylated body wipes called 'Gatsby Wipes' and some either old coveralls came with the pockets cut out or the guys would cut the pockets out. Start falling asleep on watch? Just reach on in and give a cool rub down fore and aft to perk up on watch.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 19:07

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

piL posted:

This is more for a Lets talk about Geniuses thread, but convenience stores in Japan sell these menthylated body wipes called 'Gatsby Wipes' and some either old coveralls came with the pockets cut out or the guys would cut the pockets out. Start falling asleep on watch? Just reach on in and give a cool rub down fore and aft to perk up on watch.

In order to stay alert I use to use tiger balm on my face cheeks.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 20:20

Vriess: Apr 30, 2013; Select the items of interest in the scene.

Returned ~~with Honor~~.

LingcodKilla posted:

In order to stay alert I use to use tiger balm on my face cheeks.

thermogenic pills that destroy my liver with B-Vitamin overdoses and tweak me out for 6 hours.

Accidently overdosed once. Saw through space and time.

# ? Feb 21, 2017 21:36

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

I'd just breathe in hand sanitizer. Blast of alcohol to the sinuses clears you up and wakes you up.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 17:12

chemosh6969

Jul 3, 2004

code:
cat /dev/null > /etc/professionalism

_{_{I am in fact a massive asswagon.

Do not let me touch computer.}}

Soulex posted:

I'd just breathe in hand sanitizer. Blast of alcohol to the sinuses clears you up and wakes you up.

Sniffing pepper, as in snorting a tiny bit, is enough to wake me up. Most random powders work too. Snort just enough to get it into your nose, you don't need to snort it as deep as you can.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 20:26

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Jesus you weirdos just get some sleep and drink some coffee.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 20:41

my kinda ape: Sep 15, 2008; Everything's gonna be A-OK; Oven Wrangler

I just take a huge hit of methamphetamine to wake up!

# ? Feb 22, 2017 22:51

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Kawasaki Nun posted:

Jesus you weirdos just get some sleep and drink some coffee.

doesn't sounds like what idiots would do tbh

# ? Feb 22, 2017 23:12

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

my kinda ape posted:

I just take a huge hit of methamphetamine to wake up!

#lifehacks

# ? Feb 22, 2017 23:26

Beepity Boop: Nov 21, 2012; yay

chemosh6969 posted:

Most random powders work too.

This one's a bit hit-or-miss, since some days you end up really goddamn awake, and other days you end up with Anthrax.

# ? Feb 22, 2017 23:46

Dick Burglar: Mar 6, 2006

Hremsfeld posted:

This one's a bit hit-or-miss, since some days you end up really goddamn awake, and other days you end up with Anthrax.

Yeah but if you get anthrax you won't be put on watch anytime soon, so win/win right?

_{_{_{Fake edit: suicide watch doesn't count.}}}

# ? Feb 22, 2017 23:53

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Kawasaki Nun posted:

Jesus you weirdos just get some sleep and drink some coffee.

I have to tell my soldiers that being tired all the time is, in fact, not normal, not cool or fun, and is in fact a sign of depression.

I had to go so far as to tell a soldier to stop skipping sleep or I would escort them to mental health, because either way they needed to fix it.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 01:06

Proud Christian Mom: Dec 20, 2006; READING COMPREHENSION IS HARD

Thats not a military thing thats our 'protestant work ethic' thats been morphed into 'work yourself to death for the benefit of the company or whatever'

# ? Feb 23, 2017 01:52

Stultus Maximus: Dec 21, 2009; USPOL May

Wasabi the J posted:

I have to tell my soldiers that being tired all the time is, in fact, not normal, not cool or fun, and is in fact a sign of depression.

I had to go so far as to tell a soldier to stop skipping sleep or I would escort them to mental health, because either way they needed to fix it.

It's also a sign of 6 on/6 off shifts.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 02:07

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Stultus Maximus posted:

It's also a sign of 6 on/6 off shifts.

you know what's worse than 6/6 is 8/8

# ? Feb 23, 2017 02:08

Stultus Maximus: Dec 21, 2009; USPOL May

Two Finger posted:

you know what's worse than 6/6 is 8/8

five and dimes hosed me up the most.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 02:13

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

6/6 sucked but with a power nap during one and straight to sleep during the other it was manageable

8/8 was loving shithouse because your body's rhythm got totall disrupted

got to the point where i might as well have been IVing black coffee to stay functional

# ? Feb 23, 2017 02:19