Eponine posted:

Buddy! You don't find a single girl, you mess around with a girl who is dating someone, stirring up more drama because you're all bored. That's Country.

Nazzadan posted:

My [23M] fiance chose porn over sex and I'm [23F] having a hard time getting over it

The porn monster strikes again!

quote:

Me [20 M] with my family and friends - I'm an uncaring and ice cold bastard, or am I? Will be seeking out a therapist, but I figured I'd try herePersonal issues
4 points 6 comments submitted 9 days ago by themostokay to r/relationships

Uhh this is so hard, because while I'm a very self-aware person, I also completely fail to understand myself and genuinely have trouble figuring out how I feel or think about certain things.

I've come to you to ask about my relationship with my parents and friends and other people, as this is following a sobering conversation with my dad.

The first thing that came up was my sister. She's 17, and I don't demonstrate any kind of care for her. When I come home from college for the weekend, I don't care whether she's around or not. I think we might've gone whole weekends (or close to it) without uttering a single word to each other. Sometimes she'll try to say hi or engage me in conversation or ask a question or ask for help, and I completely disregard/discount her. She'll say things like "I've been going to the gym everyday" and I won't look up from my book or acknowledge it. Then when she's like "Hey!" I'll angrily tell her to gently caress off. Sometimes she wants to do things with me, like she'll often ask to go to the movies and I'll disregard/rebuff her. We've never been close, and I was an rear end in a top hat to her throughout childhood. While I don't hit her or anything anymore, or openly insult her, I can see that I treat her with a complete lack of respect. Writing this paragraph is making me very sad and tear up, and yet I feel no inclination to change my behavior. Do I loving care or not? Sometimes it is there, and mostly it isn't. I see her struggling in school and I see her (I've read some stuff she's written privately) wanting to engage in youtubing makeup stuff, and that worries me, and I really want to help her make something of herself. But then most of the time I couldn't give a gently caress, or I'm completely dismissive. Occassionally if I think about it, it makes me feel bad. But then most of the time I'm trying to wipe my hands clean of her.

Then talk of my parents came up. My dad (51) asked if it would make any difference to me if I found out they had died. I had no definitive answer. I mean I'm certain that I would cry, but he made it clear that an emotional response was not the same thing as truly caring. I have no inclination to talk to them on the phone, I come home mostly when my mom (48) wants me to, and again, when I come home, if they didn't say hi to me, I wouldn't either. I think I take my family for granted. I don't engage with them, and I don't really care what they're doing. When we talk on the phone, it's them asking me what's up, and then volunteering what's going on with them. Sometimes when I'm alone, I'll think about what would happen if they died, and I begin to cry...and yet I don't seem to give a gently caress about them. My dad said, "well, based on what you're telling me, there isn't much of a relationship between the two of us. It's one-sided. We're your parents so we care and always will. We'll push you and try to chase you, but without the reciprocation, I don't see what sort of relationship this is. You'll pretty much contact us when you're in need of something (which is true). You take without giving, and provide emotional vacancy."

I despise touching my family in a familiar fashion. My mom tries to give me hugs or touch me and I immediately get away or push her off. Same with my sister, it's almost a reaction of the highest discomfort, borderline disgust. It sorta applies to other people, because I don't like hugging people, but touching my friends isn't a big deal.

My dad then asked me about our secondary family. Do I care about my cousins, uncles, grandparents? I thought about it. It depends. When I'm around them and in the context, I'm wonderful to be around, everyone likes me, I feel pretty good about everyone. But when we're all separate, I don't talk to them for months, dread talking to them, completely ignore them on whatsapp, don't care to wish anyone a happy birthday (I'm really negative about them, I don't ascribe any sort of importance to them and dislike having my own celebrated. Can't explain this too much besides my just being a grouch I suppose). He asked me what I would think if my grandfather died. I figured I'd probably be sad, maybe cry, but I guess that would be it.

And I come from an Indian family, so I definitely see them every year for an extended period of time, we are all close, mom talks to her parents everyday, collectivist culture and all etc, so it's not even like western culture where kids will not really know their uncles or grandparents (a friend of mine was talking to his mom and said "I'm not really close with your dad" and that appalled me).

My friends? I'm, to be frank, well-liked by all people I run into, and have a diverse and large group of friends. I show concern for them, as I've taken care of quite a few of them when very ill or piss drunk. I go wayyy out of my way to get friends positions, direct them, help them, edit and read their essays. But on the flipside, if a friend drops out of circulation for whatever reason, I most likely won't take any initiative to contact them. Probably a little, but not much. I don't put a whole lot of effort into my friendships, they're just there, and they always will be. And if they won't for whatever reason, there will be more.

And here's the thing. I'm writing all this after a sobering and melancholy conversation and rumination - I could come here while being at my family reunion and having completely different views. When I'm WITH family, I learn from them and engage with them and seemingly care - but I don't?

I don't loving understand myself. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me? Again, I understand this may be far too much to dig into with one reddit post, and is probably lacking a great deal of context, information, and elaboration - I'm going to seek out a therapist for this among other things, but I wanted to ask here due to the immediacy of the conversation I just had with my father.

Who am I? : I'm a 20 year old 2nd gen. I go to my state's flagship university where I'm excellent professionally, and intelligent (ranked top 50 in class of 5k - but again, don't think I'm a genius with complete social ineptitude because that's patently false). People have always liked me, as I'm supposedly very easy to get along with, and foster an extremely comfortable personality. I'm also supposedly (never my words) attractive, and generate a good deal of interest from the opposite sex, though I don't engage with that because I don't really care. Don't consider me to be overstating my importance, because everything I've mentioned in this post is fact to the best of my ability - this includes my self-description; I'm not actually some douchebag who is oblivious, I actually have a lot of friends who value me, confide in me, and enjoy my friendship. Just wanted to emphasize that in the case that someone thinks I'm just an oblivious idiot with asperger's (wait....if I was somehow autistic, how would I find out? As far as I or anyone else can tell, nothing at all sticks out. No one even really knows the extent to my social issues with the exception of those who it impacts, such as my dad).

Nazzadan posted:

How long should I wait...?

quote:

I'm 24 (M) she's 22 (F).
I've been with my fiance for over 4 and a half years.

Ugh GUYS, she won't get OVER it!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

i will destroy any dog i see with a series of swift punches and judo throws

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

i have flawless five-step disarmament plans for the following combat scenarios: dog, small child, overly huggy aunt

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

me irl every minute of my life

PleasingFungus posted:

quote:

Ugh GUYS, she won't get OVER it!

nice how he specifies "4 and a half years", just so you know for sure that she was under 18 when they started dating.

Serephina posted:

Gross? A 17 year old dating a 19 year old isn't gross, a ~2 year age gap is borderline standard once you leave grade school (which we have no info on). Regardless of that, my first impression upon reading the first line was: HOW?! You're 22 and have managed to cheat FOUR times, where the gently caress did you find time for all that? Jesus, just get dumped already.

Serephina posted:

Gross? A 17 year old dating a 19 year old isn't gross, a ~2 year age gap is borderline standard once you leave grade school (which we have no info on). Regardless of that, my first impression upon reading the first line was: HOW?! You're 22 and have managed to cheat FOUR times, where the gently caress did you find time for all that? Jesus, just get dumped already.

PleasingFungus posted:

nice how he specifies "4 and a half years", just so you know for sure that she was under 18 when they started dating.

Tears In A Vial posted:

i'm punching a dog right now

LethalGeek posted:

Goons try way too hard to be weirded out that teenagers wanna gently caress

Psycho Society posted:

You've had sex???

LethalGeek posted:

I'm still shocked after 20 years that sex happens in my life but

Edit: I love my dog

Pick posted:

:robot:

LethalGeek posted:

Goons try way too hard to be weirded out that teenagers wanna gently caress

ArbitraryC posted:

I think it's more than they haven't hosed teens themselves.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Llab posted:

A few pages back, but holy poo poo at the dude who met his date's entire family on their first outing, then proposed 3 dates later. Sparks are not a good sign of marriage, and neither is getting grilled by a bunch of strangers for over 3 hours.

quote:

We met and I knew she was still the one. She told me she loves me and we decided to try it again. We went on three dates and I proposed. She said YES!!! We're gonna get married in december. No big wedding, we're gonna fly to Las Vegas and do it there. The plan is to spend Christmas as a married couple. Just kidding, I'm not that loving crazy. Hopefully you're still reading. The rest of the update continues on the next paragraph.

Pvt.Scott posted:

If you're old enough to count, you're old enough to mount.

Gloryhold It! posted:

This is real gross

Mirthless posted:

hahaha come on dude at least read the whole post


like, poo poo, dude, you could have at least finished the paragraph you took that impression away from

Grem posted:

I hit a dog one time and guess what happened? It died a few years later because dogs don't live as long as humans because they are different on many levels.

Lone Goat posted:

What if I can't wait that long?

Grem posted:

Wow you sure showed him for not reading the whole thing instead of just skimming the comedy forum kinda quickly, making a quick comment, and moving on with his drat day.

Mirthless posted:

your post here would make sense if the guy hadn't said he was joking literally one sentence after saying he proposed

if you can't be bothered to read even the first complete paragraph of something, don't comment on it

Gloryhold It! posted:

This is real gross

Nazzadan posted:

I [17M] loving hate it here on this farm mom dragged me along to. I have a cousin [14M] who's a farm boy and I'm sick of him getting up to do his "chores" every morning

WoodrowSkillson posted:

let me tell you about the implications of grass on the field