UKMT March 2017 - Blame it on the Bourgie - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT March 2017 - Blame it on the Bourgie

Poll: Who Should Be Leader of HM Most Loyal Opposition? This poll is closed.
Jeremy Corbyn	95	18.63%
Dennis Skinner	53	10.39%
Angus Robertson	20	3.92%
Tim Farron	9	1.76%
Paul Ukips	7	1.37%
Robot Lenin	105	20.59%
Tony Blair	28	5.49%
Pissflaps	193	37.84%
Total:	510 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

namesake posted:

Go SOMEHOW

YOU HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE THE HATCH
Ah, you�ve taken the hatch. Definitely something tempting about the hatch, isn�t there? How often do you really get to have a go on a good hatch. It�s not often. Anyway that was the wrong choice: you emerge through thickets into an enclave of ancient Aztecs, and they are all mad at you, and they are mounted on dinosaurs, and they were just saying � literally, just then � they were just saying, �Man, we really need to do a blood sacrifice today. Anyone up for it?�

Long story short, here�s you being dragged on your knees to the tip of a pyramid-type structure so you can be slaughtered that bit nearer to the sun and the gods. They press a sharp stone into your chest and rip you apart. You die. They throw your body in river rapids. Their Aztec dinosaurs chase after your flopping, floating body and, when you finally land in the mud at the base of a bank, eat your corpse in one bite. You just died three different ways. What have we learned about hatches? Don�t take hatches.

OwlFancier posted:

GET YE FLASK

I remove my robe and wizard hat

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:45

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# ? May 15, 2024 16:08

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

Looke posted:

the grauniad have made a Corbyn CYOA

I hug him and tell him to relax, everything's going to be ok.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:47

baka kaba: Jul 19, 2003; PLEASE ASK ME, THE SELF-PROFESSED NO #1 PAUL CATTERMOLE FAN IN THE SOMETHING AWFUL S-CLUB 7 MEGATHREAD, TO NAME A SINGLE SONG BY HIS EXCELLENT NU-METAL SIDE PROJECT, SKUA, AND IF I CAN'T PLEASE TELL ME TO
EAT SHIT

> REPLACE CORBYN
Who do you want to replace the Corbyn with?
>

Red Oktober posted:

There's a good article in the FT by Tim Hartford using the tobacco industries 'deny, refute, obfuscate' tactics to talk about Brexit and Trump:

https://www.ft.com/content/eef2e2f8-0383-11e7-ace0-1ce02ef0def9

I've put it on pastebin as well if it can't be accessed without an account.

http://pastebin.com/index/433NuTfh

"Consider the Leave campaign�s infamous bus-mounted claim: �We send the EU �350m a week.� Simple. Memorable. False. But how to rebut it? A typical effort from The Guardian newspaper was headlined, �Why Vote Leave�s �350m weekly EU cost claim is wrong�, repeating the claim before devoting hundreds of words to gnarly details and the dictionary definition of the word �send�. This sort of fact-checking article is invaluable to a fellow journalist who needs the issues set out and hyperlinked. But for an ordinary voter, the likely message would be: �You can�t trust politicians but we do seem to send a lot of money to the EU.� Doubt suited the Leave campaign just fine."

Thanks for this too. Depressing! There's been a bunch of reporting on the interview style of Trump's people, how they pick out key words and repeat them before talking about something completely different, so it gives the impression they answered it. And then the interviewer either lets them get away with it or starts arguing on their terms, explaining why they're wrong and letting them keep repeating that simple point. Even when journalists are trying to hold people to account they're getting circles run round them

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:48

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

GET YE FLASK

THE PLP appears before you.

You cannot get YE FLASK.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:48

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

I look him in the eyes and kiss him on the lips

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:48

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

here are all options

quote:

GO NORTH
You go north, to a future where Corbyn maintains his grip on the Labour leadership. This can�t be that bad, can it? Swatting away coup after coup after coup, Owen Smith popping up every four to six months, adding inch after inch on to the end of his fantastical long penis, trying and failing to take a pop at the king, shrinking away to nothing again, boom and bust and repeat.

In this future, Corbyn stays, building on the Copeland disaster to more, even more surprising disasters, all the while being A Very Good Man with Some Very Good Policies that frequently get ignored because he sits too politely through weak bodyings by the Tories every single Wednesday at PMQs. Listen, it�s an unlikely path � I�ve always thought a Labour leader should step down when they get the dreaded Stephen Hawking vote of no confidence � but no, you chose NORTH, so we�re going to stick with Corbyn and drive eyes closed into the next general election.

quote:

GO SOUTH
You go south, into the reality where Corbyn goes. Thing is, it�s fair to say Corbyn�s ascent to leadership in the first place was due at least in some part to an across-the-board personality vacuum in the entire Labour party, so without Corbyn there is a leadership election between a handful of anodyne, brown-haired, suit-wearing men � Owen Smith goes on Sunday Brunch in an attempt to win the popular vote and does something disastrous with an egg; Andy Burnham gets turned away from his own hustings event at a local school because nobody can quite verify who he is; while the party flirts with its usual let�s-pretend-we-might-elect-a-woman-for-a-bit-but-then-not-actually-do-that trick, which basically just descends into Jess Phillips telling Diane Abbott to gently caress off again. This process lasts eight months.

quote:

GO EAST
You go east and emerge in an olde tyme detective�s office, where, atop a leather-inlay writing desk, among a huge slippery pile of paper and files, you uncover a massive, massive anti-Corbyn MSM (mainstream media) conspiracy. You find a note saying �UNDERMINE CORBYN AT ALL COSTS� written in Rupert Murdoch�s handwriting; you find a Telegraph internal document about how to disrupt MSM conspiracy theorists by writing about the MSM conspiracy theory a lot; Tom Watson sits in a jar on the table, burbling slightly-open-to-interpretation epithets into the grey nothing. You knew it.

quote:

GO WEST
You go west, on to the most ominous path, where dark, gloomy stormclouds cluster around the tips of distant mountains, and the air crackles with electricity, and the trees shake in the wind, and Tony Blair is back, again, saying bad things about the Labour party and how it�s to blame for Brexit. �The debilitation of the Labour party is the facilitator of Brexit,� he says, Blairily, between New York Times op-eds and starting wars. Can any life survive beneath the looming Blair shadow? No. Aztecs beat you with clubs and drown you in the rapid water. Dinosaurs suck your bones dry of their marrow.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:49

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

Stroking his muscular thighs that have been honed from decade's of cycling, I unzip his trousers and prepare to receive his jam

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:50

kustomkarkommando: Oct 22, 2012

CHECK POLLS

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:50

Rigged Death Trap: Feb 13, 2012; BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

baka kaba posted:

> REPLACE CORBYN

He is now in a slightly different position in the clearing.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:50

namesake: Jun 19, 2006; "When I was a girl, around 12 or 13, I had a fantasy that I'd grow up to marry Captain Scarlet, but he'd be busy fighting the Mysterons so I'd cuckold him with the sexiest people I could think of - Nigel Mansell, Pat Sharp and Mr. Blobby."

GO LEFT

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:52

Dabir: Nov 10, 2012

>ELECT CORBYN

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:53

Private Speech: Mar 30, 2011; I HAVE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS BEANIE BABIES IN MY COLLECTION THAN I HAVE WORTHLESS POSTS IN THE BEANIE BABY THREAD YET I STILL HAVE THE TEMERITY TO CRITICIZE OTHERS' COLLECTIONS

IF YOU SEE ME TALKING ABOUT BEANIE BABIES, PLEASE TELL ME TO

EAT. SHIT.

Dabir posted:

>ELECT CORBYN

Command not recognised by the general public

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:58

Cerv: Sep 14, 2004; This is a silly post with little news value.

Igiari posted:

I got one of the Funny Old World stories in Private Eye this month.

You are the Revolutionary Alliance of Men That Women Find Unnatractive?

# ? Mar 9, 2017 20:59

jabby: Oct 27, 2010

So John McDonnell was meant to go on Question Time but thanks to a four hour train delay and full flights he can't make it.

He's been replaced by Kezia Dugdale.

gently caress's sake. Hire a helicopter John, we can afford it.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:04

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

I wonder what the real reason is.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:07

Skinty McEdger: Mar 9, 2008; I have NEVER received the respect I deserve as the leader and founder of The Masterflock, the internet's largest and oldest Christopher Masterpiece fan group in all of history, and I DEMAND that changes. From now on, you will respect Skinty McEdger!

I read the Daily Mail's coverage of the budget while I was sat on a delayed train today. Predictably enough they came to the conclusion that Corbyn was to blame for it being bad because his weak opposition had given Hammond reason to be complacent and think he could get away with anything.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:22

Igiari: Sep 14, 2007

Cerv posted:

You are the Revolutionary Alliance of Men That Women Find Unnatractive?

Yes.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:23

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Skinty McEdger posted:

I read the Daily Mail's coverage of the budget while I was sat on a delayed train today. Predictably enough they came to the conclusion that Corbyn was to blame for it being bad because his weak opposition had given Hammond reason to be complacent and think he could get away with anything.

By freelance journalist Labia Euphemism.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:25

kustomkarkommando: Oct 22, 2012

jabby posted:

So John McDonnell was meant to go on Question Time but thanks to a four hour train delay and full flights he can't make it.

He's been replaced by Kezia Dugdale.

gently caress's sake. Hire a helicopter John, we can afford it.

Labour princeling hires private helicopter while stranded commuters wait for train shocker

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:26

kustomkarkommando: Oct 22, 2012

The private helicopter firm, previously used by rock stars and millionaire businessmen, refused to clarify if champagne was served on ice to the swish would-be chancellor

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:28

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Clone McDonnell so that he can be in many places at once.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:28

jabby: Oct 27, 2010

OwlFancier posted:

Clone McDonnell so that he can be in many places at once.

Clone McDonnell so that a McDonnell army can take to the streets and smash capitalism the way he wants to.

Also, this happened.

https://twitter.com/Channel4News/status/839913999122706432

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:36

winegums: Dec 21, 2012

Pissflaps posted:

I wonder what the real reason is.

He's leagues more popular than Dugdale and right now the tories are backpedaling over their budget. He'd want to be on.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 21:41

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

jabby posted:

So John McDonnell was meant to go on Question Time but thanks to a four hour train delay and full flights he can't make it.

He's been replaced by Kezia Dugdale.

gently caress's sake. Hire a helicopter John, we can afford it.

I think we should just be glad they didn't get in Nige.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:01

Pesky Splinter: Feb 16, 2011; A worried pug.

Namtab posted:

Stroking his muscular thighs that have been honed from decade's of cycling, I unzip his trousers and prepare to receive his jam

> TALK CORBYN
> After a session of intense, but gentle, jam-making, he embraces me in his strong arms, tanned and weathered from years of tending his allotment, and sensually discusses his collection of manhole covers.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:06

Tesseraction: Apr 5, 2009

Y'all are getting rather sensual for 9 in the evening on the dead gay forums.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:09

Kurtofan: Feb 16, 2011; hon hon hon

Having spread Jeremy's jam all over my bare chest, I smile and say to him "be a shame to waste perfectly good jam like that"

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:13

Private Speech: Mar 30, 2011; I HAVE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS BEANIE BABIES IN MY COLLECTION THAN I HAVE WORTHLESS POSTS IN THE BEANIE BABY THREAD YET I STILL HAVE THE TEMERITY TO CRITICIZE OTHERS' COLLECTIONS

IF YOU SEE ME TALKING ABOUT BEANIE BABIES, PLEASE TELL ME TO

EAT. SHIT.

Tesseraction posted:

Y'all are getting rather sensual for 9 in the evening on the dead gay forums.

I don't think this thread is all that gay.

Often downright depressing, in fact.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:19

Namtab: Feb 22, 2010

As Corbyn and I debate the merits of international socialism into the small hours of the morning we suddenly stop as we hear a noise. It is a voice. A nasally monotone yelling "Corbyn must walk"...

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:20

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

Jeza posted:

Just got a jury summons at the Old Bailey in May. Time to wait around and possibly be selected to dispense goon justice.

That's a strange coincidence, I got summonsed for jury duty at the Bailey last May. Managed to defer it until August and ended up getting sent home on the first day* but got all I wanted out of the experience, because they did the jury briefing in Court Number 1 and I managed to sit in the dock. It would almost have been worth the week in the cells for contempt of court to stand up and shout "YOU GOT NUFFINK ON ME YOU SLAAAGS" like the reptilian part of my brain that will forever be Cockney scum was screaming at me to do.

* I'm sure it was just coincidence that the people sent home at lunchtime on the first day were younger and professionally-dressed for the most part**, not that I want to accuse HMCS of being penny-pinchers but I'm fairly certain putting in a claim for the whole amount of the juror's expenses is your fast track to freedom.

** Not me, I look like Columbo on laundry day

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:20

namesake: Jun 19, 2006; "When I was a girl, around 12 or 13, I had a fantasy that I'd grow up to marry Captain Scarlet, but he'd be busy fighting the Mysterons so I'd cuckold him with the sexiest people I could think of - Nigel Mansell, Pat Sharp and Mr. Blobby."

Tesseraction posted:

Y'all are getting rather sensual for 9 in the evening on the dead gay forums.

I love my dead gay forums.

Also much like how the birthrate increases after major wars we survived the night of the anime recommendations and are expressing ourselves exuberantly.

vvvvv The later Ober edit is even better.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:21

hand-fed baby bird: May 13, 2009

Still great.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:22

Private Speech: Mar 30, 2011; I HAVE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS BEANIE BABIES IN MY COLLECTION THAN I HAVE WORTHLESS POSTS IN THE BEANIE BABY THREAD YET I STILL HAVE THE TEMERITY TO CRITICIZE OTHERS' COLLECTIONS

IF YOU SEE ME TALKING ABOUT BEANIE BABIES, PLEASE TELL ME TO

EAT. SHIT.

So everyone who said that Brexit will make Britain more open to people from other countries, well, uhh:

Refugees applying to live in UK face being sent home after five years

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:34

baka kaba: Jul 19, 2003; PLEASE ASK ME, THE SELF-PROFESSED NO #1 PAUL CATTERMOLE FAN IN THE SOMETHING AWFUL S-CLUB 7 MEGATHREAD, TO NAME A SINGLE SONG BY HIS EXCELLENT NU-METAL SIDE PROJECT, SKUA, AND IF I CAN'T PLEASE TELL ME TO
EAT SHIT

That doesn't sound like something anyone would have said

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:38

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

It sounds a lot like what Leave campaigners said to Asians in the Midlands before immediately turning round and saying no it won't to the whites.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:46

Regarde Aduck: Oct 19, 2012; c l o u d k i t t e n; Grimey Drawer

I don't like how the right wing media not wanting Corbyn in power is now a "conspiracy theory".

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:48

Lord of the Llamas: Jul 9, 2002; EULER'VE TO SEE IT VENN SOMEONE CALLS IT THE WRONG THING AND PROVOKES MY WRATH

baka kaba posted:

That doesn't sound like something anyone would have said

Well there's the crackpot libertarian wing like Carswell and Hannan, sort of the the anti-Lexit particles. Of course the most funny thing about those guys is the naive belief that any substantive proportion of the population actually agrees with them which somehow makes them almost blind to the ethnic nationalism and xenophobia.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:53

Pochoclo: Feb 4, 2008; No...; Clapping Larry

Just another perfectly british evening, drinking a lemon & ginger infusion in bed while watching the value of the pound plummet.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:54

Firos: Apr 30, 2007; Staying abreast of the latest developments in jam communism

Pochoclo posted:

Just another perfectly british evening, drinking a lemon & ginger infusion in bed while watching the value of the pound plummet.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 22:59

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# ? May 15, 2024 16:08

Red Oktober: May 24, 2006; wiggly eyes!

baka kaba posted:

> REPLACE CORBYN
Who do you want to replace the Corbyn with?
>

Thanks for this too. Depressing! There's been a bunch of reporting on the interview style of Trump's people, how they pick out key words and repeat them before talking about something completely different, so it gives the impression they answered it. And then the interviewer either lets them get away with it or starts arguing on their terms, explaining why they're wrong and letting them keep repeating that simple point. Even when journalists are trying to hold people to account they're getting circles run round them

We saw it a lot at the beginning of the Trump administration where the newspaper headline would be something like 'trump accuses obama of tapping his phone' or 'trump claims millions voted illegally', and while the article states that he had no evidence, that's not the part that people remember, especially if they don't read the article.

The news orgs at least got smart to that and have now started writing headlines like 'Trump claims, citing no evidence, that Obama tapped his phones'.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 23:05

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