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Bud K ninja sword posted:dont gently caress with the fae yo. dragons are more reliable. and if you dont get that analogy you are already hosed anyway. some things make bargains, fae may, but that doesn't really apply in reality. so hey you want to go be an adventurer or something be my drat guest. Fae, elves, and all assorted faeries, have their own magics that are beyond the power of non-fae mages to control. This makes them unsuited for any kind of servitude. Have you ever tried corrupting a high elf? You can trick him into turning on his friends, family anyone, and no matter what, if he decided you were a villain he will not obey you. Lesser fae are easier to trick, but even harder to control. Even direct mind control will eventually fail. It's possible to use fae as allies, like you would an unpredictable wolf, but they will never truly serve you. If you must have living servants goblins or human slaves work best.
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Mar 18, 2017 20:25
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Im looking into getting some trolls but im worried about them turning to stone. If they do turn to stone is it indefinitely? and if so will an un-petrify spell work to de stone them or is that only for medusas and basilisks.
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Mar 18, 2017 21:13
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One of my ex girlfriends was a fae and she was nuts. Like I hate to sound prejudiced but the stereotypes are true. Tried to lock me in a cave for a 1000 years after an argument. Great in the sack though
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Mar 18, 2017 22:14
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i've had to start preemptively disenchanting all the plants in my kitchen a couple times a day just to make sure they're not vengeful ex girlfriend dryads.
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Mar 18, 2017 22:20
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nomadologique posted:i've had to start preemptively disenchanting all the plants in my kitchen a couple times a day just to make sure they're not vengeful ex girlfriend dryads. Why go through all that effort? Just turn all plant life into wasted husks around your lair, then raise the corpses. I love being a necrodruid!
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Mar 18, 2017 22:29
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i might be evil but i'm not morbid.
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Mar 18, 2017 22:29
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are sorcerers allowed here
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Mar 18, 2017 22:32
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I Said No posted:are sorcerers allowed here How evil are ya?
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Mar 18, 2017 22:41
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I Said No posted:are sorcerers allowed here Yes but don't be annoyed when we aren't impressed with your high charisma and spooky popped-collar sorcerer outfit. It's bunch of grumpy wizards in here I hope you're not one of those guys who put every single spell slot into "fireball" are you
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Mar 18, 2017 22:44
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I Said No posted:are sorcerers allowed here This is you. 
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Mar 18, 2017 22:46
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VendaGoat posted:This is you. That guy has a glitter fireball sewn right on his chest lol I bet his spell list is like: 1. Fireball lvl 70 2. Levitate 12 feet off the ground and project your voice all spooky lvl 1 3. -
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Mar 18, 2017 22:50
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VendaGoat posted:This is you. i thought that was ming the merciless all we need is FLASH........ GOOORRRDooooooon.. dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
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Mar 18, 2017 22:58
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Hihohe posted:Im looking into getting some trolls but im worried about them turning to stone. If they do turn to stone is it indefinitely? and if so will an un-petrify spell work to de stone them or is that only for medusas and basilisks. If you're that worried about having stone servants just get some gargoyles.
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Mar 18, 2017 23:51
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Hihohe posted:Im looking into getting some trolls but im worried about them turning to stone. If they do turn to stone is it indefinitely? and if so will an un-petrify spell work to de stone them or is that only for medusas and basilisks. Don't get stone trolls, while it is possible to transform them back, it isn't worth it. Bridge trolls don't transform, though they might try to charge you to cross any random bit of stone or wood you have on the ground. Forest or swamp trolls are much cheaper, don't turn to stone, and regenerate real fast. They are a bit unruly, but if you are a decent leader that won't be a problem.
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Mar 19, 2017 02:09
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spring equinox in 2 days, everyone. Anyone doing some cool magicks? Hope you have all your moon librams ready.
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Mar 19, 2017 02:18
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key party favors posted:spring equinox in 2 days, everyone not if i have anything to say about it 
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Mar 19, 2017 02:29
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sweet geek swag posted:Don't get stone trolls, while it is possible to transform them back, it isn't worth it. Bridge trolls don't transform, though they might try to charge you to cross any random bit of stone or wood you have on the ground. Forest or swamp trolls are much cheaper, don't turn to stone, and regenerate real fast. They are a bit unruly, but if you are a decent leader that won't be a problem. Bridge trolls eat their own weight in flesh every fortnight. That's a LOT of villagers you could have skeleton-ed
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Mar 19, 2017 02:30
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Rutibex posted:not if i have anything to say about it listen pal, if your temporal distortions mess up the moon phases, I'm gonna have a bone to pick with you, and I mean each and every bone in your skeleton army. I got a lot riding on this equinox.
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Mar 19, 2017 02:32
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 , Just , if you already haven't locked in your March Madness hexes.
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Mar 19, 2017 02:40
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Hihohe posted:Leave it to a bunch of goons to make evil wizardry boring. Might as well put on a bunch of suits and join the republican party. Scary! posted:Uhhh guys I just summoned a pack of wolves to form a death metal band. I kicked them out of the band after one of them poo poo in my boots of healing and how they're scratching at my door and laughing at my wizard hat wh n I walk out in public brutal soy posted:REPUBLICAN WIZARD CHECKING IN IN VAS DES POR NATCHOS (Favoring the multiplayer Ultima over the single player versions until they imploded was a stroke of evil genius, EA are masters of their craft!) Anyway I was in my wizard cups yesterday, what do you all like to imbibe or consume relax or take a break from grinding everything beneath your heels?
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Mar 19, 2017 05:39
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naem posted:Bridge trolls eat their own weight in flesh every fortnight. That's a LOT of villagers you could have skeleton-ed People keep talking about skeletons like theyre the end all of low level minions, but listen. Sure they dont eat sleep or think, but they do require upkeep. You gotta maintain the spell every couple of hours otherwise they start falling apart.That costs energy. Maybe not a lot but if you get your big armies it can add up and youll always feel tired at the end of the day( you think necromancers just choose to look all disheveled?). When they're not directly under your command they're dumb as a bag of rocks. You ever have trouble with a printer and it just keeps spitting different printouts from like 3 days ago. Thats what its like. I had a skeleton battalion that I ordered to collect slaves come back with one slave. Its not that they couldnt find anymore, they found the village and as soon as they got one guy they came back. At least with goblins I can be "GATHER ME SLAVES YOU MAGGOTS" and theyll go off and make their own weapons and plans. And unlike skeletons they can level up so you can get more for what you put in. A troll will give them the leg up on Lord rear end in a top hat and his paladins.
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Mar 19, 2017 05:42
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Hihohe posted:People keep talking about skeletons like theyre the end all of low level minions, but listen. Sure they dont eat sleep or think, but they do require upkeep. You gotta maintain the spell every couple of hours otherwise they start falling apart.That costs energy. Maybe not a lot but if you get your big armies it can add up and youll always feel tired at the end of the day( you think necromancers just choose to look all disheveled?). When they're not directly under your command they're dumb as a bag of rocks. You ever have trouble with a printer and it just keeps spitting different printouts from like 3 days ago. Thats what its like. I had a skeleton battalion that I ordered to collect slaves come back with one slave. Its not that they couldnt find anymore, they found the village and as soon as they got one guy they came back. https://youtu.be/c7CF8zheahU
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Mar 19, 2017 06:12
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GW is the real evil wizard here
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Mar 19, 2017 06:21
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Hihohe posted:People keep talking about skeletons like theyre the end all of low level minions, but listen. Sure they dont eat sleep or think, but they do require upkeep. You gotta maintain the spell every couple of hours otherwise they start falling apart.That costs energy. Maybe not a lot but if you get your big armies it can add up and youll always feel tired at the end of the day( you think necromancers just choose to look all disheveled?). When they're not directly under your command they're dumb as a bag of rocks. You ever have trouble with a printer and it just keeps spitting different printouts from like 3 days ago. Thats what its like. I had a skeleton battalion that I ordered to collect slaves come back with one slave. Its not that they couldnt find anymore, they found the village and as soon as they got one guy they came back. Honestly I prefer ghouls to skeletons, but skeletons are just so easy to get. And lol if you don't use Improved Animate Dead to keep them Animated permanently. They are not even slightly smart, but if you need something that requires massive amounts of manual labor they are great. And once you have actual minions and acolytes you can send them to supervise. Standard skeletons do suck in fights, any idiot with a mace or club can smash them, so it is best to use them as supplemental fighters or in vast numbers. Ultimately no single minion type is sufficient for today's up and coming dark wizard on the go. I use a mix of ghouls, skeletons, mid tier demons and devil's, as well as my cultists, my undead Blackguard, my Eldritch Abomination and my fallen Archangel.
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Mar 19, 2017 06:44
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hi guys i'm having some problems getting my infernal calendar of the ninth circle to consistently line up with the earthly julian calendar, (have ended up summoning the wrong demon lieutenant a couple times lol and while it's funny in retrospect i've lost some good sacrificial animals and even a few custodial minions) does anyone have any experience doing these kinds of calculations? i didn't do great in magickal maths in school tbh, and i kinda figured i wouldn't have to deal with anything more complicated than adding reagents after graduation. tia for any help.
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Mar 19, 2017 07:40
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nomadologique posted:hi guys i'm having some problems getting my infernal calendar of the ninth circle to consistently line up with the earthly julian calendar, (have ended up summoning the wrong demon lieutenant a couple times lol and while it's funny in retrospect i've lost some good sacrificial animals and even a few custodial minions) does anyone have any experience doing these kinds of calculations? i didn't do great in magickal maths in school tbh, and i kinda figured i wouldn't have to deal with anything more complicated than adding reagents after graduation. tia for any help. Oh man, it's simple, I picked some of this up when I was taking Eldritch Reckoning 101, you can put it in an Excel sheet even. Just take the 6th day of the 6th month of the nearest 6th Infernal year. Then, apply Zagnor's Profane Sequence based on the current earthly year. Separate out the new derived month, day, and year again and put them into the Formula of the Bloody-handed Betrayer. Then, take the unnatural logarithm of the solutions and you have the current Infernal Date. Of course, things get a little more complicated when you have a leap year - then you need to start using the Exponents of Excruciation. And devils take you if it's the INFERNAL Leap Year - there's no helping it, you have to delve deep into some Forbidden Calculus to get it right then. Be careful and don't take shortcuts - my classmate tried rounding up before taking the Integral of the Black Toad, he got some real nasty burns when his calculator caught fire.
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Mar 19, 2017 11:25
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I wear like twelve magic rings because idgaf about wizard law rings for everything
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Mar 19, 2017 11:50
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Someone put zombie porn on my crystal ball and some builders adding an extension onto my evil tower saw it and told the cops. How screwed am i?
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Mar 19, 2017 12:36
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That depends on whether the cops have been properly cowed by your dark magic. Jesus, when we say to obey the laws, we are not talking about the local police. USE YOUR DARK MAGIC.
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Mar 19, 2017 17:30
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Hobelhouse posted:Oh man, it's simple, I picked some of this up when I was taking Eldritch Reckoning 101, you can put it in an Excel sheet even. Just take the 6th day of the 6th month of the nearest 6th Infernal year. Then, apply Zagnor's Profane Sequence based on the current earthly year. Separate out the new derived month, day, and year again and put them into the Formula of the Bloody-handed Betrayer. Then, take the unnatural logarithm of the solutions and you have the current Infernal Date. guess i'll just have to dig into the old coffers and hire an evil actuary because i could not make heads or tails of this!
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Mar 19, 2017 17:47
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nomadologique posted:guess i'll just have to dig into the old coffers and hire an evil actuary because i could not make heads or tails of this! Oh for fucks sake just line it up based on Halloween like the rest of us do.
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Mar 19, 2017 17:51
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look i have some strengths too. i have mastery over 10,000 languages arcane, abominable, and of alternate planes; i am considered amongst the foremost demon diplomats and elder ambassadors; i throw a mean baby shower. i'm just big enough to admit my weaknesses and move on.
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Mar 19, 2017 17:54
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nothing beats a gang of paladins like Empowered Maximized Baby Shower
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Mar 19, 2017 18:01
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sweet geek swag posted:Honestly I prefer ghouls to skeletons, but skeletons are just so easy to get. And lol if you don't use Improved Animate Dead to keep them Animated permanently. They are not even slightly smart, but if you need something that requires massive amounts of manual labor they are great. And once you have actual minions and acolytes you can send them to supervise. Standard skeletons do suck in fights, any idiot with a mace or club can smash them, so it is best to use them as supplemental fighters or in vast numbers. Ultimately no single minion type is sufficient for today's up and coming dark wizard on the go. I use a mix of ghouls, skeletons, mid tier demons and devil's, as well as my cultists, my undead Blackguard, my Eldritch Abomination and my fallen Archangel. It's best to use more than one color, just so you don't get color hosed. Free tip! Hobelhouse posted:Oh man, it's simple, I picked some of this up when I was taking Eldritch Reckoning 101, you can put it in an Excel sheet even. Just take the 6th day of the 6th month of the nearest 6th Infernal year. Then, apply Zagnor's Profane Sequence based on the current earthly year. Separate out the new derived month, day, and year again and put them into the Formula of the Bloody-handed Betrayer. Then, take the unnatural logarithm of the solutions and you have the current Infernal Date. A little training pays off big! Peanut Butler posted:I wear like twelve magic rings because idgaf about wizard law rings for everything My dude. Wear all the rings you want, amassing Great Power is totally Within The Laws. It sounds like you may be dealing with repressed Paladin Logic, there's a couple ways to get over it. I know some good succubii if you can't handle it on your own. Rakosi posted:Someone put zombie porn on my crystal ball and some builders adding an extension onto my evil tower saw it and told the cops. How screwed am i? A minor fae glamour will usually work the first couple of times this happens, but you're gonna have to kill all these dudes for sure. Then make your own, "fresh," porn.
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Mar 19, 2017 18:16
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naem posted:spooky popped-collar sorcerer outfit hey come on i clearly said sorcerer, not warlock
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Mar 19, 2017 18:20
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I Said No posted:hey come on i clearly said sorcerer, not warlock 
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Mar 19, 2017 18:52
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What do you guys think of witches? I'm kinda torn, I once fell in love (like real, true love!) with this super hot witch, because she made me some of her broth everyday. We had wild witch sex, all the time, I think. I kinda hurts trying to remember, but it also feels good? Then my Imp familiar found me and poisened her in her sleep, that was sad. I don't think I could love another witch after that. 
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Mar 20, 2017 13:50
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Lol if u cant get poisoned and cure with no reagents
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Mar 20, 2017 16:17
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Goa Tse-tung posted:What do you guys think of witches? I'm kinda torn, I once fell in love (like real, true love!) with this super hot witch, because she made me some of her broth everyday. We had wild witch sex, all the time, I think. I kinda hurts trying to remember, but it also feels good? Duh! Necromancy!
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Mar 20, 2017 18:17
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Goa Tse-tung posted:What do you guys think of witches? I'm kinda torn, I once fell in love (like real, true love!) with this super hot witch, because she made me some of her broth everyday. We had wild witch sex, all the time, I think. I kinda hurts trying to remember, but it also feels good? Why didn't you bring her back? Surely you know how to defeat the shackles of this mortal coil?
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Mar 21, 2017 03:29
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