- Play
- Apr 25, 2006
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Strong stroll for a mangy stray
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Here's a picture of the external unit. The bottom half, below the line, is the battery; the processor itself is the small part attached to the hook. The microphones are on top of the processor, so they take in audio and it does...well, whatever, and sends it through the wire to the coil, which is held on with a magnet in the center and covered in small bumps all around the circumference which transmit the signals to all the poo poo inside my head, which converts the audio into electrical impulses which stimulate an electrode array that replaces the function of my now-useless cochlea and then passes those electrical signals on to the cochlea's hearing nerve and ultimately my brain.
I actually don't have the cover yet because it's not cheap (like $120 I think) and I won't need it until summer - I just got this model a couple of months ago - but I assume it just covers the entire unit, because the magnet is pretty strong. (I once stepped over the threshold onto the porch at a lovely house party in college and the dangling chain from the screen door pulled it right off my head, right in front of a group of very pretty girls.) Either that or the coil and wire are waterproof and the rest is covered.
The tech has come a long way. My first one in 1994 was the same size but was attached via a lengthy wire to an iPhone-sized processor which I had to wear in a pouch on my belt and was powered by regular double-A batteries. Very unwieldy. Every model since, and this is my fourth, has been strictly behind the ear and has become that much more advanced in quality and available options, as well as becoming thinner and lighter. There are all kinds of crazy compression and equalizer options available in this new one but I don't gently caress with any of them; they're largely useful for people who weren't as early adopters as I was, who need them more just to get by. It actually took five trips to the audiologist after I received the new model to get it sounding like I wanted, because they kept finding all these goofy compression settings buried in the software that were turned on by default and for which I have no use at all. They clipped everything really awfully and equalized it all towards the mid-range. Totally not what I want or need, since, like I said, I hear better with it than just about anybody else on the planet due to how young I was when I got it.
I typed all this while at a coffee shop listening to Jello Biafra's Last Scream of the Missing Neighbors at full volume in an otherwise silent (for me) coffee shop. 
Hey man thanks for sharing! That's really super interesting and somehow I've never really heard much about it before. I was familiar with the existence of hearing implants but had no idea they had progressed so much. To be honest I was actually thinking that there might be some kind of jack that bridge the gap between outside the skull and inside the skull, which sounds really stupid now that I think about it.
Since the part inside your head was installed such a long time ago, though, it surprises me that you can just keep upgrading the other parts. Would there ever be any reason to have another surgery and replace the inside parts with more modern components? Maybe upgrade to stereo while you're at it? (lol) I'm guess I'm kind of surprised that back then the wireless technology was even good enough to build something like that and put it inside your head.
What's super cool is I'm sure that the whole rig is just going to keep getting smaller, lighter, more discrete, and more effective as time passes. Probably waterproof off the production line as well.
BRB, gonna stick a barbecue skewer into both my ears so I can get on this poo poo and leave my pathetic human ears behind
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Apr 1, 2017 01:52
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 15, 2024 04:15
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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Here's a picture of the external unit. The bottom half, below the line, is the battery; the processor itself is the small part attached to the hook. The microphones are on top of the processor, so they take in audio and it does...well, whatever, and sends it through the wire to the coil, which is held on with a magnet in the center and covered in small bumps all around the circumference which transmit the signals to all the poo poo inside my head, which converts the audio into electrical impulses which stimulate an electrode array that replaces the function of my now-useless cochlea and then passes those electrical signals on to the cochlea's hearing nerve and ultimately my brain.
I actually don't have the cover yet because it's not cheap (like $120 I think) and I won't need it until summer - I just got this model a couple of months ago - but I assume it just covers the entire unit, because the magnet is pretty strong. (I once stepped over the threshold onto the porch at a lovely house party in college and the dangling chain from the screen door pulled it right off my head, right in front of a group of very pretty girls.) Either that or the coil and wire are waterproof and the rest is covered.
The tech has come a long way. My first one in 1994 was the same size but was attached via a lengthy wire to an iPhone-sized processor which I had to wear in a pouch on my belt and was powered by regular double-A batteries. Very unwieldy. Every model since, and this is my fourth, has been strictly behind the ear and has become that much more advanced in quality and available options, as well as becoming thinner and lighter. There are all kinds of crazy compression and equalizer options available in this new one but I don't gently caress with any of them; they're largely useful for people who weren't as early adopters as I was, who need them more just to get by. It actually took five trips to the audiologist after I received the new model to get it sounding like I wanted, because they kept finding all these goofy compression settings buried in the software that were turned on by default and for which I have no use at all. They clipped everything really awfully and equalized it all towards the mid-range. Totally not what I want or need, since, like I said, I hear better with it than just about anybody else on the planet due to how young I was when I got it.
I typed all this while at a coffee shop listening to Jello Biafra's Last Scream of the Missing Neighbors at full volume in an otherwise silent (for me) coffee shop.
this poo poo's so loving cool, and better it clearly works well enough to not hurt your taste in music any. no poo poo miracle of science.
hope somebody gets an eye working someday soon 
if you lose your legs and your family refuses to care for you, that's lovely, because you're just the same old you except you don't have legs
if you lose your mind and your family refuses to care for you, it's lovely, but it's understandable, because you might be impossible to manage and a danger to the people around you
this guy isn't directly threatening from what we've been told but he doesn't care about the well-being of the people around him and he is introducing people to that environment who may be a danger to the family. There are children in the house, drugs are being used there and the guy is bringing over prostitutes and drug addicts. If things went really bad the state could take their kids from them. sometimes you just have to write somebody off.
yeah whether or not there's anything they can do, there's clearly nothing they're doing to help either the sadsack or themselves. I think the point of that particular digression was that the OP's clearly an unreliable narrator re: what's actually going on, what's been discussed, and how much any solution but the one he wants (kicking this guy to the curb) might work. It's still probably the only solution given the apparent lack of a better one from his wife. when someone is blatantly telling self-serving lies in one of these it's kinda worth paying attention to
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 02:06 on Apr 1, 2017
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Apr 1, 2017 02:02
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- Play
- Apr 25, 2006
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Strong stroll for a mangy stray
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I think it's time for some content besides my demented ramblings
Meet the saddest, most completely pointless relationship ever:
quote:I [23F] am trapped in an unhealthy relationship (3yrs) with my gaming obsessed boyfriend [27M]Relationships
submitted 6 hours ago by throwaway002022
I have been dating Ricky for over three years, and over the course of those years, his computer gaming has gotten significantly worse, and has caused what I believe to be mental abuse. We have been living together for a year. I go to college and have a part time job as a manager in a restaurant. Before I leave for class (8 am), Ricky is either still playing games, or sleeping off a heavy gaming session which will cause him to be late for work where he does computer coding.
After school, I usually come home for 2 hours then go to work. When I come home from work (9pm), Ricky is always playing computer games. I then have to make dinner, clean apartment, and feed/ take care of our pets. I go to bed at 1 in the morning alone in our bed.
If I ask Ricky to start cooking dinner before I get home (simple things like putting a pot of rice/ lentils on the stove, or chop up veggies) he won't do it. I cannot recall the last time Ricky has loaded the dishwasher, done laundry, made food, or even help clean our apartment. Last week when he did attempt to put away clean dishes, he didn't even know where they went. If I don't clean the apartment, it will get so dirty to the point where it looks trashed by druggies. Plates and trash accumulate at his desk and gaming computer. Even though we moved in together a year ago, our apartment is bare. Nothing on the walls and minimal furniture. Everything we have is because I found it on craigslist or pushed him to buy (like a bed frame, he has slept on a mattress on the floor his whole life). He makes 60k a year so money isn't a problem, I believe it is lack of interest in anything outside his office where he games. He talks to his online friends through text constantly. When I ask him to just cuddle me to sleep, he tells me 'after this one game' which I've learned to mean is never.
Last night was a breaking point for me. I came home from a bad night at work, and saw Ricky playing computer games. When I asked him if we could talk (meaning for him to take off his headset and mute his mic), he was unresponsive to me, completely engrossed in his game. I started talking and told him I had rough night at work. I went to give him a soft hug from behind his chair, where I wouldn't interrupt his view of the screen, and he shrugged me off, and told me no.
After he finally stopped playing games, we had a serious discussion about our relationship. He admits that he's out of control, but it's his form of stress relief, and we have no shared interests. After our talk I bought a dry erase board off amazon that goes on our fridge where I will write what time I'm coming home and what's for dinner so Ricky will know how he can help.
I want out of this relationship, but Ricky pays for groceries and the entire rent for our apartment. I only make about 700 dollars a month and I am not sure I can afford to move out. I would have to find a roommate who would split rent with me and allow me to move in with no furniture, a cat, a large dog (100 pounds of golden retriever st. bernard mix), and my sugargliders (terrible pets don't get them). I do have my own car. I am scared to move out because Ricky and I have been together for so long and I feel indebted to him. However, I feel like I'm not even in a relationship, and that I'm kind of like a maid in a sense.
tl;dr: I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with my gaming obsessed boyfriend. Please help me with any advice or insight on how/what to do.
Girl is screwed on that salary, her assessment of her situation is entirely correct, and her pets will probably cause her to become homeless.
Boy meets dad, dad is 40-year old PUA douche who seem immature even to a goddamn 14 year old
quote:I [14M] met my father for the first time yesterday. I'm really disappointed and I don't know if I want to met the rest of them anymore.Non-Romantic
submitted 6 days ago * by MuNaMunaHuman
I just got home and I had a day to think it over, I dunno anymore. I really did not enjoy meeting my dad, Zack, and I am just not sure anymore.
Zack is really immature for a 39 year old. He told me he likes to go to night clubs, bars, talk to young girls, etc, he's a frat boy that never grew up. He's just not what I was expecting. He told me that he could give me pointers on how to get 5 girls in 1 night. He comes off as such a douche. He's so in your face and loud. I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
TL;DR: I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
Husband cripplingly insecure, in the process of suicide bombing his own marriage because of it
quote:My [25/M] husband is trying to shame me [25/F] for getting a job because he's insecure
submitted 3 days ago by plsno3333
He's extremely insecure and always thinks I am going to leave him for "something better."
I've been completely content and happy in marriage but when he acts like this I do wonder why I am putting up with this behavior.
Basically, I got a job today. He even gave me tips today when I asked him how I should better prepare myself for interview questions.
Today was a follow up (2nd) interview. After I left, they called about an hour later to offer me a position. When I told my husband I got the job, he said he "found it suspicious they gave me a job the same day."
I asked him if he was joking. He continued to further this toxic conversation by saying that he's "going to have to keep closer tabs on me." and that he doesn't want to have to worry about what I'm doing when I'm at "work."
He ended by telling me that I'm "too much BS and not enough good."
Verbatim: "You want to be this hip, cool, independent girl. Why be married? or why be in your kid's life? Why do you have to work when I have a great career. You don't always have to be doing something. Just be happy and raise our kid."
At this point I told him that he's not a supportive spouse whatsoever and that he is acting like a sociopath and that we need to get counseling.
I don't know what else to do. He is not fazed by me not talking to him when he gets home. He just harasses me via text or will accuse me of something if I don't respond to his obvious trap messages. I asked him why he would say a ridiculous thing about our son solely because I got a job. He doesn't answer to logic.
I'm at my wits end. I'm a loyal wife. I'm not interested in other people. I'm committed to the fullest extent but it still isn't good enough for someone with such obvious crippling anxiety and insecurities.
tl;dr husband is shaming me for getting a job because he's insecure
This one's just got a great title, dad brings barfly to his daughter's hospital room after major surgery
Father (63M) brought a complete stranger to meet me (26F) in recovery room post surgery
One more good title, buncha haters mad that a Danish guy is better looking and more confident than any of them:
Me [21F] with my BF [29m] of 6 months. He's from Denmark and wore a thong bathing suit to a frat "beach party" last weekend. My friends (guy and girl) mercilessly made fun of him to his face and behind his back. How do I express my anger to them without exploding in rage?
Play fucked around with this message at 02:52 on Apr 1, 2017
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Apr 1, 2017 02:48
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I really want more info on this
He's not actually a saint. That's just the name of the breed.
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Apr 1, 2017 03:54
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- PHIZ KALIFA
- Dec 21, 2011
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#mood
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I really want more info on this
women in loveless relationships compensate with pets as pets cannot shame them for allowing their beetle habit to bring yakuza wrath on your polycule.
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Apr 1, 2017 04:08
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- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
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women in loveless relationships compensate with pets as pets cannot shame them for allowing their beetle habit to bring yakuza wrath on your polycule.
Beetlewife makes prefect sense now!
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Apr 1, 2017 04:39
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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really i want to know where i too can get a fat golden retriever st bernard, a cat, and a bucket of sugar gliders
....wait, i should just offer to let her move in with me
thanks r/relationships, another problem solved
buy now and our deluxe pet set comes with a free doormat
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Apr 1, 2017 05:02
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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So did your phone autocorrect all that or what.
If your brain doesn't automatically read therapist as the rapist, I don't know what to tell you. Cock and Ball Torture is purely because the Internet ruined me and that's all CBT stood for to me for at least a decade before learning about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That post was me being a goony gently caress.
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Apr 1, 2017 05:23
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- CharlestheHammer
- Jun 26, 2011
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YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!
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I want to know about the mature 14 year old dealing with a man child.
It's a solid sitcom premise
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Apr 1, 2017 05:27
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- JFairfax
- Oct 23, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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didn't they already make two and a half men?
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Apr 1, 2017 06:04
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- CharlestheHammer
- Jun 26, 2011
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YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!
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The child was not mature at all
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Apr 1, 2017 06:05
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Well by the end he was more mature than Charlie Sheen by virtue of not losing his job for being bug gently caress crazy.
Actually he did go crazy and melt down too. He became a religious fanatic.
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Apr 1, 2017 12:44
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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Actually he did go crazy and melt down too. He became a religious fanatic.
apparently he changed his mind on that in October
here's a telling line:
quote:“Over the last three years I’ve been involved with various faith-based organizations,” says Jones. “Right now, I’m stepping away from the organizational business-model programs. I’m interested in seeing where I go without an organization putting a stamp of approval on if I’m good or bad or whatever.”
I read this as "I let faith based organizations tell me how to live my life in the middle of my career and now I'm doomed to obscurity for the rest of my life, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
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Apr 1, 2017 14:42
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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In a brand new episode of "harmless searchwords that return  ":
My [29 M] short-term temporary roommate [31F] is pooping on my kitchen spoon. Non-Romantic
quote:submitted 2 years ago by gotjerms
To first clarify, I have 2 other roommates [28M] & [33M]. A couple weeks ago, all 3 of us agreed to allow [33M]'s friend [31F](not GF) stay with us while he went on vacation to Italy. Apparently [31F] is having some problems with her living situation so we agreed to let her stay with us until either he gets back from vacation or she finds a new place.
She seems to be a very nice, pretty girl and is respectful for the most part. She moved into our house last Friday and all seemed ok except she seemed to be a bit depressed. I didn't think anything of it because she is going through a lot with her previous living situation and because she is not from the U.S. and is still trying to get her work Visa.
In any case, this morning my other roommate [28M] discovered in the top of the bathroom garbage there was one of our kitchen metal spoons in there with what looked like peanut butter on it. To his disbelief he looked into it a little further and discovered it was actually poop! We have no idea what to make of this. Why she would do this, or if she did do this why she wouldn't at least try to hide it better like throw the garbage out!
Now, we have no idea what to do. She is a very sweet girl and kind of don't want to embarrass her or even know how to approach her about this.
She is only staying with us for another 7 days. We talked to our other roommate who is currently in Italy and he said he wanted to kick her out, but that is a lot easier for him since we are the ones who have to see her face to face.
tl;dr:Found a poo poo covered spoon in my bathroom garbage. I believe it's from my temporary roommate who moves out in a week. Not sure if/how to confront her.
That's disgusting, sure, but constipation makes people do weird poo poo (hehe). Girl must have been real desperate.
UPDATE: My [29 M] short-term temporary roommate [31F] is pooping on my kitchen spoon. Updates
quote:283 points 62 comments submitted 2 years ago by gotjerms to r/relationships
Short Update: After consulting many friends and the likes of the comments from the post, we decided it was best to not bring up the "missing spoon" to her. She did leave the day my other roommate came back from vacation and nothing was discussed with her before, during, or after. Lets just say I was very busy that week and didn't see much of her because every time I did see her it felt pretty awkward.
Now to make things even more outrageous and baffling, some new interesting discoveries did arise once she left (I don't believe anyone is going to believe this, but I promise it is true):
I am connected to her through a certain social network and approx 3 days after she left, she posted a picture. This picture had a subtitle that read "this is my first diaper. When I was young we couldn't afford real ones, only cloth, so tonight I pee in the diaper" The picture was a picture of her wearing a toddlers Elmo print diaper!
It doesn't stop there... a couple days later she posts another picture, this time its a selfie of her wearing aviator sunglasses while she is sitting on the toilet. The subtitle read "I poo poo in style".
Nevertheless, I am now more confused about her than I was before. It became pretty clear that it was a constipation thing at first, but now I am starting to think it may have some kind of skat thing involved too!
In any case, she no longer lives with me and we do not communicate very much. No harm no foul (except for defiling my silverware). At least I now have a very entertaining and disturbing story to retell. Thank you to all of you who helped with your thoughts and advice!
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2a2yfx/my_29_m_shortterm_temporary_roommate_31f_is/
tl;dr: Found a poo poo covered spoon in my bathroom garbage. I believe it's from my temporary roommate who moves out in a week. Not sure if/how to confront her.
WELP, THERE GOES THAT I GUESS
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Apr 1, 2017 15:12
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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I call this one "The Mistery Of The Midnight Beanflicker"
My wife (34) denies masturbating; I (34) know otherwise, and it's messing me up
quote:submitted 4 years ago * by secretschlicker
Sorry about the big ol' wall of text that follows. I'm a wordy bastard and I absolutely suck at summarizing/condensing. Thanks in advance to anyone who makes it to the bottom.
Maybe ten years ago, when we were just dating, I noticed on occasion that she seemed to be masturbating at night when she thought I was asleep. At first it was hot, but our sex life wasn't great at the time, and I took it personally that she'd spurn my advances at night only to rub one out after I was asleep. After a handful of instances over a few weeks, I confronted her about it (not angrily, but not gently, either) and she vehemently denied it. I brought it up two or three more times shortly afterward to the same response. I was never #totally# certain of what I'd witnessed and her denials were so strong, so I really wondered whether I had imagined the whole thing. After a short stint of questioning my sanity, I decided that I'd probably never really know the answer and in all honestly it's just not that big of a deal, and so I put it out of my mind.
We got married three years later (seven years ago). There have been a handful of times over the years where I've woken up and thought she might be having some solo fun. I did not think much of it, though; I couldn't say for sure (in the years since that initial situation, I'd come to just assume that I'd imagined it all) and I didn't really care. Pretty much everyone masturbates at least now and again and it shouldn't be a big deal. Our sex life has its ups and downs like all married couples, but it's mostly been pretty good, so it's not like I felt left out or anything.
Fast forward to the present. I've recently made a number of positive changes in my life (let go of some old anger, quit drinking, started running, etc.) and started going to bed with her at the same time every night versus staying up hours later as I had been doing for the past few years. After a few nights, I woke up after twenty to thirty minutes and she was masturbating (there was no doubt). Remembering how defensive she was in the past and not wanting to make her feel awkward, I just laid there quietly and enjoyed the show for a few minutes before falling back asleep. The next morning I was really turned on and we had some crazy, wild sex before the kids woke up.
I started paying attention to it a little. Our new routine is that we spoon (with her as big spoon) for a few minutes and then switch. Nearly every night she lays against me with one hand between her legs and I can feel her “feeling around” a bit. Sometimes I fall asleep before we switch and sometimes I'm almost asleep and stay put when she rolls over. Several times in the past few weeks she's gone onto a full-on self-love session when she thinks I'm already asleep. I haven't said anything at all (and have laid quietly so she can have her time, usually falling asleep before she's done)...I think it's hot, I don't have #any# issues with her doing it, and more than once I've used her “feeling around” as a cue to commence sexy times once we roll over. I did think back to ten years ago one day and realize that I was probably not imagining things then and felt a little bit of resentment, but it was ten years ago and we were in a much different place and it really doesn't matter anymore.
We've been working through some trust and communication issues lately. For the first time in our marriage, I've gotten her to begin opening up a bit and we've had a lot of very productive conversations and shared some secrets with each other that we've never shared before. Our sex life is good, both in quality and quantity, but it's pretty vanilla and communication about it has always been awkward and uncomfortable, so we've included it a couple of times in the talks we've been having.
A week ago, she brought up masturbation unprompted. She said that she's #never# done it. I didn't believe her at first, but I sort of played along, and said that I think she ought to try it (it feels good, gets you more comfortable with your own body, helps you figure out what you like, I think it's hot, etc.). She replied that she'd #never# be comfortable enough to even try it, that it just seems “weird”, and that she honestly can't understand how/why people would do it. I just stayed quiet and let her keep talking. She went on to say she's really uncomfortable with the idea that #I# do it and said that even knowing about it makes her feel really weird and awkward. I gently talked about it a little in general terms that apply to pretty much anyone (why/when/etc.), and tried to explain a great insight I'd read here about how masturbation is different from sex. She said she just can't understand why a person would want to do that to themselves. She was so convincing in her words and so completely uncomfortable with even the idea of masturbation that I began to believe her statement that she's never even contemplated doing it. The conversation wound down and we went to bed.
The next morning I started thinking about it. I started thinking that maybe I #was# imagining it all again, that maybe she doesn't consider “feeling around” to be masturbation since it's through her clothes and she's not really getting off. I started to worry, though, about how unquestionable what I witnessed on several nights was, though. I started to wonder if maybe I'm going crazy and I hallucinated things. I haven't noticed anything other than a little feeling around since that night, and by yesterday I was mostly convinced that it was all in my imagination.
Last night, she was laying against me, and I felt her hand moving more “vigorously” than usual. I pretended to fall asleep, and shortly afterward she rolled over and proceeded to go to town. There's absolutely no doubt as to what transpired; her breathing, soft moaning, the bed shaking, the occasional shlick sound, the final frenzy as she finished, etc. There is no doubt in my mind what I witnessed. I was unable to fall asleep afterward, and I've been thinking about it since.
The way I see it, there are really only two possibilities: either she lied about masturbating, or I completely hallucinated the whole thing (I was wide awake). I don't think I'm going crazy (there don't seem to be any other signs other than occasional mild paranoia) but I can't completely discard the possibility.
I know I need to talk to her, but I know she is just going to lie and make me question my sanity further. My head is spinning, though, and I desperately need some outside perspectives. Why would a person lie about something like this, especially when it hasn't even come up? How can I get over my trust issues when she's lying to the extent that it's making me question my sanity? Or does it even matter? Am I blowing this whole thing out of proportion? Or maybe I am losing my mind...in that case, what the gently caress do I do next?
TL;DR: My wife seems to masturbate on a regular basis (I've witnessed it), while vigorously denying it. I'm beginning to wonder if she's in denial or if I'm going crazy. Don't know what to do.
EDIT: Just to address the religious angle... We were both raised moderately Catholic but never took it very seriously. We've both been atheist for many years now, though not without some lingering Catholic guilt/shame. Religion alone can't explain this, though.
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Apr 1, 2017 15:31
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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Jesus loving christ, just turn to her when she's mid-schlick and say "Okay, can we just stop this already? I'm not judging you, you can masturbate whenever you want, in front of me if you want even, just stop pretending you don't do it, okay?"
I think this is probably a fetish? Also, maybe she even wants to be caught?
Mirthless fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Apr 1, 2017
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Apr 1, 2017 15:34
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Or she just loves being judgmental. I know all sorts of religious hypocrites.
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Apr 1, 2017 15:39
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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Or she just loves being judgmental. I know all sorts of religious hypocrites.
Nah, she's not religious, neither of them are. They were raised catholic but are both atheists.
quote:EDIT: Just to address the religious angle... We were both raised moderately Catholic but never took it very seriously. We've both been atheist for many years now, though not without some lingering Catholic guilt/shame. Religion alone can't explain this, though.
It's possible she was shamed really heavily by her parents? In any case, the fact that she's at the point now where she's out-right flopping over and masturbating noisly, while telling him during the day she's never done it before. To me, it seems a little... I dunno, "Call me out on this" Or "I want to be caught in the act"?
Mirthless fucked around with this message at 15:46 on Apr 1, 2017
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Apr 1, 2017 15:44
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- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
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imagine being so utterly terrified of human interaction that when given the choice between a slightly awkward conversation and spending the rest of the year eating your Cheerios with a butt butter frosting you stop and go "well..."
abdl spoon shitter girl was only the second most broken person in that apartment
get a load of this guy who only has one spoon
nah dude, I wouldn't bring it up either. it wouldn't unshit the spoon, and she was going to be leaving anyway
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Apr 1, 2017 16:28
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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imagine being so utterly terrified of human interaction that when given the choice between a slightly awkward conversation and spending the rest of the year eating your Cheerios with a butt butter frosting you stop and go "well..."
abdl spoon shitter girl was only the second most broken person in that apartment
She was a short-term subletter. They weren't looking at the prospect of a whole year, just seven days. I do think that changes the calculus a bit.
Also could the wife be pleasuring herself in her sleep?
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Apr 1, 2017 17:19
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Also could the wife be pleasuring herself in her sleep?
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Apr 1, 2017 17:24
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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If she takes ambien it's downright likely
I think the part where she only does it when he seems to be asleep is maybe a little suspicious, though? Feels a little too intentioned.
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Apr 1, 2017 17:27
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- stump collector
- May 28, 2007
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Boyfriend (22M) of 3 years told me if he had to choose between our lives that he'd pick his over mine (22F) I'm really hurt by this
u/choosehimoverrme
The other day I asked my boyfriend who he'd pick if we were in a situation where we had to choose between each other's lives or our own. He replied, without hesitation, "Mine."
I was kind of bothered by his immediate response but didn't press it until later that night. I asked him why and he said, "Well, we're 20, you're gonna be sad for a while, date around, get married and have a family while I'm dead, it's not like you're gonna spend forever mourning or anything so why should I sacrifice my chance at having all that good stuff to? I'll be really sad if you died and it would ruin me but I'd prefer living."
How do I deal with a situation like this? It's been on my mind since and it feels like he doesn't think much of our relationship if he could respond like that with...Idk... a cold, almost ruthless businessman's answer.
tl;dr boyfriend said he'd pick himself over me if it came down to it and the way he said it has me feeling like he secretly doesn't think much of our relationship
Pete jr??
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Apr 1, 2017 17:35
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- Cough Drop The Beat
- Jan 22, 2012
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by Lowtax
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I call this one "The Mistery Of The Midnight Beanflicker"
My wife (34) denies masturbating; I (34) know otherwise, and it's messing me up
This is like the most transparent humblebrag ever. "My wife never confesses to her masturbation and it's making our sex life incredibly hot! What should I do, reddit?!!"
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Apr 1, 2017 18:24
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- CheesyDog
- Jul 4, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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lapsed Catholic women who wants to be caught masturbating is practically its own Census category
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Apr 1, 2017 18:49
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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get a load of this guy who only has one spoon
nah dude, I wouldn't bring it up either. it wouldn't unshit the spoon, and she was going to be leaving anyway
the correct power play in that situation is to eat Nutella straight from the jar with an identical spoon, never once breaking eye contact.
My [28F] husband [36M] passed away, and now his "best friend" [33F] is trying to control his services
quote:u/angrywidow
I'll try to make this brief. My husband, Jonah, passed away unexpectedly a month ago from a stroke. I don't want to get specific about that part, it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life, and I'm still not sure how I'm ever going to move on.
We were married for 5 years, together for 7. The past 2 years we've been trying for a baby, but were just getting to the point of considering IVF when he died.
Jonah had a close friend in high school named Marjorie. Marjorie also ended up going to the same university as he did, and they spent a lot of time together during those college years. Jonah said that he liked Marjorie's company, but never felt anything beyond friendship with her -- which I totally believe.
Jonah dated other women during that period, but told me that several times Marjorie hinted that she wanted him to ask her out. She also "joked" about wanting him to be her "plan B" in case she didn't meet someone and get married by 30.
By the time I'd started dating Jonah, he had moved a couple hours away from his hometown (and Marjorie). Despite this, Marjorie immediately began finding excuses to come to our town and "hang out" -- which usually involved her encouraging us to go drinking, and then her passing out on the couch at Jonah's apartment. I didn't mind her for the most part, but she had a habit of saying things like, "you know you ruined our marriage pact, haha!" and pointing out all the things that she knew about him (like what he took in his coffee, his favorite bands, etc).
Over the course of our relationship, and especially after we got married, Jonah definitely put some distance into his relationship with Marjorie. He confided in me that he felt he had "outgrown her" and that they really had little in common anymore. He stopped responding to her invitations to hang out as often, though he would occasionally call to catch up out of guilt (especially when she would text him or leave messages saying she was "so sad he was ignoring her" and the like).
But now he's gone. I had him cremated, like he wanted. We haven't done the memorial service yet -- it was too hard for me to even imagine the first couple of weeks, and I also wanted to give time for some out-of-state people to make travel plans. The memorial is this weekend.
However, two weeks ago, I received an email from Marjorie -- sent to around sixty people, including Jonah's family -- saying that she was holding a memorial service for Jonah in the town where they grew up (the day before his memorial here). I was completely blown away, seeing as she hadn't mentioned anything to me or even attempted to call. Along with the details, the email said that she was "planning the memorial in light of the fact that no other service had yet been held in his memory, and he deserved to be laid to rest with honor". For the record, she was invited to the memorial which I've been planning, and knew it was happening.
I called her, of course, and told her that while I appreciated her willingness to help with Jonah's goodbye, I was already planning a service for him that would involve all of his family and friends. She immediately went on the defensive, and said that she had "only started to plan a service when she realized I wasn't willing to do it in a timely manner". I told her that the timing wasn't her choice to make, but that if she wanted to have a memorial of some kind, to please just add on the invitation that his "official" memorial was going to be held this weekend. She said fine.
I sent a message to all of Jonah's invited friends/family to make sure that they knew the real service with both of our families was going to be here, and then just washed my hands of the whole thing.
This week I received a message on facebook from Jonah's cousin, saying that Marjorie (who has apparently blocked me on facebook) created an "event" for Jonah's "official" memorial service (her memorial) and invited everyone she possibly could. I've been getting blown up with emails asking which day the memorial is, and where. I'm honestly furious -- I don't have the emotional energy to deal with this.
I ended up putting a post up on my wall, reiterating the date of his service here, and asking people to please share it. Thankfully I think the older members of the family don't use facebook or email very often, so most of them haven't been confused, but a lot of people now think that Marjorie's service is the real one.
I called Marjorie again, asking her to add an addendum to her event saying that his actual memorial was going to be here. She told me that "Jonah would have wanted it this way" and that "if I couldn't appreciate her efforts, I wasn't invited to say goodbye to Jonah." I told her that was fine, seeing as I'd already said goodbye to Jonah when I held him as he died. She hung up.
Apparently she's now spreading information to her mutual friends with Jonah, saying that he was planning on leaving me because I wasn't able to conceive. She also said that we had approached her to carry a baby for us -- all absolute lies. His cousin sent me a screenshot of a text where she said that "Jonah always thought we would have the cutest baby together" and that "AngryWidow doesn't understand how much he wants children".
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't care what she says about me, but she's now tarnishing my husband's memory -- especially saying that he wanted to divorce. Jonah would never have left me, and anyone that knows him at all knows that we were committed to each other above all else.
I need to figure out how to tell this woman to gently caress off without encouraging her to spread more lies. And I also just want to just forget the whole thing and crawl in bed and never get up again.
Help me, please.
tl;dr: My husband's former "best friend" is trying to plan his entire memorial service and is tarnishing his memory. How do I get her to stop?
Jonah dodged a bullet there. Had to die to do it, but still.
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Apr 1, 2017 18:52
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 15, 2024 04:15
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- flick my Mr. Bean
- Nov 18, 2014
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If she takes ambien it's downright likely
I think the part where she only does it when he seems to be asleep is maybe a little suspicious, though? Feels a little too intentioned.
Based on my experiences with taking prescription doses of ambien, she could gnaw her fingers off in her sleep/weird conscious sleepwalking and it wouldn't surprise me.
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Apr 1, 2017 19:13
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Apr 1, 2017 01:52
is too kind
