/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Uh-oh, this sounds like one of those real conversations, the sort you'd have with your mother. My role as a father is to stand in the back and say stuff like "don't come back too late" and "go cubs!".

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:09

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:22

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Uh-oh, this sounds like one of those real conversations, the sort you'd have with your mother. My role as a father is to stand in the back and say stuff like "don't come back too late" and "go cubs!".

"Dad....I'm gay"
-without looking up from book- "Ask your mother"

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:10

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

The more I read the more dad rules actually.

He is
1) okay with gay
2) trying to be a more accepting homodad than his parents were
3) is going to let his daughter bang other girls in the safety of their home so they don't sneak around doing it
4) proactively inviting gaydaughter's girlfriend over to meet her

Nah, hardpass on thinking this dad is anything but awesome.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:12

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Nazzadan posted:

Nah, hardpass on thinking this dad is anything but awesome.

"Dad, I'm gay."

*looks up from paper* "Oh, okay, good for you." *looks back to paper* *Daughter exits room, clearly upset*

Father of the Year!

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:13

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

54 40 or gently caress posted:

"Dad....I'm gay"
-without looking up from book- "Ask your mother"

hi Gay, I'm Dad

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:13

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Nazzadan posted:

The more I read the more dad rules actually.

He is
1) okay with gay
2) trying to be a more accepting homodad than his parents were
3) is going to let his daughter bang other girls in the safety of their home so they don't sneak around doing it
4) proactively inviting gaydaughter's girlfriend over to meet her

Nah, hardpass on thinking this dad is anything but awesome.

He has the right attitude but is aloof emotionally - it's pretty obvious his daughter wanted some emotion validation and not just a stern nod. That's all I'm making fun of.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:14

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

WampaLord posted:

"Dad, I'm gay."

*looks up from paper* "Oh, okay, good for you." *looks back to paper* *Daughter exits room, clearly upset*

Father of the Year!

*dad realizes he hosed up and actively fixes the situation*

I know, what a monster.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:14

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

In my experience many teenage girls are disappointed when you don't also act like a teenage girl when they tell you something.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:14

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Nazzadan posted:

*dad realizes he hosed up and actively fixes the situation*

I know, what a monster.

Like, have some emotion here you goon.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:17

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

But what did he do next after he realized he messed up :smuggo:

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:18

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Dad should have called his gay brother and thrown a big ol coming out party with streamers and a parade and everything. Parents are so insensitive, god

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:18

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

WampaLord posted:

Like, have some emotion here you goon.

You, of all people, do not get to accuse others of being goony and inept at navigating the fine points of socialization

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:18

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

she wanted it to be dramatic and it wasn't

that's not really on him

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:19

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

chernobyl kinsman posted:

she wanted it to be dramatic and it wasn't

No, she wanted her dad to just listen to her, and maybe say that he loves her, not to freak out cause "uh oh emotion conversation, normally mom handles this."

Like, I can't picture a worse way to handle a major moment in your kid's life like this. It's so autistic and goony.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:20

sout: Apr 24, 2014

I can sympathise with the girl.
Every time I tell GBS that I'm gay nobody really even seems to notice.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:22

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

WampaLord posted:

Like, have some emotion here you goon.

He's British

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:23

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

WampaLord posted:

No, she wanted her dad to just listen to her, and maybe say that he loves her, not to freak out cause "uh oh emotion conversation, normally mom handles this."

Some people are less emotional than others. Just like some people are gay. Everything life event doesn't have to be a full-on Lifetime Moment up to the expectations of a dramatic teenager.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:23

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

I'm sure all the thrown out of their homes teens and ones beaten and told they are wrong are glad their parents at least showed emotion unlike this GOONY ROBOT!!

fake edit: more content

Me [21M] with my ex gf [19 F] She has super conservative parents, we broke up a a long time ago but her parents just found out we had sex and her dad just messaged me. What should i do???

quote:

Hello good people of reddit, i frequent this sub a lot and i know its filled with lots of good people that gives pretty good advice. Throwaway because friends know my reddit account. Sorry in advance if it sounds rushed or anything, im kind of rushed and just wrote what i could, ill answer any questions that anyone may have.
Okaaaay, so im going to try to keep to the main essentials, I met Megan last summer and we began dating. We were both virgins at the time. I had messed around with other girls before but never had actually gone all the way before, she basically saw it as i had already lost my virginity tho. She has really conservative parents as do i, who believe that you should hold off until marriage to have sex etc. Well long story short, after dating for a while we began having sex, we always had protection and were careful.. I just want to stress the fact that she was 18 at the time we started dating and she turned 19 while we dated altho because she was held back a year she was still a senior in highschool while i was already in college.
While we dated her dad once asked me if i had ever had sex before and i lied and told him no, she had told me to lie for us so i did and he knew where my parents worked and i guess call me paranoid but they have a history of doing rash decisions so i didnt want there to be a chance where they would try to reach out to my parents and tell them what i had done.
We broke up in February because the relationship wasnt working, we were fighting a lot and we decided to split ways. It wasnst exactly amicable but we have talked a handful of times since and have been civil. Ive tried to push that whole relationship out of my life since and move on.
Sooo on to the problem at hand, she texts me today out the blue telling me if anyone from her family contacts me, to NOT tell them anything or answer anything. I asked her why and she told me she told her sister she wasnt a virgin anymore and that she had sex with me and one other guy after we broke up. Her sister told her parents so she wanted to warn me before they reached out to me. I didnt really think anyone would bother contacting me so i shrugged it off and told her whatever and left it at that. Now her dad just sent me a message on FB telling me he needs to speak with me when i have a chance. I havent opened up the message as to not show the read part but i saw the little notification on my phone.
Yes i do realize that Im 21 and if he tells my parents it shouldnt matter because im on my own and they dont really have a say in my life anymore which they dont, but they believe about waiting till marriage for sex for religious reasons and if they find out i had sex, it will really hurt them and most def make a rift in our relationship. Ive already had a rocky relationship with them and i dont want to make it worse.
My question is, What should i do? Should i ignore the dad? What if he contacts my parents and tells them? Should i tell him anything? I dont want to argue weather i should care if my parents find out or about religious morals, just about the situation with my exes parents. I really appreciate any advice and support you guys can offer.
TLDR: Dated girl with strict religious parents, I have strict religious parents, I had sex with this girl, we broke up, I moved away to another state for college, she contacts me and tells me her parents found out about her having sex, and now her parents want to talk to me after months of no contact.
Update: So i have been reading all of your comments and i appreciate it everything everyone has been saying.
I decided not to answer him and just wait it out. She texted me again telling me she was sorry but she came clean to her dad and she hopes everything works out and he doesnt take measures.... (I dont know what that means, frankly i dont really care, i agree that this is between him and her and weve been broken up for a while theres no reason why he should be looking to me for an explanation.)
She texted me and told me not to ignore her dad because he has my parents phone number and will call them if he has to. I talked to my roommate and a few of my friends that live near my apartment and they advised me to message him back but feel out the conversation, not admit to anything and not justify anything, it is what it is and it happened, i honestly dont see what he gets out of talking to me or lecturing me or whatever he wants to do. I do hope he doesnt call my parents bc that would be a real dick thing of him to do for literally no reason at all. ugh this whole thing is such a headache that i thought was supposed to be over with. I appreciate all the input and i will update once i can/have something to update with.
Edit: Format
Update 2: WOW this has really blown up way bigger than i thought it would. Ive been reading through all of the comments and i appreciate all the advice from you guys. Soooo on to the update
I woke up this morning and my dad called me, i feared the worst but he only needed like basic tech support for his computer, and that was all he wanted. I felt relieved and went through my day. A little while ago my sister calls me and asks me what my exes dads name is, i tell her and she tells me that he called dad and left a voicemail saying he was going to try and call again today. Most of my family was there and i was on speaker phone so they asked if knew anything and i told them i wouldnt know why my exes family would try to contact them after us being broken up for such a long time. My dad said it was odd and he would wait for the call and see what was up, he figures her dad just wants advice on something so he would let me know what it its about.
I called my sister shortly after and told her why he was calling, and her response was literally bursting out in laughter. She thinks its really weird for him to do this because he gains nothing from calling us, my ex is obviously not pregnant and we both dont think he would try to pull the consent card, so we figured he just wants to "tell on me" basically and that would be that. My sister and my dad are hanging out all day today and she told me not to worry about it and it will be okay, she will be texting me and let me know or give me a heads up if anything happens. As soon as i get a response i will let you guys know!

Update

quote:

Soo i tried making this post a little while back but it was taken down because it was an update... idk.. either way, a lot of you asked for an update so here it is, hopefully this one isnt taken down
Wow, sooo that last post pretty much blew up more than i thought haha, I want to thank everyone who commented on it. I may not have been able to respond to everyone but i did read them and fairly enjoyed some of them as well as appreciated the advice.
Heres the link to the OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51igu1/me_21m_with_my_ex_gf_19_f_she_has_super/
So i wanted to wait until after the weekend to post the update because a lot happened and oh man its a pretty good update that most of you will enjoy.
So her dad called my dad and was very "emotional" and pretty pissed off that i lied to him in the sense that i not only told him i hadnt slept with her but didnt plan on it... (What else are you supposed to say? Yes i plan on going hard on the paint? WTF?) My dad was pretty taken back and didnt really know what to say. Her dad continued on saying how he wanted to let my parents know what a man whore i was and how i took his daughters virginity and that it needed to be fixed.
My dad just told him he was sorry, he was disappointed in me and he would handle it. He talked to him some more and calmed him down and then hung up and blocked his number. My dad called me and told me what had happened, (i did not give them a heads up) he was pretty calm about it, for a bit he thought the guy wanted money or something but when he realized he basically just wanted to tattle he just left it at that.
My mom on the other hand called me shortly after and flipped out on me about how i could have gotten her pregnant, and did i even think about what would have happened if she got pregnant, or if i got an STD and a whole bunch of other things. Basically a fun time.
I went home this past weekend to pick up something from my parents house i needed for my apartment. (something that was mine, just couldnt take it with me the first time because it didnt fit in the car) So it was a pretty awkward weekend. I did see my sister and she made soooo many jokes about how one would go fixing a situation like this as how my ex wanted to. Because you know, virginitys are basically sold and given and what not. But yeah thats the update. All is well for now, many awkwards were had relationship with parents is much strained.
TLDR: Dude called my parents, tattled on me, went home, got awkward sex talk, never stick your dick in girl with crazy family.
Edit: Minor text fix*

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:24

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

WampaLord posted:

Like, I can't picture a worse way to handle a major moment in your kid's life like this. It's so autistic and goony.

I can think of more than a few ways that are worse to react to your kid coming out than saying, "okay, good for you."

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:25

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Nazzadan posted:

I can think of more than a few ways that are worse to react to your kid coming out then saying, "okay, good for you."

Yes, obviously it would be worse if he called her a hellspawn and a sinner and kicked her out. But let's operate under the assumption that he's not a religious whacko and admit that he handled it pretty badly while still not being actually Evil.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:26

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Obviously what coming-out-daughter dad should have done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSSido3IwnE

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:26

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

gently caress where's that one from the kid whose mom reacted by going full on gigglesquee and never stopped referring to him as her gay son and trying to hook him up and get him to pick out dresses with her like he's from Queer Eye or some poo poo

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:27

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

WampaLord posted:

No, she wanted her dad to just listen to her, and maybe say that he loves her, not to freak out cause "uh oh emotion conversation, normally mom handles this."

Like, I can't picture a worse way to handle a major moment in your kid's life like this. It's so autistic and goony.

You're wrong, and the goon. Stop.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:29

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

If my kid is gay, I'm just going to react with "I know," whether I actually know or not. Gonna take the wind right out of their little gay sails.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:29

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

WampaLord posted:

No, she wanted her dad to just listen to her, and maybe say that he loves her, not to freak out cause "uh oh emotion conversation, normally mom handles this."

Like, I can't picture a worse way to handle a major moment in your kid's life like this. It's so autistic and goony.

WampaLord: "dad I'm gay"

"Oh, okay. Good for you."

WampaLord: "Holy poo poo dad stop freaking out it ISN'T EVEN A BIG DEAL gently caress YOU"

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:30

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Nazzadan posted:

I'm sure all the thrown out of their homes teens and ones beaten and told they are wrong are glad their parents at least showed emotion unlike this GOONY ROBOT!!

fake edit: more content

Me [21M] with my ex gf [19 F] She has super conservative parents, we broke up a a long time ago but her parents just found out we had sex and her dad just messaged me. What should i do???

Update

hahaha what the gently caress

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

gently caress where's that one from the kid whose mom reacted by going full on gigglesquee and never stopped referring to him as her gay son and trying to hook him up and get him to pick out dresses with her like he's from Queer Eye or some poo poo

if we're thinking of the same one, it's even worse because she was a slash fanatic dreaming of the day her (at the time) infant son would come out as gay

she thought it was gonna be just like one of her japanese animes

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:31

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Kid just wanted a loving hug and to be told her dad was proud of her and happy for her. It doesn't matter at all how big a deal it *should* be, it was a big deal to her. It's like a sitcom husband forgetting an anniversary.

Like if your kid is crying about anything the response isn't "oh ok" and just keep reading your book lol I don't care if it's about being gay or getting dumped or failing calculus comfort your child

purple death ray fucked around with this message at 16:36 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:33

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

When you come out to someone, especially someone close to you, it's a big deal. You make yourself extremely emotionally vulnerable and are sharing an intimate part of yourself.
Being met with "Okay" and nothing else makes it seem like you don't care about how important it is and that you don't appreciate the trust and emotional work it took to come out.

It's far better than a negative response, but it's far from the best

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:34

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Mirthless posted:

if we're thinking of the same one, it's even worse because she was a slash fanatic dreaming of the day her infant son would come out as gay

she thought it was gonna be just like one of her japanese animes

oh no this was a totally separate one where the kid was a full on teenager and this had actually happened, instead of being planned in detail from birth. because of course this is A Thing with slashfic-lovin' moms.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:34

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

new phone who dis posted:

In my experience many teenage girls are disappointed when you don't also act like a teenage girl when they tell you something.

well let them out of your loving van then.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:35

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

oh no this was a totally separate one where the kid was a full on teenager and this had actually happened, instead of being planned in detail from birth. because of course this is A Thing with slashfic-lovin' moms.

i spent all my teenage years wishing my parents would stop speculating on my sexuality, I wish they'd been as apathetic as this guy tbh

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:36

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Maybe he doesn't like her

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:38

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Gloryhold It! posted:

When you come out to someone, especially someone close to you, it's a big deal. You make yourself extremely emotionally vulnerable and are sharing an intimate part of yourself.
Being met with "Okay" and nothing else makes it seem like you don't care about how important it is and that you don't appreciate the trust and emotional work it took to come out.

It's far better than a negative response, but it's far from the best

it's a reasonably common thing to land on when trying to convey genuine acceptance and that it doesn't change how they percieve you, something plenty of folks have wished their coming-out would look like even if it didn't match all of this specific girl's secret hopes, which is about what a person can healthily expect of your average mere mortal with no coaching; if you really want to just spend pages picking apart the mildly suboptimal verbage of random well-meaning suburban dads go start a r/mildlyinteresting thread or something this is the thread for insane dysfunction

Me [25F] with my BF [27M]'s mom ... Asked her to teach some recipes and poo poo hit the fan.

quote:

Hey all ... I'm at a bit of a loss right now.

My boyfriend (Dan) and I have been together for a little over 2 years. No relationship is perfect, but ours is basically as good as it can be. Little conflict, maximum happiness, everything is wonderful, yadda yadda yadda. My family adores him, his dad seems to like me just fine, but for some reason his mom (Carol) has never been too fond of me. I don't push too hard, I'm really respectful whenever I'm around her, I bring her gifts for birthdays and holidays, (she's never given me one - not that I care, it's just kind of strange since I've been around for a while) always try and help when I can, etc ... And yet, she's always been fairly cold to me. Not outright rude and terrible, just ... cold. I kind of wrote it off, figuring she's just a tough nut to crack.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I recently finished our master's degrees and were feeling bored with our jobs and figured, what the hell, let's move to a different country? When we told the families, everyone was ecstatic for us - except Dan's mom, which wasn't really surprising. We both have jobs lined up, so it's not like we'll be bumming around or anything (not that there's ANYTHING wrong with traveling - I'm a huge advocate!) so the only reason she's not on board with it is because Dan won't be living 25 miles away from her anymore, even though it's a great opportunity for both of us and something he's been wanting to do for awhile.

We leave in a few weeks, so we've been trying to spend time with them as much as we can. Dan knows about how his mom treats me, and even though she's not rude to me, he's said that he's talked to her about whether or not she likes me, to which she'll reply, "She's fine, I'm perfectly nice to her." So like I said, she's not terrible, she's just not great - to the point where I'd never ask Dan to bash her anything. It just makes me sad because I want to be close with his family because they mean a lot to me. So I've been making some efforts to hang out with her.

Anyway, we were over at his mom's house for dinner this weekend and I offered to help her in the kitchen, to which she reluctantly obliged. Now, she's a decent cook, but in no way is she an amazing chef or anything. Never mentions secret recipes or anything like that. But I thought it would be a nice gesture to ask her to teach me some of her recipes. So while I was chopping onions I said, "Hey Carol, I was wondering if you would teach me some of your recipes? Dan loves your cooking and I would love to cook for him when we're abroad to remind him of home since I know he'll miss your cooking." Then she stopped and walked out of the room. It was super awkward, so I waited around a bit. When she finally came back in, she started yelling at me about how out of line I was. She was saying stuff like, "How dare you! You think you can replace me?" And all this crazy stuff. I was completely shocked and dumbfounded.

I immediately walked out and told Dan, who was heading into the kitchen to see what the commotion was about, that I would be leaving. He told me to wait in the car because he was really confused. I sat there for 3 minutes when he came out apologizing saying his mom was completely in the wrong, so we left.

So here I am, a few days later, confused as hell. I'm happy Dan stuck up for me, but this situation is so ridiculous I have no idea where to go from here! He's currently not speaking to his mom, but has received texts from his dad apologizing and chalking his mom's freak out due to the stress of Dan leaving soon. I don't want to be the reason he severs his relationship or anything, but I also feel pretty disrespected over something so silly! Any advice on how to handle this?

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:41

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

The day I knew my browser history clean-up protocols were effective was the day in high school when my mom said I wasn't interested in girls. LOL.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:42

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Well excuse me for trying to explain something that people didn't understand

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:43

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Milotic posted:

I (28 m) found out my mother (48f) is alive after thinking she was dead for twenty one years, she now has another family

drat that's an ice cold momma.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:43

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [25F] with my BF [27M]'s mom ... Asked her to teach some recipes and poo poo hit the fan.

Finally, it's the version of this story where the bf stands up for their SO

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:46

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

Gloryhold It! posted:

Well excuse me for trying to explain something that people didn't understand

I get you fam. I accidentally did that to a mate of mine once. He made me dinner, sat me down and was like "I need to tell you something, yadda yadda yadda." I was like well obviously you're gay, nice salad btw. Had to do a bit of damage control on that one, whoops.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:47

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Gloryhold It! posted:

When you come out to someone, especially someone close to you, it's a big deal. You make yourself extremely emotionally vulnerable and are sharing an intimate part of yourself.
Being met with "Okay" and nothing else makes it seem like you don't care about how important it is and that you don't appreciate the trust and emotional work it took to come out.

It's far better than a negative response, but it's far from the best

Is it really that big of a deal anymore when 1 in 4 millennials are at least a little bit gay and the majority of the country supports LGBTQ rights? It sounds like her family has never been anything but accepting. It's one thing when you're in a conservative community and your parents "don't like to talk about it" but lol, c'mon, today is a far cry from even five years ago when it comes to this kind of thing.

Dad, like many dads, might have some issues with emotional availability but it sounds to me like 17 y/o is being a 17 y/o in that she's getting mad that nobody is making as big of a deal about her dramatic life as she does

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:49

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:22

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Mirthless posted:

Is it really that big of a deal anymore when 1 in 4 millennials are at least a little bit gay and the majority of the country supports LGBTQ rights? It sounds like her family has never been anything but accepting. It's one thing when you're in a conservative community and your parents "don't like to talk about it" but lol, c'mon, today is a far cry from even five years ago when it comes to this kind of thing.

Dad, like many dads, might have some issues with emotional availability but it sounds to me like 17 y/o is being a 17 y/o in that she's getting mad that nobody is making as big of a deal about her dramatic life as she does

Idk if you meant America or the UK when you said "majority of the country," but if you meant the US they are British which is like, SUPER gay friendly.
Also lot of people are mad at the dad who later reflected on what he said and decided to take steps to make it better with his daughter. Get over it, he rules.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 16:50

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