Pick posted:

"he expected me to react differently" probably because there's enough incest porn now that guys think it's just a taboo kink instead of family-destroying mental illness

Turtlicious posted:

Tbf everyone has that cousin they went to third base with, and then no longer talks too because the family found out and no longer lets you see each other.

Turtlicious posted:

Tbf everyone has that cousin they went to third base with, and then no longer talks too because the family found out and no longer lets you see each other.

quote:

859 points 158 comments submitted 8 months ago by MikeJbhams to r/relationships

My cousin and I run a nightclub. The club was started by our dads (brothers) and each of us started working here when we were 18. Since three years ago, my dad and uncle have both been retired and we run the place now.

My GF and I have been dating for a year. She's from a foreign country. Apparently in their culture, cousin relationships and marriages are very prevalent. That has made her more than a little uncomfortable with this situation. She thinks she can't shake it out of her mind that this is waiting for something to happen between us. To me this is incredibly absurd. She's not asking me to make a change but she has told me that she's uncomfortable 5 times now and she wraps it around things like "you two are spending time until late nights" but that's really just the nightclub business. Your working hours are late at night.

The last time she mentioned this I told her that I would have understood if this was a random girl who I was working closely with but it's not. But she thinks if it's not a sibling it should count as "other women". She says her own parents are cousins.

I don't know how to respond if (really when) she brings it up again.

tl;dr: Girlfriend is uncomfortable that I work with my cousin at our nightclub. She thinks she counts as "other women" because that's how it is in her culture and her parents are cousins.

Bubblyblubber posted:

I understand that some families are big enough and spread out enough that cousins end up hooking up

Psycho Society posted:

Haha yeah that's why

quote:

2,520 points 569 comments submitted 7 months ago by evildreamcrusher to r/relationships

I recently won an all-expense paid trip to Disney World for four nights, for myself and three guests. I am currently planning on bringing my boyfriend [30M] , my mother [54F], and my boyfriend's mother [50sF]. I know we all aren't exactly Disney's key demographic, but it honestly means a lot to our mothers that I am inviting them. Both my boyfriend and I grew up in poorer families that could never afford expensive vacations, and this is the first trip to Disney World for all of us. I know this is probably the only opportunity our mothers will ever have to go to Disney, and for now they are both in good enough health to still enjoy the rides.

The problem is with my cousin, Jane [30F], who has been hounding me to take her 5-year-old daughter, Kelly, instead of my boyfriend's mother. I know, I know, what kind of monster am I for not wanting to bring a little girl to the place where dreams come true?! Except Jane's family has already been to Disney World twice, most recently earlier this year in February. My cousin has done very well for herself - she runs a successful photography business, and her husband is an engineer. They are definitely able to afford their own vacations. If Jane wasn't so well off, I probably would consider taking Kelly if I thought I was giving a little kid a once in a lifetime experience. But I'm not. She's already been twice and she's only five! Our mothers have been ZERO times. Jane's only rationale for wanting me to take her daughter seems to be that "Disney is meant for kids. It's weird to go with only adults." and "It'd be evil to not take a 5 year old to Disney if you had the chance."

There's also the issue of Kelly herself. She's not a completely terrible child, but she's whiny and throws tantrums regularly. I don't really want to spend a week with that. Also, what if she gets homesick, what if she gets actually sick, what if she gets lost?! I'm not a parent myself and I would have no idea what to do in those situations. I also don't want to saddle my mother with the responsibility of caring for her. I've babysat Kelly before, but only for a few hours at a time. I'm not sure why my cousin is even comfortable with the idea of me taking her child three states away. We are in North Carolina, so it's not like Orlando is just a short drive down the road if something happens.

I tried telling Jane I'm not comfortable bringing Kelly, and she just said this is a good opportunity to find out what being a parent is like. What?! She's almost acting like I'm not serious about not bringing Kelly, and I'm just pretending I don't want to bring her. It's really weird. Jane and I have always been very close, like we are sisters, and I'm afraid this has the potential to ruin our relationship once it comes to a head. What is the best way to tell her no without sounding like an evil child hater, or am I being selfish for not taking a kid to Disney?

TL;DR: I won a trip to Disney World, cousin wants me to bring her spoiled young daughter instead of boyfriend's mother and I don't want to.

Pick posted:

Uhhhhh I don't get turned on when I poop

Pvt.Scott posted:

It's not impossible for dudes, especially if taking opioids. You just need enough mass from constipation and enough pressure from straining to stimulate to prostate a tiny bit.

Less, "turned on," and more, "you blew a load while dropping a load without realizing it, and now you have another mess to clean up."

Or, have you considered that you might not be pooping correctly?

quote:

663 points 426 comments submitted 9 months ago by childfreecousin to r/relationships

My husband "Dale" and I have been married for 2 years, together for almost 4. We're childfree and while I have no desire to have my own child, I do really love children (I'm an elementary school teacher during the school year). My husband likes kids less than I do, but has always been respectful when they're around.

I am an only child and I only have one aunt, from my dad's side. My aunt is my dad's older sister who I have always been extremely close with, even though she lives on the other coast. She married late in life, and she and my uncle adopted my cousin "Matty" when he was 9 months old. I try and see my aunt and her family once a year - normally my parents go too and we make a trip of it. Dale came with us once, after our wedding, but declined to go this year because he was swamped with work. He encouraged me to go, but he seemed sad about me leaving. I felt bad that he would be home alone while I was on vacation, so I also declined to go and so my parents went on the trip alone.

Despite the distance, I've always doted on Matty and treat him like the little sibling I've never had. He's extremely bright and the sweetest kid, and I love him loads. I speak with my aunt once a week or so, and during our call this week, she asked me how I felt about Matty coming to visit me for a few weeks. I would really like for Matty to come visit, as he and I would be able to spend a lot of time together and he hasn't been to California (where I live) before, so he and I would be able to do a lot of fun things he wouldn't be able to do at home. I told my aunt I'd be happy to have Matty for two weeks next month, but I would need to discuss it with Dale.

I asked Dale and he immediately opposed having Matty stay with us. He said that we were childfree, and as such, he didn't want a kid in the house. I told him it would only be two weeks, and it wasn't a random child but my little cousin who he knew and (seemingly) liked. He told me he just tolerated Matty for my sake, and while he was a nice boy, he didn't want him, or any other child, in our house for that long.

Dale asked why I just didn't go to see Matty on my own time, rather than him come here, and I told him the point of the trip was not only for us to spend time together, but for Matty to see where I live and be touristy in CA. Dale then asked why Matty couldn't just stay with my parents, who live several hours away, and when I shut that down, he finally said that Matty should just stay in a hotel (???? HE'S TEN).

It's only for two weeks! My husband works during the day so he wouldn't be around for very long and nonetheless, Matty isn't some leper. He's just a kid! Am I being unreasonable? I really would like Matty to come visit me, but I'm also pretty horrified at my husband's behavior. I haven't called my aunt back, but I don't really know what to do.

tl;dr: I want my 10 year old cousin to visit for a few weeks, but my childfree husband refuses to allow it because he doesn't want a kid in our home under any circumstances. Don't know what to do.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

He got face smalled by God.

Bubblyblubber posted:

I meant as in they don't grow up together/really close and so see each other as pretty much strangers and YOU KNOW WHAT EWW STOP loving YOUR COUSINS

I [26F] won a trip to Disney World. My cousin [30F] thinks I should take her daughter [5F] but I don't want to. Non-Romantic

Psycho Society posted:

Are you into the rollerskating scene by any chance?

Pvt.Scott posted:

I've considered checking out the roller derby scene to find myself a big strong girlfriend who will keep me safe and warm in her iron-corded arms. Otherwise, no skates, blades or dog heelies for me.

VanSandman posted:

God I was sure, certain, that this was a Mirthless post as I was reading it.
As is, I choose to believe you're yankin' my chain.

Bubblyblubber posted:

I meant as in they don't grow up together/really close and so see each other as pretty much strangers and YOU KNOW WHAT EWW STOP loving YOUR COUSINS

I [26F] won a trip to Disney World. My cousin [30F] thinks I should take her daughter [5F] but I don't want to. Non-Romantic

SpaceClown posted:

what am i supposed to be imagining?

did your boyfriend come out of your bedroom and pee on you while you were drinking?

Psycho Society posted:

How are these fully grown people in their late 20s and 30s not capable of saying no to someone without getting permission from strangers on the internet first? It's breaking my brain

Pick posted:

"he expected me to react differently" probably because there's enough incest porn now that guys think it's just a taboo kink instead of family-destroying mental illness

Mirthless posted:

my brother nailed nearly every single female cousin we have though, lol

Bubblyblubber posted:

When Childfrees attack

blarzgh posted:

I humbly submit the following proposition:

People who give themselves made-up labels that really just restate a series of mildly common decisions, its because their personalities are underdeveloped, boring poo poo.

Barudak posted:

A professor of mine was on some back road one laner thing in his mercedes going the limit and a dude behind him kept honking tailgating you name it to speed up for about 15 minutes. Finally the road forks for a turn of and the guy behind him guns it to pass in front of the professor then dissappears as he goes barreling down the road. About a minute or so later the professor see the car stopped in the middle of the road blocking it completely, and the guy driving it standing behind it with a 2x4.

Professor exits the car holding his gun which the other guy clearly wasnt expecting which causes him to sort of freeze while holding the 2x4. This lasts an uncomfortable minute before the guy got into his car and roared off again. To this day the professor gets shaky around aggressive drivers because of that experience and the feeling that he was about to kill a man for going the legal limit.

blarzgh posted:

"We are ________________." roughly translates to "We do/don't _______________, but I have nothing to contribute to this conversation, so ask me more questions about myself because I'm starved for attention, oh and you should really check out this blog because there is some good information that...."

quote:

Me [22F] regret leaving my BF [23M] of 4 years. I really love him but I'm not sure if it would be fair on him to get in contact.Need advice! (Very Long Post)

Hi Reddit users, I've been roaming on various get your ex back forums reading multiple posts of how people got back together and how others moved on but couldn't quite find a post that I could truly relate to. I decided to make a post of my own and considering this page seems to have the highest user base I would like to write my story here for the most possible feedback. If you feel like you want to lash out on me, tell me I'm ridicules and don't know what I want and to stop wasting my ex's time, go ahead I will appreciate all the feedback I can get.

So I'll start with where it all began. We were together for 4 years. We met in school, we knew of each other and occasionally shared a small talk or a laugh but I wouldn't consider us being friends, at least not good ones. He was a class clown, always up to no good, never did any work yet somehow always had one of the best results in the class. He is tall, incredibly sporty and from what I know now but didn't back then he is absolutely ripped and I mean perfect 6 pack and v that would make any girl wet. I had a crush on him for the longest of times but never was able to tell him. We exchanged texts occasionally, and every time he texted me it gave me an incredible thrill. Our school year was coming to an end which meant that quite possibly I will never see him again. On our graduation night I got a bit drunk, and told few of my guy friends about my little crush. Since they were drunk too it didn't take much time for the word to spread and I am sure he knew very well of my feelings by the end of the night. I felt horrible the next morning and I decided that weather he knows already or not I'll just send him a text since I had nothing to lose. He responded that he liked me too but that he will be incredibly busy over the summer and is not sure if it is the best idea to try anything. I was happy that he liked me but when I asked my guy friends what does he mean by it they told me that he is just making an excuse and that he was just trying to be nice and let me off easily.

That turned out not to be true. He texted me the next day saying that he would really like to get to know me better and that's just what he did. We talked for hours upon hours for the first 3-4 weeks. We talked until the early hours in the morning and he just wouldn't stop asking questions, he wanted to know everything, from what my hopes for the future are and what am I interested in to what's my favorite Disney movie. It felt as if he has so much interest in me and shows me so much respect I was stunned by how amazing this guy turned out to be. He eventually asked me out on a proper date. I was in heaven. Butterflies, heart pounding you know yourself. I didn't believe it was happening. We went for a long walk, cinema, then just sat in the field watching the stars until late hours of the night. All we did was talk, talk, talk. All I wanted to do is talk, talk, talk, but there was never enough time. We went out on another couple of dates but he never kissed me. I was getting nervous that may be he doesn't like me but eventually on the 8th date he did it. HE DIDN'T JUST DO IT! HE ASKED FOR MY PERMISSION FIRST! Even though it seemed strange to me at the time the more I thought about it the more cute it felt. He then apologized that it took him so long and said he is different to all the other guys and wanted to make a strong connection first before committing to even something as small as a kiss. When it comes to these things he turned out to be very unusual, he never seemed to understand the concept of one night stands or even kissing someone on a night out. He felt that anything intimate requires a strong connection between two people which in these days is extremely rare but I didn't think much of it.

Anyway the summer flew by, we talked everyday and met up every 1-2 weeks for long walks and talks. I wanted to see him more often but I understood he was busy and at the same time I was enjoying the space and freedom to go out and do my own thing with my friends. The college began and I was extremely worried about losing this guy because everyone says that no couple lasts through college days. He was worried about that too but we made it work. In fact the college experience only brought us closer. We both had to commute to our universities using the same train. We were seeing each other every day now and things were simply amazing. The only problem was that I hated my course. I wanted to drop out but I was afraid of losing all that time we were spending together and that it would make us drift apart. I chose the course because I knew I would be able to secure a very well paid job after it, I did it thinking of the money and the future. He convinced me that it is not worth it and that I should go for something that will make me happy, something that I always wanted to do. He had my back and right before the Christmas break began I handed in my resignation papers. It felt so good, as if all the weight has lifted of my shoulders. I had to find a job quickly though in order to earn money to pay my fees if I wanted to get back into college next year. Luckily the firm that I worked with over the summer had a free spot and they took me in. Everything seemed to have fallen perfectly into place. It wasn't the best job, to be honest I really hated it but it paid and that's all that mattered. I would often come out miserable but he would be always there trying to cheer me up.

He really was like the definition of the perfect guy. I was not a very confident or secure person at the time and it seemed strange to me, why would he chose me so I tried to figure out if there was anything he could be hiding. He has an extremely unusual style. He wears clothes that often would not go well together but he wears it with confidence and it just suits him. Whenever he sees something unusual that most people wouldn't touch with a stick he has to get it. He loves going shopping and as much as he is tall and well built and has a masculine presence he is never afraid to show a bit of femininity. The more I thought of it the more it made sense to me. I was getting paranoid that my boyfriend is gay! I asked him if it was true one day and he said that he 100% isn't and I just felt bad for misjudging him but deep inside I started to resent him for his femininity and how openly he would sometimes express it. I just wanted to him to be a manly man... Which now when i think of it was not accepting him for who he was and his femininity was probably what made him the caring and kind guy he turned out to be.

The period when I was out of college and working was pretty rough. I lost contact with most of my friends and felt incredibly lonely. I created a lot of pressure on him to see me more and more often because once I got home from work, I didn't have anything to study for or any outside hobby so I was just bored and lonely. He never said no to seeing me. In fact any time I asked, he told me to give him a few minutes and he will think of something fun for us to do. We often stayed up late playing scrabble ( I love the game ), board games or put together jig saws. Any time we finished a 1000 or 5000 piece jig saw he would take out a sharpie and ask me to sign it on the bottom as if it was a masterpiece we created and he would frame it and put it up on his wall... He became my best friend. Someone I could always rely on. He always kept his word and never mistreated me. He was from Netherlands and he promised me that if I want he will take me to his home town over the summer and show me where he grew up. It felt surreal but as always he kept his promise and that summer he organized the whole trip.

I didn't have to move a finger. Everything was done and planned out. From trips to the zoo and other attractions, he had everything figured out. He told me he wants me to experience as many new things as possible cause that's what life is about and we shared that philosophy. I tried new foods and beverages and to be perfectly honest it was probably the best holiday I've had till this day. It finished with an amazing firework show over the local lake. (He didn't organize it, it just happened to be on.) I was stunned by it all but deep inside doubts started to crawl up. A year ago I was just a girl going on holidays with my little brothers and parents and here I am sharing all these moments with a man. Yes he was an amazing man and I could see him being an amazing husband and a father of my children but it felt like such a sudden change. I went from being a kid into a serious relationship just like that. I never had the chance to be on my own and experience the single life. It scared me. It scared me that I will regret in the future that I never got to experience the single life but I put away those feelings because he was too good to be true, he was simply perfect.

We got back home and soon the summer was over and it was time to go back to college. I got into the course I wanted and was super excited for it. He on the other hand decided to drop out of his due to the same reasons as I did before. He simply did not see himself doing what he was studying for the rest of his life. I supported him the same way he did me. He quickly found a new well paid job so that he can earn the money for his fees but with his first pay check he went all out and organized a whole weekend for the two of us. He said he wanted to celebrate me finally getting to do what I wanted. He arrived at my house on Friday morning with flowers and a note attached to them. He just gave me a kiss and smiled and said I'll see you later. The note had a plan written on it for the whole weekend and it was simply amazing. Once again the theme of it all was trying something new. He took me to a fancy restaurant to try out a dish I always wanted to. He took me to an Opera right after, which I've never been to before. We spent the night in his house and in the morning he had organized a ride for us and we went to see one of the most beautiful places in our country that I have never seen either. It was simply amazing and he put in so much effort into it. Once he started earning decent money, with whatever he had left over after putting some into his savings he would always get me a surprise, be it a book to complete a collection I had, or a simple pair of earrings that he thought would look well with my favorite top. (His ability to pick out jewellery I would like or even clothes without even asking me was also another thing that freaked me out, it really seemed like such a feminine thing.) He would always write a cute love letter with it too, expressing his feelings for me or made a picture or a form of origami. He was extremely artistic (Felt feminine too, I'm sorry to all the guys out there that are reading this, I don't mean to offend anyone it's just how I felt). Every gift I ever received from him had always something made by him attached to it, which most of till this day is hanging up on my walls.

With the new college course I quickly made new really good friends, time was flying by and I would still see him very often. (3-4 nights a week). We'd often go to see movies or simply do our own thing of playing board games. Occasionally we'd go out with my college friends. He never really enjoyed going out to clubs. He has a bad history with alcoholism in his family and becomes extremely anxious around drunk people. He'll often just sit in one place in the club and not move. He doesn't drink either. When we would go out to a local pub or a more quite place he would openly talk to all of my friends and make them laugh, he had a real charismatic presence but once we entered any loud club he would turn into stone unless he had someone he knew extremely well like his best friends or myself he wouldn't talk to anyone. This was something that upset me extremely because whenever we would go out together it just seemed like he didn't have fun. He always said he wanted to come because he wanted to be there for me but in the end he would just sit on his own and I would have to go over to him and sit with him which would stop me from socializing with my friends. It really ruined the experience of going out for me and soon later I stopped asking him to come along. He was upset but he understood why it was this way.

For my birthday in March he organized yet another "new experience" trip and took me somewhere I've never been before. PARIS. It was just the two of us going away for a weekend. I always wanted to go there and he made it happen. The moment we got on that plane the worries from the past summer came back around. Once again I felt like I was missing out on my youth. Going away with this guy/man, experiencing new things... It was freaking me out. I became very distant on the trip, I was quiet and didn't talk much. He tried his best to make the most out of our time there and took me to all the important places. Once we came back he asked me what was wrong and I explained it to him, I said I just need a few days to have think. He said that it's ok and told me to take all the time I need. I went home and I cried for hours upon hours. I was being thorn apart and in the end I came to a conclusion that I can't lose this amazing guy. Next time I saw him I had a break down. I cried the entire time on his shoulder telling him how I will never be able to get over him if there was anything to ever happen to us. (I know, I know like a 180 degree turn but I truly believed it at the time.) Everything went back to normal and we were happy again.

He got a promotion in his job for the summer. He became a head supervisor. His firm took on many students for summer jobs and he was in charge of it all. He had nearly 30 people under his wing and a lot of them were girls. It made me extremely nervous and jealous. I knew a lot of them and whenever I went out they were telling me how nice he is and how he never stops talking about me. He really loved me... but it didn't stop me from being jealous. I'd often find myself picking random fights with him as I was getting annoyed but they weren't very serious and quickly ended.

The summer ended and it was once again time to go back to college. He got into the course he really wanted to do... Turned out that out of 200 students there was only 18 guys and all the rest were girls... It really got to me. I got really nasty and mean. I remember walking with him and saying something incredibly harsh. He never gave me a reason to not trust him yet I made it seem as if I don't because of jealousy and I could just see by his face how much that upset him. I stopped and hugged him right there and then and apologized for my childish behavior. He quickly made good friends with the few lads in the course and a we were both happy with how the things were slowly moving along.

We didn't see each other as often because of the sheer amount of work we had to do for our college work but we still talked every day and made time for to see one another. He continued to treat me like his little princess and surprising me with gifts from time to time. For my next birthday I really wanted to look nice. I have a few nice clothes for nights out but it was my birthday and I wanted everyone to be blown away. As his gift he took me dress and shoe shopping. He didn't tell me this at the time but he was slowly running out of money he saved up over the last year. He spent his last bits and pieces on the dress, shoes, and matching accessories and booked me an appointment to get a my eyebrows and nails done. On the day of my birthday he sent me a video. He said he was sorry but he couldn't afford the materials to make me something so he put in some time and created a beautiful music video. My birthday was organized in a local bar but before hand I invited my college friends over to my house. I didn't ask him cause it was just going to be girls doing girls things and getting ready for later. Once the whole party was over I called my dad to pick me and my friend up and drop me home. I never even offered him a lift and he had to get a taxi. Afterwards he was extremely upset because not only did i not invite him over to my house earlier but I never even asked how he was going to get home when in fact my dad could have easily drop him off. He told me that he felt like he was just a face in the crowd there. It kind of annoyed me at the time. It was my day and it seemed a bit selfish for him to say that. ( I know I'm wrong to say that but that's just the way it felt at the time ).

This time without even going away the doubts came back once again. Missing out on the youth and all that stuff. I told him I need a few days to think. He once again was ok with it and told me to take my time but he told me that he saw it coming. When I asked why he said since I got my new friends I don't seem to want him or need him around anymore. I don't need his support or company. He said its not a bad thing and he is glad and really likes my friends but he feels like the role he played in my life was taken over by my friends and he simply is just a toy that I only get around when I need something. It wasn't an argument or a fight. He was just expressing how he felt. I took a day off from talking to him and it was horrible once again. Tears just didn't stop flowing. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. We decided to keep on going and he kept on trying harder then ever to keep me and us happy with the relationship but things just slowly felt like going down the hill.

It felt like I slowly started to lose attraction, I didn't see him as this tall, sporty joker that he used to be. All his gifts and surprises seemed to make me cringe. The time we spent watching movies and playing board games made me feel tied down. As if we were an old married couple and settled down. He brought me out for meals and concerts but I simply did not enjoy myself. When I went out with my friends I used to text him all the time how I was getting on and asking him what he was up to and now I just wanted to put away the phone and chat away with everyone, be it guys or girls, be it flirty or not it just seemed like so much more fun than texting someone, someone that I couldn't trust to bring on a night out cause it just would ruin the fun for me.( I know it sounds horrible) He was trying to give me space when I asked for but he also was trying harder and harder to make me happy. I felt smothered and as if we just kept on drifting. His femininity annoyed me more then ever. Everything just added up into one big feeling of repulsion...

I felt miserable most of the time. I found myself telling him little white lies when I didn't feel like talking, I would just say I'm going for a nap. If he asked to see me I'd say I'm not feeling well. We booked a holiday to Italy that summer and I told myself that it will be my last shot at giving all this a chance to work out. We flew over and the first day was amazing. We walked around the city we were staying in, he took me on a romantic dinner in the evening. Got a bottle of wine and paid for it all and we made wild love that night. I forgot all about the horrible feelings. It was just for a day tho. I woke up the next morning feeling the same depressing feeling that I did before hand. I pretended everything was ok but still made myself distant. I found myself reading books most of the time rather then talking to him, I wanted to do activities where we didn't have to make to much contact. It just didn't feel right being there with him. By the last day I think he knew what was coming up. We barely spoke on our flight home and once we got back to our town he asked me what was wrong. I told him I can't do it anymore and that this was it. I'm breaking up with him. He was emotionless. He just stood there. He asked me if I'm sure and I said its just something that I have to do. He told me there is no way back and he said have a day to think about it all and call me when you make up your mind. I kissed him goodbye and walked away.

I didn't sleep the entire night. It was a torture once again. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. I couldn't give up on it all just like that. I went to his house the next day and I asked will he have me back. He broke down and told me how much pain I've caused him. It was killing me inside but in the end he said he wants us to be together. I thought this whole process will make him cold and distant at least for a while but it just turned out that he tried even harder then before. I was having a really hard time in college and i dreaded getting up every morning. He would get up an hour earlier just to write me a long good morning text with random funny facts just to make it that bit easier for me... I could keep on going and going about things he would do but I think you get the gist of it. All though briefly the feeling would go away it was always there in the back of my mind. For Christmas he went all out and carved out a picture in wood ( He did wood classes for few years ) and made a few frame slots around it where he slotted in pictures of us. He attached small lights to it and when it lit up it gave off an incredibly warm feeling. It looked like it took so much effort and I was speechless... speechless for many reasons. It was amazing, beautiful and I loved it but also speechless because there was this amazing guy standing beside me admiring this piece of art and he loved me so so much you could just feel it but I didn't feel the same...

I found myself continuing to tell white lies and picking small fights. Being mean for no reason and having a go at his masculinity. Often after all of it I would ask him why does he even bother and why doesn't he hate me and he would just say he knows the real me, the happy, loving girl and may be right now I am not having the best time but he believes that it'll pass and he believes that we can make it work and he won't give up. A lot of my friends at the time have broken up with their boyfriends. They were telling me how amazing it feels to be single once again and I feel like that is what pushed me over the edge. I decided to end it. I told him I can't do it anymore... He told me to have a think about it and I did... Same thing as before. Tears and asking him to get back together. He told me to take some more time because he can't keep on going like this. I took a few days and I realized that he was right and it isn't fair on him. It's something that I just have to do even if it means sacrificing this amazing guy I always thought would end up being the father of my kids. The fear of never finding anyone as good as him was eating me alive but its just the step that I had to take. I told him this over text... OVER TEXT... I was so disappointed with myself. After all the things he has done for me I took the coward way out and ended it with a text. He wasn't mad, he didn't beg. He was extremely calm and understanding. I asked to be friends but he politely refused. I was surprised that even after how I treated him and even when he was behind the cover of the text and could say the meanest of things or release any anger he had he remained a perfect gentlemen. He wished me luck and he said in his heart he will forever hope that there will come a day that I'll change my mind because I will always be his girl no matter what...

We didn't talk for over a month after that. I was doing just fine myself. Of course I was in pain and missed his presence like crazy but I kept busy between college, my part time job and going out with friends. I felt relieved and happy. I was worried about him because he was an extremely emotional person. I was afraid that he will lock himself in his room and become isolated. I texted him one of the days to see how he was but he was out with his friends and texted me back saying he can't talk right now. It felt strange because even when he was out while we were together he would always find time to answer me. So I left it a few days and texted him again. He seemed really good. Happy with his life. He signed up to the gym again, moved houses and was doing a lot of renovation work in his new place, got a pet lizard he always wanted (he used to have one but it passed away), he was going out all the time with his friends and was doing great in college and even was asked by some of his lecturers to organize study groups where he could help out others. Assuming he is a class clown just like in school days and now shines in his academics as well, with all those 150+ girls around I'm sure he is a pretty popular guy. He cut the conversation short and said he had to go and do something. He told me it was nice catching up and to text him again some other time. Him doing so well and what seemed like moving on quick really got to me. I wasn't doing too bad but I was nowhere near being ok yet. Keeping busy is what kept my mind off him and when I was around my friends and out I was really feeling great but being alone was the polar opposite. One of the nights I got extremely drunk and the emotions got the better of me. The conversation we had really got to me and I just sent him an angry text asking how could he move on so fast while I still miss him like crazy. He luckily ignored it and never answered. I texted him a few days later apologizing for that text and explaining that I was drunk. He said its ok and that he knew I must have been intoxicated and that is why he didn't answer cause he thought I mightn't have meant it. I told him I'm doing really well and that I'm keeping busy. I told him that I'm happy with the way things worked out and that I hope he is doing well too. He said he was happy for me that I was finally able to find my happiness but that he can not continue to contact me and that he hopes I understand. He said he still has feelings for me and in order to truly move on he has to let go of everything that involves me. I told him I understand and I wish him all the best and I hope he moves on. As much as it hurt for me to say it I said he deserved better then what I had to offer and I wished him all the best with moving on and that was the last I've heard from him.

He blocked me and all my friends on facebook. It's pretty understandable that he didn't want to see me pop up on his news feed but it also sucked that a person that was so dear to me for the last 4 years just completely disappeared out of my life. I understood why it had to be that way though and it was for his best. I was really upset for the next few days but it passed and I got back into the routine of college, work, friends and nights out. I was talking to a lot of guys but as much as it was fun to flirt I still wasn't ready for anything. Few weeks passed and nothing seem to change, in fact all the guys seemed gross, trying to be the man, my ex boyfriends idea of needing a connection before making any sort of intimate move rubbed off on me and all the flirting and chatting stopped being fun to me. I was feeling happy around my friends but it slowly started to fade. Partying and being wild while being young didn't seem as fun as it did before. I found myself thinking more and more about him. Once hated, now I missed his femininity, I missed his surprises, I missed how he would always look out for me but most importantly I missed my best friend. I began to feel as if the relationship didn't fail, but I failed him, I failed to accept him for who he was and I failed him because deep inside I feel like I didn't even try to be happy with him. I focused too much on the things I didn't have. My birthday came around and he didn't even text me a happy birthday... It was a final nail in the coffin. He was really gone. I've been in a downward spiral ever since. The presence of my friends doesn't help anymore, keeping busy is no use either since I see him in everything because he was always there to help me with everything... I miss him so so much and I feel my heart is breaking and so am I and I don't know what to do...

You probably will say I am putting this guy on a pedestal and you probably are right but he was truly not only a great boyfriend but a very special person to me. A lot of people say they're different but he really else was something else. I never met anyone as interesting or as intelligent. So open about who they are. He was a beautiful person, he knew it and he wasn't afraid to show it. I want him back in my life but I don't know how to even start. I don't know if it is fair on him either after all I've put him through. I don't want to hurt him again. Please help! Thank you for reading.

tl;dr: I lost a wonderful guy because "the grass seemed greener on the other side"... I want him back but I'm not sure if it is fair on him, I don't know where to even start and most of all I don't want to end up hurting him again. Any feedback is appreciated even if its extremely harsh I want to hear it because may be I just need a solid kick to get myself together. Thank you for reading!

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Barudak posted:

Oh so this is what it looks like when your brain has a buffer overflow.

OP posted:

Throwaway account for prying eyes.

My Ex (27/F) and I (37/M) had a nasty break up after a seven year LTR a little over six months ago. She had never been broken up with from a major relationship and, as much as I hate this sexist trope, she became the stereotypical psycho ex. Gossiped, posted negative and false poo poo all over social media, attempted to create wedges between me and my friends (didn't work), stalked my social media presence, and made hurtful allegations to a point I had to retain a lawyer. I, on the other hand, am much more experienced and moved on pretty quickly.

In a brief moment of attempting to make peace, she admitted to going into my email account and reading my emails. More insidious, she read GChats between me and a friend and used that info to frame it up like I was gossiping and betraying my friend which caused a lot of friction until I was able to explain the situation. It was all too high school for my taste but, not to be ageist, you see the age difference between us and different levels of experience.

Cut to last night and I received two emails- one that someone was trying to access my Gmail and one for my Skype. Figuring scammers, I changed my password on both but saw the attempted access on the Skype was Germany. Didn't seem weird at first- some Euro hackers trying to mass crack. But then it dawn on me- Ex is in Germany this week on a trip we originally planned to go on together. Could she seriously be sitting in a hotel in Germany trying to access my email/Skype? Not to sound negative against those with the condition, but she has clinical depression. Could she be having a depressive episode by herself overseas and thinking irrationally? I went into panic mode briefly.

Critical questions:

-Is this just a coincidence? There are millions of possibilities but the precedent and geography are freaking me out
-I changed my password. Should I just ignore this even if it is her?
-Am I just being paranoid?

I really want her gone. I have a new relationship but these things keep happening where she pokes back in. Granted zero proof it's her.

What do you guys think?

tl;dr- Ex has hacked into email before; got an email that someone in Germany tried to hack my Gmail/Skype; Ex is in Germany right now; coincidence or troubling? Ignore?

quote:

"Not to be sexist but" (says something sexist) "Not to be ageist but" (says something ageist) "Nothing against depressed people but" (says something about depressed people)

I feel like there is a good chance you make some pretty broad assumptions about people when it suits your point of view. Change your password and move on. You're being paranoid.

OP posted:

nice way to gaslight and victim shame. You must be friends with my Ex.

I said those things because I disagree with framing it that way but all three are relevant to the context

Nice irony of the person gaslighting and assuming my thoughts and persona to make a claim about broad assumptions.

You know that old saying about if you don't have anything nice to say? I asked for advice on the issue; not your shaming. If you don't like it, move on.

quote:

It was all too high school for my taste but, not to be ageist, you see the age difference between us and different levels of experience.

Mirthless posted:

this post was either carefully tailored by a bitter nice guy to be the perfect strawman, or this lady is legitimately terrible to the point of implausibility

if she is real she has the bipolar pretty bad and should probably get on a mood stabilizer because holy poo poo that post screams manic episode