/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Mirthless posted:

this guy is a garbage man and i hope his ex wears him as a skin suit

These are the fellow rocket scientists that also firmly believe the age gap theorem as you do, Mirthless. I am sure you are in good company with your position.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:16

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# ? May 13, 2024 23:18

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

quote:

all too high school

Me [17 M] with my best friend [18 F] of 8 years, I finally confessed my feelings for her, got an incredibly confusing response.

quote:

So I've known my best friend for a long time now. For decent chunk of that time I've had some kind of feelings for her, even though she's been dating a guy she is very much in love with. However, all of her friends agree he's a jerk and not good enough for her, but no one questions it because he makes her happy. Anyway, high school is ending soon and she'll be leaving for college in a couple of months. The boyfriend fully intends to just dump her from what I've heard.

Last night, I just spilled that I've had feelings for her for awhile, and I told her that I knew she didn't have feelings for me, and that it was ok.

Her response confused me. She told me that a part of her always had always loved me, and that she didn't want me to move on from my feelings because she didn't want to lose me in that way. She told me that I should wait for her. She says that a lot. She says that "all i have to do is wait" or that "i would wait for you." But she also says that she can't promise me anything or even a time window in which anything could possibly work out. She insists that she is open to the idea, but can make no promises about if anything will happen, or when that would take place.

Overall, her response confused me and I don't know where to go from here. She's still very much in love with her boyfriend, and she says that she can't promise me anything, and at the same time wants me to wait? I don't know if I should just try to move on or not.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:22

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

I used to work with a lady who married her cousin.

Then he left her for another of his female cousins.

Guess he just liked loving his relatives.

They were from Lincolnshire, I suppose that might have something to do with it.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:21

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

I had a really attractive female friend who had a really attractive female cousin and she told me about all the times they experimented with eachother and it made me confused feeling, but ultimately I think you should not touch your cousin's genitals?

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:23

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [17 M] with my best friend [18 F] of 8 years, I finally confessed my feelings for her, got an incredibly confusing response.

Geez, she really wants to keep that worm on the hook.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:31

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me [24/F] with my boyfriend of two years [26/M], we were anonymously seeking a threesome partner and our friend [23/F] replied...she's engaged.

quote:

My boyfriend Steven and I have been together for two years, and it's by far the most solid stable relationship I've been in, and also adventurous...to the point where we feel comfortable trying something new and engaging in a MFF threesome. We've both talked about boundaries thoroughly, we know the potential consequences, we know what we're in for. That isn't exactly the problem here.

A few days ago, Steven and I posted anonymously on a hookup app/website that we were looking for a threesome. We left out our names and faces, but included pictures of us (I hid my one visible tattoo for safe measures). Basically, looking for a unicorn; I didn't have the highest hopes that we'd get a real response, but I was 100% down to try anyway.

Well yesterday I came home from working the evening shift and right away my boyfriend ushers me into his room to look at his laptop. We got a response from a girl on this app...and it's one of our closest friends, Claire.

There's very little doubt about it -- a couple of the pictures are ones that aren't on any of her social media, and one is semi-nude (you can see her birthmark). The grammar and tone of the response sounds exactly like her, she and I text and hang out often and I can almost hear her voice while reading it.

Claire has been with her fiance for 5 years, who is also a friend of ours, and they recently got engaged. In every conversation I've had with her, she's seemed over the moon about getting married to him. We're close, and she's never mentioned anything about having an open relationship with him.

Steven and I have no idea where to go from here. I love Claire, and I love her and her fiance together, she's a sweetheart, but doing nothing about this feels wrong. Do we talk to her privately? Anonymously forward the screenshots to her fiance? All four of us hang out pretty frequently with our larger group of friends, and I would feel sick to my stomach if Steven and I just tried to act normal around her.

tl;dr: My bf and I posted anonymously looking for a threesome partner, and our engaged friend replied. I don't think she's in an open relationship. Totally lost on what to do.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:31

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Talk to her privately or forward to the fiance wow that's quite the range.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:33

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [24/F] with my boyfriend of two years [26/M], we were anonymously seeking a threesome partner and our friend [23/F] replied...she's engaged.

I like being they wanna have a threesome with some random but don't consider that maybe Claire's relationship is open

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:34

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

monkeytennis posted:

I used to work with a lady who married her cousin.

Then he left her for another of his female cousins.

Guess he just liked loving his relatives.

They were from Lincolnshire, I suppose that might have something to do with it.

I'll just replace Lincolnshire with "the Ozarks" in my mind and I'm sure I'll be close.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [20F] with my roommate [21M] gave me an ultimatum, is the answer black & white.

He tried, that's always going to be awkward. Oh well.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:36

many johnnys: May 17, 2015

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [20F] with my roommate [21M] gave me an ultimatum, is the answer black & white.

Post it to Facebook, and tag him in it

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:44

Theotus: Nov 8, 2014

many johnnys posted:

Post it to Facebook, and tag him in it

Ruthless.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:46

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

many johnnys posted:

Post it to Facebook, and tag him in it

you. I like you

don't spoil yourself you'll regret it
My [24F] friend [M/26] jokes about suicide. I don't find it funny yet he likes to "trigger" me.

quote:

I am in a Group Chat with several of my friends and the friend in the title (K).

K complains constantly (been more than a year probably) about being a virgin, life being hard, being lonely, jokes about being depressed, everything. Despite all the advice and straightforwardness we have given him, he refuses to do anything about it whether it's manage his appearance (he is definitely not fit or skinny, skin isn't the clearest, style is fine) or change his behavior (chooses to not speak to women in fear of rejection, expects women to be attracted to him without him doing anything different). I even went with the "If you wanna be here to talk I'll listen!" approach and he always responded with "Nah."

Recently we went out to a bar and my boyfriend tried to wingman for K, pulling the "Have you met K?" line from HIMYM. Didn't go well. K paid for their drinks despite my BF telling them K wasn't paying for drinks and just wanted to talk. As soon as my BF left K and the two girls they were talking to on the dance floor, the girls ran out of the bar (and later came back in when we left). I feel this made K feel worse about his situation.

The next day K spams our Group Chat with "KMS" = kill myself during lulls in the chat. I ignored it at, but then I start linking suicide hotlines and therapy websites. The conversation went like this:

K: KMS

Me: link

Friend: Try this on a girl, maybe she'll pity bone you.

K: That's pathetic lol I'll just livestream on 4Chan.

Me: We can't be your emotional punching bag forever! I'm going to post links until you get someone who can professionally help you.

K: Yes you can. KMS. /wrist. Loooool

Friend: Stop OP you're just adding fuel to the flame.

K: /triggered

Me: K clearly doesn't give a gently caress about me as a person despite me trying to deal with a serious issue in a serious manner :') lovely

K: So salty. That's a cheap shot. OP being so serious...

My BF then called the suicide hotline and used the approach given to him on the phone for K and K just laughed in his face and said "Of course I'm not really wanting to kill myself, it's a joke!"

My question is how do I deal with a friend who acts like a "troll"? Do I just ignore him even though he could be half serious? What if one day he really feels suicidal and I chose to ignore it because I don't believe it? Am I overreacting? Do I need to be more patient? I've never dealt with someone who is so outward about being lonely or I think in this case depressed. He isn't an incel, but he jokes about being one and I'm scared he might delve into that kind of mentality one day. I don't know...

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:47

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

you. I like you

don't spoil yourself you'll regret it
My [24F] friend [M/26] jokes about suicide. I don't find it funny yet he likes to "trigger" me.

He needs an account

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:51

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [24/F] with my boyfriend of two years [26/M], we were anonymously seeking a threesome partner and our friend [23/F] replied...she's engaged.

Tell the fiance so he can watch, while sobbing.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 18:59

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Clark Nova posted:

Tell the fiance so he can prep the bull, while sobbing.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:08

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Clark Nova posted:

Tell the fiance so he can watch, while sobbing.

Have an MMF instead. With the fiance.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:12

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

don't spoil yourself you'll regret it
My [24F] friend [M/26] jokes about suicide. I don't find it funny yet he likes to "trigger" me.

He probably doesn't want to kill himself yet. He's covering for his hosed-up internal turmoil by "joking" about what has been on the tip of his brain for a while now. His already demolished self-worth would be swept up and dumped in the trash the moment he admitted his weakness. Right now, he can't be suicidal even if he's close, because his brain is trying to hold poo poo together. Obviously it is fairing poorly.

He could just be a dick, but most people wouldn't be so insistent about this after friends expressed genuine concern about suicide risk. They likely wouldn't react with derision to an honest attempt to talk about it, either. Confusion or embarrassment, sure.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:13

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

don't spoil yourself you'll regret it
My [24F] friend [M/26] jokes about suicide. I don't find it funny yet he likes to "trigger" me.

Guessed almost perfectly. Had a "friend" just like that minus the edgelord, plus not knowing how to not have his porn of a teenage cartoon character in the Windows 8 screensaver

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:15

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My [22F] boyfriend [23M] of two years made me pee my pants in his car and is now making me pay to have it cleaned

The ones where someone is blatantly being abused and are like 'hey reddit, is it unreasonable of me to be upset that my SO treats me like poo poo??' just make me sad :smith:

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:27

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

quote:

My (24m) girlfriend (28f) of two years just announced that she's moving to Chicago and she "doesn't want me to get all emotional about." She never let me know that she was thinking about this and is leaving at the end of the month.

ive been with Janet for two years and I'm so in love with her it hurts. We live in a smallish city and I know she hates it here but we agreed to stay because I have an amazing job doing maintainece for the county buildings. We had agreed we would get married and just signed a two year lease in January.

Last night she said she had something to talk about with me, of course I got that sinking feeling and she said "I'm moving to Chicago at the end of the month." I thought she was kidding of course but she said that she'd been looking for a job there fox six months and it finally came through. I said well aren't we moving to Chicago because we're a couple. She said that she would consider remaining a couple as long as I "didn't get all emotional about it" but that she needs to get her feet planted in her new job before I come and "bug her" (her words)." I started to kind of tear up because it was so shocking and she said that was the kind of bullshit she was talking about. I said I had a million questions,she told me to relax and the left probably to go to her sisters house.

So I guess this is happening. I'm madly in love with her but I feel left out of loop, sad and a little betrayed. I can't make the rent on our house alone and I'm the one that put the deposit down. I'm just so confused about what is going down. She says she loves me but it doesn't feel like it.

tl;dr: Girlfriend surprised me that she's moving to Chicago at the end of the month, she said it's possible we stay together but I can't get emotional over it. I don't know what to think at all.

loving ouch. This one physically hurts.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:32

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

corn on the cop posted:

loving ouch. This one physically hurts.

ooof

i have to wonder how amazing a job doing maintenance for county buildings can really be, though

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:36

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

Boyfriend (27M) is in a band and his ex (25F) still follows him around, I (26F) am uncomfortable with this

quote:

My boyfriend of 8 months is the drummer in a semi-famous band in our city and tours around to play. They have a lot of fans, especially female, which doesn't bother me at all- except Jenna. She is my boyfriend's ex and shows up to every single performance.

I really don't want to call them groupies because that doesn't seem like the nicest word but that's basically what she and her friends are. Two of them have slept with members of the band, including her, and also flirt with/sleep with the security, sound, and design team to get into the concerts for free or hang around or do whatever they want. I get it. They're fans.

But he and Jenna dated for about a year and he said he dumped her because she was getting too possessive and controlling. He did not go into any other detail except that and that they were just not a good match. She has since found me and messaged me on Instagram, saying things like "you are so pretty! I am so glad you are with *Jake!" and "Will you be at the next concert?" And I have tried to just be friendly with her since she seemed to be trying to be (weirdly) friendly with me.

But then I find that she has recently been messaging him things like "she doesn't even know all your songs" and "why would you be with someone who isn't even a fan?" and "she doesn't go to your any of shows- I DO." My boyfriend does not have his phone locked and when she texts it just shows up on the main screen and I saw these messages. It was all one-sided as far as I could tell.

The truth is that I didn't even know he was in a band when we first met. They don't play the type of songs I listen to typically and I wasn't aware of who they were. I think in a way that's why he liked me, since I wasn't just a fan. So it's true I don't know every single song of theirs - but it doesn't make me a worse girlfriend!!

I also don't go to every single concert. She does. But when I go to see them, she is always there and always waves at me like we're the bestest of friends. It is so awkward.

He just tells me to not worry about it. I try not to- and I do trust him. But it's just weird and annoying. Is there anything I can do about this? Just let her do what she wants? Would it be stirring up trouble if I say something to her?

tldr: Boyfriend is in a band and tour around and his ex still follows him around with her groupie friends. She also still messages him and has also messaged me. I feel uncomfortable with all this. Is there anything I can do?

edit I have to mention that he did tell her to back off months ago in a text message, something very generic and cold like "I have a girlfriend now, please do not contact me anymore, I will not respond." And after that she has texted him but he has never responded back. So I guess he didn't actually block her but he also just doesn't engage with her. Also I am a fan of his band! I'm not oblivious of what he does or unsupportive... I'm just not a HARDCORE FAN with posters and memorize all their songs and idolize them like she and her friends do. We just do other things, non-band related.

I like that the band isn't even proper famous.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:36

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

ooof

i have to wonder how amazing a job doing maintenance for county buildings can really be, though

You really pick the loving weirdest parts of the story to focus on, huh?

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:37

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

corn on the cop posted:

loving ouch. This one physically hurts.

This is rough but amazing job doing maintainece for the county buildings makes me question his aspirations

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:38

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

corn on the cop posted:

loving ouch. This one physically hurts.

It's loving stupid to move for someone who springs that on you.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:37

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

It's loving stupid to move for someone who springs that on you.

Yea especially considering she's been looking for a job for six months and never mentioned it

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:39

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

You really pick the loving weirdest parts of the story to focus on, huh?

Who's focusing on anything? I just thought it was funny. You really pick the weirdest way to interpret the things I say.

Blue Train posted:

This is rough but amazing job doing maintainece for the county buildings makes me question his aspirations

THANK YOU

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:39

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Mirthless posted:

ooof

i have to wonder how amazing a job doing maintenance for county buildings can really be, though

Probably a nice pension/retirement plan, good health benefits, and since they mention being in a small town very low cost of living that allows for a very nice lifestyle

(unless the person splitting rent with you on a two year lease moves to Chicago and leaves you holding the bag)

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:41

Barudak: May 7, 2007

corn on the cop posted:

loving ouch. This one physically hurts.

You picked a fine time to leave me, Janet

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:41

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

WampaLord posted:

You really pick the loving weirdest parts of the story to focus on, huh?

No dude it's a really valid objection. You have a lady you're dating. You know she doesn't want to live where you live. But you go "But wait, I am doing MAINTENANCE FOR THE COUNTY!" This is not really a prestigious position, you can probably get a maintenance job with a hotel or bunch of other places in a major city.

So when they had this discussion previously he dismissed her concerns and talked up this cushy rear end job he has as if it were something special. This lady probably figured out this guy is perfectly content to stay where he is, and wants this gal to be his accessory for that lifestyle, despite her clearly stating that's not what she wants.

How do you expect this stuff to play out?

"I want to be somewhere else"
"I want to be here.. and I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU"
<person A can either stay forever, or continue with their stated desire to leave>

This dude is both selfish and manipulative. The reason they can't move is because he has a good job and said no. He of course signed a two year lease to further drag her into his lifestyle. And when it's clear that she is willing to move to Chicago at all costs, now he's going to cause all kinds of drama. I have to move with you, but what about the lease, etc. She wants no part of it. If he wants to join her there, he can. If not, oh well!

I am 100% behind that lady's actions and agree with Mirthless, assuming I'm not overstating his point.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I agree with Rathgar.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:43

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

That's like, actually bother to sue your ex for unpaid rent territory, jesus christ.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:43

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

She hid the fact that she was looking for an out of town job from him for SIX MONTHS!

She is absolutely the one at fault here. You have to communicate poo poo like this, not just stew in resentment then up and move.

E: She also told him to not cry like a bitch when he got upset over the news, holy gently caress she's a monster.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:43

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

That's like, actually bother to sue your ex for unpaid rent territory, jesus christ.

This is the real issue.

Also his job could either pay insanely well or be complete poo poo but we wont know. For instance, a locksmith could make a few hundred a week doing basic lock touch ups for a building or he could make 8 grand a job if hes contracted well. Theres too much variance.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:45

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Buried lede in this one. I pity the husband.

I'm [27/f] happily married [27/m] for over a year and beginning to have strong feelings for my coworker

quote:

u/monkaann
My husband is amazing. He's everything I could have asked for; supportive, sensitive, caring, loyal. The thing is that I've been deeper in love and I don't have all that much fun with him. I've had an ex that I know I've loved more than him but it didn't work out. Now I've begun to have a fun exciting friendship with a coworker, we'll call him Pete. Pete and I spent some time outside of work together and it was just so much fun. I've tried to goof around with my husband but we just don't have that kind of connection.

Many people at work joke about our relationship and say Pete and I are secretly in love with each other. I'm pretty blind when it comes to people liking be but I'm sure Pete has some kind of feelings for me.

Now time for the plot twist, my husband is open to me seeing other guys. I just think that if I take that step there is no going back. What if it ruins my marriage? What if I fall in love with Pete? How would that be fair to Pete? And should I tell Pete, "hey, you know I'm in an open marriage "?

When I'm around Pete all I want to do is kiss him and when he texts me my heart skips a beat. I've never felt these things with my husband, even in the beginning of our relationship.

I don't know if these feelings will pass or if I'm going to miss out on something great.

tl;dr: my husband said we can have an open relationship and I'm falling for a coworker but I don't want to make the wrong move.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:45

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

unless county groundskeeper guy is leaving out big chunks of the story it just seems like she had given up on him and didn't let him know he was about to get dumped or he just missed her signals. there's a slight age gap there which otherwise wouldn't matter but if she's doing this for her job then as you approach your 30s you really start to get interested in a career that's going to carry you forwards and are willing to cut people loose if they're holding you back from that

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:45

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Rakthar posted:

No dude it's a really valid objection. You have a lady you're dating. You know she doesn't want to live where you live. But you go "But wait, I am doing MAINTENANCE FOR THE COUNTY!" This is not really a prestigious position, you can probably get a maintenance job with a hotel or bunch of other places in a major city.

So when they had this discussion previously he dismissed her concerns and talked up this cushy rear end job he has as if it were something special. This lady probably figured out this guy is perfectly content to stay where he is, and wants this gal to be his accessory for that lifestyle, despite her clearly stating that's not what she wants.

How do you expect this stuff to play out?

"I want to be somewhere else"
"I want to be here.. and I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU"
<person A can either stay forever, or continue with their stated desire to leave>

This dude is both selfish and manipulative. The reason they can't move is because he has a good job and said no. He of course signed a two year lease to further drag her into his lifestyle. And when it's clear that she is willing to move to Chicago at all costs, now he's going to cause all kinds of drama. I have to move with you, but what about the lease, etc. She wants no part of it. If he wants to join her there, he can. If not, oh well!

I am 100% behind that lady's actions and agree with Mirthless, assuming I'm not overstating his point.

These are some decent reasons to break up with someone, not lie your rear end off and sign a two year lease with them while secretly planning on leaving them holding the bag. No one's angry that she doesn't want to date him any more.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:46

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

These are some decent reasons to break up with someone, not lie your rear end off and sign a two year lease with them while secretly planning on leaving them holding the bag. No one's angry that she doesn't want to date him any more.

Yea if she just broke up with him like a normal person, I wouldn't be mad. She loving lied and sprung this poo poo on him last minute.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:47

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# ? May 13, 2024 23:18

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

WampaLord posted:

She hid the fact that she was looking for an out of town job from him for SIX MONTHS!

She is absolutely the one at fault here. You have to communicate poo poo like this, not just stew in resentment then up and move.

E: She also told him to not cry like a bitch when he got upset over the news, holy gently caress she's a monster.

Ok so here's the quotes from the story:

quote:

We live in a smallish city and I know she hates it here but we agreed to stay because I have an amazing job doing maintainece for the county buildings. We had agreed we would get married and just signed a two year lease in January.

If you know someone hates it there, what are you doing asking them to stay? It's not going to work. Like right there that's a huge red flag. There was a problem in the relationship and the solution was "We do it my way, because of my maintenance job." I don't care how much it pays, you can get a job doing maintenance in a big city if that's what you do in a small city.

The other part is that I'm reading between the lines here, but I get a manipulative / weepy vibe from this dude. That he asks for what he wants and when he doesn't get it, he cries. This lady may feel that it's not constructive trying to have these discussions with him, and did what she needed to do for her own life.

There are some people you will not convince, and when it's clear that no agreement will be reached, taking off is the right move. Hey, the dude lives in the town he wants with the job he wants. What's the problem? He can find another lady, or he can make plans to move out there with her - without too much weeping about how horrible this is.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 19:47

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