Elsa posted:

I assume the two year lease girlfriend didn't have it in her to break up like an adult or got scared after doing the math of $30k in rent. Basically sticker shock. Bottom line is she decided she didn't want to be with him. And that happens a lot. Wanderlust-induced sociopathy

Drunk Nerds posted:

lol I owe... is it rathkar? Whomever it is, I owe them an apology. Just this Monday I said my favorite game itt is to come up with weird reasons that would flip the guilty party to the person whom everyone thinks is wronged. Then rathkar does EXACTLY that and I'm all "you're stupid."

Sorry, I'm laughing at my own hypocrisy

gentle pete posted:

from the comments-

quote:

I love good, adult-oriented anime. It's not an issue with the genre at all, when it's done well it's great.

The problem is, he's watching WAY more kid-oriented things like Naruto or those sports-oriented ones like Haikyuu. I just don't see the appeal of watching a junior high school volleyball team play volleyball for 500 episodes. There was also a bicycle racing one he was into for a while that honestly really creeped me out - way too many zoom-ins on 12 year old boys' thigh muscles for my taste. The main characters are all children with child-like problems and every episode is the same, but he has to watch all of them in order. I just don't get it. Trust me, I've tried to get into it, I just.. can't.

Drunk Nerds posted:

lol I owe... is it rathkar? Whomever it is, I owe them an apology. Just this Monday I said my favorite game itt is to come up with weird reasons that would flip the guilty party to the person whom everyone thinks is wronged. Then rathkar does EXACTLY that and I'm all "you're stupid."

Sorry, I'm laughing at my own hypocrisy

quote:

So for the past few days, I've gotten several angry men at my apt building telling me to open the front door and buzz them in. Apparently they were expecting to hookup.

I can understand why they would be pissed since they spent the time and money to travel to my place. I asked the few that were calm enough to talk to me if they had any screenshots of the conversations but apparently the person who they were talking to blocked them as soon as they reached my apt building which erases their convo. One of them talked to catfish me through Grindr and another through Scruff.

I have such a strong feeling that it was my ex who I havent talked to in a month but I have no real proof. I moved on very quickly post breakup and its not my fault if you're hurt by that tbh. Literally no one else has reason to do this to me. Do I contact the apps? Would they even give me the conversations if they had them? I'm at wits end. My roommate is pissed as poo poo and we are already on not great terms. What can I do? Any ideas of how I can get something to use as proof of harassment?

quote:

Just a background on my family and I; we're Catholic but I don't talk about it that much. My parents are much more into their religion than I am, while for me its just a personal thing that I won't talk about or mention unless asked. While my parents are devout, they don't ever force their religion on anyone and they are polite and respectful to everyone, same goes for my siblings really. My girlfriend is an atheist. We both are aware of our difference in religious beliefs and we respect that. We don't ever discuss it, its just something we are aware of and respect.

My family has never met my girlfriend before, I sometimes talk her up, so my parents were excited to meet her, as were my brothers and sisters. When she came for dinner at our house, she was very nicely dressed, and very polite the entire time. I had neglected to mention to my parents that she's an atheist, I probably should have, but I forgot and it just didn't come up.

Usually when we have dinner, we say grace beforehand. Before we had dinner, my mother asked if my girlfriend would like to say grace for us, my girlfriend said with a laugh "I don't believe in fairy tales." There was a very awkward pause and my mother seemed very embarrassed, then she said grace herself, and we had dinner. There were no other oddities or problems for the rest of the meal, but it was a bit awkwardly quiet and uncomfortable.

Afterwards when she left, my parents told me she seemed very nice and didn't even mention that incident. I however feel it was a bit rude. She could have just said "I'm atheist" or "I'm not religious." Instead she went for "I don't believe in fairy tales" which I feel was unnecessarily derogatory. I was unsure whether I should confront her about it or just leave it, but I decided I should probably say something. When we were alone later, I asked her why she said that. She told me it was a joke, I told her it was a bit rude and she could have politely declined in another way. She said it was their fault for assuming she was religious, I told her maybe so, but she didn't need to be rude in response. She maintains it wasn't rude and it was just a "joke" but I feel it was needlessly disrespectful.

Am I wrong here in addressing the issue and asking her to be more polite next time, or was she right that its just a joke and I shouldn't have troubled her for it? Should I press the issue further, or just drop it and apologise for bringing it up?

tl;dr: Catholic family, girlfriend is atheist. She came over for dinner, mother invites her to say grace, she responds with "I don't believe in fairy tales". Awkwardness ensues. I feel the response was unnecessarily rude, but she maintains it was just a joke.

quote:

My GF and I have been dating for about 5 months. This is by far the best relationship I've had, and we have so many things in common such as video games and playing music. She is a great, independent woman with an interesting job and hobbies (archery and falconry). These are some of the things that attracted me to her in the first place.

Now about 1.5 months ago, my girlfriend traveled with her brother (28M) and their childhood friend (28M) to Peru. She had been saving for the trip since before we met, and though I was a little dubious about her going, I gave her my blessing. In Peru, they did all of the normal touristy stuff such as seeing Machu Picchu and hiking through the jungle, but they also did something I would consider risky. The three of them went on a retreat with a shaman and performed a ritual involving psychedelic drugs. They took ayahasca and smoked DMT. I didn't know about this ahead of time. This really bothers me. She is in some kind of jungle, with a man she doesn't know, vulnerable and taking drugs. It's something I'd like to know about.

When she came back she seemed like a changed person. She said her trip was incredible and changed her life, and that doing psychedelic drugs has given her a new perspective on "the human experience". Since returning, she has been reading a lot of philosophy books and constantly is trying to talk to me about their content and have deep conversations. She has added some new cliche "spiritual" activities to her life such as doing yoga and meditation. Although I'm glad that she is happier now I can't help but dislike her new activities because of what they symbolize - her relationship with god and her past of doing drugs.

Also, I am not really THAT against her using drugs as long as she does it safely. She has told me about her past using mushrooms, LSD, and ecstasy, and I am fine with that. I've been known to smoke weed a few times a year, and I drink a beer or two pretty much every day after work. I'm not interested in using anything beyond that (I have a history of addiction in my family), but I don't mind that she has. What bothers me is that since coming back from the trip, she and her brother have been looking for DMT in our city and plan to take some more if they find it. When I expressed this to her, she said something along the lines of "I understand that you don't feel comfortable with it, but I need to do this for my growth."

Her newfound relationship with god is really testing my patience. I am an atheist, and believe that there is absolutely no god. That the wonders of the world can be explained by science and logic rather than something mystical and imaginary. These are beliefs I have thought a lot about and hold dear. Before this trip, my girlfriend was self-identifying as agnostic. Many of the conversations she tries to have with me now are really deep and intellectual about subjects that are interesting to me such as science and nature, but she always tries to put a religious/spiritual spin on it. She will say that consciousness is something that persists after death while I believe that when someone dies they cease to exist. She always tries to tell me that out beliefs are not at odds, that she still believes completely in science. I just don't see how these concepts can exist in tandem. When I object and correct her, she will get frustrated with me saying that I "just don't understand". This is really frustrating because it belittles my positions and the conclusions I have come to.

What should I do? I don't want to leave her, but it's frustrating trying to talk to someone whose beliefs are based on psychedelic drugs and visions of god. She acts in a cliche way and I feel like she's a different person since Peru.

tldr: GF smoked DMT, got spiritual, now wants to take more drugs and talk "nature fractals" nonstop

EDIT: I just want to make it clear to all the people telling me to do drugs myself that it's a conscious decision I've made for my life. I'm not interested in doing drugs - I have a family history of mental problems (including schizophrenia) and substance abuse. The mental and physical health risks as well the illegality of drugs (which could potentially ruin my life and career) make it not an option for me. I'm not "close-minded" because of my decision, it's just not something that interests me, and the potential mental/legal consequences are not worth it in my eyes. I don't really care if other people do drugs, but it isn't for me.

EDIT 2: Not that I care about my karma on a throwaway account, but the downvote brigade seems really misplaced and venomous. Especially on posts like this in which I'm trying to clarify her positions about faith but get downvoted because the reddit hivemind has deemed me as "close-minded" and "a big baby" for not wanting to do drugs, while still advocating for people to have their own belief systems and values. Talk about hypocrisy.

quote:

I'm 29, male, and have been married to my wife who is also 29 for four years. We have two young children. My sister in law, her sister, is 26.

Last week, my wife and I were hosting a dinner at our home. It was a lovely gathering, both my parents, and my wife's sister were present.

For the most part, my parents love my wife and they get along amicably. Her sister is a bit more rambunctious, shall we say, and at times I wonder if she's grown out of the college mentality. She's mostly a lovely girl for the most part, and she always delights us with her funny stories.
Well, last night at dinner, she said the F word twice, and the first time my parents gave each other an "oh dear" look, and the second time, they asked her to be polite and not swear. She was taken a bit aback by this, and tried to excuse it off, making it seem like they were overreacting, kind of like "jeez okay". I said to her, "there's no need for that, you're at our home, I would agree with my parents and ask that you remain respectful." I tried to say it as politely and smiling as I can, but she clearly didn't take it well.

My parents are pretty Catholic, I'm Catholic too, my wife was sort of a lapsed Catholic but has become more religious like me since we became in a relationship, and her sister is adamantly atheist. [EDIT: PLEASE NOTE, I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING AN ATHEIST NOR DO I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY SHE USED THE F-WORD. I AM MERELY HIGHLIGHTING IT BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT ILLUSTRATES SOME OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HER AND US. I RESPECT PEOPLE OF ALL BELIEFS.] We respect each others beliefs but you can tell from the get go that there is a fundamental different in attitudes.

A few days later, my sister-in-law tells me she's been thinking about what I said, and says she feels it was uncalled for on my part. She told me that I shouldn't have overreacted like that, and treated her like a child. I told her that it was not too big of an ask to ask she remain respectful at our family home. She then told me that I'm a hypocrite because she's heard me use the F word at least once, and I was being condescending and sexist because I asked her to not use it. I told her there was no way it could be construed as sexist, and she told me that I wouldn't have had such expectations of a male, but because she's a woman, that I expect her to be more quiet and passive, and that chauvinistic men don't like to see women be loud or stand up for themselves.

At this point I told her she was again crossing some boundaries, and if she preferred, she would be just as welcome to not attend any future dinner gatherings at our home. I may have been a bit harsh, because now there's kind of a rift between us and we haven't spoken.
My wife has not really said much in all of this, I've told her about it, I think she tacitly agrees with me but I think she doesn't want to get involved in any conflict between our family and her sister. She thinks my sister in law is being ridiculous in her accusations, but she never spoke up about her disapproval of using the F-word in our home, nor did she show any sign of disapproving my parents rebuking her. She kind of just ignored the whole thing.

I'm not sure what to make of this, I don't think its too big of an ask for either me or my parents to ask that my sister-in-law use polite language in our home during a quiet even, especially in front of my parents. I don't think its comparable to a swear word flying out of my mouth here and there when we're outside of the home and not in the presence of my parents. I think context is even more important. I'd never swear in front of my parents.

I think she's being even more ridiculous in trying to turn this back on us for merely asking her to be polite and then accusing me of being sexist, which I hugely object to. I am starting to seriously wonder if there is a fundamental difference in values between myself and my sister-in-law and it might be better just to not invite her into our home until she learns to grow up, mature, and act her age.

tl;dr: Sister-in-law used F word during dinner at our family home, parents rebuked her, asked her to be polite, I agreed, she got offended, called me sexist. My question is I am wondering if I am at fault here and would like advice on how best to address the situation and proceed from here so I can have an amicable future events.

Haifisch posted:

The magic word is atheist:

My girlfriend [21f] had dinner for the first time at my [21m] house with my parents. She is atheist, when they asked her to say grace, she responded with "I don't believe in fairy tales".

blarzgh posted:

the joke is that it was worded that he saw his therapist wearing a thong at the beach. I don't get the joke, but I get that it was a joke.

La Brea Carpet posted:

To be fair, in a lot of places in the south, asking a guest to say grace is seen as a polite thing to do. A weird, litmus testy thing to do, but still polite.

Going "LOL sky wizard" the first time you meet the parents is not a good look, especially if you know they're a religious family.

Haifisch posted:

My girlfriend [21f] had dinner for the first time at my [21m] house with my parents. She is atheist, when they asked her to say grace, she responded with "I don't believe in fairy tales".

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm an atheist of Jewish background and I just go along with my Orthodox Jewish family's practices when I'm visiting them. I was at my parents' Pesach Seder earlier in the week and it was fun! But I'm also not a crazy militant atheist and I just do not understand weird rear end judgmental people like this dude's girlfriend. What's the reason to fight battles you will never win? Just be a civil, decent person, regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. That's all it comes down to.

ArbitraryC posted:

Situation coulda been easily avoided if they didn't strongarm her too tho, I feel like respect goes both ways here.

ArbitraryC posted:

Situation coulda been easily avoided if they didn't strongarm her too tho, I feel like respect goes both ways here.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

All she needed to do was say "I'm not comfortable with saying grace right now" or the like. She had absolutely zero reason to denigrate their religious beliefs.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I think she's a massive easily triggered bitch with no respect for his family and could have just said, no thank you.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Yea but if you're dating a Muslim and going to dinner with the family you have to be prepared for that, rather then drawing Mohammed on a napkin as a sick burn.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I don't know why but this made me laugh like an idiot. That's like a drunk Jim Jefferies thing.

CharlestheHammer posted:

No think you would have the same effect honestly.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Yeah as if a muslim family asking one of them to say a muslim prayer would have gone over well.

They're both lovely, but let's not pretend like putting someone on the spot like that about their faith is anything except the height of rudeness.

ArbitraryC posted:

It just seems super forceful to me, as I said I respect other people's religious beliefs and even go to the random church on occasion when invited because I understand that their faith is important to them and sometimes that means they want me to participate, but putting someone on the spot like that feels p much exactly like a "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" situation. Say grace with the fam and she can politely go along with it, don't force it on her like that.

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird because I really had to bring up the idea of other faiths to emphasize how rude it is, we're all so scared of the militant atheist e-people stereotypes that we can't just accept it deserves the same level of respect and consideration as literally any other religious view.

It's p simple, don't put people on the spot about their religious beliefs, that's invasive and rude.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

No, asking someone on the spot to do something that might conflict with their religious beliefs is not in any way correct.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

ArbitraryC posted:

Situation coulda been easily avoided if they didn't strongarm her too tho, I feel like respect goes both ways here.

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird because I really had to bring up the idea of other faiths to emphasize how rude it is, we're all so scared of the militant atheist e-people stereotypes that we can't just accept it deserves the same level of respect and consideration as literally any other religious view.

It's p simple, don't put people on the spot about their religious beliefs, that's invasive and rude.

cyberia posted:

Oh hey, it's my last relationship from the perspective of my ex (who, coincidentally, has bipolar). We dated for 8 years and it took another 18 months of yes, no, on, off fuckery before I finally severed completely. She got this idea in her head that because we'd been together for so long through our 20s she'd somehow missed out on some fundamental part of growing up (it was the loving a bunch of different people part) so we broke up and then every time she'd have a depressive crash she'd beg me to get back together with her because her life was a dumpster fire then she'd go manic (she was off her meds and doing a ton of coke at this point) and run off on a bender and I wouldn't hear from her for two months. Rinse repeat, rinse repeat, ,

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I think she's a massive easily triggered bitch with no respect for his family and could have just said, no thank you.

cyberia posted:

Oh hey, it's my last relationship from the perspective of my ex (who, coincidentally, has bipolar). We dated for 8 years and it took another 18 months of yes, no, on, off fuckery before I finally severed completely. She got this idea in her head that because we'd been together for so long through our 20s she'd somehow missed out on some fundamental part of growing up (it was the loving a bunch of different people part) so we broke up and then every time she'd have a depressive crash she'd beg me to get back together with her because her life was a dumpster fire then she'd go manic (she was off her meds and doing a ton of coke at this point) and run off on a bender and I wouldn't hear from her for two months. Rinse repeat, rinse repeat, ,

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Social decorum and tact is about not blowing up over minor annoyances like your boyfriend's family making a tiny little faux pas in asking you to say grace, especially if you have any interest in having a long-term relationship with the dude. It has very little to do with belief and everything regarding her totally rude lack of respect. There are polite ways to go about awkward situations and hers was the worst type of reaction. It's no different than if his girlfriend was Muslim or Jewish and said an incredibly insensitive comment as opposed to politely saying "I'm not comfortable with saying grace". The end.

boner confessor posted:

they didnt' strongarm her at all. they made a polite request and she botched it in a pretty rude fashion