Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Getting back with your high school girlfriend as a middle-aged adult sounds like the worst idea imaginable.

(Okay I dunno, maybe you could get with her now-in-high-school daughter for the actual worst idea.)

CannonFodder posted:

Your inheritance is gone before the horse even arrives, sorry

Haifisch posted:

Me [35 M] with my parents [65 M&F]. My parents f***ed up their lives (financially). How do I tell my parents I can't help them, even though I technically can?

Leon Einstein posted:

Oh well. It's his prerogative.

quote:

My (19/F) boyfriend (19/M) of 2 years quit the hobby that brought us together, he "grew up". Now I feel stupid for not quitting, but it is my favorite thing to do, and what I do with my best friend.

I am an introvert, and creating my own space is very important to me. I want to be able to alone in my boyfriends presence, if you know what I mean..? I want to be able to chill out in the same room as him without doing something together. Right now it seems like he spazzes out a little when we finally do this - like he's on the couch and I'm on my computer - he becomes aware and restless and I think it feels wrong to him.

Me and him live together and have for 1 year. Before that, we were long distance for a year. I love him and we can have a lot of fun together, and I am happy to have him around.

My favorite way to unwind after a long day is to grab my blanket and a cup of tea and play some World of Warcraft or Dark Souls. I can play and drink tea all day, it soothes my soul. BUT. When my boyfriend comes home, I don't enjoy it anymore. I feel like I'm almost causing him to resent me a little, like he thinks I'm wasting my life or something. We used to play together, but about 6 months ago he quit playing altogether and since that, I feel a little guilty that I still play.

I always turn off the computer 10 minutes before he comes home, I go out and make him a cup of coffee and wait for him to come home. I don't really know what to do with myself. We used to play together but he quit 6 months ago, he sees it as 'he grew up'. Now I just feel little and stupid to still want to play.

Often times I just kind of hang around until nighttime, then sometimes I play after he has gone to sleep and sometimes before he wakes up. In a talk we had he said that he wishes I didn't play computer, but he knows that that is his own problem and not mine. So he is not being mean about it, it seems like his is all in my head or something. But I almost can't get myself to do the thing I like the most when he is there, which is taking its toll on me.

When he goes to do something like play the piano he often goes "hey come play the piano with me" - this means he plays and I stand next to him. Maybe I sing or something. I'm starting to tell him no, I would stay here on the couch than stand over there, and I can still sing from over here if I want. I don't know, this just makes me feel a bit like an accessory. I don't know if that makes sense.

It's even come to the point where I get disappointed if he says he will be home early, and I plan my work hours around when he is home and when he is not. (I work 3 hours after school 2 days a week, and I tend to go on the days when he is home early. On the days when he work late I will then have a lot of time to myself)

What is the problem here, and whose problem is it? I know I have a tendency to overthink and to break my arms and legs trying to make people happy.

Thanks, Reddit.

TL;DR: I go to work when my boyfriend is home so I have more time to do the things I like. I just sit around with him when he comes home, because I feel guilty otherwise. This seem unhealthy. I'm not sure what the problem is.

EDIT: there have been some misunderstandings - other than 6 hours of work a week, I ALSO go to school 7 hours a day. Just to clarify

EDIT 2: So many comments!!! Thank you all so much for your diverse advice. I read it all and I try to respond. <3

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Khorne posted:

Is she addicted to WoW? What is even going on in that post.

quote:

When he goes to do something like play the piano he often goes "hey come play the piano with me" - this means he plays and I stand next to him. Maybe I sing or something. I'm starting to tell him no, I would stay here on the couch than stand over there, and I can still sing from over here if I want. I don't know, this just makes me feel a bit like an accessory. I don't know if that makes sense.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

she justs wants him to sit near her while she plays video games, lol

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

she justs wants him to sit near her while she plays video games, lol

quote:

I said that we don't have to do things together all the time, and that we can just do bigger things sometimes instead of small things all the time. But he just misses me really quickly. I miss him too, but it seems we miss each other in different ways I love the idea of spending time together doing different things. This is what my strongest friendships are based on

quote:

Hmm, I definitely don't just sit around when he gets home. I love him being happy so I like to suggest going for walks or going on trips/picnics as I mentioned in another comment. When he is happy I am happy, so I like to do these things with him. The problem is when we don't do something 'big' together, something planned like a walk, he still wants to do something, just anything with me. THIS is what often ends up in sitting around, as we have had a good afternoon together in the park, and so when we get home we still kind of have to do something together. I don't know if this makes sense...

quote:

He wishes I wouldn't play computer at all Recently I put my computer out back to see if I had an 'addiction'. It was out there for a couple of days, and I have other hobbies too so I was fine, but I can definitely feel how it makes me happy to play. My boyfriend left for a trip and was gone for some days, and the first day I didn't have it. But then when he wasn't around I got a little bores and I missed playing with my friend. So I put it back in, and when he got home he described it as brutal and ugly that I didn't last longer.

quote:

First of all I would like to say that I don't want a lot from life, I just want a good feeling I my belly. I recently got out of a very deep very bad depression, maybe it affects my overall life-energy. Also I'm on medication. I don't know if it has anything to say but I definitely get exhausted quickly (especially in social situations). With that said, I think I would live a happy life (unless my state is due to medication/illness) in a prison cell, as long as I had a pc, my dog and my knitting gear. I realize this is not normal, but it is how I feel.

BUT. When he finally suggests we do something together, I don't turn him down. It happened a few times I guess, but it is close to never. Second, when he suggested the piano thing all I had was the book we were going to read together. We went to the couch to read a chapter (I read aloud for him sometimes), and I sat down, got ready, and he went to play piano. The problem I had just was that we went to read and he went to play piano, and then I was waiting for him. We also played guitar together earlier today, on two guitars. That was nice (and it was my idea)
So maybe I have a problem on my mindset and my ambition, but I don't think this is it

Who What Now posted:

I have both a therapist and psychiatrist and both help me immensely in different ways.

Bonzo posted:

They both sound immature though.

Bonzo posted:

Annnnnd here we go. I don't think it's because she's playing video games, it just seems that this is her only interest to do with free time. The boyfriend needs to be honest about what he wants to do and stop dancing around it.

My guess is that he thinks if he can get her doing other things, he'll "fix her" or whatever.

They both sound immature though.

Mirthless posted:

how the hell did you come to this conclusion from that block of text? The dude is preying on her insecurities like loving mad

this is a textbook abusive relationship between a narcissist and a chronically depressed person

ArbitraryC posted:

I dunno, to me it sorta sounds like all she wants to do with her free time is play wow and has slowly become aware that her boyfriend thinks it's weird/unhealthy. He's a weenie in other ways too yeah but literally the only activity she mentions being interested in is WoW.

quote:

He wishes I wouldn't play computer at all Recently I put my computer out back to see if I had an 'addiction'. It was out there for a couple of days, and I have other hobbies too so I was fine, but I can definitely feel how it makes me happy to play. My boyfriend left for a trip and was gone for some days, and the first day I didn't have it. But then when he wasn't around I got a little bores and I missed playing with my friend. So I put it back in, and when he got home he described it as brutal and ugly that I didn't last longer.

Haifisch posted:

What was your first clue, him being smotheringly clingy or her doing convoluted scheduling to hide WoW from him?

Bonzo posted:

Annnnnd here we go. I don't think it's because she's playing video games, it just seems that this is her only interest to do with free time. The boyfriend needs to be honest about what he wants to do and stop dancing around it.

My guess is that he thinks if he can get her doing other things, he'll "fix her" or whatever.

They both sound immature though.

quote:

I [25m] experimented with fingering my butt, got caught in a lie, and now I'm starting to get angry at my girlfriend [24f]. [NSFW content?]Relationships
submitted 2 years ago by thraway1945
I have a wonderful girlfriend named Erica that I've been with for 5 months. We fell head over heels in love with each other pretty much immediately and I can honestly say I've never cared for someone this much. We have arguments occasionally, but we are always open and honest and work through it. Unfortunately, she has recently caught my being dishonest, doesn't know what to believe, and is currently giving me a sort of silent treatment that is seriously worrying me.
So this Thursday my girlfriend worked 1 to 10 and and I had the day off, perfect opportunity to invite my buddies, Josh and Gordon, over to my place for Thursday night football. They come over at around 5pm and we have beers, smoke some weed, watch the game, and they leave around 8pm when its clear Baltimore is gonna win. So I'm on my couch reading reddit and eventually come across a thread on prostate stimulation. It sounds interesting, and in a move totally unlike me, decide to try it out. My girlfriend and I have discussed this subject, and I've always been apprehensive, thinking I wouldn't really like it, but in my buzz I kept thinking "what if I do?"
So I fire up some porn on my ipad and start to "prepare" myself. At first I was just rubbing a condom on my fingers/butthole but about halfway through I remember I had a free sample of lube from a condom box and went to find that. I ended up using the whole sample, and things were quite slippery when I was done.
So by the time this is over its like 9:00. I clean up as best I can, and then kind of try to watch TV and forget about it because I didn't find my prostate and didn't like it at all. I check my phone and realize my girlfriend texted me while on her 15 minute break and I missed it, which almost never happens. When she texts me again at 10 when shes off, I tell her after Josh and Gordon left I fell asleep for a little after due to the alcohol/weed. White lie that was a mistake.
So shes texting me as shes leaving work and she suggests coming over to my place to watch some netflix and cuddle. I wasn't expecting it since she was saying during her lunch that her head hurt and she just wanted to go home and sleep, but I tell her of course she can come over.
She comes over and everything is normal, shes telling me about her day, I tell her about mine. Eventually things get intimate and she starts to go down on me. Pretty much right away she notices the residual lube and asks why I have lube on my penis. I tell her I tried this lube sample to jerk it earlier and she believes me, but doesnt continue with the sex, instead getting up to use the restroom. She comes back visibly upset because in the bathroom she saw the discarded condom/wrapper in the trash. She comes back and says she can see whats going on, that she can taste liquor on my breath, I missed her texts while she was on break and its because something shady is going on and I kind of freeze up. She then asks if I'm lying and I tell her yes I am, but it's not what it looks like, I got drunk and curious and tried to massage my prostate.
She's completely shocked, and tells me theres no way I would do that, that I'm not interested in that, and that I'm still lying. I plead with her, point out that the condom wasn't "used", that she could text Josh and Gordon and confirm they were here most of the night, and the fact that its so unlike me is the reason I lied and said I slept through her last break instead of telling her I missed her text because I was fingering my butt. She takes a minute kind of processing stuff in silent, then says she doesn't really know what to believe because the only for sure thing about the whole situation is that I was dishonest at some point. I tell her again I'm telling the truth, and decide to go through the whole story again. She goes back to silent mode, and just seems kind of disgusted by me. She can't even look at me and says something like "what kind of person does that? you can be obsessed and weird about sex." and I respond with "what do you mean?" "where is this coming from?", etc., but she gives me more silent treatment before telling me shes going home.
When she gets home she texts me that she made it home safely per usual, and I apologize again and tel her good night and that I love her. She responds with "Yep. Goodnight. I'm sure you'll have fun by yourself tonight."
And now I'm just feeling hurt. I feel like such a gross and lovely person for lying but know I feel like she believes me and she's just trying to shame me for exploring my body as well. Is she lashing out because I was being dishonest? Or am I right to be hurt? My worst thought right now is that she is close minded and if I ever want to explore things in the bedroom she'll shoot it down so I should just get out anyway, but I really do love her and don't want this to end. I know I lied but I'm very vulnerable and I'm just getting treated like a total scumbag, even though I was when I lied I guess. I tried texting her a few more times since I know she isn't sleeping (instagram activity) but got no response.
I just don't know what to do. Should I leave her alone for a while? Try to discuss how lovely I'm feeling? Or is that bad because she's the one who should be hurt? Ugh.
TLDR:
I decided to try to find my prostate, didn't tell my girlfriend, she noticed lube everywhere and knew I was dishonest. Now I'm seeing a kind of ugly side to her and feeling hurt even though it is my fault

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

the weirdest thing about that post is that almost all of the comments are saying she plays too many hours of games a day, which, i would never ever have expected from reddit

quote:

My boss is the CEO of a small (30 people), fast growing, start-up business. The business is doing so well and tipped for great things. I've been there one and a half years and risen through the ranks to be a senior and respected member of staff, very close to the four directors and one of their most trusted people. My boss hinted from early on that I was tipped for senior management and would have a place on his board of directors as decision maker, and maybe even receive a shareholding.

However, in the last year, I have fallen in love with one of the other four directors and founders. We're all good friends, and there isn't any hostility (CEO admits we are the two most well-matched people he has ever come across) - but ultimately he believes it's not possible in our company for us to be a couple and both be board-level in the future. He also has a problem with me being a 'girlfriend' to a director, which he sees as an important support role to be protected, while also being his executive, who he wants to put pressure on to perform, like he would any other.

I personally don't see the problems the way he does, and think there are many advantages that outweigh and dwarf these possible future issues he is worried about. I am in favour of a 'grey' solution, where we combat any clear issues while maintaining the relationship and my position of relative importance in the firm. However, he sees it more black and white: I can either be a girlfriend or have a seat at the table as a future leader of the organisation.

I love my partner very much, and he seems so right for me and vice versa. But I'm realistic and know we may not be together forever. Career chances like this don't come around that often, and I can't throw it away just yet, but love and a family matters more to me as a long term goal.

I wouldn't be happy as just a girlfriend or just a hot shot young executive - what can I do? Any experiences of similar situations appreciated.

TL;DR boss thinks senior couple in business is not possible, need to choose between career opportunity and possible true love

Haifisch posted:

I (23F) am being forced by boss (27M) to choose between promising career and my relationship with co-worker (30M).

"Possible true love" that started in the last year. Definitely not the honeymoon period.

PleasingFungus posted:

incredibly owned

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Haifisch posted:

I (23F) am being forced by boss (27M) to choose between promising career and my relationship with co-worker (30M).

"Possible true love" that started in the last year. Definitely not the honeymoon period.

quote:

I [ 44/m ] am unsure if I should move in with my best friend [41/f]. It is a messed up situation.Non-Romantic
submitted 1 year ago by CanadianGordon
I am in my mid 40's. I am 5 foot 5 . I was born with a few birth defects that have destroyed my life so far ( because I allowed them to.) I was born with a penis deformity called hypospadias. It is surgically correctable however my parents chose to ignore it as well as not tell me a thing about it. As a result I assumed I was the only guy on earth like me, A freak of nature meant to die at birth but didn't. Often I wish I had. I was also born with one testicle and have a borderline micropenis at 3.5 inches erect. That length is really just a guess because I have not been able to see my dick for about 20 years and have not been able to reach it for over a decade. I was/am so ashamed of myself and insecure once I hit puberty I wanted to be a ghost. Invisible, especially to girls. I found comfort in eating. The bigger and fatter I got the less people interacted with me..I ate until I maxed out at 560 pounds in my early 30's. My plan worked. Not only did I avoid any chance of a girl ever being interested in me but I found I was able to be friends with girls and not fear them because I knew I disgusted them if they thought about me in a sexual way. I prefer female friends. In my mid 20s I met a girl through work. I was forced to spend hours and hours working with her in tight quarters training her. We became friends then best friends then room mates within 2 months of meeting. She was unlike anyone I ever met before..she was nice, and very sensitive and very emotional. I had learned to bury my emotions and never ever show them, guy's like me can't do that. She would get pissed off or upset if I said the wrong thing without thinking first and was easily offended. Because of this I was forced to become very honest and open with her including with emotions. I did not realize it but I was falling in love with her... Not good with my hosed up situation.. Once we were living together we grew closer than ever, we were becoming emotionally very intimate. I began to trust her.she was the only woman I trusted enough to relax around and we would have fun wrestling or play fighting all the time. We would fall asleep side by side on the living room floor or on the couch frequently. Everyone from friends to family were positive we were sleeping together no matter what we told them. Absolutely nothing sexual ever happened though, I wouldn't let anyone see me ever and she was not even slightly interested in me sexually anyway ( thank you fat wooohooo). We lived together like that for 8 years. She was and still is my best friend. During that time she had 3 boyfriends come and go. One of those guys was cheating on her, I busted him, we got into a fist fight over it. I loved her and refused to let any guy treat her like that. She accused me of beating her guy up out of jealousy. I was really upset and hurt she thought that so I took the biggest risk of my life and told her yea i was in love with her without a doubt but I was born hosed up and couldn't sleep with her if she begged me to because my equipment didn't work like a normal guys and I only beat him up because he was a cheater. I left it at that. She was ok with that explanation and we were good again. Our jobs eventually took us to separate cities and we lost contact. Fifteen years went by, I had mostly forgotten about her. I kept eating, got up to 560 lbs. I nearly died in hospital 3 times on 3 separate occasions, twice from pneumonia and once from a blood infection. The third time I decided enough is enough and started looking for help with my weight. I found a bariatric surgeon, followed his program for 2 years but never got accepted. I was defeated and pretty much gave up on life.. Severe depression set in. I pushed all my friends away and literally lived in my mothers basement eating and playing world of warcraft by myself 16 hours a day for a decade. I never had a face to face visit with anyone other than family for many years. A nurse at my local hospital found out about a new bariatric surgeon and I joined his program half heartedly. That was 2 years ago. The program is very good and I have lost 106 pounds in the last 18 months. I am scheduled for the bariatric surgery April 15 My long wait is coming to an end. In the last year I discovered via the interwebs that I am not the only guy on earth with a child size dick and my horrible deformity is actually a common thing. 1 in 200 guys have it. I have read in various places on the net guys like me can find rare women who will accept our freakish anatomy yet I don't dare let myself think I may ever have a chance to be in a relationship with someone but that right now is the motivating factor driving me to go through with the pain of the surgery. It may be a horrible reason but I have a pretty hosed up brain. I didn't think I would ever be willing to let anyone see my useless junk but maybe ill find someone and not be so lonely any longer. Life sucks all by myself now. Also as I get older, the thought of a gal rejecting and ridiculing me isn't the end of the world. I have been seeing a councillor for the last 2 years as well as part of the surgical program. She is who made me realize I got fat to hide from sex and the fear of ridicule. Shes helping me attempt to find some confidence and self worth. As part of my therapy she made me tell 2 female friends everything to pop the " dirty little secret" bubble I carry. She insists to get over shame I need to let myself be vulnerable.. Thats exactly what I am trying to avoid here.
About 3 years ago she found me again on Facebook and we chatted once every couple months. Then I chose her as one of the 2 women I told my secret to. We started chatting a few times a week on messenger for a bit , then We had a phone call, then started coming over a couple times a week for a few hours to hang out and talk. Shes Single again with 3 kids now ranging from 7-13. We are back to our deeply personal intimate talks. Shes the only person I am comfortable with still to this day. Shes is very supportive of my weight loss surgery. We used to have so much fun together she really wants to introduce her kids to the old me before I got so fat. Back in December she asked me to move in with her and her kids. Her reasoning is. I am lonely as hell here, She is a single and could really use help with looking after her kids. She has no intention of bringing any more boyfriends into her kids lives. It is too hard on them. I think shes assuming I will be around for them far longer than a boyfriend of hers would be. For the last several weekends she has dropped the kids off here on Fridays and picked them back up on Sunday nights. I love them and really am enjoying the experience of helping her out with them. They are beginning to really relax, trust and have fun with me. I am never going to have my own. Even if somehow I manage to find someone willing to settle for someone as useless as I am, not to mention if I ever get brave enough to do it I am too old to responsibly have children of my own.
I have a few concerns however. I know I care much more for her than she does for me. That is ok with me ... It has always been like that, but sometimes she does things I can not figure out...She got really really angry with me when I told her I was flirting with someone for a couple months now that I see often for work reasons. I mentioned I was groped and was freaking out a chick touched me and said she thought I would be hella fun in bed. I was telling her because I was excited, happy, kind of scared and totally overwhelmed. She always tells me about her guy stuff and I always support her in good and bad times. I was expecting support, tips or even a congrats from her, Not her getting all pissy at me. She wouldn't talk to me for an entire week after that. Then she stayed out drinking all night one night I had her kids leaving me staying awake all night waiting up for her. She did not even call me until almost 16 hours after she was due here... The most recent thing that concerns me is just 4 days ago I was called and told my surgery date is in the next 2 weeks, ending my 2 year wait..but I told her I would take her kids for 3 days around the same time so she can go to a pit bull concert in las vegas. When I told her She should arrange another babysitter because I am getting my surgery her response was. Shes happy for me but now stressed about her trip. My first thought was I need to postpone my surgery so I can honour my commitment to babysit so she can go on her vacation...I mentioned it to her and she agreed.,.I have been thinking about this all night. How messed up am I to be willing to ask a surgeon to put off my life changing/ saving surgery for a week after a 2 year wait...and also it would mean me being on a liquid diet starving myself for an extra 5 days just so she can go to her vacation..it will be her 4 th vacation and 2 nd time to vegas since October last year.
I don't know if I should move in with her... I really want to give myself as much of a chance to find a girlfriend as I can. I really want to experience proper relationship love at least once before I die and I fear if I live with her it may never happen because she has some kind of power over me. She loves me but will never be in love with me..I also feel kind of like she now thinks of me as her babysitter rather than her friend. Maybe I should ask her for pay for babysitting or make her repay grocery costs to remind her? I don't think I will be motivated to try dating if I live with her, even when shes dating other dudes. I don't know how a future potential date would react to a 45 year old guy living with a woman and her kids, even just as room mates. I have almost insurmountable odds to overcome already with the scars I will have after skin removal surgery, my birth defects, my tiny penis the fact that I'm 45 and virgin, the fact I have never socialized in 20 years and have no clue how to interact in public. People have always just made fun of me, or were rude/ mean to me. I just don't trust or like people any more. it's going to be next to impossible to find a willing woman to go out with.. I don't even care so much about sex itself. It would be beyond hella awesome even to get to try it even just one time before I die but I am pretty sure I couldn't do it with what I got for junk anyway. I would be ecstatic to have someone to be close to who reciprocates equally.
tl;dr: Should I move in with my best friend ?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

[27/m] My wife's (28/f) boyfriend (20/m) just told me he thinks buying videogames is stupid, as you can always pirate them.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

[27/m] My wife's (28/f) boyfriend (20/m) just told me he thinks buying videogames is stupid, as you can always pirate them.



TLDR: Wife's boyfriend has shown that he doesn't respect my line of work, and I don't know if confronting him is worth losing the good life that we have right now

Elsa posted:

he can't even admit to reddit his real question is about his wife getting dicked down too much