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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
And definitely don't describe someone as 'an unrequited love' in the past, since that implies you're not over them. Be tactful and say, 'The guy under the Chevy Truck'

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Rat Patrol
Feb 15, 2008

kill kill kill kill
kill me now

ArbitraryC posted:

*in front of all your friends*
It was the perfect kind of sunday morning, classes just finished so we had gently caress all goin on and plenty of time to relax. We spooned for a couple hours, just enjoying each other's company before getting some morning excercise *nudge nudge, wink* to start the day off, man she gave great head. After a quick rinse off, together of course don't wanna waste water, we went and hit up our favorite brunch place. Yeah it's this one, I never could get enough of their waffles. Anyways she was super craving some sausage, even after I spent an hour giving her mine haha, but she was just ravenous. She got her normal eggs benny but also asked for 3 sides of sausage, the waitress was like "are you sure? 3 extra sides". and yeah she wanted it, that girl just loved her sausage, crazy right? I saw you had a side of it and it just reminded me of her.

How is this in any way remotely like, "lol my ex used to go crazy about olives, he once even got in a fight with a goddamned Subway sandwich artist about how many olives he was entitled to on his sandwich."

Yeah of course it's rude to describe your sexual habits in casual conversation, with exes or with anybody. But if you can't hear the phrase, "my ex," without picturing hardcore sex, that's 100% on you.

MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

There is a line between "My ex hates/loves olives and argued with subway man about it once" and "My ex used to plow my rear end in a top hat this way and it was good, please do the needful"

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

MF_James posted:

There is a line between "My ex hates/loves olives and argued with subway man about it once" and "My ex used to plow my rear end in a top hat this way and it was good, please do the needful"

yeah the former is a red flag for "holy poo poo you're boring"

PHIZ KALIFA
Dec 21, 2011

#mood
My mother forebade the eating of pimento-stuffed olives because she considered them Sinful for their Representation of the Sphincter.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

if you're participating in the extended debate about the ethics of telling your 'ex ordering a $5 footlong' anecdotal greatest hits dont front that you don't get the guy trying to turn extremely mundane conversations into a melodramatic flameout

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
I was just havin a bit of fun

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Am I [20M] wrong for wanting to stop dating this girl [20F] because she licked me in public?

quote:

I feel like I've read a story like this on here before and now it has happened to me. I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm being petty.

I met this girl online and we have been dating for about a month now. I honestly thought she was super cool and insightful and just overall a nice person. I feel like we've bonded over a lot of things together and have a fun time together.

Except last night, we were at the movies, she was resting on me when I start to feel a wet sensation on my arm, only to look down and see her licking me. She then stopped and looked up and said, "sorry I do that sometimes" and made what I can only describe as the IRL "xD" face.

It was so cringe-worthy to me. I feel like I want to stop seeing her based off of this one thing alone and I feel like that's kind of stupid but I can't help myself. It just felt super childish. I don't know.

Mini Update: Comments are getting a little hectic so I will say this before logging out for good -- I'm not going to tell her that it's gross/to stop. It's gross to me, but that doesn't mean it's gross to someone else. I am going to bring it up to her and just explain that it caught me off guard. But first I'm going to wait it out for a few days and see how I feel. Thanks for your help!

20-year-olds are so loving dumb :3:

Bunni-kat
May 25, 2010

Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

ArbitraryC posted:

I was just havin a bit of fun

We already have Pick, we don't need another person intentionally shitposting. The unintentional ones are plentiful enough.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

new phone who dis posted:

Every woman is like a 1 in 100 chance lottery ticket only instead of winning money you get a chance to disappoint them and ruin their faith in humanity. The guy who did it to Pick seems to be really good at it.

On paper it should have been a great love story, especially for him.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth

Pick posted:

On paper it should have been a great love story, especially for him.

He was bitter and jealous of your freakishly long functional legs.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Who What Now posted:

He was bitter and jealous of your freakishly long functional legs.

We were opposites in almost every physical way and I thought it was cute and cool and made for a good story. A dark-haired introverted kyphotic and a blonde extroverted arachnodactyl? Oh well, life is not a storybook.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Am I [20M] wrong for wanting to stop dating this girl [20F] because she licked me in public?

Buy her a salt-lick, NEXT!

Thumbtacks
Apr 3, 2013

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Am I [20M] wrong for wanting to stop dating this girl [20F] because she licked me in public?


20-year-olds are so loving dumb :3:

so random xd rawr

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
Me [22 M] with my girlfriend[22F] of about two months. She lists off reasons why she dislikes me daily, before telling me how much she likes me and why she doesn't want me to leave.

quote:

This is the first time I've had a real, committed relationship she, on the other hand, has had several (bad from what I can tell) relationships that ended poorly. She has a lot of "triggers" that make her angry or distant and I try my best to avoid them, but its hard.

When I'm around her I cant use my phone too often or she thinks I'm texting another girl (I'm not), certain casual works I use make her angry (e.g. "dope"), I also used to smoke cigarettes and weed and she had a panic attack when she discovered this, leading to her harming herself. She actually sent me a list of all the things she dislikes about me a week ago saying something along the lines of "If I didn't like you as much as I do I wouldn't even care about these things"

Like I said I've never been in a relationship before so I dont know if this is normal. Often she'll be in a good mood and something small I do (i.e. take out my phone) she'll become aloof and distant for the night.

I'm trying my best to be a kind, understanding boyfriend. She has a lot of rules about touching her and sex that I do my best to follow, but a lot of things are triggering to her and make her freak out.

A few days ago I was planning on sleeping over and, we talked about how Im leaving in a few weeks to go home (175 miles away) as we're both seniors in college. I plan on moving back her way soon (probably at the end of the summer) and the thought of being long distance made her hysterical. I tried to calm her down but she kept telling me that since I was new to relationships I didnt know what I was talking about. She was inconsolably sad about me leaving.

After all of this we laid down to bed and I grabbed my phone, which ,I hadn't touched in a few hours, to set up my alarm and check my emails. She started shooting me dirty looks and then laid down. I was on my phone for about a minute before she ripped the covers off the bed, grabbed her pillow and went to sleep on the couch. I decided it was best to leave and get a taxi home, as she frequently gets into these moods and my presence usually just makes it worse.

I guess what I'm wondering is, Is this normal? Is there anything else I can be doing to be a better boyfriend? I know she has a dark past and I'm trying my best to help, but sometimes it feels like I'm hurting more than im helping.

Edit: I completely agree with all of you. poo poo's hosed, I'm out. I do want to see if I can make sure people close to her know about her issues as I leave. Thank you everyone.

EDIT 2: New Question We havent communicated in a few days... I havent texted her and she hasnt texted me, we usually text constantly... can I leave it hanging or do I need to end it.

tl;dr: Girlfriend goes through phases of liking me hating me, lists off things she dislikes about me, last night she ripped the covers off the bed and slept on the couch because I was on my phone. Im just really confused and over my head
"My girlfriend is a hellbeast, is this normal?"

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound

Pick posted:

We were opposites in almost every physical way and I thought it was cute and cool and made for a good story. A dark-haired introverted kyphotic and a blonde extroverted arachnodactyl? Oh well, life is not a storybook.

And people aren't baby birds.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

new phone who dis posted:

And people aren't baby birds.

Well, birds are, when they're young.

Gloryhold It!
Sep 22, 2008

Fucking
Adorable

new phone who dis posted:

And people aren't baby birds.

Oh that explains why people were getting mad when I started puking into their mouths! Thank you!

I Was The Fury
Oct 19, 2012

Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Haifisch posted:

Me [22 M] with my girlfriend[22F] of about two months. She lists off reasons why she dislikes me daily, before telling me how much she likes me and why she doesn't want me to leave.

"My girlfriend is a hellbeast, is this normal?"

:redflag::redflag::redflag::redflag::redflag::redflag:

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
My 19 year old daughter has no life. Is she normal?

quote:

I am a mother to both a 19 year old girl and a 6 year old. My 6 year old who is in kindergarten, requires a bit more attention than my adult daughter.

The problem with my older daughter is that, she pretty much never leaves her room. She's in a community college so she still lives at home, has no kind of part-time job, and has ZERO friends. She does have a boyfriend who she sees once a month because he lives 3 hrs away.. but because of this monthly arrangement she has with him, it's almost impossible for her to get a part time steady job.

She has amazing grades mostly because she never leaves that room. All she does is eat and study! Other than being stuck in her room all day, her lifestyle is not very good. She's gained about 20 lbs over the last few years and keeps getting bigger. (she's not overweight just yet, but she's at the edge). The food we have in our house is not the healthiest because my younger daughter is underweight and I'm always trying to get her to gain weight, but the only person I see gaining weight is my 19 yr old instead.

I had my girl at a really young age so I know that I may not have been the best mother and I don't know if what she's going through is normal. I don't like to see her unhealthy, unhappy, stressed, and stuck in that room 24/7.

Aren't 19 year olds supposed to be out having fun and meeting people?

I sometimes wonder if it's because she still lives at home, would it be better for her to gain some independence and move out? Would her life be better? I moved out at a young age but that was because I had a baby. Does my daughter need a job? The only "independent" thing my daughter does is drive.

Is it wrong for her to be in a long-distance relationship? It's only 3 hrs. They're both so crazily in love with each other and have been together for 4 years. It hasn't always been long-distance for them either. Her BF used to live in the same city but moved about a yr ago. Also, according to his mother, my daughter's BF is always stuck in his room and has gained some weight as well. I've also been told that he gets depressed without seeing my daughter sometimes.

TL;DR; Could it be that I spend a lot more time tending to my younger daughter? My 6 yr old has problems of her own at school, and I'm always stressed because of how underweight she is. Unlike my eldest daughter, this girl never likes to eat!

One last thing to add is that my 19 yr old is very SHY. She's always been a quiet and timid person. Her personality has never stopped her from earning great grades since she entered college though, and wants to be a nurse!

quote:

She's always on her phone and her computer. She's usually watching movies and videos. I'm not sure if she talks to people on the internet (she probably does). But maybe i really am jumping to conclusions here.
Another shut-in nerd is born. The circle of life continues.

Of course the comments are mostly 'this is fine, she's just introverted, internet social lives are a good enough substitute for irl social lives."

Dunning Krugerrand
Dec 23, 2015

purestrain pyrite



Older boyfriend (43M) and I (27F) relationship changing into dad-daughter stuff, I don't know how to make it go back

quote:

I've always liked older men, but this one is my oldest to date. We had a very romantic relationship in the beginning and I loved how stable and calm he was (compared to my other boyfriends at least.) Always surprised me with little things like buying me flowers, bringing home my favorite dessert, fixing random things that I would briefly mention I need to get done. I do admit his older age appealed to me because he was somewhat playfully authoritative with me and acted kind of dominantly.

Now (over a year), I feel like our relationship is essentially ALL dad and daughter and I don't know when or how it became like this. My favorite dessert? He says I need to eat something before I just inhale a pound of pure sugar. Car making noises? He scolds/lectures at me for like 15 minutes straight before fixing it himself. Skirt too tight when we go out? Don't even think about it. Texting like ONCE during dinner? "You're always on that phone." God forbid I talk back too quickly to him during an argument- I'll never hear the end of how all I do is talk back to him, have attitude, how he wishes he could just smack me once when I'm like this.

I mean. I love him a lot. I know he cares for me immensely and wants only good things for me. But I feel like he's my dad sometimes and that's not always bad, I love that he is protective and concerned for me, but sometimes I just want to scream at him.

Is there anyway we can just go back to being a man-woman couple? I don't want to dump him just because it's become like this. Just less? I want it to be less. I have talked to him about this and he says he doesn't know what I'm talking about it, it's always been like this, this is just us, nothing has changed. I told him to lecture me less and he says, don't do things that would cause you to be lectured then. I mean. He just doesn't see it. What can I do to change this relationship back a little?

TLDR: My older boyfriend and I have developed a sort of dad-daughter relationship and although I like his protective, stable personality, I want him to be more romantic, less fatherly. How can I change us back? He says he doesn't know what I'm talking about, it's always been like this. I swear it hasn't. I love him but I need us to be more girlfriend-boyfriend. Advice?

Patrick Spens
Jul 21, 2006

"Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"
Pillbug
From r/confessions

It wasn't an accident

quote:

My boyfriend and I were together for almost three years. Over the last 6 months(?) he has been hanging out with this other girl. He assured me that she was just a friend and that I was being paranoid. Two weeks ago he broke up with me and told me that he wasn't "ready to settle down" but on Tuesday I found out that he was dating her. After I found out, I angrily sent some really embarrassing photos of him to his friends. I wasn't in the best frame of mind at the time and I wasn't thinking. I didn't hear anything from him until this morning. When he contacted me I planned on just saying "yes, I did it and I don't regret it" but when I saw his face and how upset he was I panicked and I ended up just pretending that I had no idea that I had sent them and that it was an accident.
I looked on his twitter and some of his friends have tweeted him, making jokes about it. They're being really mean about it. I regret doing it but I don't know what to do now.

So what were these photos?

quote:

He was into femdom stuff in the bedroom and a few times he cross-dressed. I would help him put makeup on and he'd wear a wig, a dress, panties and stockings and he also put a cage thing on his penis. I wasn't all that into it but he liked it. I didn't send any of the photos with his penis cage or with him in panties. I sent the ones where he's in full makeup while wearing a dress and he's sucking on a dildo. Those photos are less embarrassing than the other ones but I know that they're still really bad. Again, I know that it was wrong and I feel terrible about it. I've never seen him so upset with me before. To be honest, I'm still hoping that we can forget all of this and get back together.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

Patrick Spens posted:

From r/confessions

It wasn't an accident


So what were these photos?

hopefully they live in california or something and she can get sent to jail for revenge porn lol

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

hopefully they live in california or something and she can get sent to jail for revenge porn lol

I'm not sure those pictures would qualify as pornographic unless his genitals were visible.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008

I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
Hell hath no fury. Why do idiots allow digital photos and video of themselves in compromising situations?

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost

Pick posted:

We were opposites in almost every physical way and I thought it was cute and cool and made for a good story. A dark-haired introverted kyphotic and a blonde extroverted arachnodactyl? Oh well, life is not a storybook.

You dated Quasimodo?

Eh... I've probably dated worse.

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


ArbitraryC posted:

hopefully they live in california or something and she can get sent to jail for revenge porn lol

if not revenge porn i feel like this is a tort of some kind

TOOT BOOT
May 25, 2010

I'd laugh forever if someone posted a compromising picture of one of my friends in drag suckin a dildo.

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

if not revenge porn i feel like this is a tort of some kind

Would be hard to prove damages.

FormerPoster
Aug 5, 2004

Hair Elf

Zeroisanumber posted:

Would be hard to prove damages.

Just show the pic to the jury and prove the damage when they laugh their balls off.

Zerg Mans
Oct 19, 2006

here's a new smilie for y'all :killing:

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

My[30M] girlfriend[28F] is suing me, how can we get through this?

quote:

Not looking for judgement here, just advice on how to get through small bumps in relationships.

My girlfriend sued me for something related to her dog, but we decided not to break up and to handle the relationship separately from the suement. I've lost a lot of money in lawyer fees but the whole thing will be wrapped up soon.

The problem is that this has led to some resentment from both of us toward each other. Admittently, I haven't been in the best mood/mindset lately because I have no been able to afford food and other supplies due to the lawyer fees. Just wondering what kind of talk I could have with her to get this settled.

tl;dr: girlfriend is suing me because I affected her dog

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My[30M] girlfriend[28F] is suing me, how can we get through this?

What the gently caress did he do to the dog? And why are they still together?

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

Bored posted:

What the gently caress did he do to the dog? And why are they still together?
I bet he punched it

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My[30M] girlfriend[28F] is suing me, how can we get through this?

"my SO is suing me in a court of law but we're going to stick by each other"

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021


I don't think there's any level a relationship (romantic or otherwise) can get to that's worse than "solving our differences in a court of law". Just break up, for gently caress's sake. Though I am pretty partial to making life miserable for people who mistreat animals or whatever that guy did - I am assuming it is serious enough for litigation to be involved after all -, so screw him.

I mean, how dumb do you need to be to date someone suing you, FFS.

maskenfreiheit
Dec 30, 2004

Bored posted:

What the gently caress did he do to the dog? And why are they still together?

poor colby

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

ZearothK posted:

I don't think there's any level a relationship (romantic or otherwise) can get to that's worse than "solving our differences in a court of law". Just break up, for gently caress's sake. Though I am pretty partial to making life miserable for people who mistreat animals or whatever that guy did - I am assuming it is serious enough for litigation to be involved after all -, so screw him.

I mean, how dumb do you need to be to date someone suing you, FFS.

quote:

I know it sounds weird, but we thought this would solve things if there were a third party involved. That way we couldn't blame each other later on

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 05:12 on Apr 28, 2017

chernobyl kinsman
Mar 18, 2007

a friend of the friendly atom

Soiled Meat

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My[30M] girlfriend[28F] is suing me, how can we get through this?

i know we throw the word 'cuck' around lightly in tyool 2017 but dating someone who is literally pursuing litigation against you is about as cuck as you can get without berthing el pup

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A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Bored posted:

What the gently caress did he do to the dog? And why are they still together?

please take a minute to dream up the weirdest thing you think it could possibly be before clicking, based on what you already know of these two very sane individuals

I was told by /r/dogs to take my post over here.

I am a very experience dog owner but my girlfriend is... unappreciable, at best. She currently has some sort of bizarre doodle breed she paid $10,000 for (I wish I was kidding, folks) and this dog is insane. Zero training, the thing didn't even know sit when I met him.

I have since trained him and he's decently behaved around me. She still lets him run wild around her. The dog is massively overweight despite my best measures because every time I increase his exercise my girlfriend increases his food. Speaking of, she only feeds him hot dogs. As in she cooks hot dogs, puts them in buns, adds toppings and then feeds him about 5-6 per meal three times a day. I don't know how he is still alive.

I try to feed him kibble but she continues to sneak the hot dogs behind my back. I started keeping guard in the kitchen, throwing out any hot dogs that appear in the fridge but she still managed to stuff him full with them. I've gone so far as to camp out in front of the fridge for 2 weeks straight and she bought a mini fridge behind my back and hid it in the cabana. Stuffed full with hot dogs. I finally taught the dog to potty train despite her best efforts. She will not let him play with other dogs because she is very overprotective of diseases and doesn't even let him go outside (I have to exercise him when she's gone or very early before she wakes up). I've started sneaking him away during the day to a training facility so he can be socialized under the inspection of a trainer.

She refuses to cut the dogs hair so it's a dirty matted rag walking around. She says dogs in the wild don't cut their hair and she won't either. INSANITY. So last week while she was at work I shaved the dog's hair off. She came home and had a complete meltdown, screaming and sobbing uncontrollable. She ran outside and gathered all the hair and is keeping it in a box on our kitchen table. And has since rejected the dog and instead pets the shaved hair.

This morning she threw away a $60 bag of dog food and told me the dog must've eaten it overnight and would need hot dogs until we could get more. I have her on camera throwing away the entire bag that I paid for. This isn't the first time. She's tried to hide and throw away his leashes several times so I couldn't walk him among other things.

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