/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Pvt.Scott posted:

Well, if you really need a pic of Miles Prower, but with dog dicks instead of tails or something, I'm sure you can find a suitible substitute until I establish my alter-ego and PM you.

Presidential nominee Jim Webb actually responded to a related question

Confirmed real.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:17

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# ? May 16, 2024 05:28

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Pick posted:

Presidential nominee Jim Webb actually responded to a related question

Confirmed real.

This is extremely dubious reasoning

# ? May 1, 2017 23:22

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

Here's a massive, crazy post about toilet seats

quote:

Toilet Seat Debacle. I feel terrible. I need help with this.

My SO (MTF) leaves the toilet seat up. often. Last night, it blew up into a HUGE argument about feminism, gender, and transhood... I regret the whole thing. This isn�t the first time something really small has evolved into a heated ideological debate like this.

We were at a friends house, friend griped that the seat was left up (by SO), it really seemed like No Big Deal, the friend wasn�t trying to make it a gender issue, just griping about the seat, like she would if her boyfriend had done it. We go home. At this point I tried to explain how annoying and insulting it is when the seat is left up. I was surprised to find SO stood by the habit; saying that I should just �get it in my mind to check 1st, and put the seat down�.

I should have let it go. I have poor eyesight, and I fall into the toilet at least once a week because my SO leaves it up, and it is gross and it drives me bananas.

We were both drinking heavily that night; I was definitely drunk. Whatever it was that I was TRYING to say last night to plea for more sympathy in regards to the toilet seat... it ended up coming off as strongly invalidating to her gender. I really managed to offend and upset her, and it breaks my heart because I really dont want to offend her, ever. I want to find a happy balance between being a compassionate spouse and not letting certain topics slide completely off the table because I�m worried things might be taken the wrong way.

I never want to hurt her again and I was wondering if anyone else here might have had similar experiences with conversations that got similarly derailed.

To me, this was about the toilet seat. I'm wondering if any of you ever have a hard time communicating around the offensiveness paradigm.

----WALL OF TEXT DETAILS----

First of all, in the clear light of day, I really do see how that was a trigger and that teasing was NOT the way to go. I was wrong to do that, I started it, and I really really regret that. I should have apologized on the spot, and apologized for our friend who brought it up. I feel like a terrible person because I did not do that, I instead went the "well just stop doing that annoying thing then and people won�t be annoyed" route and I even kept that stance once we were home- and that was SUPER rear end in a top hat of me. Even if it is a constant annoyance to me I should�ve been kinder.

Anyway. We got home, the discussion continued. After a few minutes, we had both made it about the principle of the thing. At the time, my logic was, I should be able to discuss habits and issues that aren't directly related to gender with my spouse. From my perspective (at this point anyway) I was just plainly pointing out a thing she does that drives me nuts, and I really wasn�t about transhood or womanhood or anything.

In that moment I was thinking, "This isn't fair! I had a bulimic cisF partner in the past that ALSO left the seat up constantly. And blind clumsy me fell in then too! And I complained to her! We had the same argument but this never became about her gender! How is this so different?"

At this point, I'm drunk, and I am getting increasingly pissed off about the "why dont you just put it down" stance my SO was giving me.

Here is what I should have said: �I can�t see for beans. If I am not wearing my glasses, unless I were to physically feel the bowl with my hands I wouldn't be able to tell if it is up or not.� I don't think anyone would really argue with that. Of course, I did not say that. Here's where it started to get messy.

It occurred to me that "why don't you just learn to put the seat down" was a kind of douchey WMP thing to say, and I didn�t like that. I should not have shared that sentiment. I was drunk- and though I honestly can't remember exactly what I said, I know it was horrid and something along the lines of "Saying I should 'just put the seat down' is a sorta douchey WMP thing to say.� Now- in the light of day, when I replay this in my head from my SO's perspective, I'm pretty much calling her a boy in this moment. This is making me cringe as I type this, because I swear to you, I was not trying to say that �you are being such a boy right now� I really was appalled at the sentiment alone, I was angry at the sentiment. I found that sentiment to be almost unbearbly obtuse and yes, male. That hard stance of "why dont you just put the seat down" had an oversimplified male privilege ALL over it, and I just found that stance alone upsetting.

At this point I was just trying to be a spouse that disagreed with the ideology behind another woman's toilet etiquette. In this hideous drunken frustration I was failing miserably to do convey my feelings regarding that sentiment and why I find it ugly to my spouse without hurting her. And it felt AWFUL. I wasn�t trying to be prescriptive, (though I realize I came off that way) I wasn't trying to make this into "you have to agree with me to be a genuine woman" (though I realize I came off that way). Actually I was trying my drat hardest not to let the conversation go that way, and still I failed. Miserably. At this point I was getting increasingly upset because I was just trying to speak to the maleness of an idea I hated, and It kept coming back to being trans, or defending being trans� I tried and failed horribly to convey the below notions:

-Your perspective on this one single solitary thing directly conflicts with ideology that I would personally consider being fair to women at large. -I believe the toilet seat should be put down by the person who put it up. -The toilet seat is not something I interact with regularly, so I find touching it with my hands gross. Those who move it up regularly, I am assuming, do not mind touching it as much, so I am asking you to do that. -I don't think it is fair that I should have to touch the thing when someone else moved it for reasons unrelated to me.

Of course I did NOT say anything NEAR that articulate and careful and feelings were hurt all over. Here�s my Main Point: EVEN the above statement (one I PAINSTAKINGLY constructed to express that thought in a way that is least offensive) I still feel uncomfortable expressing THAT thought as delicately as possible. I�m talking about a toilet seat, it shouldn�t be this difficult. How do you deal with it when this happens to you? Do you offend your partner? Do you ever get frustrated trying to construct a thought or a sentence to not offend?

# ? May 1, 2017 23:23

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Just a little PSA, people who talk a ton about fetishes because they happen to be informed in some way other than participation and people who talk a ton about fetishes because they're in to all that weird poo poo come off looking exactly the same. You don't need to talk about dog dicks for multiple pages.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:25

Barudak: May 7, 2007

putrid aidsman posted:

Here's a massive, crazy post about toilet seats

I dont think the inventor of toliet seats cared this much

# ? May 1, 2017 23:26

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Wow that toilet post is a lot of words to say 'I got in a fight with my trans SO and insulted them by referring to them as their biological gender.' It's not even about the toilet seat.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:27

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

putrid aidsman posted:

Here's a massive, crazy post about toilet seats

Holy poo poo, I'm loving exhausted just from reading that.

These people must have literally no real problems in their lives.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:28

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

quote:

, it blew up into a HUGE argument about feminism, gender, and transhood... I regret the whole thing. This isn’t the first time something really small has evolved into a heated ideological debate like this.

Those people are really ill mentally.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:29

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Naerasa posted:

Wow that toilet post is a lot of words to say 'I got in a fight with my trans SO and insulted them by referring to them as their biological gender.' It's not even about the toilet seat.

Gotta use a lotta words to hide how much of a piece of poo poo they are

# ? May 1, 2017 23:29

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Grem posted:

Just a little PSA, people who talk a ton about fetishes because they happen to be informed in some way other than participation and people who talk a ton about fetishes because they're in to all that weird poo poo come off looking exactly the same. You don't need to talk about dog dicks for multiple pages.

yes I do

WampaLord posted:

Holy poo poo, I'm loving exhausted just from reading that.

These people must have literally no real problems in their lives.

I can't even decode what the gently caress she actually said through all the neurosis and self-flagellating

# ? May 1, 2017 23:32

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Grem posted:

Just a little PSA, people who talk a ton about fetishes because they happen to be informed in some way other than participation and people who talk a ton about fetishes because they're in to all that weird poo poo come off looking exactly the same. You don't need to talk about dog dicks for multiple pages.

You've seen the other poo poo we talk about in here, right?

# ? May 1, 2017 23:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Those people are really ill mentally.

Also this is not an issue of gender this is an issue of preferences that tend to reflect socialization and how people with particular body parts are socialized. You should be allowed to want to not dip your rear end in toilet water.

One of the reasons the toilet seat thing is such a hot topic is that it takes literally 1/10th of a second to put it down when you're done so that someone doesn't get toilet water on their butt cheeks.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:33

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I can't even decode what the gently caress she actually said through all the neurosis and self-flagellating

From my understanding, she basically said that not having to worry about the toilet seat is a male privilege.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:33

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I can't even decode what the gently caress she actually said through all the neurosis and self-flagellating

From what I can tell, there are actually three issues at play:

1. SO left the toilet seat up at another person's house.
- The SO is wrong, you should leave things the way you found them when you're a guest in another person's home.

2. SO leaves the toilet up at home and OP falls in because she's basically blind.
- They both have valid points and they should work out a compromise in 250 words or less.

3. OP told MtF partner to 'stop being such a boy'
- OP is wrong for playing that card and doubly so for doing it over something as stupid as a toilet seat.

In conclusion, SO is thoughtless and OP just wrote the prologue of her serial killer manifesto.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:36

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

quote:

I should have let it go. I have poor eyesight, and I fall into the toilet at least once a week because my SO leaves it up, and it is gross and it drives me bananas.

Wtf you would think you would learn "hey check this before I plant my rear end there" after 1 time if you were smart, but this is reddit so maybe after 4-5+ times you would learn? NOPE

Why does she feel the need to touch the bowl? You grab the top part, you know, the part that goes up and down aka the seat or seat cover, to see if the seat is up/down if you can't literally see.

Also, I skipped the bottom portion because god drat her writing is annoying "Here's what I said, but what I should have said was this".

MF_James fucked around with this message at 23:40 on May 1, 2017

# ? May 1, 2017 23:36

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Truly the toilet has made slaves of us all.

Bet those diaper fetishists don't have to worry about getting in those catty fights on the way home from a party.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:36

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

MF_James posted:

Wtf you would think you would learn "hey check this before I plant my rear end there" after 1 time if you were smart, but this is reddit so maybe after 4-5+ times you would learn? NOPE

Women are socialized not to check because we only lift the seat when we're cleaning the toilet, and the put it down after. Also most of us grew up in proper homes where the toilet isn't left in shambles every time someone takes a wee. Do you think any self-respecting maid would leave a toilet with the seat up?

# ? May 1, 2017 23:37

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

Naerasa posted:

From what I can tell, there are actually three issues at play:

1. SO left the toilet seat up at another person's house.
- The SO is wrong, you should leave things the way you found them when you're a guest in another person's home.

2. SO leaves the toilet up at home and OP falls in because she's basically blind.
- They both have valid points and they should work out a compromise in 250 words or less.

3. OP told MtF partner to 'stop being such a boy'
- OP is wrong for playing that card and doubly so for doing it over something as stupid as a toilet seat.

In conclusion, SO is thoughtless and OP just wrote the prologue of her serial killer manifesto.

tbf she didn't literally call her partner a boy, she said "Saying I should 'just put the seat down' is a sorta douchey WMP thing to say".... whatever that means

# ? May 1, 2017 23:39

Khorne: May 1, 2002

MF_James posted:

Wtf you would think you would learn "hey check this before I plant my rear end there" after 1 time if you were smart, but this is reddit so maybe after 4-5+ times you would learn? NOPE

Do people actually fall into toilets? I am large enough where I wouldn't fall in, but I've literally never sat on the wrong seat because you always have to check the seat anyway. Even if it's in the right configuration, out of 3 possible, it's not guaranteed to be clean or whatever.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:38

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Naerasa posted:

From what I can tell, there are actually three issues at play:

1. SO left the toilet seat up at another person's house.
- The SO is wrong, you should leave things the way you found them when you're a guest in another person's home.

2. SO leaves the toilet up at home and OP falls in because she's basically blind.
- They both have valid points and they should work out a compromise in 250 words or less.

3. OP told MtF partner to 'stop being such a boy'
- OP is wrong for playing that card and doubly so for doing it over something as stupid as a toilet seat.

In conclusion, SO is thoughtless and OP just wrote the prologue of her serial killer manifesto.

ok

my dear abby advice is that it's polite for her to flush after putting herself in the toilet

# ? May 1, 2017 23:38

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Khorne posted:

Do people actually fall into toilets? I am large enough where I wouldn't fall in, but I've literally never sat on the wrong seat because you always have to check it anyway.

I think this happened in the Alvin and the Chipmunks "Squeakquel".

# ? May 1, 2017 23:38

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

It sounds like that relationship is going in the toilet.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:39

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

wait does WMP = white male privilege? I get the male part I guess but I don't see how race intersects with the toilet seat issue.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:40

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

That's it! Nobody gets the toilet!

# ? May 1, 2017 23:40

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Khorne posted:

Do people actually fall into toilets? I am large enough where I wouldn't fall in, but I've literally never sat on the wrong seat because you always have to check it anyway.

Yeah, I have a few times because someone left the seat up and it was the middle of the night. I was sleepy and don't check. I've learned to check now. And where I live we both put the lid down to flush.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:40

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

WrenP-Complete posted:

A female friend of mine recently asked "why do men always really want me to pretend I'm laying eggs?" I have never experienced pressure to pretend I'm laying eggs in sexual scenarios, FWIW.

How... How do you pretend to lay eggs?

# ? May 1, 2017 23:41

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Khorne posted:

Do people actually fall into toilets? I am large enough where I wouldn't fall in, but I've literally never sat on the wrong seat because you always have to check the seat anyway. Even if it's in the right configuration, out of 3 possible, it's not guaranteed to be clean or whatever.

Yes, people literally fall in, gently caress I ALMOST did once because I was hammered but stopped myself just short. I have heard many a tale of woe is falling in the toilet seat and everytime I think "Why don't you loving check" Seriously, I didn't even fall into the toilet and I make drat sure to check every time now; wouldn't you make sure to check if you ever fell in once?

I'm also not a heathen male and I put the seat down after peeing, sometimes I'm too lazy to deal with the seat and just sit the gently caress down to piss.

MF_James fucked around with this message at 23:44 on May 1, 2017

# ? May 1, 2017 23:42

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

putrid aidsman posted:

wait does WMP = white male privilege? I get the male part I guess but I don't see how race intersects with the toilet seat issue.

wow, check your never spent time around insufferable idpol liberals privilege
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilCmywMin8I

# ? May 1, 2017 23:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

wow, check your never spent time around insufferable idpol liberals privilege
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilCmywMin8I

Please be sensitive to the people who lack hairline awareness privilege.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:43

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Who What Now posted:

How... How do you pretend to lay eggs?

I don't know, but I also didn't want to ask her to do it for me to show me. I said something like "Really, wow! I've never experienced that... ever, or even heard of that" and she said "I FEEL LIKE IT'S EVERY GUY NOWADAYS!"

# ? May 1, 2017 23:44

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

The solution is for the mtf so to get the wang cut off ASAP.

Unless they already have, and the op just has a drain in the floor.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 23:54 on May 1, 2017

# ? May 1, 2017 23:44

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Real answer: they sell silicone eggs you put up there and then plorp out for your man's pleasure, and possibly your own if this is happening by happy coincidence that there are two creepy dorks in the same room who both discovered what they're pretty sure is sex.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:45

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

That woman also claims that she had the same problem with a previous cis female partner. What was that girl doing in the bathroom that she left the seat up all the time :confused:

# ? May 1, 2017 23:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

UZR IS BULLSHIT posted:

That woman also claims that she had the same problem with a previous cis female partner. What was that girl doing in the bathroom that she left the seat up all the time

laying eggs

# ? May 1, 2017 23:47

Khorne: May 1, 2002

MF_James posted:

I'm also not a heathen male and I put the seat down after peeing, sometimes I'm too lazy to deal with the seat and just sit the gently caress down to piss.

I usually put the seat down but also put the top seat down that covers the hole if it exists. Now I wonder what people think.

Instead of falling in they're going to get an rear end full of seat.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:47

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Pick posted:

Real answer: they sell silicone eggs you put up there and then plorp out for your man's pleasure, and possibly your own if this is happening by happy coincidence that there are two creepy dorks in the same room who both discovered what they're pretty sure is sex.

Beaten to the punch like a strap on ovipositor.

I was thinking those vibrating egg sex toys. Dudes probably want to watch their lady rock those kegels. Then ejaculate on the eggs to fertilize them, of course.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:47

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

WrenP-Complete posted:

I don't know, but I also didn't want to ask her to do it for me to show me. I said something like "Really, wow! I've never experienced that... ever, or even heard of that" and she said "I FEEL LIKE IT'S EVERY GUY NOWADAYS!"

You know what you need to do.

E: should have read replies!

# ? May 1, 2017 23:47

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Easter is such a magical time.

# ? May 1, 2017 23:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

UZR IS BULLSHIT posted:

That woman also claims that she had the same problem with a previous cis female partner. What was that girl doing in the bathroom that she left the seat up all the time

waging devastating psychological warfare, evidently

# ? May 1, 2017 23:48

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# ? May 16, 2024 05:28

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Grem posted:

Just a little PSA, people who talk a ton about fetishes because they happen to be informed in some way other than participation and people who talk a ton about fetishes because they're in to all that weird poo poo come off looking exactly the same. You don't need to talk about dog dicks for multiple pages.

My new fetish is all about you sucking my dick

# ? May 1, 2017 23:51

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