/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Panfilo posted:

Look nobody is flipping out about anal sex being sex weird, and anal sex is basically having sex with poop, therefore...

that's why you do a quick enema right before

# ? May 5, 2017 04:20

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# ? May 14, 2024 06:23

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

NomChompsky posted:

that's why you do a quick enema right before

and then end up with a bunch of gbs shitposters pouring over the post your gf makes about how she wants to dump you for using her bathtub to aenema urself

# ? May 5, 2017 04:23

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

^^^^damnit^^^^^

NomChompsky posted:

that's why you do a quick enema right before

But (heh) what if you do it in your girlfriend's bathtub and she walks in?

# ? May 5, 2017 04:21

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

even better because you already got this dirty water for her to get in and get one done. no need to be wasteful

# ? May 5, 2017 04:25

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

La Brea Carpet posted:

In which the OP traded his overbearing mother for her exact clone

Me [30 M] with my GF [27 F] of 3.5 Years, Family and GF hate each other, and I'm stuck in the middleRelationships

Oof, dude should just fake his own death and start over.

# ? May 5, 2017 04:26

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

/r/relationships: The hamster is so costly actually.

# ? May 5, 2017 05:05

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

quote:

I don't get it why isn't normal sex ok for him!!!

i don't get it either friend

# ? May 5, 2017 05:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

NomChompsky posted:

that's why you do a quick enema right before

I once had to give my cat an enema and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how loudly a full grown human would meow

# ? May 5, 2017 05:29

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Pick posted:

I once had to give my cat an enema and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how loudly a full grown human would meow

actually, serious question: are there any other animals which are able to interpret pain as pleasure, to the best of our knowledge, other than humans

# ? May 5, 2017 05:31

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

putrid aidsman posted:

i could jackhammer and she wouldn't wake up

bennie of the doubt this man is imagining an actual jackhammer

# ? May 5, 2017 05:36

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

actually, serious question: are there any other animals which are able to interpret pain as pleasure, to the best of our knowledge, other than humans

Cenobites?

# ? May 5, 2017 05:39

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Pick posted:

I once had to give my cat an enema and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how loudly a full grown human would meow

# ? May 5, 2017 05:40

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

I had to do nightly enemas for like two years and there is nothing sexy about it man

# ? May 5, 2017 05:41

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Pick posted:

I once had to give my cat an enema and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how loudly a full grown human would meow [while backing out of the room awkwardly to hide his raging enema boner]

FTFY

# ? May 5, 2017 05:41

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My (18M) fetish/kink is ruining my relationship with my girlfriend (18F) of 7 months.

quote:

Not sure to use fetish/kink, because I'm not certain of its differences.

This is quite a huge problem, and it's ruining my relationship. I'm currently in a relationship with this amazing girl. She's my first, and she's wonderful in every way. I already met her parents because her father saw us around her neighborhood and he invited me to their house for dinner, and her parents are very fond of me too. We have common interests, we are comfortable of being in the same room but doing different things, we laugh about the same things and even hate on the same people ( lol ).

However, ever since we got sexually active two months ago, things started going downhill. You see, I have some sort of pee fetish. I can't get off on any porn that doesn't involve piss, and when it does, I can finish very quickly. It has gotten so far that whenever I come across pee porn, my heartbeat quickens and I have to urge to start jerking off immediately. This started a few years ago, and throughout the years, I kept feeding this fetish by watching tons of pee porn and jerking off to them almost everyday.

Now, before we have sex, my girlfriend always uses the washroom first. As she is peeing, the sound of her piss makes my heartbeat go wild. I always find an excuse to enter the washroom after she's done as the smell of her piss is still there, and it turns me on beyond words. It has gotten so bad that I'm playing with the idea of installing a hidden camera in the bathroom to record her toilet activities. I know I will never bring myself to buy a hidden camera as I won't be able to live with the guilt of doing this to the girl I love, but I can't stop thinking about it.

We still have amazing sex, and we both can come from sex. This is why I'm not sure if its a fetish or kink, because I can't finish without watching pee porn but I can come from having sex. However, this fetish is taking its toll on our relationship. For starters, even though I can come from sex, I'm no longer interested in initiating. I also dread sex because whenever she uses the bathroom before sex, I feel terrible whenever I put my ear against the door and listen as I feel like its an invasion of her privacy, but if I don't, I have no interest in sex at all that night, I just won't be turned on. Now, shes starting to suspect that I'm bored of having sex with her, but I just have no idea how to explain myself.

I tried to subtly find out more about her thoughts without directly telling her my fetish. So far, I found out that
*Shes pee shy, which means asking to watch her pee will simply not work because she can't pee in the presence of another person no matter how hard she tries. She told me that sometimes, when there's another person in the cubicle next to her, she can't pee either.
*She has no interest in pee play.
*She thinks that pee is dirty. ( I know it's not and I corrected her that actually, urine is sterile, but she insists that its dirty, so not much I can do here. )

I read through a lot of other threads before starting this, and most of the advice I saw was find someone else that would take part in my fetish with me or I'll be sexually unsatisfied, but this is not the case. I can still come from sex and the sex is really amazing. After we finish, I don't feel sexually unsatisfied at all. It's just the pre-sex that gets to me.

I'm thinking of telling her my fetish, but I have no idea how to start or when is a good time to tell her. In the first place, is it even wise to tell her? I genuinely think that she's the one and I don't want to ruin anything because I'm unable to control my fetish. Is there anyway to stop a fetish?
I think I'm more interested about whether there's anything I can do to stop my fetish rather than to tell her about it, any help?

Thanks for reading!

tl;dr: Pee fetish leading to girlfriend thinking I'm bored of having sex with her.

(Also stop watching piss porn)

Haifisch fucked around with this message at 06:08 on May 5, 2017

# ? May 5, 2017 06:05

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Urine is sterile AND pee play is still dirty :colbert:

# ? May 5, 2017 06:10

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

maskenfreiheit posted:

Urine is sterile AND pee play is still dirty

This is a common myth. Yes, if you're perfectly healthy, pee usually comes out sterile, but it's not a hard and fast rule at all.

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/turns-out-urine-isnt-actually-sterile-180954809/

# ? May 5, 2017 06:21

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Hamburgers and hot dogs are not BBQ, Yankee swine.

# ? May 5, 2017 07:37

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

# ? May 5, 2017 08:02

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Is this also the egg person?

# ? May 5, 2017 08:11

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

Charles Get-Out posted:

Is this also the egg person?

I wish it was eggs, or poop, or pee

just anything other than ddlg

# ? May 5, 2017 08:24

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Troposphere posted:

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

Inform them if you want to help them out and otherwise practice not caring when people have beliefs that are different from yours?

# ? May 5, 2017 08:36

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Troposphere posted:

I wish it was eggs, or poop, or pee

just anything other than ddlg

I don't remember this Doctor Seuss book.

# ? May 5, 2017 08:41

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Troposphere posted:

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

Pretend you're their dad. :smug:

# ? May 5, 2017 08:43

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

dudeness posted:

I don't remember this Doctor Seuss book.

"will you try DDLG?"

I will not,
Now please leave me be

"Will you try it
In a club?
How bout if
I cry and blub?"

I will not try it
In a club
Nor even if
you cry and blub
Please don't ask
I loving swear
I will not try it
Anywhere.
I will not try DDLG
I've said it now so
Leave me be

# ? May 5, 2017 08:51

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

Pick posted:

I once had to give my cat an enema and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how loudly a full grown human would meow

please don't do weird sex stuff to your cats

# ? May 5, 2017 08:58

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

"Could you, would you
With a cat?"

Sorry
I'm not into that

# ? May 5, 2017 08:58

im old rick bitch: Oct 19, 2004; How does it feel?

Pick posted:

I once saw a guy, maybe on this site, defend hentai by saying that in 99% of cases, the woman being raped comes to enjoy it, and that it's really a fantasy about being able to break down her ~barriers~

And I just thought, then why isn't your fantasy about making a woman comfortable enough with you that she wants to have sex with you. like is that just tooooooo crazy.

too real

# ? May 5, 2017 12:07

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

There aint nothing wrong about raping a woman until she goes insane and starts to enjoy the abuse

I can't even fathom why anyone would have issues with this

*virgin for life*

# ? May 5, 2017 12:15

Zeroisanumber: Oct 23, 2010; Nap Ghost

Troposphere posted:

I wish it was eggs, or poop, or pee

just anything other than ddlg

https://mobile.twitter.com/infinite_scream/status/860460198518980608

# ? May 5, 2017 12:50

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

Troposphere posted:

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

What is ddlg? I'm afraid to google it on the basis of the 'constantly screaming' thing.

# ? May 5, 2017 12:50

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

http://www.clickhole.com/article/6-ways-finally-move-your-ex-forever-or-least-until-5951

# ? May 5, 2017 13:29

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Troposphere posted:

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

Why are your coworkers glomping you with all these personal details about their lives wtf is up with Casino employees ffs

# ? May 5, 2017 13:33

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Jim Barris posted:

What is ddlg? I'm afraid to google it on the basis of the 'constantly screaming' thing.

The second part of your plan is good, but why would you want people to tell you? Cherish your ignorance, you can never get it back.

# ? May 5, 2017 13:38

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Jim Barris posted:

What is ddlg? I'm afraid to google it on the basis of the 'constantly screaming' thing.

I bet you could make up a fetish acronym without it meaning anything and within a month there'd be at least 3 tumblr's dedicated to it.

# ? May 5, 2017 13:43

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Troposphere posted:

guys I just found out my coworker is into ddlg how do I manage to exist with them in a room and not be constantly screaming

why would you resist your healthy, natural impulse

Jim Barris posted:

What is ddlg? I'm afraid to google it on the basis of the 'constantly screaming' thing.

be somewhere it's ok to always be screaming

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 13:49 on May 5, 2017

# ? May 5, 2017 13:45

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

drat that is some sick poo poo

# ? May 5, 2017 14:01

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Pick posted:

I always feel bad for the fly man at the end and there's a part of me that things that love should be able to overcome this obstacle.

The brundlefly :science:

# ? May 5, 2017 14:10

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

be somewhere it's ok to always be screaming

new eminem songs suck!

# ? May 5, 2017 14:16

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# ? May 14, 2024 06:23

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

My [24F] cousin [23F] is addicted to pop and it's killing her. How can I help her?

quote:

I grew up with my cousin Jane and we have a very close knit extended family, so I consider her one of my best friends. Over the past few years since she's gotten a job and her driver's license, her intake of cola/pop/sugary beverages in general (Slurpies, etc.) has increased to a very alarming rate. For example, she stayed at my place for a few days and had about a two litre a day in that time, if not more. It's gotten to the point where her health is clearly in decline. Her teeth are VERY visibly rotting (she's always had poor teeth, but it's bad now, blackened), she's bloated, freezing all the time even in warm weather, is achy, gets muscle cramps walking for a minute or two, and has recently developed bad acid reflux. Her father is an alcoholic (sober for 20 some years), so I understand she may have inherited an addictive personality, but I'm at a loss of what to do.
One of the big problems is that Jane is maybe developmentally or socially delayed in some way. It's hard to explain, especially because her family would never admit it/have her assessed for proper supportive measures (which makes me angry), but she's always had trouble understanding social cues, is blunt/rude a lot without meaning to be, is very naive about how things work (been taken in by scams a few times), is bad with money, and has trouble regulating her anger. No one in the family, least of all Jane herself, would ever admit this.
She isn't getting the help she needs, but my hands are tied. While our families are close, there's always been a lot of petty fighting in the upper generation that has trickled down a few times, so to avoid conflict we have to tread carefully around many issues. Jane is one of those sore spots, as if I tried to help her, it would be seen as overstepping my place/getting in their business and/or criticizing her/trying to control her/any number of possibilities, and could basically blow up our family relations for a few years (similar things have happened in the past).
They're just letting her flail in open water, not taking her to the dentist, not helping her go to school like they did her siblings, not any of it. Part of it is monetary, but part of it is that she always blew up in anger at them, so they're tired of dealing with her moodiness and have given up. She still lives at home.
My sister and I have gently told her to cut back on the pop, that it's bad, asked her what triggers the reflux (it's the pop, shocker), to get her to recognise what it's doing to her, and she's always very amenable to these conversations, but in a naive, "I know, I'm bad" smiley sort of way that goes no where.
A few years ago, one of my mom's coworkers perforated his colon due to drinking a 2 litre a day and he died of infection. I truly think she's killing herself, potentially has low potassium (?), and requires jaw surgery, but I don't know what I can do.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks for reading.
tl;dr: My cousin is addicted to pop and is making herself sick, but due to her family and social circumstances, I don't know how best to help her.

# ? May 5, 2017 14:21

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