fruit on the bottom posted:

Did we ever find out what kind of cupcakes they were?

Pick posted:

He didn't throw out your loving cupcakes so shut up

dudeness posted:

How can I stop doing things for my bf without hurting his feelings?

dudeness posted:

How can I stop doing things for my bf without hurting his feelings?

quote:

Hey guys,

a couple weeks ago I got caught up with a fake ID in CA (Merced County). What happened was that I got caught throwing a party with underage drinking involved and the police officers told me to shut it down, I told them "Okay I will" and I tried shutting it down before they knocked on the door asking why it wasn't shut down yet, and to that I told them that I was working on it. This happened four times and on the fourth time they handcuffed me and searched my person and found that I had two ID's. I got sent to jail, charged with forgery, drunk in public, and throwing a party with underage drinking and eventually got bailed out by my parents. Now my court date is coming up and I was wondering the odds of me going to jail, and was wondering if I should get a lawyer or just a public defender?

TLDR; Got charged with forgery (fake ID), public intoxication, and throwing a party with underage drinking, am I going to jail?

EDIT: might I add that I'm a university student with good grades with a future who kind of just hosed up

Danaru posted:

Am I going to go to Jail?


You had FOUR chances to not get arrested for underage drinking by the most patient cops in the US, and you managed to blow every single one of them.

Friar Lawrence posted:

The law that threaten'd death becomes thy friend
And turns it to exile; there art thou happy:
A pack of blessings lights upon thy back;
Happiness courts thee in her best array;
But, like a misbehaved and sullen wench,
Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love:
Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable.

dudeness posted:

How can I stop doing things for my bf without hurting his feelings?

Barudak posted:

This is the stupidest reason to like the term, but I appreciated it because once while struggling to call someone stupid and being told that pretty much every term from dumb to idiot to stupid were ableist I stumbled onto Nimrod and just relished it as I said it over and over again.

Motherfucker posted:

ugh gently caress you

Danaru posted:

Am I going to go to Jail?


You had FOUR chances to not get arrested for underage drinking by the most patient cops in the US, and you managed to blow every single one of them.

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Sorry, did someone violate your safe space by considering others?

ZearothK posted:

Jesus, that's heart-breaking. Anyone who has to write several paragraphs of their SO being a dick should know what they're supposed to do.

But hey, it also gave me a few cool ideas for hand-made gifts!

Bamabalacha posted:

I can totally see her side of this, it sounds soul crushing, but if you're someone who isn't super big into giving and receiving gifts that poo poo gets annoying and wears you the gently caress down, and then you feel guilty for disliking it and the other person goes "but that's just how I show love!"

I...may be speaking from the boyfriend's experience on this one, though I do always make an effort to get a thoughtful present the other person will for Christmas and birthdays.

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

If you're not into giving then you should prolly give up on relationships.

Bamabalacha posted:

I can totally see her side of this, it sounds soul crushing, but if you're someone who isn't super big into giving and receiving gifts that poo poo gets annoying and wears you the gently caress down, and then you feel guilty for disliking it and the other person goes "but that's just how I show love!"

I...may be speaking from the boyfriend's experience on this one, though I do always make an effort to get a thoughtful present the other person will for Christmas and birthdays.

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

If you're not into giving then you should prolly give up on relationships.

quote:

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [26M] of 4 years, he offended my smoking family

Ok, so here's some background so this all makes sense. My grandmother owns a vacation house that my family helps to maintain before her renting season. We all typically pitch in and we get to stay for free in return. The house is a ranch style with a screened in porch on one side over one entrance. There's also a back door outside of the screened in porch.

The players: - Aunt (smokes cigarettes) - Husband (Aunt's husband, also my uncle but calling him "husband" to differentiate him, smokes cigarettes) - Uncle (smokes cigars and hand-rolled cigarettes) - Mom (non-smoking, tolerant of smoke) - Boyfriend (non-smoking, very allergic to cigarette smoke) - Me (non-smoking, semi-tolerant of smoke)

We all arrived at the house on Saturday. I got there first alone. Boyfriend had work, so he'd be there later. Aunt and Husband were a little bit behind me. They got in and my Aunt took over. She's very particular and bossy. I'm used to this and so is my family. I've warned Boyfriend in advance, but understand that he may not know the scope of it. Aunt basically tells people what to do without saying please and expects that it gets done immediately. It annoys all of us, but we all roll our eyes and go along with it for the most part rather than start a fight.

As soon as Aunt and Husband are settled, they immediately start smoking in the screened in porch. I let them know that Boyfriend is allergic to the smoke and ask that they please keep the sliding glass door shut so he is not exposed to it. They quietly agree.

Mom and Uncle get in about an hour later, we all go out to lunch, etc. Boyfriend is supposed to get in late after his shift. We have a nice time together. Aunt ticks me off in general with some unnecessary comments and condescension, but I expected this and I let it roll off. We have dinner that night and she goes to bed.

I should also mention that Mom is beginning the divorce process and is VERY emotional. She's typically unfairly put in the middle of conflicts and I'm trying to navigate this the best I can right now. That night after Aunt goes to bed, Mom, Husband, Uncle, and I are all talking. Both Uncle and Husband are smoking. Mom and I tolerate it. Boyfriend gets in as we're finishing the conversation. Everyone goes straight to bed so Boyfriend doesn't get much smoke exposure.

The next morning, Aunt gets up and immediately starts smoking, leaving the door open a lot of the time. I close it a few times but she's doing things around the house. She goes in and out a lot, not closing the door all the way. Boyfriend scowls at me because the smoke is getting into the house, and eventually leaves to stay in our bedroom with the door closed. I talk to him and ask how he wants me to address the situation. He feels uncomfortable because he doesn't want to ask them to stop in their own space, but he can't breath without feeling like he's about to vomit. He is also bothered by the lingering smell on them when they finish a cigarette and come back inside. We come to an "avoid it as much as possible" solution.

Boyfriend and I do the outdoor housework to stay away from the smoke. We also go for a couple of short outings together for the same reason. When dinner time comes, everyone plans to eat at the table in the screened in porch. I move their ashtray outside just for dinner because it bothers Boyfriend. During the meal, Aunt asks Husband where the ashtray is. I tell her. She makes a face but smokes outside the porch. Boyfriend goes back to our bedroom after dinner because he feels sick again. I help clean up, tell Mom how he's feeling, then take him to a movie to get away again.

The next morning it's the same. I try to stay in the room with him a bit so he's not lonely. He tells me he's angry and upset because he doesn't want to isolate himself, but he literally can't breathe. I understand. I ask if he wants me to talk to them. He says no.

Later, we go out to lunch. Boyfriend is talkative and friendly because they can't smoke in the restaurant, so he feels okay. Aunt takes this differently, wondering why he's perked up all of the sudden. She thinks he doesn't like her. Husband thinks the same.

Boyfriend and I start packing to leave. Boyfriend loads the cars by going out the back door and all the way around the house rather than walking through the porch. Aunt gets offended by this and thinks Boyfriend is avoiding her. When we leave, everyone is standing in the porch and there's smoke. I hug everyone goodbye and say thank you for the meals and time together. Boyfriend is behind me holding his breath. I make my way out. Everyone says goodbye to Boyfriend and he says "bye," and bolts out the door. I look back, see this happen and see the looks on everyone's face. I panic and tell Boyfriend quietly that that was kind of rude. I ask if he could say goodbye to them. He realizes (having not done it on purpose,) but refuses, saying it would just make it even more awkward for him to go find everyone again since some of them already went back inside.

I feel mortified because I know they're going to poo poo-talk him for months now. (That's what Aunt does.) And they're good at turning people against other people. I also feel angry that Boyfriend couldn't muster a quick "thank you" before leaving. But I also know this is not how he normally behaves.

In my car on my own I call Mom to try to explain. I also call Aunt. I get no answer from either. I leave Mom a message but not Aunt because Aunt will pick apart my words and twist them. A few hours later Mom finally calls, saying it was very awkward, that they all talked about it, and they didn't know why Boyfriend did that. She also claims that Boyfriend had been abruptly slamming the door shut all weekend when they didn't close it all the way. Boyfriend says the opposite - that he was trying to close it gently. Mom and I come to the conclusion that we'll have to deal with this somehow but don't know how. Family is very important to Mom (especially now,) so I don't know how to tell her that I think they just can't be together. I'm also upset because I feel like I should've known this would happen, but I didn't realize how badly allergic Boyfriend is until now.

I'm here asking you guys because I don't know what to make of this. On the one hand, it's the family's house and they should be able to smoke if they want. On the other hand, they have always been rude about smoking with me in particular, telling me that the air I breathe is more toxic than any smoke they could ever produce. Mom told me we have to communicate better. I agree, but I think I did everything I could. I told them he was allergic, they said ok, and I tried to minimize his exposure so it wouldn't be too hostile of an environment. But all I'm seeing is that they smoke and refuse to cut back while Boyfriend is allergic and cannot breathe the air around them. So how can they ever spend time together? All I've been able to think of is going out to eat because that was the only time they were able to interact since they couldn't smoke in the restaurant.

Are there any solutions I'm not seeing? Does Boyfriend owe them an apology for the way he left? Do they owe him one? Should we all just move on?

Edit: Apparently I haven't been clear that this is my grandmother's house - not my Aunt's. It's a family vacation home that we all help to take care of. My grandmother has asthma and doesn't like them smoking when she's around, but she wasn't there this weekend so they did what they wanted. Please stop telling me it's "their house," because it's not.

Edit 2: I need to clear some things up:

I understand my failure here to realize the gravity of the situation before it happened. I did not understand how badly the smoke would mess with my boyfriend because I can tolerate it a bit personally. That's my screw-up. I get that. I've apologized to both my boyfriend and my mother already. I haven't been able to get a hold of my aunt. I will not be ASKING anyone else to apologize. I just wanted to know what you guys thought.

This was not a vacation. I made it clear to my boyfriend that we were going to help around the house. He knew this. We get a free vacation week there next month alone because of the work we do in the off season. He has no problem with this.

My mother is pressuring me to find a solution to this. She doesn't accept that the solution is to not do this again. I was wondering if there were things I'm not thinking of that could help. I will not put my boyfriend or my family back in this situation again. I need alternatives in order to solve this.

TL;DR: My boyfriend is allergic to cigarette smoke and acted rudely when my family smoked around him for a few days straight. What should I do?

dudeness posted:

How can I stop doing things for my bf without hurting his feelings?

putrid aidsman posted:

crazy wall of text incoming

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

If you're not into giving then you should prolly give up on relationships.

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

If you're not into giving then you should prolly give up on relationships.

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

If you're not into giving then you should prolly give up on relationships.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Bamabalacha posted:

I like being a giving and sharing partner in things like goals and emotions and interests and love, I just find her type overboard gift attitude extremely annoying.

She crossed over from being thoughtful to going "LOOK AT ALL THESE THINGS, LOVE MEEEEEEEE"

hawowanlawow posted:

You should not try to make this thread understand nuance like this

The thread has spoken, the dogpile has already begun

CharlestheHammer posted:

That isnt nuance it's more cynicism.

hawowanlawow posted:

You should not try to make this thread understand nuance like this

The thread has spoken, the dogpile has already begun

Bamabalacha posted:

I like being a giving and sharing partner in things like goals and emotions and interests and love, I just find her type overboard gift attitude extremely annoying.

She crossed over from being thoughtful to going "LOOK AT ALL THESE THINGS, LOVE MEEEEEEEE"

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

Actually, yeah! She's a lovely, clingy girlfriend for doing things like hand-making birthday/christmas/vday gifts and having the audacity to bake him cookies. I mean, where they even loving gluten free? What an unreasonable bitch! Is she trying to kill him?

Pvt.Scott posted:

I'm just working from my own experience here. The truth is likely that she's just not going to be satisfied with this guy and it's way past time to move on.

E: it's not that she made the gifts, it's that she kept making them and making them for no return.

therobit posted:

I don't see where she is saying he had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital, so I am thinking that this allergy is being exaggerated because he is a big baby.

Bamabalacha posted:

Not really, saying that different people value different things in a relationship isn't really cynical at

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I was with a girl like that, cards weekly, she'd make cakes, I'd buy her flowers and lingerie, cook her food as a surprise, and surprise tickets to zoos and gigs, etc. It was all really really sweet.

I wish she hadn't had an affair.

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

these really are the best, but then they're not really gifts. Shame my x decided I couldn't smoke weed anymore.

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

What kind of emotional terrorist does things for the people they love???

Martha Stewart Undying posted:

why

weeds not even a drug