BENGHAZI 2 posted:

what about when their expectations are so low that not making GBS threads on the floor makes you amazing

HoAssHo posted:

Right. Considerate gestures are great but the real sappy romantic flowers and chocolates stuff isn't for everyone and isn't real proof of devotion. .

Pick posted:

11 years ago we found a USB stick with footage of me [27F] in bathroom. My brother [26M] was blamed for it and disowned. Now I learned that it was my father's, who has passed away.Non-Romantic
submitted 32 minutes ago by Rrfili78

So about 11 years ago we found a USB stick in our house that had photos and videos of me in the bathroom. It was such a horrible time, my parents concluded that it must have been my brother who had done this. They decided against involving the police but they sent him to live with my uncle and go to military school. Once he turned 18, he was kicked out and disowned by everyone. I never heard from him after he was disowned, even though we knew he was in contact with a couple of cousins.

I never saw him after he was sent to life with our uncle (until just a few days ago). I believed that it was him since my parents were so sure. They told me that they know it's him beyond the shadow of a doubt and I listened to them when they told me that he's dead to us now and I should forget that I had a brother. I hated him so much.

My dad died two years ago. Last week I missed him so I went through his things to help me feel better. That's when I found a USB stick carefully hidden in one of his books (with space carved out from the pages). I got curious, plugged it in and saw that it's similar pictures to the old ones, just of me when I was older. I was literally in such a shock that I couldn't even scream. It was my dad all along. He not only did this to me, but also was happy to destroy my brother's life to protect himself.

I couldn't do much a few days but decided that I need to talk to my brother. So I got his details from our cousin and went to see him. I basically went on my knees begging for his forgiveness but to my surprise he told me that he does not blame me at all. He said that he blames our parents for treating him like that without any evidence and knows that I was in such a vulnerable situation and just listening to them. I was shocked that he was so understanding. I promised him that I will make up for the things that have been done to him which he told me to not bother.

Even when I told him that I should let our mom know, he said he doesn't care either way since he is not going to ever forgive her. He said our entire family are horrible people and he won't be back even if they wanted him to. In the end he said "I don't have a family, maybe except you" and I reassured him that I want to be his family again.

What do I do with this information? Do I go to my mom? I think it will turn her entire world upside down. Or do I just not bother? I think I too am done with my mom and other people. I don't know if I can forgive them for what they did. Telling them about this will probably be the last thing I'll do before cutting them out of my life.

tl;dr: We found a USB stick with footage of me in the bathroom. Parents assumed it was my brother and sent him away and eventually disowned him. Now 11 years later I have learned that it was my father who has died. Not sure what to do with the information that I have.

Panfilo posted:

This just makes it easier for lazy people. Then you abalogues of Pick who get in stuck in these joyless marriages where their husband maneuvered himself into never truly being obligated to do anything and the wife is scratching a bloody crater into her head wondering to Reddit if perhaps he can cook his own chicken tendies once in a while.

HoAssHo posted:

Nah, we don't have a joyless marriage at all and do plenty of kind things for each other. I just don't like corny stuff like rose petals leading to the bedroom.

Pick posted:

HoAssHo posted:

Right. Considerate gestures are great but the real sappy romantic flowers and chocolates stuff isn't for everyone and isn't real proof of devotion. .

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Hey here's a crazy idea, couldn't ya do a sex where both people are dominating each other at the same time?

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Hey here's a crazy idea, couldn't ya do a sex where both people are dominating each other at the same time?

Barudak posted:

Divorce proceedings seem an expensive way to get wet and wild.

quote:

Has he done romantic activities in the past? Candle light dinner? Surprise flowers? Etc.
In other words, has he always been like this or is it a recent development (past few years)?

EDIT: I'm just going to go ahead and take a wild stab at my guess . You've been a couple for six years, I'm guessing that he did do little things for you at one point. Maybe you came home to a candle lit dinner or perhaps he'd surprise you with flowers. Who knows. The point is, he did stuff.

At our core, people are animals, and often times men more so than women. If you reward a dog with a treat, they'll continue that behavior. You give it a squirt from the bottle, and they'll be discouraged from repeating a behavior. It's simple carrot and stick psychology. The problem that guys can run into is that sometimes we go ahead and plan a romantic gesture, and...we don't get a treat, or at least not the treat we were hoping for. Yeah, I'm talking about sex.

Just to be clear about things (for both genders), men do not DESERVE sex because they bought you a bouquet of grocery store flowers. I can't state that clearly enough, men aren't entitled to sex just because they do something nice.
In spite of that, we HOPE for sex as an end result. When we're rewarded with hugs and kisses and smiles and jumping up and down and squealing about how amazing we are...but not sex...it can become discouraging. In complex terms, we're attempting to initiate a grand seduction and grow frustrated with repeated failure. In simpler terms, we didn't get a carrot.

Over time, this can become a pattern and the value of romantic gestures lowers in our mind until we just stop doing it all together. We get lazy because there's no pay off.
It's not OK. It's not acceptable, but it's hopefully somewhat understandable.

Try letting your husband know that you want him to put more effort into being romantic and that you appreciate the gestures and explain how you show that (love languages, remember). Ask him to step it up. On your end, try remembering HIS love language and making more of an effort to reward him in a way that's meaningful to him.

ArbitraryC posted:

I actually think she's just looking for considerate gestures rather than generic sappy stuff. If anything generic sappy stuff is for people who don't know anything about their partners so they just buy em flowers and chocolate because it's a "romantic" gesture. An easy example being my gf absolutely loves sushi, recently she accomplished some stuff that was worthy of celebration so I took her out to a sushi place we like but don't go to too often cause it's a bit spendier than our normal goto. I didn't ask her where she wanted to eat because I both knew where she would like to go and also importantly that she doesn't really like choosing the restaurant when she's being treated. This is the type of thing you should be able to do for the person you're emotionally invested in.

This dude didn't even need to go that far because she said twenty times she wanted a specific cake, can't get any easier than just ordering that cake to celebrate. Dude's just woefully inconsiderate, nothing to do with grand romantic gestures he just doesn't give a poo poo.

reddit.txt posted:

At our core, people are animals, and often times men more so than women. If you reward a dog with a treat, they'll continue that behavior. You give it a squirt from the bottle, and they'll be discouraged from repeating a behavior. It's simple carrot and stick psychology. The problem that guys can run into is that sometimes we go ahead and plan a romantic gesture, and...we don't get a treat, or at least not the treat we were hoping for. Yeah, I'm talking about sex.

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Hey here's a crazy idea, couldn't ya do a sex where both people are dominating each other at the same time?

ArbitraryC posted:

"i don't think I deserve sex for not being a shitstain but if I don't get it then I'm not gonna bother"

Cakefarts Carol posted:

"I don't deserve sex for being a good partner but I expect it for being a good partner"

ArbitraryC posted:

I dunno if you're trying to really stretch paraphrasing here to push it to an almost defensible position but that's not what he said, it's literally that "if men don't get sex in return for showing up with flowers they'll stop doing it". yeah you should leave sexless relationships in general but that doesn't translate to the idea that considerate gestures are only worthwhile if they're used as a straight up bribe for sex which is what that dude is directly saying.

To begin with you shouldn't have to bribe your so for sex, that's just part of a healthy relationship. Doing nice things for them because it makes you happy to make them happy is a separate but also important part of a healthy relationship.

new phone who dis posted:

I told you it was an action figure.

blarzgh posted:

So I can un-bookmark this thread now?

areyoucontagious posted:

The easy answer is "don't touch the bird" except it flies around

areyoucontagious posted:

I have cats

quote:

Okay so I would just like to know how I should approach an extremely uncomfortable situation.

I am the youngest person in the company other than another guy that works on site, he is 22.

My co - workers and I all get along even though they are in their late 30's - 60's. We all work in an office. I considered my work place to be very safe, comfortable and enjoyable.

My co - workers and I sometimes exchange memes every now and then over Whats-app, sometimes a little "Ah the boss was annoying today! Enjoy your eve!" Type of conversations. Nothing ever too personal.

Anyway, one of my male co -workers who is married and has children sometimes messages me random things like "You're cool to have in the office Sarah!" or "It rained so hard today", I dont know, I often don't respond because I know he's an alcoholic and messages people once he's had a few in the evening.

Last night he sent me a text asking me "Do I make you horny?" After taking a large gasp, I responded "Don't be silly now!" assuming it was a joke as he has NEVER let off any inappropriate vibes. He continued: "Tell me, I'm waiting" "I would gently caress you forever" "Send me a picture" To which I is said "Of what?! This is VERY inappropriate!" He then says: "Your pussy" "Should I send a picture?" "gently caress you send me a picture" "You're not helping me sleep send a picture of your body" "SARAH!" "SAARAAAH!" "I'm waiting!" "gently caress you" "Just know I love you."

(End of conversation)

I could not believe my eyes. I feel extremely uncomfortable and I honestly do not know what to do. I spoke to the other guy my age and he was so angry he wanted to go and hit him but I made him promise not to tell anyone.

This man has a wife and kids. Firstly, he will probably lose his job if I said something and secondly how embarrassing for his wife. Today work has been SO uncomfortable and I feel so violated. I cant believe that even happened.

It is VERY clear he is ashamed, he has completely avoided me all day.

Should I leave it? Should I tell someone? What the hell is wrong with him? He is older than my father!

TL:DR - My comfortable work environment is now extremely uncomfortable after a much older co worker made some inappropriate sexual gestures towards me over Whatsapp. Don't know whether to leave it or tell someone.

Danaru posted:

My (21F) co - worker (47M) said some disturbing and inappropriate things to me. What should I do?


Report it to HR then

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Who the gently caress is sharing memes in group chat with their middle aged coworkers after hours? Good lord.

Danaru posted:

My (21F) co - worker (47M) said some disturbing and inappropriate things to me. What should I do?


Report it to HR then

quote:

You need to go to HR or your boss if you don't have an HR.

OP posted:

I am the HR

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Who the gently caress is sharing memes in group chat with their middle aged coworkers after hours? Good lord.

Esoteric Scientist posted:

from the comments:



loving lol

Esoteric Scientist posted:

from the comments:



loving lol

tactlessbastard posted:

Well she ought to know what to do, then. Why is she running off to reddit?

tactlessbastard posted:

Well she ought to know what to do, then. Why is she running off to reddit?

fruit on the bottom posted:

[Az] Is it illegal to punch a pigeon in self defense.

quote:

I have a pigeon pair roosting in my awnings where I take out my trash and keep my ashtray. It started with them cooing aggressively at me when I go out there and me shushing back. One of them flew down at me when I had my hands full with bags and tried to fight me so I kicked it. They didn't bother me for a few days but have started dropping rocks on me whenever I go out there. I don't have money to remove them or prevent them from roosting. I tried looking it up online but it seems only to deal with hunting, that they don't have protected status. I just want to make sure I'm in the clear if they decide to swoop down at me or my kids. Please and thank you for your time.

Huntersoninski posted:

she doesn't want to "ruin his life," as if his actions had nothing to do with the situation

quote:

Warning: A little description of sex, shouldn't bug anyone here, but just in case.

Matched with a girl online, we got chatting and eventually set up a date. While we were talking we were both clear that we were looking for a relationship and not a one-time thing. She also mentioned that she'd been lied to before by guys "looking for relationships" who were in reality just looking for sex, and this had hurt her.
We met at a bar and started chatting, I liked her, she liked me; things were good. After a couple of hours she asked if I wanted to go back to her flat. I said yes. A couple of drinks later we were making out and she was asking if I wanted to "gently caress" her.

It was during the sex that things got weird. She started getting really clingy (physically, and verbally "I never want you to leave", "I want to be yours forever", par for the course for some maybe but to me this was pretty weird for a first date). She also started asking if I found her pretty, but kept going "Don't you like me?" "Don't you find me pretty?". She also came out with "I love you" and "Marry me".

There was something in the way she said it all that really freaked me out, it came across as very genuine and slightly crazy with all the "You're going to stay with me forever" kind of stuff; i.e. it didn't sound like just something people would blurt out during sex. With the benefit of hindsight I now realise I should never have gone to her flat, but there was no way I could have known before hand; I was past the point of no return if you will, and I felt really awkward about asking to leave as I didn't want to hurt her and was genuinely a bit worried. Again, I realise this was stupid and probably made the situation worse.

So now, I really feel like I lied to her (even though I didn't). I don't want to see her again after that experience; she completely changed personality from bar to bedroom. Is there any way I can get out of this with minimal feelings hurt? I was genuinely looking for a relationship, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to just cut contact.

TL;DR: Met a girl online, we were both looking for a relationship. Ended up at her flat (1st date). Mid-sex her personality changed to weirdly clingy and insecure and this made me very uncomfortable (see examples above). I didn't like what I saw in her personality, and I don't want to date further. How can I let her down without hurting her further?

I think that, regardless of what I do, I am the rear end in a top hat in this story. To anyone who reads this and thinks I'm a horrible person, I understand and I apologise; I just don't want to hurt her further and really need advice.

Thank you for reading.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] date with a girl [22F] I met on-line went badly, and I fear that I've really hurt her


Hope he doesn't own a bunny.....

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] date with a girl [22F] I met on-line went badly, and I fear that I've really hurt her


Hope he doesn't own a bunny.....