/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

new phone who dis posted:

Start banging softly on the door and making angry monkey noises.

calm monkey noises

"ooo oooo? oo oo? ooooo?

# ? Jul 4, 2017 05:23

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 17:42

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I (51F) want to move with my son (17M) out of our neighborhood because he has gotten involved with a serious gang retaliation situation. My husband (63M) doesn't want to because he has 'roots' in the neighborhood. My son also wants to stay. What am I supposed to do?

quote:

4 weeks ago, we found out 2 of my sons good friends were mowed down about 5 blocks from where we live. About a week later, one of my sons friends opened fire on a crowd of teenagers who apparently started the problems in the first place, killing 1 and hitting 4. Following THAT, that kid and his father were killed in a driveby. Since then the stories have become more loosely related, it seems to have turned into a much bigger deal than it started as.

Its stuff that happens a lot in our neighborhood, but none of us really expected it to hit us so close to home, this series of retaliations which have resulted in a lot of people my son grew up with to die.

My son confessed everything, absolutely everything, and I believe him. His friends got into dealing drugs, they pissed someone off, that person shot his two friends, those friends had friends which then shot that persons friends, and now its just going on and on, like a never ending cycle.
Now dont get me wrong, I know the two boys who died, charles and tyro, and I knew they were bad kids and that my son occasionally saw them around the way, but I also know my son isn't that bad of a kid. I typically know the people he hangs out with, their nerdy people. However having this many people suddenly die around him has made him... more involved in a way. I am terrified that whoever killed charles and tyro also associates my son with their 'clique' of drug dealers.

And even if not, I dont care, I want to leave this neighborhood. I want to leave this city. This entire situation has been the last straw, everytime I have to hear "oh so and so got a gun and shot people, 3 were hit" it makes my heart miss a beat. THIS ISNT NORMAL, AT ALL. I dont want to be here, and my son is being raised in a horrific environment.

both me and my husband have generations who have been in this city, we were born here, but we are also more educated and both are good earners. It is about time we leave to a nicer place that isnt ridden with bulletholes and violence.
But my husband doesnt want to, he says this is our place and we have to just make it work, and that we cant just abandon everyone like this.
I would honestly just take my son and leave, but my son also wants to stay.

I am stuck in a situation where nobody is on my side, and I feel like I am 100% positive I am in the right here. This neighborhood according to a crime map has a murder rate of 81. Its one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country.
Am I right? Wrong? I am not even sure. This whole situation has put me in a state of chills.

tl;dr: A series of murders in my neighborhood have made me want to leave with my son, but my husband doesnt want to go.

Just move him with his auntie and uncle in Bel-air already, OP.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 05:28

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

That one hits a little close to home honestly, that poor family

# ? Jul 4, 2017 05:32

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Danaru posted:

[WA] Girlfriend and me have restraining order, court said she needs to be in a DV class by July 21 or she goes to jail

It's the domestic violence edition of one of wint's tweets. :allears:

https://twitter.com/dril/status/384408932061417472

After getting reamed in the comments of the original post, our superstar OP has posted a follow-up thread where his abusing girlfriend is responding.

[WA] How do you go about getting a no contact order rescinded in Washington State?

She's been violating her restraining order for over a year and is only now, with less than a month to go, looking to get enrolled in her court-ordered class to avoid jail time.

OP and abuser are ignoring advice to move out and are instead asking for advice on how to trick her parole officer into believing they hadn't been living together for the past year.

quote:

We can make all that work. I will scam the system as much as possible to keep her in my house.

Doggles fucked around with this message at 06:30 on Jul 4, 2017

# ? Jul 4, 2017 06:08

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Haifisch posted:

I (51F) want to move with my son (17M) out of our neighborhood because he has gotten involved with a serious gang retaliation situation. My husband (63M) doesn't want to because he has 'roots' in the neighborhood. My son also wants to stay. What am I supposed to do?

Just move him with his auntie and uncle in Bel-air already, OP.

Move. Just... loving move, just move, just leave the murder hell loving... GO... stop loving STAYING and MOVE AWAY, get OUT, you are not a MEDIVAL loving FARMER who never sees anything outside of their farm just loving MOVE just MOVE just MOVE just MOVE, fffffUUUUCCCCCKKK!!!! Leave your husband in his warzone and GO AWAY FROM THE BAD PLACE you IDIOT.

I seriously don't get this poo poo why, why the gently caress would you stay? what force would keep you in this hosed up place?

Motherfucker fucked around with this message at 06:18 on Jul 4, 2017

# ? Jul 4, 2017 06:15

Hello Ketene: Dec 30, 2011

Danaru posted:

What the gently caress does she NORMALLY do that locking herself in the bathroom and screaming is an improvement?!

hahaha oh my god I lost it at this part

/r/relationships: I'm trying this new thing where I don't freak out and get violent

# ? Jul 4, 2017 07:36

HoAssHo: Mar 10, 2005

Motherfucker posted:

Move. Just... loving move, just move, just leave the murder hell loving... GO... stop loving STAYING and MOVE AWAY, get OUT, you are not a MEDIVAL loving FARMER who never sees anything outside of their farm just loving MOVE just MOVE just MOVE just MOVE, fffffUUUUCCCCCKKK!!!! Leave your husband in his warzone and GO AWAY FROM THE BAD PLACE you IDIOT.

I seriously don't get this poo poo why, why the gently caress would you stay? what force would keep you in this hosed up place?

Yeah, I don't understand this poo poo in the slightest.

Also, it's like, you know you can still visit your friends or whoever, right? It's not like if you move 30 minutes away there's no way for you to see any of them ever again.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 08:24

spite house: Apr 28, 2009

I'm guessing OP and her family are members of a marginalized ethnic minority in a neighborhood that has historically "belonged to" that minority, and personal politics in those situations can be really complicated.

They should absolutely get out but I understand why her husband doesn't want to. It might feel like admitting defeat.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 08:40

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I feel like people who don't understand the emotional attachment to a home town or at least a place you lived a long time must have moved a lot as kids or lived in cookie cutter suburban hell where there is no community.

Its irrational but also very universal to want to stay in a place you think of as yours, especially if your family has been there a long time. I mean look at places in Africa or the Middle East where poo poo gets demolished every 10 years and people want to stay

# ? Jul 4, 2017 12:42

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Larry Parrish posted:

I feel like people who don't understand the emotional attachment to a home town or at least a place you lived a long time must have moved a lot as kids or lived in cookie cutter suburban hell where there is no community.

Its irrational but also very universal to want to stay in a place you think of as yours, especially if your family has been there a long time. I mean look at places in Africa or the Middle East where poo poo gets demolished every 10 years and people want to stay

I get that its a very black thing, you don't wanna move some place else only to find your neighbors are all leery eyed walking to the other side of the street when you pass vandalizing your mailbox secret KKK assholes

But like, I'd take that any day of the loving week over risking my kid getting gunned the gently caress down or worse, growing up side by side with drug dealing criminals.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 12:53

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Larry Parrish posted:

I feel like people who don't understand the emotional attachment to a home town or at least a place you lived a long time must have moved a lot as kids or lived in cookie cutter suburban hell where there is no community.

Its irrational but also very universal to want to stay in a place you think of as yours, especially if your family has been there a long time. I mean look at places in Africa or the Middle East where poo poo gets demolished every 10 years and people want to stay

Hell, I moved every 2-3 years growing up, and leaving a community was always heart-wrenching.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 13:08

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

Motherfucker posted:

I get that its a very black thing, you don't wanna move some place else only to find your neighbors are all leery eyed walking to the other side of the street when you pass vandalizing your mailbox secret KKK assholes

But like, I'd take that any day of the loving week over risking my kid getting gunned the gently caress down or worse, growing up side by side with drug dealing criminals.

I don't think it's a black thing. I grew up in a pretty rough town and the only reason I left was because I was forced too. It ended up being one of the best decisions ever forced upon me but regardless I did NOT want to leave the crappy crime-addled place I grew up in because it was MY crappy crime-addled place.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 13:28

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

I've never had that problem and especially not as an adult, I'd drop a place in a loving heartbeat these days.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:00

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

Motherfucker posted:

I've never had that problem and especially not as an adult, I'd drop a place in a loving heartbeat these days.

I've never been good at letting go of things. Did you spend most of your formative years in the same place?

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:01

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

The body of this post was deleted within an hour of its posting, but the title plus context clues from the comments sure are something.

Me [32F] with my boyfriend [35M] of six years. We're pregnant and he is insisting on a cesarean birth. Is my outright refusal unreasonable?

quote:

This guy wants you to have major surgery for the sake of his sex life.

Does he understand that he is literally asking you to get your abdomen carved open wide enough to remove a baby through? And that the pain and recovery will be very VERY difficult? And last weeks? And that there may be major scarring across your abdomen?

He, and his male friends, are absolutely disgusting. They seem to see you as nothing more than an object without feelings who priority focus should be making sure her body is in fit working condition for sex. After literally growing a loving 8lb sentient being inside of you.

If I were you I would be absolutely fuming. Like, this would be break up material for me. It's a sign of a deeply ingrained and totally awful disrespect for you, and your body.
-------------------------
I agree with everything you've said. I just can't really wrap my head around it, if that makes sense? I've never picked up on any red flags in our six years together and he's never said or done anything so insensitive or disrespectful before. He identifies as a feminist, etc. He's pro-choice.... but apparently how a woman gives birth isn't part of that choice? I just don't understand how this is his opinion. I almost feel as if the last six years must have been a lie - how can he really be a loving, decent partner if this is what he chooses to "stand his ground" on? This behavior just doesn't fit with the person I thought I knew and loved.

quote:

I think giving birth improved my sex life! Is this guy the one growing a human? No. He's being selfish and stupid. Major surgery isn't something to mess with unnecessarily. You are NOT unreasonable. Trust your gut.
-------------------------
My gut would rather not get cut open, kthnx.

Thank you for the comment, and the validation. I was beginning to feel like I was crazy!

quote:

At this point I�m ready to tell him to gently caress off, but he�s been a great partner very careful to hide who he really is for six years

FTFY.

Your boyfriend is poo poo, his parents are poo poo and his friends are also poo poo. He's trying to manipulate you into major surgery and weeks of painful recovery because he thinks he's entitled to your "undamaged" vagina at the end of it. His selfishness knows no bounds and you are most certainly not being unreasonable.

Tell him you have "given it some thought", and you're not going to put yourself through surgery unless your doctor thinks it's necessary at the time of birth. If he loves and respects you, he will accept your decision; if not, then you walk away and bring your child up with the help of people who aren't selfish fuckheads.
-------------------------
I think the worst part of all of this is that I'm beginning to realize he must have hidden who he really was for six years. I just can't believe the person I loved would make this sort of demand. The puzzle pieces don't fit together, and what really sucks about this argument is the fact that it signifies a much larger problem. I thought I was going crazy and being unreasonable like he said, but the comments here have been very validating.

quote:

My kids are older now (13 and 18) but I have to say that I've never heard of a C-section as an option. Insurance will allow this as an option they will pay? Please check with your doctor because a C-section is so much more expensive and requres multiple day hospital stay. I can't get my head around insurance willingly paying for a optional C-section. I think your guy is an rear end, but I'll share my experience with you. My first pregnancy, I was in 8 days late and in labor for just under 42 hours before they did an emergency C-section. My daughter was huge, 11.2 pounds and simply wouldn't drop, and no amount of pushing (from the doctor and nurses down, she just kept going back up), would get her moving in the right direction. It required a four day hospital stay and about 10 weeks until I felt back to normal. I wouldn't even consider sex for almost three months as the incision area was crazy sore and very painful. My second daughter was tracking bigger, so they scheduled a C-section. Another four days in the hospital, released and then had to go back in (there was a problem with my bowels obstructing my urine somehow and I literally almost popped. They had to recathiterize me until the problem got fixed. Another painful recovery with about 4 months before I'd even consider sex. He's being so selfish. He's willing to put you at risk of a major surgery so his dick stays happy.
-------------------------
You know, I was so flabbergasted by the whole thing that I never even considered the insurance angle. I watched a documentary a while back about home births and there was something in it about doctors preferring to schedule c-sections because it was easier for them? So I figured it was something people could choose, if they wanted. Maybe I'll look into it, because he might not be as eager for a c-section if he has to pay for it himself. However, I kind of feel like my saying no should be enough of a deterrent.

quote:

The thing that jumps out at me is that he recruited his mother to talk about how great a C-section would have been.

He involved his mother in his plan to protect his beloved vagina from a male-sponsored mythical destruction.

quote:

He's wrong to have blabbed to his parents and friends about a decision that is exclusive to her body, in an attempt to get them to pressure her into making a bad decision for the sake of his sex life. I'm also concerned about what his friend said about his wife in an attempt to help, given that OP says it was actually due to PPD. It sounds like they are all incredibly dismissive over the physical downsides to childbirth. If he shows the slightest hint of happiness over the baby being put at risk such that a c section ends up the way it's born, the OP is going to have a terrible time trying to not divorce the jerk every time he asks for sex.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:31

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

It would be funny if she caved and got a c-section and then he dumped her when she can't get rid of the belly pooch that usually stays around because of it

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:46

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Courtesy of the Bad With Money thread in BFC:

quote:

I posted this in r/relationships but I was told to post here. I live in Florida and so do my parents. This rest of this is a direct copy paste of what I posted there.

I posted a thing here a two years ago that helped me with an uncomfortable situation involving a boss at work and it helped me save a good friendship and my job, so hopefully you guys can help me again with a much much more serious situation. I didn't remember that account so I made a new one. I need to give a little background to explain the situation. This will probably be long. I'm lovely at writing so please bare with me.

I work as a computer engineer and live away from my parents. I moved out when I was 18, not because we had a particularly distant relationship, but because I was very hungry for independence and I didn't want to go to college like they wanted me to. I fell in love with programming and got a job a month after I graduated, and I've done that since. I am extremely frugal, and I now make about 70k a year after taxes (go mr. money mustache). Both my parents are in traditional white collar jobs that make significantly more money than I do, and they are horrific with money.

When I was growing up my parents were semi-religious (church on easter and christmas type of deal) and not particularly invested in it or politics. Somewhere in the last three or four years they became interested in it, and in the last year in particular (regarding the last elecion especially) they have become some of the most religious and overfocused political people i've ever seen. I have tried distancing myself from this by refusing to talk about these issues over the phone at all. I could not disagree more with them. I think they have some very hateful views, but I've chosen not to engage them on it.

Growing up I was not close to my younger sister, mainly because of our age gap. However she has grown up and is very pleasant to speak to. We have spoken on the phone daily (I speak to mom and dad much less frequently) since she was around 14. I have not been exposed to to much of this because I intentionally tell both sides I don't want to talk about their drama (although I am generally clear with my sister that I agree with her, but I don't want to badmouth her parents). My sister is a lesbian, which I have no issue with whatsoever, and my parents do not (or did not) know and would immediately be against. We talked about this a quite often. My sister also has political views completely at odd with my parents (she was in trouble for not supporting their favorite political candidate, you can probably guess who) but I encouraged her to swallow it and suck it up at home for her safety and sanity. She mentioned a few times in the last two months about wanting to come out to them and I highly highly discouraged it. I have heard both of my parents approve of a pastor who disowned his gay son and similar stories. I didn't want them to do that to her. I have offered to let her live with me when she turns 18 but imagined that being in the future. I made her promise not to do that and she did.

On her 16th birthday, she came out to them. I was a little angry with her over the phone (I didn't curse or scream or anything, but I was annoyed, but with sympathy for her position. I did chide her a bit, which I acknowledge was dumb.) She was extremely mad at me and didn't call me for four days, which was a long time for us not to speak.

We spoke afterwards and I was much better, but things weren't going well. They didn't kick her out but weren't speaking to her at all. Literally she was screaming at them and they just quietly went into their rooms, not saying a word.
I offered to speak to them for her and she begged me not to, so I did not, against my better judgement.

My Dad, a week later, called me over the phone. He said that he was sick and needed emergency money to have a procedure He begged me "not to tell" mom or my sister. He needed about 20 grand. I had refused them money in the past for a car loan and made it clear that I wasn't giving them money, but I did for this, cautious but ultimately trusting him not to lie about his own potential death. I disagreed with him about a lot of things but he had always been so steadfast about the importance of honesty the thought of him lying about something like that seemed ridiculous and I felt guilty for even thinking that.

About another week after that, my sister stopped calling me. I thought she was mad again for some reason but she didn't answer at all. I was worried. I called my parents and asked about her after about a week and they said she was being moody (I thought they thought I didn't know about her sexuality or what was going on).

I checked my Facebook that night and I read an days old message from one of her friends that explained that she had been trying to reach me and that my sister was taken from her house into a van and driven off by men in a program with her and my parents there before kicking the friend out of the house. Her friend visited my parents house several times and they eventually told her they sent her to a religious program. She didn't get the name.

I called up my father, and he denied it twice before admitting it after a long talk. I was so angry. They seriously have these religious camps that parents can send teens to anytime without committing a crime forever. I didn't think it had anything to do with the money, but I looked it up after that and found out that these programs are generally very expensive. I called him up again and he admitted that's where the money went. I demanded that he let her out and he told me it was his money. I told him I'd never speak to him again and he just ignored me. I try calling him up every few hours for the last several days when I found out and they ignore almost all of my calls.

He intentionally didn't tell me the name of the facility or camp, but I've done reading and these are almost always dangerous places. I don't even know if she is in the US anymore. People die and get brainwashed at these places. I feel so guilty for giving them the ability to do this. I don't know the name of the camp, and I did technically give them the money.

My only recourse at this point is to go tell everyone in their neighborhood what they did. I saw a facebook post they made about sending my sister to a snooty christian boarding school and that is NOT what they did. I called the school they posted and she isn't going there. They are very connected to the church/suburban town community and I think it would threaten them to have their image splattered with the truth.

I would completely disown them now if it wouldn't completely destroy my chances of getting her out. I am at a loss. Please help me.

tl;dr: My parents lied to me and took money claiming it was for an illness only to turn around and use it to send my sister to a camp because she came out. They are ignoring my calls. I don't have any legal grounds (i think) and I do not know how to convince them to let her out.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:51

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

I can't help but feel that that's a plot to a bad movie.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 14:55

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Known Lecher posted:

Courtesy of the Bad With Money thread in BFC:

I hope someone has put the OP in touch with a local LGBTQ activist / support group or something so they aren't trying to do this alone. The dad is lucky OP doesn't get some friends together and literally beat the info out of him.

E: oh my god all the legaladvice comments were about how to get the money back

But Rocks Hurt Head fucked around with this message at 15:22 on Jul 4, 2017

# ? Jul 4, 2017 15:19

Hollismason: Jun 30, 2007; An alright dude.

That's pretty loving horrible

# ? Jul 4, 2017 15:35

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

That's what you have groups of friends willing to do stuff for you no questions asked for. Murder in this situation is just the correct choice.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 15:50

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Op's dad was sick at the thought of his daughter being gay, and so he needed an expensive procedure (conversion therapy camp for his daughter) to be well again. I'm not seeing where he lied to OP.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 16:00

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

I still hope it's fake

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 16:42 on Jul 4, 2017

# ? Jul 4, 2017 16:19

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

I normally wouldn't wish physical harm on people but I hope those people suffer for what they've done. He really should do everything he can to tell everyone they know that they sent their daughter to a torture camp. That's about all he can do, I suppose. No, actually, he should beat the living hell out of his father until he gives up where exactly they sent his sister so that he can loving rescue her from that place with extreme prejudice.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 16:44

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Known Lecher posted:

Courtesy of the Bad With Money thread in BFC:

Oh hey it's those camps where torturing teenagers is totally legal for ?????? reasons.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tranquility_Bay

I have no idea why these places are allowed to operate without facing kidnapping charges. These parents belong in prison.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 16:46

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Religion is a pox

# ? Jul 4, 2017 16:52

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

zakharov posted:

Oh hey it's those camps where torturing teenagers is totally legal for ?????? reasons.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tranquility_Bay

I have no idea why these places are allowed to operate without facing kidnapping charges. These parents belong in prison.

But see, cracking down on these camps would be destroying the parents' religious freedom! We can't have that! Please ignore the trail of dead & mentally broken children.

(iirc a few states have cracked down on them, but the parents in them just ship their kids to other states instead. :911:

)

# ? Jul 4, 2017 17:04

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Haifisch posted:

But see, cracking down on these camps would be destroying the parents' religious freedom! We can't have that! Please ignore the trail of dead & mentally broken children.

(iirc a few states have cracked down on them, but the parents in them just ship their kids to other states instead. )

The fuckers who run those places. Seriously you have got to be one hosed up jacksuit to work or run one of those places.

Same parents who send their kids to those shitstorms are usually the same ones who flip the gently caress out at the idea of 'sharia law.'

edit: Jesus Christ I reread the entire mess. I came out to my mom when I was in my 20's. My dad still doesn't know. If my parents were both ultra religious nutjobs, I'd maybe tell them when I turned 18. Once I already had all my poo poo ready to get the gently caress out. I remember being dumb and 16 but loving hell, I doubt the girl expected to be shipped off to a rape conversion therapy place. She still shouldn't have said a loving word to her parents!

Cowslips Warren fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Jul 4, 2017

# ? Jul 4, 2017 17:41

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Jim Barris posted:

I normally wouldn't wish physical harm on people but I hope those people suffer for what they've done. He really should do everything he can to tell everyone they know that they sent their daughter to a torture camp. That's about all he can do, I suppose. No, actually, he should beat the living hell out of his father until he gives up where exactly they sent his sister so that he can loving rescue her from that place with extreme prejudice.

Yup. Holy gently caress these people are walking garbage. I'm a very non-violent person, but there are situations where inhuman pieces of trash like OP's dad deserve the worst consequences. He should be beaten to the inch of his life and then his kids should sue him and whichever kidnapping rape facility for emotional distress.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 19:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

A swift death for the parents is too noble.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 20:11

bloodychill: May 8, 2004; And if the world
should end tonight,
I had a crazy, classic life; Exciting Lemon

That poo poo is real. If I were the dude, I'd organize a rescue for his sister by getting my hands on all records the dad has, figuring out where she is, and calling friends and advocacy groups to get any help possible. Take a week or two paid vacation from work to make it happen. Also start talking to a lawyer about getting custody of his sister as legal guardian.

# ? Jul 4, 2017 20:28

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

On a less

note:

Parents are mad at me [18f] for taking one day off work. Are they right?

quote:

Let me start off by saying my "parents" are actually my grandparents. I live with them. They are both in their 50s.

So my parents are pretty strict with me and have always been the type to try and be in control of every aspect of my life. I graduated in May, and decided that I would get a job until I start college in January. My parents didn't really want me to get a job, but I got one anyways because I wanted to be more responsible.

I typically work 4 days a week, 8 hours a day. In the past two weeks, I've worked an extra 5 days that I initially had off, because they were short on shift. That wasn't really a problem with me because I most likely wasn't doing anything that day anyways. So I'd just go in and work.

Well I was supposed to have this past Saturday off, but they asked me to come in and take someone's shift, so I did. Right before I went to work on Saturday, my real mother called me and invited me to her house for 4th of July. Of course I told her yes I would come because I didn't have work on the 4th, and I didn't have any other plans. I also don't get to see my real mom a lot, so I cherish any time I do get to spend with her.

Well later on Saturday night, the manager asked if I wanted or work Tuesday, the 4th, from 4 pm until 11 pm. I told her I was really sorry but I had already made plans with my mother.

If I hadn't already made plans, I would have went in to work no problem. This is the first time I've told them no. Like I said above, I've taken a lot of extra shifts the past few weeks.

Well I told this to my parents, and they are extremely mad at me for taking today off. They think I should go into work no matter what day it is or what I have planned. I understand their side a little bit, but i also have worked a lot of extra time and feel it would be kinda unfair to myself to cancel a holiday with my mother to go to work on a day I originally had off anyways.

My parents are completely shaming me now and won't even speak to me today. They told me they aren't sure if they are going to let me go to my real moms house tonight because I told my work no. They told me they are extremely mad at me.

I just don't know how to feel about this. I don't get why telling my work I can't come in on one day that I originally had off is such a bad thing. This is the very first time I've told them no. And now my parents are punishing me for it. Should I feel guilty for this? Am I being irresponsible and should have went into work although I had already made plans?

TL;DR: originally had 4th of July off of work. Asked me to come in but told them I couldn't cuz I had already made plans. I've worked a lot of extra hours the past few weeks, but my parents are extremely mad at me for taking today off work. Should I feel guilty for it?

# ? Jul 4, 2017 21:43

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

On a less note:

Parents are mad at me [18f] for taking one day off work. Are they right?

republicans

# ? Jul 4, 2017 21:46

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

# ? Jul 4, 2017 21:46

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [28 M] wife [28 F] booked a vacation in the middle of my mom's visit

quote:

Been married ~5 years. My mom wanted to visit from across the country, and booked a flight two months a go to where we live, staying a week. About few weeks ago, my wife decided she wants to go on a vacation (for both of us) somewhere, also far (5-6 hours). She knew exactly the dates my mom would be here, but she chose a departure date where my mom would still be here. So I would only be able to spend 2-3 full days instead of a week with my mom. My wife says the reason she chose those specific dates is to accommodate for her period & time of month, since it affects her mood & energy levels. She's also telling me my mom is fine staying here by herself for 3 days, and she wants to visit the city, not just me (not entirely true.) From my point of view, this is ridiculous and I don't know how to react. I told my wife's sister on the day my wife booked the tickets and she was furious that my wife did that. My wife started crying. She still didn't cancel the tickets in the 24 hour period, and the tickets are already booked for two.

Also, I let my wife know that I'm not interested going to that destination (before she booked it) and suggested closer places. She still forces me to go just to help her with things and provide her company. I would have been totally fine if she went alone, but no.

Also I should mention a previous incident my wife had with my mom. Two years ago we were visiting my family, and on the way back we missed the flight. My wife put the blame on my mom, and proceeded to spend the next few weeks sending insulting, degrading text messages to her, and would never allow my mom to visit me (we live on opposite coasts.) Few months ago my wife decided that my mom is "forgiven" and decided to be nice to her again.

I'm pissed my wife did this. When I tell her this is unacceptable she acts like it's no big deal. What could I do?

tl;dr: Wife booked flights for us in the middle of my mom's planned visit.