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Haifisch posted:Pull up, thread! solution: offer to hire them as part time janitors or office bitches and say its the only work you have
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Jul 14, 2017 05:11
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Put him to work but film it as a reality show, Dropout Doug - the Underdog with a Heart of Gold if he's sympathetic or "Big Chance: Doug's Story" as a pseudo-documentary if he's pathetic.
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Jul 14, 2017 05:14
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Hang a sheet with "COMPUTER COMPANY" painted on it over the nearest McDonalds and invite them to come in and apply, just a formality of course
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Jul 14, 2017 05:16
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Invent a backbreaking job that needs to be done that's boring too and just grind them up like hamburger
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Jul 14, 2017 05:18
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Just have them do the most mindless data entry in Excel spreadsheets and they'll quit within 2 days.
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Jul 14, 2017 05:32
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Jul 14, 2017 05:44
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If it's such a successful company why be all snobby? Just give the guy a 3 month trial and he'll sink or swim, you might even get a different perspective on things with a 'non-educated' normal on the team...
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Jul 14, 2017 07:18
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Jeff Sichoe posted:If it's such a successful company why be all snobby? dont do this
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Jul 14, 2017 07:20
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La Brea Carpet posted:Me [35 M] with my Wife [34 F] of 13 years, Wife wants to be a kitty and me her owner. There's a followup where he posts to one of the BDSM boards. quote:I've already posted to both sex and relationships. Both posts have lead me here. quote:Which is weird because now that she has become a kitty, it really hasn't impacted our lives at all. I mean, outside of me giving her belly rubs before bed. At the end of the day it's weird but it's hilarious weird and not "I can't be with you if you don't poo poo in my mouth" weird, so more power to them I guess. 
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Jul 14, 2017 07:30
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curufinor posted:dont do this Yeah gently caress your family cause if he's incompetent he'll cost you precious precious $
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Jul 14, 2017 07:52
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WoodrowSkillson posted:The dude banging his ex wife's mom did nothing wrong and he is a loving champion. Pretty much, yeah. Dude just kinda shrugged and rolled with it, which is apparently way better than she'd been psyching herself up for.
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Jul 14, 2017 08:34
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Jeff Sichoe posted:Yeah gently caress your family cause if he's incompetent he'll cost you precious precious $ if it's a security company, it might well be the case that he'll drag everyone else in the company down with him. if it was a successful crud app company maybe but lol security poo poo
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Jul 14, 2017 08:38
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Breetai posted:There's a followup where he posts to one of the BDSM boards. Well good. It seemed like a pretty mild strain of sex weirding and honestly pretty heartwarming that she just needed to be a kitty and he loved her enough to be game. Now just make sure she gets her distemper shots.
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Jul 14, 2017 08:53
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curufinor posted:if it's a security company, it might well be the case that he'll drag everyone else in the company down with him. Umm so don't give him the private key set and start him off on making pretty dashboards in splunk or something. You can come up with excuses all day but why not push the boat out and have some faith in family?
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Jul 14, 2017 09:38
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WampaLord posted:Wait, wait, wait, this is his biological sister asking for this? I didn't miss a "step" in there, did I? Okay, that makes more sense. She's looking to have the kid biologically related to the family despite it not being her egg. That's vastly less weird.
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Jul 14, 2017 09:57
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It's not incest, y'all
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Jeff Sichoe posted:If it's such a successful company why be all snobby? As others have said, if the applicant has not even got a bachelors in literally anything (nevermind the related field), then there is absolutely nothing he can do to assist in skilled labour, other than sweeping floors or pouring coffee. You're proving the OP's point for her over and over, there are some people (yourself included) who have literally no idea what skilled labour is. If everyone who works there has has undergone intensive studies for 3-7 years ("Graduate degrees"), it is a mockery to them to imply that some layman with no relevant background can walk in off the street and do on-the-job learning. Maybe it's the field, as "Security" is kind of nebulous and doesn't seem to command a lot of respect. Maybe if it was designing nuclear plant parts, performing open-heart surgery, or piloting a passenger airplane people would clue in.
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Jul 14, 2017 11:35
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Jeff Sichoe posted:If it's such a successful company why be all snobby? I'm sure everyone involved will respect a honest performance review as well as possibly firing a relative. Nothing bad could come of this. And while you're at it just fire all those snobby academics and hire random passerbys. Gonna save lots of money and c'mon how hard can IT security be?
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Jul 14, 2017 11:48
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Jeff Sichoe posted:If it's such a successful company why be all snobby? Hmm yeah, let's hire random idiots for IT security positions where screwing up because of lack of knowledge or competence means loss of millions of dollars for a client and often exposing their sensitive customer/employee data. Great idea. 
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Jul 14, 2017 12:25
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good job falling for a pick-tier troll
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Jul 14, 2017 12:31
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If you're being pressured to engage in nepotism and the safest option is to have the relative in question not actually touch the real work, you literally stick them in an isolated room with busywork and cut them a modest check twice a month. Give them the title of "Director of *department you just made up*," if they need to feel special. Corruption isn't hard, people. E: have them use a back entrance, if possible. Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 12:52 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 12:50
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So that kitten thing gave me the idea to trawl Fetlife for some fish-in-a-barrel thread content, and I just saw the funniest thing I think I've ever seen. Hard limits: Nipples. It's like... this is the infamous brokebrain herpes-sharing community's website where people will volunteer themselves as Horse Toilet (full Service), but don't you DARE touch my nurps EVER.
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Jul 14, 2017 13:19
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Is it really going to end at one unemployable nephew, though? And imagine what happens if you have to fire them.
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Jul 14, 2017 13:22
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Serephina posted:As others have said, if the applicant has not even got a bachelors in literally anything (nevermind the related field), then there is absolutely nothing he can do to assist in skilled labour, other than sweeping floors or pouring coffee. You're proving the OP's point for her over and over, there are some people (yourself included) who have literally no idea what skilled labour is. If everyone who works there has has undergone intensive studies for 3-7 years ("Graduate degrees"), it is a mockery to them to imply that some layman with no relevant background can walk in off the street and do on-the-job learning. Maybe it's the field, as "Security" is kind of nebulous and doesn't seem to command a lot of respect. Maybe if it was designing nuclear plant parts, performing open-heart surgery, or piloting a passenger airplane people would clue in. This is why we have an entire generation of people saddled with debt they'll never be able to pay off I dropped out of high school and I have an IT job making a pretty decent wage and have never had any serious trouble finding work in this industry. An IT security firm still needs computer janitors and you can train a kid out of high school to reset passwords, stick asset tags on equipment, and reimage machines. Unless they're doing government work and have hiring requirements they're legally obligated to meet, not having a degree is not a good reason to refuse to hire people, and it's actually a really good way to insure that your least important staff are making way more money than you need to be paying them. Hiring family is a bad idea but not because it's impossible for a person without a college education to do skilled work. That's just ridiculous. IT is an industry built on experience, not CS degrees. There are plenty of people who never went to college or even finished high school making high five figures in development and infrastructure jobs in this country, most of them started in desktop support or helpdesk. Breetai posted:So that kitten thing gave me the idea to trawl Fetlife for some fish-in-a-barrel thread content, and I just saw the funniest thing I think I've ever seen. Only explanation for that one is "Maybe they're really uncomfortably sensitive?" I remember one from back in my WOW days (I played on moon guard and had RP profiles turned on because that poo poo is a gold mine, every other dude had a fetlife linked in their profile) that was perfectly okay with bloodplay, scat and vore, but dirty talk was completely off-limits "Don't degrade me while you're making GBS threads in my mouth!" Mirthless fucked around with this message at 14:06 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 14:02
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Liquid Communism posted:Okay, that makes more sense. It's still pretty weird, though, considering the plan is to lie to the kid for their entire life. What if that plan doesn't work out? Kid could hate their parents forever for a lie that huge.
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Jul 14, 2017 14:06
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I never gave IVF much thought but that post steered me towards "holy poo poo people just adopt, and if there are too many hurdles to adopt where spending tens of thousands of dollars to have your brother knock you up and lie to the kid about Uncle Dad makes more sense, let's tear some down." I realize that ultimately we are slaves to a sequence of proteins that desperately wants to replicate themselves but let's try and break the chains friends. There are some foster babbies out there that need your broken, imperfect love. Owlbear Camus fucked around with this message at 14:17 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 14:10
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WampaLord posted:It's still pretty weird, though, considering the plan is to lie to the kid for their entire life. What if that plan doesn't work out? Kid could hate their parents forever for a lie that huge. They could, but it wouldn't exactly be reasonable, would it? It's like hating your parents for lying about adopting you, except vastly more unreasonable since you're still biologically related to your parent and were always intended to be their child Let's just hope if the brother has kids they disclose before they end up with a very special episode of Law and Order: SVU Mirthless fucked around with this message at 14:14 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 14:11
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Mirthless posted:They could, but it wouldn't exactly be reasonable, would it? It's like hating your parents for lying about adopting you, except vastly more unreasonable since you're still biologically related to your parent and were always intended to be their child Mirthless, you don't have to lie to your kid about being adopted, though. You can raise the kid saying "Hey you had different bio parents, but we're your real parents who love you." Edit: Actually, I re-read the thing and she claims she wants to be 100% honest with the kid, which brings up it's own  . Can't wait till the kid says at school "My dad and my mom are brother and sister!" and CPS shows up. I know because at school I said "My mom sell drugs!" and the teacher had to question her about it. (She was a pharmaceutical sales person)
WampaLord fucked around with this message at 14:21 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 14:16
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Mirthless posted:This is why we have an entire generation of people saddled with debt they'll never be able to pay off From past experience it also looks awful for the boss to practice obvious nepotism and drop unqualified family members into the mix. That way office drama lies, especially if the unfireable nephew is a fuckup.
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Jul 14, 2017 14:20
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telling an adopted kid their bio parents didn't love them probably isn't a good idea
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Jul 14, 2017 14:20
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Liquid Communism posted:Pretty much, yeah. Dude just kinda shrugged and rolled with it, which is apparently way better than she'd been psyching herself up for. I like the fact that the mum is apparently some Christine Blinkely mega-milf too while she's a fat depressesed lazy alcoholic lmao
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Jul 14, 2017 14:26
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Serephina posted:As others have said, if the applicant has not even got a bachelors in literally anything (nevermind the related field), then there is absolutely nothing he can do to assist in skilled labour, other than sweeping floors or pouring coffee. That's nonsense. I don't have a degree and I made a very good career in technology, including in security.
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Jul 14, 2017 14:27
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Subjunctive posted:That's nonsense. I don't have a degree and I made a very good career in technology, including in security. are you an umemployed family fuckup?
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Jul 14, 2017 14:48
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Submarine Sandpaper posted:are you an umemployed family fuckup? I was when I got into IT. I was 22 and I had one year of work experience split between a pizza place and a grocery store, and I got my first job on a referral from my brother in law. The entry point into IT should be a pretty low bar. You learn the skills to do the skilled labor part of IT as you go, this is true whether or not you have a degree. There's nobody fresh out of college with a CS degree who is going to be a significant benefit to their team unless they're a natural dynamite coder, nothing in the field works like it does in textbooks and instructor lead courses because the industry standards change twice a year. In any event, I still think hiring family directly into a business you own is a terrible idea, but neither of us were objecting to that concept, so much as the idea that "It's impossible to do skilled labor without a degree". That's the kind of bullshit somebody with six figures of college debt says to convince themselves that they didn't make a horrible mistake. edit: I should mention, while the bar to entry is pretty low, there is definitely a division in aptitude, and you see that with or without degrees. I've worked with people who had CS degrees who never made it past inbound remote helpdesk because they just couldn't hack it. You either have the aptitude or you don't. IT departments tend to be pretty insular and unforgiving because new people means picking up the slack while that person builds the skills they need to work in that department, and the people who can't build those skills quickly don't tend to last. Mirthless fucked around with this message at 15:16 on Jul 14, 2017 |
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Jul 14, 2017 14:50
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Submarine Sandpaper posted:are you an umemployed family fuckup? No, but that wasn't the criterion described. I mean, I have been voluntarily unemployed in the past, and I have hosed up, and I have a family, but I'm still gonna go with "no".
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Jul 14, 2017 14:53
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If anything, having a degree at least says that you either: 1) actually likes your field enough that 4+ years of tedious bullshit didn't burn you out already; 2) can put up with enough bullshit to at least achieve something, no matter how dubious (or not) that achievement is or 3) you can bullshit your way through a 4+ years degree in a way that you can now bullshit your way through anything.
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Jul 14, 2017 15:15
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Mirthless posted:I was when I got into IT. I was 22 and I had one year of work experience split between a pizza place and a grocery store, and I got my first job on a referral from my brother in law. Subjunctive posted:No, but that wasn't the criterion described.
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Jul 14, 2017 15:15
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Submarine Sandpaper posted:Theory (CS) is important for security, moreso than "can code a little" I edited this in but I'll snip it and repost: If I was going to hire fuckup family member, I'd give him a $10-$12/hr starting wage and make him the office bitch. Sit in on meetings and take notes, take messages for the more important team members when phone calls come in, sort and inventory company assets, sort and assign tickets, perform routine maintenance. A step below desktop support and a step aside from office administrator. As you go you tack on responsibilities if he can handle it, and if he can't you get rid of him after a couple of quarters because he will never work out. And you be upfront about this, from the moment he gets hired. Any of those CS majors is perfectly capable of terminating cables and setting up computers and moving office furniture around but none of them should be doing that on the salaries they are collecting because that is a tremendous waste of time (and therefore money) when you can train a kid with no job experience to do these things in an afternoon. Skill in IT is largely measured in efficiency and practical knowledge, and those are things you have to build with time. Thankfully, the most basic tasks in IT don't require a great deal of either to get done, and they can act as a springboard to more advanced tasks. Not every job in an IT security firm is going to be a pen tester or require intimate knowledge of the OSI model. Every office needs a monkey to drag things around and bang on things with a rock.
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Jul 14, 2017 15:18
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Or they already have their office bitches to do those things, or maybe even they have those things contracted out, or maybe the families want their idiot cousins working with the "big boys" and won't settle for less and so on.
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Jul 14, 2017 15:22
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The implication I got from the story is that the family wanted him to be as equal as any other employee, and to be trained up to their level because "he learns quickly." I don't think they would be happy with him doing grunt work as his entire job, they're expecting an apprenticeship.
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Jul 14, 2017 15:24
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Submarine Sandpaper posted:You're right, it wasn't, but I would never trust, family or not, someone who uses an intermediary to beg for a skilled job as it heavily implies gently caress up. I know there are many exceptions in IT wrt the degree but they tend to be driven people. Begging for a job can be a bad sign, but always use a warm intro if there's one available. It makes an enormous difference not only in whether you get an interview but how they're framed ahead of the interview. Networks are powerful, which is one reason minorities can end up locked out of high-competition job searches. Not everyone can come in the front door. In this case I would probably indulge them by getting them interviewed by an uninformed person at the company, and telling the candidate that if they mentioned the relationship it was no hire. Assuming there was a position available, that is!
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Jul 14, 2017 15:25
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